Kate sat in the bullpen pulling her notes together. She wanted to make sure that when she confronted Abby, she would know exactly what to ask, and how to ask it. If she faltered, Abby would probably not tell her anything she knew. The Team decided together that Kate would be the one to confront Abby on a process of elimination. First, they needed one person to do it alone, Abby would most likely tell them if they she wasn't being pressured with everyone being there. Then, they crossed out the squad members. McGee wouldn't do it because he couldn't extract information that well. That left Gibbs and Kate. Gibbs was eliminated because he was too forceful and would probably either scare, or piss off Abby into not telling.
"Going to check on Abby," Kate declared, grabbing the Caf-Pow! next to her. Gibbs nodded in acknowledgement and let Kate do what she needed to do. When Kate got to the lab, she was immediately astonished. First of all, there was no blaring heavy metal music, but ordinary volume level, soft acoustic music playing. Second, Abby seemed lost in though, swaying her head slowly to the guitar. "Abby?" Kate questioned, gaining Abby's attention.
Abby looked up, surprised she spaced out like she did. "Oh, Kate, sorry." Abby turned the stereo off, and then returned her focus on her best friend. "What do you need Kate?"
"First, I think you could use some of this," Kate smirked, handing Abby the caffeinated beverage, whom happily accepted the drink and sipped generously. "Second, why are you all in such deep though? Don't you have any forensics to run?"
"No, not today. I'm all spacey today because I heard about your case today."
"Oh, so do you know about what Tony said?"
"No, I just know he talked that girl down. Right before you came in, I was thinking aobut how Tony's state of mind is doing."
Could this be about what he said about suicide? Kate thought. "Why are you concerned Abby?"
"Well," Abby stopped herself before she got further. "Actually I shouldn't say, Tony confided in me."
"Abby," Kate pleaded, placing a soft hand on Abby's arm, "on that bridge today, Tony said that when he was 16, he tried to kill himself. I need to know what he told you so we all can get him the help he needs."
Abby's eyes widened, shocked to her Kate's confession. Apparently, Abby didn't know of this. "Oh my God!" Abby gently gasped. She took a long sip from her Caf-Pow! and placed the drink on her table. "He told me he was hurt by a lot of people in the past, and in return hurt a lot of people himself. When I asked him to go further, he brushed me off and said he'd tell me some other time. Next Friday he asked me to come over and we'd talk about it and hang out."
Kate was surprised. Tony never invited anyone over to his apartment, let alone even give an address. Gibbs was the only one who knew his address, and that was because Tony had it in his file. She realized Abby didn't have much information on Tony; so questioning her any further would be pointless. "Thanks for letting me know Abby. I should get back up to Gibbs though now."
Kate turned to walk away, but as she exited the door, Abby shouted, "Kate, hold on!" Kate turned around, half-expecting a plea or some more information. "He once told me '3, remember that number.' I hope you figure out what that means." Kate nodded in understanding and walked out, headed back upstairs.
Kate walked back into the bullpen, quickly headed for her desk. She heftily plopped herself down into her chair like she was nothing more than deadweight. She tightly shut her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. After a moment of that, she let go and began to massage small circles into the sides of her head, desperately trying to combat the small headache threatening to invade her senses. When Kate looked up, she realized Tony still wasn't in since he was there with her that morning. Looking around, she saw that both Gibbs and McGee were also not in. she checked her watch, guessing that it was their lunch break. She was indeed correct, but was perplexed as to why Gibbs was gone too, Gibbs always stayed at the office until about a half hour after it was time to check out, unless of course there was a case he was working on. Also, Gibbs looked like he would want to know everything Kate discovered about Tony as soon as she got back. Whatever the reason, she was glad he wasn't here grilling her to give him the details, as she was still trying to digest the material herself.
Kate concluded that thinking more about it wouldn't get her anywhere, so she decided to get some work done. She wasn't hungry, even thinking about eating made her stomach turn. She got like that whenever she was worried, and it was only when she was truly worried about someone she truly cared for. She worried about all of them; Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Ducky, even Jimmy, but Tony, She worried about Tony constantly. Usually, she was able to convince herself that Tony could handle it; he was indeed a very strong person with a lot of experience. He was Senior Agent for a reason after all. Only problem was that this was different. How do you save someone from themselves? Kate wondered. She took a deep breath, steadying her quivering fingers.
Ever since Air Force One, Kate could feel the physical attraction between them, but she made it clear to herself that she wouldn't act on it. she greatly adored his eyes, the soft glimmer of pristine happiness that shined whenever he was acknowledged or given praise. He desired to be noticed. Tony was never a bad guy, really, even when he went through Kate's things. He never did it to be mean, invasive, or even to amuse himself; he did it because he wanted to be seen, to be given attention. It was why Kate always made sure she found out he did, she'd scold him and make a big deal about it instead of ignoring him. It wasn't her only reason though, she also took pleasure into seeing the sight of that unique sparkle within that glimmer in his eyes she saw whenever it was her who noticed him, like it was meant specifically for her. She never saw it when anyone else gave him attention, even Gibbs who, to Tony, was his idol. It made her feel special when she saw that sparkle, which is why she always drew Tony with his sunglasses on. She could never draw that sparkle, it was never breathtaking like the one Tony possessed. It was never Tony without his eyes, and they were never Tony's eyes without that sparkle. It frustrated Kate to no end that she couldn't draw his eyes the way she wanted, it truly did. It was perhaps the only time she was ever truly, deeply angry with him, for having such captivating eyes.
After Ari Haswari had infiltrated autopsy, when Tony had said those simple words that always struck chords in her heart; Falling in love, it could happen just like that, Kate replayed in her head, it was at that moment she realized she had feelings deeper than mere physical attraction. No, she may not have fallen in love with him, but she did like him more than a friend. As much as she wished she could start a relationship with him, despite even Gibbs' rules, she knew he wouldn't want a long-term deal, especially with someone he worked with, and a brown eyed brunette nonetheless. It killed her self-esteem knowing a guy like Tony, who was attracted to virtually anything, wasn't interested in her at all. Sure, she didn't want to be oogled at like a piece of meat, but it made her feel good about herself and her body when she made heads turn, when she saw she could have that kind of effect on men, and when a guy that was as painfully straight forward as Tony when commenting on a women's looks, didn't give her the light of day, it was like taking a slap in the face. Kate knew he thought she was, in his words, hot; but she believed that his words only applied to her breasts, which left her wishing she was prettier, slimmer, and dare she think it, blonder. Perhaps then he'd at least acknowledge her like she did him.
She pulled herself out of her daydream when she saw Gibbs and McGee walk back into the bullpen. She noticed that she had finished an unimpressive amount of her paperwork. She got so caught up in her thoughts, and now she would have to stay late to make up her work. Gibbs stopped in front of her desk, as McGee sat at his desk and began working.
"What did Abby say?" Gibbs asked, voice low to avoid arousing suspicion.
"She told me a few things, nothing that explains this whole dilemma. She said he told her that he's been hurt in the past, and he hurt others in return. She also said that he told her to remember the number 3. I know it's very little but that is all she had."
Gibbs turned back to return to his desk. Upon sitting down he brushed his hand through his sleek, silver hair and let out a long sigh. He certainly wished that Abby had more information, but it seemed that they'd have to think of something else. "Good work Kate," Gibbs muttered, ashamed of himself for failing to notice his agent in trouble.
It was now seven o'clock that night, and Tony still hadn't gotten back to the Navy Yard. McGee had already handed in his paperwork and headed home, while Gibbs waited for Kate to finish her own. They decided to wait until the next day to call Tony if he didn't show up. "I'm going to go talk to Ducky," Gibbs announced, grabbing his coffee cup and walking out to the elevator. Gibbs was probably going to ask Ducky about any information on the whole Tony fiasco, hoping he had anything to add that might help, anything at all. After a minute, the elevator pinged, catching Kate's attention. She felt her breath hitch in her throat, there he was. Tony walked out of the elevator completely calm and contempt, as if nothing happened.
"Hey Kate," Tony said, slipping into his desk area, collecting all the paperwork he had to do.
"Where the hell were you the whole time Tony?" Kate scolded, she was truly worried about him the whole time and damnit she wanted answers.
"Sorry," Tony apologized, "had to check her into the Bethesda mental ward. She wanted me there with her as she was getting her first psych evaluation, for support and stuff. I also had to take her to a café, remember I said the two of us would get coffee?"
Have a cup of coffee with me? Kate's mind flashed to the scene on the bridge, hearing Tony's plea in her mind. "Yeah, but did it really take that long?"
"Yeah, she wanted me there with her until visiting hours were up, so I stayed. Sorry for worrying you."
"It's fine, the whole revealing you trying to kill yourself thing had me worrying you would try after you got her to the hospital. We all thought it would be best if we left you alone though, let you deal with it on your own like you always do," Kate said softly, sounding as soothing as possible.
"Look Kate, I have to tell you something. There is Tony DiNozzo the man, and Tony DiNozzo the character. The one you saw out there on that bridge today was Tony DiNozzo the character."
"What are you saying Tony?" Kate asked looking at him.
Tony looked back into her eyes, and without a falter in his voice he said, "Kate, I made it up."
"What? How?" Kate stumbled over her words.
"When I first became a cop, I received crisis negotiation training, specializing in suicide prevention. I created that story to connect with the victim before they really become a victim and get them to come down. That's how I was able to take charge of the situation." Tony let his words sink in before continuing. "I'm sorry for worrying you over nothing Kate, really I am."
"Oh," was all Kate could throw out of her mouth. She was dumbfounded to be played into his hand again. Although, now she didn't know where he was coming from, whether this was a cover up or not.
"I'm also sorry for this morning." Kate redirected her focus on his eyes, shining with the deepest apology, one that couldn't be put into words. "You see, when I was in Baltimore, before I met Gibbs, I had a drug bust and some shit went down. I got those scars; my partner at the time lost his life. I'm very self-conscious about the scars. I use a special ointment that makes it not too noticeable and I ran out this morning, so that was why I was pissed off. Whenever I see the scars I think of how I lost my friend that day, while I only got stitches and a concussion."
"Tony, one question. How did you know the right words? How to say the right words at the right time?" Kate asked, her voice soft and slightly above a whisper.
Tony stood from his desk, looking away from Kate; instead choosing to settle his gaze on his paperwork. "She is one of the silent ones."
"Hm?"
Tony took a brief moment without saying anything, thinking how he should explain. "It's the silent ones who hurt the most, who suffer the most. They hide behind a mask, choosing to suffer in silence. They feel like they aren't worth anything. They want help, they really do, so they slowly reach their arm out of that cold, dark abyss and hope, pray that someone notices, and is willing, to take their hand."
Kate took a deep breath, his words having such an effect on her body, on her soul. "What do you mean by slowly?"
"Well, you see Kate, what they'll do to hint that there's a problem is let up their shield, ever so slightly, and let the real them shine for just a moment. Funny thing is, is that if whoever sees it doesn't help the way the victim wants, they'll shut the door and deadbolt it. It's selfish, I know, but if they don't get the person to try and help the way they want, they get scared and can't help but react that way."
"It's fascinating how people can actually feel like they don't deserve to be happy."
Tony bolted his eyes into her own, his stare, while not looking particularly angry, perhaps a little upset, had penetrated into her soul. "What's that supposed to mean Kate?"
"Well, I don't mean fascinating as in interesting like some doctor who doesn't care about his patients, and cares only about figuring out what they have. Like solving the puzzle so to speak. I mean fascinating as in it's sad, and I wish I could understand so I can help someone. Like you did."
Tony gathered up the unfinished paperwork, threw the stacks of paper in a folder, and placed it into his bag. "It doesn't take much to help someone Kate. All it takes is a couple kind words to brighten someone's day. Just doing that is saving someone; just doing that is making a difference." Tony tossed his bag over his shoulder, letting out a slight groan. "I'm going to have so much work to do at home, so I guess I'll head out now. See you tomorrow."
"Bye Tony. Night."
"Tony made his way to the elevator, suddenly stopping. "Oh before I forget," Tony turned around and looked Kate right in the eyes, with the most serious stare she had ever seen from anyone. "You are an incredibly beautiful woman Kate. Don't ever, ever; let anyone convince you otherwise, not McGee, not Gibbs, not even me. You are not only beautiful as a woman, but as a person. You are so kind, and caring; it is truly a privilege to know you Kate."
Kate could feel a large smile spread across her lips, her heart racing with joy. "Thank you Tony."
"I'll see you around Kate." Tony turned, waving goodbye.
"You too Tony," Kate replied, calling out to him. His words…they were too…too detailed to be taught to him, Kate thought. She didn't believe him 100% about what he said about making up the background for Anthony DiNozzo the character. Kate knew he was right about helping someone; it didn't take much to accomplish. She knew there was something bothering him; she could see it in his eyes. Right as she gathered her things together to head on out herself, upon shutting off her computer she vowed to find out what Tony was hiding, and mend his broken spirits. She'd be there for not only her partner, but for her friend and crush, the man with such truly captivating eyes.