Surely I was dreaming. This was just another horrible dream where I had to relive the same pain over and over, but it was also a wonderful dream because I get to see him again. It was bittersweet. I was wonderfully cursed to live the same thing repeatedly.
But this time it was different. I felt like I had control of this dream. Not like my normal dreams that seemed like everything was prewritten, but like I could decide how to change it this time. I could make it however I wanted. I could scream at him about how badly he hurt me, or just grab his face and kiss him. I was torn between the two. I slowly walked toward my dream Edward. He was exactly how I remember him but somehow even more perfect than before. Could you really improve perfection? His eyes were the same wonderful topaz I remember them to be. I reached out slowly and touched his face. He leaned in slightly and closed his eyes. I whispered to myself, "This isn't real, but I'm going to make the most of it."
I reached around his head and grabbed a hold of his hair and pushed his face into mine for a kiss. His arms wrapped around my waist loosely and I pressed my body completely against his. Our lips molded together perfectly, like they used to. His icey cold body sent shivers down my spine but I wouldn't dare release. I knew any moment the dream would end and I would go back to a world without him. I pressed my lips harder against his and his arms slightly tightened. We finally had to separate so I could breathe.
"Bella, I'm so sorry I left. I was being foolish. I thought that by leaving you you would be safe from my world. But I couldn't stand to stay away. Every moment was filled with only thoughts of you. I had to come just to see you, to make sure you were alright. I came here and you weren't in your room and I got worried. I've just been pacing in front of your window since 6 am!" All his words came out in a rush. This dream was better than I had ever hoped. He was saying everything I would want him to say, only better.
"I wish I could keep you..." I muttered as I traced his face with my hand.
"Bella, I don't think you understand. You can keep me. I'm back. I'm not leaving you again. Never." He grabbed my face and made me lock eyes with him. "Don't you understand Bella? I cant leave you. Your my world. Without you exsistence is meaningless. I can't survive without you."
Now this dream was starting to make me sad. It was so perfect but I knew that right when I wake up I'm going to have the same whole in my chest that I had before and it is going to hurt even worse now that I let myself think of him. I wondered if it was worth it. I better stop now. I had already gone too far by kissing him. If I listen to what he's saying it will only hurt worse when I wake up and realize that he was never there and he never said those things because they aren't true for him anymore. I was setting myself up for another breakdown. I can't do that again.
"This is just a dream, this is just a dream. He isn't real. Don't let yourself hope." I said to myself. I turned away from him and held my hands on my head. "Wake up. Wake up."
"Bella!" He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to look at him. "Bella you are not dreaming. I am real. I came back. Look at me!" He lifted my chin up. "Why wont you believe me?"
Tears started to fall down my cheeks. "Because Edward doesn't love me! He realized that I was just an ordinary human and left! I'm not good enough for him! I never was! He left and he's never coming back!" I pushed his hand away and started to run into the house. Edward beat me there and blocked the entry way. He grabbed my face with both hands.
"Bella I love you. I love you so much that I left you to keep you safe. I left even though everything inside of me was screaming at me to stay. The only reason I had the strength to leave was because I believed that it was what's best for you. It was the only way I could put aside my own selfish reasons for staying. I know I lost your trust, but I will spend the rest of my exsistence trying to gain it back. I will never leave your side again. ...Unless..you want me too. And I would completely understand. If I hurt you too much and you can't take me back... I would accept that and you'll never hear from me again. I promise. Just tell me. Am I too late? Have I hurt you too badly?"
I looked into his eyes and suddenly realized, this was Edward. He had come back. So many emotions were running through my mind at once. I started to get dizzy. Then everything went black.