Sorry for the lack of updates for a while, but you know how holidays go. Anyway, I'm starting to put together my own fanfiction website (Well, I'm still debating. I might want to wait until I mature more as an author) I had the first page of this written up, but I didn't want to wait and write the whole thing and THEN type, so I'm just going to type up that first page and then just type up the rest without any rough draft. If there's any problems with spelling, grammar, etc. please tell me. On with chapter three!

Chapter Three- The Flicker of Shame

You could say I was in a state of complete euphoria. Chie was so gentle, so safe. Being with her made my heart skip beets and my mind dance in twirls.

Sheets were entangled around me when I woke up in her bed. Immediately my head was filled with the scent of eggs and a hint of bacon. I wrapped the sheets around my body and tiptoed out of the room to take a peak at what was going on in the kitchen. Her back was facing me while she fussed over the stove. She was practically in my condition, just in her boxers with a long apron that covered her front. When she noticed me staring at her, she gave me that same grin I couldn't get enough of.

"I was hoping you were going to sleep in a little longer so that I could bring you breakfast in bed," her eyes trailed down me. "But I think I like this better."

I stuck my tongue out at her. She was a sweetheart with a smart-ass touch.

"Today on the menu is the chef's special pancakes along with a side of eggs and bacon." Ha. Knew it. My scent for good food is rarely out of tune. She slid a plate towards me, and I could swear that it looked just as good as Chie did in that apron.

"But, I have to ask for a tip," she dipped her head down, her lips close. I kissed her and smiled after our lips parted.

"You spoil me," I tugged on a strand of her hair. She had the cutest bed head.

"Maybe you need to be spoiled."

Breakfast was humorous seeing as how we just stared at each other half-naked smiling and laughing. She was perfect in every way. Funny, beautiful, a great cook. I found myself more in love with her each time I happened to glance at her. All those years of waiting seemed completely worth it. All the fear surrounding us seemed to simply evaporate each time hour bodies met. I found myself turning red while picturing last night. I slid a bite of pancake into my mouth, allowing my taste buds to bathe in it in a simple angst. It was even better than mom's, which was very hard to accomplish.

A weight hit me pretty hard.

"Oh.. Shit..." I scrambled from the kitchen into the bedroom and quickly got dressed, trying not to trip on the sheets in my rushed state. Chie leaned against the doorway with her head cocked.

"What's up?"

"My parents..." I checked my cell phone that previously took up the space in my jean pocket. Seven missed calls. I dialed a few numbers.

"Dray, can you pick me up?" Chie's lips tightened to one side. Her eyebrows were furrowed. "I'm at Chie's house..." I tried to make my voice into a strained whisper so he could take the hint. He took it, and I could see his smirk in my head. I gave him the directions while I was sliding one pant leg on.

After I hung up with him I noticed Chie was upset.

"I could have drove you back," her arms were folded at her chest. There was no way that I could let my parents, especially when they'd recognize her right away as the naked goddess that haunts my sketchbook.

"Hun... I'm not ready for them to know yet," her eyes focused downwards as I said it. I wanted to bite my tongue and take it back, her expression made my stomach sick. I wish I could explain how it just wasn't possible for them to know right now. I wrapped my arms around her neck and pressed my forehead against hers.

"I don't think they're ready to know the love of my life is a girl," I felt her face get hot. "They still think Dray and I are a match made in heaven." She gave a small nod. I embraced her and whispered in her ear. "One day they're going to have to deal with it, especially at our wedding, hm?" The corner of her mouth tugged up and I kissed her to rejoice my victory over her.

She was able to get dressed before Dray knocked on the door. Lasers seemed to spew from her eyes at him as he walked in. I gave her a tap on the butt and glared as a signal for her to behave. We embraced and kissed one last time before I headed back home with Dray.

While we were in the car one the way there, he broke out with a huge smile.

"You two have to be a match made in heaven."

I busted out laughing.

"Oh if only you knew."

He pleaded for every detail. I was blushing while I shook my head. I definitely don't kiss and tell.

"All I'll tell you is that she's absolutely perfect."

The rest of the way home I had the biggest stupid grin plastered on my face. Until we got home, then the sickness sunk in. I had no idea how my mother was going to react, but I knew that she was probably pacing in front of the window waiting for my arrival. Sure enough as I opened my door, I couldn't help but see her eyes watching me through the blinds.

Dray mouthed "good luck" and I took in a huge breath. Here we go.

When I walked in she practically pounced on me.

"And I'm guessing you decided not to call when you made the choice of spending the night over at a boy's house?" Her face was molded into a strict frown.

"I... forgot sorry... It won't happen again." My chest was tight and began to get incredibly hard to breathe.

She sighed and pulled her hair back behind her ears.

"Did you at least use protection?" My face grew red hot. Oh my god. She did NOT just ask that.

"M...MOM," I stuttered and looked down. The room temperature just increased by an incredibly 120 degrees.

"I was your age once too you know, and he might be a charmer now, but even the cute ones produce consequences."

"I.. I'm careful..." Was all I could mumble.

"That's my girl, now go upstairs and clean your room; I want it spotless." And that was the end of that. I was still in shock when I collapsed onto my bed, because it was almost as if it didn't matter that I could be sleeping with Dray, but if she knew I loved Chie instead... Hell would break loose. I squeezed my pillow tighter. I knew how Chie felt, she wanted to be with me in reality and not some fantasy in our own world. I wanted to feel relieved that everything remained still for now, but how long would that last?

My reality would come crashing down if the two worlds collided.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise." I knew she couldn't hear me, but I hoped somehow my words reached her.

"Spotless Aoi!" My mom yelled from downstairs.

"Yes ma'am."

That night Mom actually got home from work in time to eat dinner with me. I wanted to make it really good since I rarely get to eat with her, so I made some westernized fried fish that she always seemed to like. My mom loves western foods. I was pretty quiet though, she was still on my mind.

"So I sent in your transcripts today," my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. I completely forgot about the academy.

"Erm.. Wow so soon?"

My mom frowned and looked up at me from under her glasses.

"What happened to your excitement?"

"I don't know," I hastily stuffed a piece of fish in my mouth. "It's just sad to have to leave home sweet home, you know?"

She sighed and placed her silverware on her plate.

"Who's the girl?"

I almost choked on my food. My food sort of jumped in the back of my throat when I heard the question, so I was coughing and choking while trying to think of a good answer. Let's see: I could lie, dazzle her with my "I don't want to leave home" speech, or just choke on this fish until I run out of air and die a horrid death.

"W..what?" I managed to spit out. Oh yes, amazing way to get out of this one!

"You've been waiting for this your entire life, and I know there's nothing here for you to keep you to stay."

"But erm... I didn't think you..."

Mom cut me off.

"Knew? Oh hunny I know I haven't been around much lately, but I am your mother so of course I knew. Now tell me who she is."

I squirmed in my chair. So awkward...

"Uhm... Aoi... You know from school. You met her a few times before..." She smiled at me and clapped her hands.

"Oh my, that pretty thing? You did catch a good one." My face went three shades darker. I didn't really say anything but make a "Mmm" sound so that it didn't grow silent.

"But you know you can't ruin your future just because of some girl," she took a sip of her traditional sake. "You're the smart one of the family, you can't let that go to waste."

I only picked at my fish. For some reason I didn't feel like eating anymore.

"I know.."

After dinner she passed out and I sat at the computer messing around with some of my photos. Lately I've been doing better, even without photoshopping anything, but it still wasn't the best I've done. I pulled up the one of Aoi at the creek. I became so absorbed into it. I swear, it was probably the best work I've ever done. She made everything so much more beautiful.

I thought I wanted to go to the academy more than anything else in this entire world. Until I fell in love with her. Somehow my being just felt warmer now. All in all I was happier.

It still bugged me that she didn't want me to take her home out of embarrassment. I could get she didn't want to tell her folks right away but it just seemed it was more of shame. I wanted to unconditionally be with her. I wanted to be able to put my arm around her and say "Yah. This is my girl. My love. My being."

I grabbed the same picture from inside one of my jacket pockets. I pressed it against my heart and tried to fall asleep.

School was like torture to me now. I caught myself staring at her, but now she caught my eyes and would just smile at me. God I wanted to hold her, kiss her, hold hands or something, but I had to just keep going through the motions acting like I wasn't insanely in love with her. It was so freaking hard.

Thankfully Dray laid off the public display now that her and I were together. I had major respect for him after that, because I knew he was getting tortured by the entire football team. One day I was walking in the halls during lunch while Aoi was taking a make-up test or something of the sorts when I came across Dray and the center along with the quarterback from varsity was giving him a hard time.

"Aw come on Dray we just want to make sure you're comfortable the way you are," the QB said with a hand pressed against the lockers in front of the scared shitless Dray. I don't blame him. They were big guys.

The center belt out a deep chuckle.

"The thing about you fags is that you pollute this school like the fucking pervert you are. It makes me so happy to be able to beat the living shit out of fags like you because in my book it's a really good deed."

Dray looked up at him.

"I don't need a couple of steroid-pumped idiots telling me that I'm some sort of fag."

With that I didn't even see the quarterback slug him in the gut he was so fast. I interfered and tried to pull Dray out of there (I definitely knew I couldn't pull the QB off) and tried to get up in his face.

"Pretty funny how you're so scared of "fags" that you'd go out of your way to look tough messing with them. I don't know if you're scared because your dad rapes you at night or you're a fag yourself but you better leave your fucking hands off of him before you get your ass handed to you by a girl, got that?"

He was looking pretty scary with veins bulging from his neck and his pupils got real small. His friend who was considerably bigger than him even looked scared because I made sure to make my voice sound extremely poisonous.

The quarterback looked like he wanted to swing at me real hard but I knew I had the upper hand since I was indeed a girl.

He walked away from it, but as he was going he couldn't help but yell off: "Of course the fag has to get help from a dyke, both of you need to fuck off and leave the world."

I grit my teeth so hard that they started to really hurt. It was the first time the word bashed me, and although I knew he was just being stupid and couldn't figure out a better insult, it still put it's mark on me.

Dyke. What a bullshit word.

"Thanks for that," he got off his knees and picked up the books that he'd been carrying before the two idiots showed up.

"No problem, they're nothing but scum."

After that Dray was pretty much left alone beside being called a fag every now and then, but the new change was that while I walked through the hallways or through the parking lot at school, I started hearing "dyke" way too often then I should. At first I thought my mind heard it once and so it was just starting to hear it more out of some psychology bullshit, but then I started hearing the rumors.

Did you hear about her? She's supposedly goes to the gay bars in town and hooks up

Ugh I'm tired of that dyke being able to be in the locker rooms with us, it's so uncomfortable

Dude, do you think we can get that chick to let us watch? Hah!

It was really tough to be bantered like that behind my back, but luckily it WAS behind my back and not to my face, or else I don't know how I'd be able to handle it.

The thing is though, Aoi started hearing them too.

She started getting real paranoid when the rumor that I was dating a girl at school came around, and eventually people noticed us hanging out together a lot. Basically they put A and B together and came out with C. Us.

Altogether she stopped hanging out with me so much at school, which was fine I was pretty used to it anyway. Don't get me wrong, I was pissed at first and really wanted to cry. I felt like she was ashamed of me, but she assured me on the weekends how much she loved me and wanted to be with me. She just couldn't be out right now.

"Besides, I might just be bi," she said passively while we were walking along the creek.

"Hah. Bi? I didn't know we were going into labels." She frowned.

"The world is full of labels, and it's better to know your label before you get told it by someone else." I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Okay fine, my label is that I'm Chisexual," I made a face at her as she giggled.

"Chisexual? Sounds like a type of porn."

"No no no, it's very simple. I don't like guys and I don't like girls." Her eyebrows raised up.

"I love Aoi, and that's what being Chisexual means. Loving you." Well, it was true. I didn't really know what my label was, I just knew that I loved her even though she was a girl. Hell, I'd love her if she was a pink outer space unknown being.

She slung her arms around my neck and raised her head up to kiss me. I met her lips and smiled.

"Damn I must have said something right."

She grinned.

"Maybe."

One time we made a clearing in the woods so that we could lay down with some blankets and just look up towards the sky, even though the sight was blocked by trees.

We laid there with my arm around her shoulders and her head resting against me. It was so strange how this felt so right in so many ways, but in school it felt so wrong not being close to her. This was so real while at school it was so fake. In some sort of way I wanted us to be able to be like this everywhere we went.

I watched her relaxed face that pressed up against my chest. Her eyes were closed and the breeze swayed her hair ever so gently.

"When are you going to be ready?" She knew what I meant when I asked it. Her face sort of fell because I assumed she knew how much it hurt for me to be so distant from her.

"I don't know Chie..." I bit my lip. I didn't want to push her...

"I like this... You know?"

She sat on top of me and slid my arms above my head with her hands. She brought her face real close to mine and whispered: "I like this too..." I kissed her.

"The college I'm going to is in Nagasaki." There. I said it. It's been on my mind ever since mom mentioned it and I couldn't find the right moment. She looked at me dead in the eyes.

"Nagasaki?"

"Yeah."

"All the way on the other fucking side of the country?" It was the first time I heard her spill the "f-bomb" for as long as I knew her.

"It's a great academy... I've been wanting to go there ever since I was a kid... They have an amazing photography program that I really want to get in to..." She was quiet while I explained how great the school was, and how I never thought I could go because of money issues. "But now I've been able to get in, mom pulled a bonus out of her hat and we applied for some Financial Aid and wah lah! I've been accepted."

She was tugging on a strand of my hair, huddled against me. She still didn't say anything.

"So..." I tried to break the silence.

"That's good, Chie. It's nice to see your goals are happening for you."

"But you're not really happy about it."

"Because I'm selfish," her eyes were sad now.

"I don't think we have much of a choice, you're going to medical school in Tokyo aren't you?" She nodded.

"But I don't even really want to go... I hate the look of that school and I don't even like the medical field."

I ran my fingers over her forehead.

"You don't have to go, babe," I said softly. "Especially if you don't want to."

"It's what my parents want."

"Last time I checked you're not living your parent's lives."

She seemed to really get mad at me after I said that, but to me it seemed to ring true. I was tired of her having to listen to her stuck up parents and doing whatever they wanted her to do. Because of them we can't be us and because of them she's going to be miserable in college. I was lucky to know that my mom backed me up in anything that I wanted.

"Chie you don't know my parents, they're extremely pushy," her eyebrows were furrowed and her voice seemed threatened.

"Only because you let them push you. If you say no, and then do what you want then in the end you'll be happier." To me, it all seemed to make sense, but to her it was like the option from hell.

"My entire college fund is their money that they are willing to spend so I can get a great education... They just want the best for me."

"And what if what they think is the best for you makes you miserable because you hate it so much?"

She really couldn't answer that.

"I think you need to make your own life and follow your own paths, and I say it because I do care about you more than anything else."

She rested her head against my chest again and we stayed there for another good hour or so.

"I'll tell them," she said almost so softly that I could barely hear her voice. I felt really comforted after that. A small place inside me knew that we would really be together in time.

I had a hard time deciding whether that was just false hope or one day a reality.

Thank you so much guys for reading and I'll start writing the next chapter up very soon! Please don't forget to comment any constructive comments (including negative comments as well, I like the prospect of expanding as an author) with anything that can help me make this story better and better throughout the weeks. Until next time!

Lillium