Chapter 03

13 Dwarves and a Wizard walk into Bag End…

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Balin disappeared into the pantry while Dwalin enlisted Fili and Kili to move furniture around so that everyone could fit in the dining room. Bilba excused herself and went into her bedroom and shut the door.

Using the mirror, she had to fight back tears as she examined the damage Willoughby Boffin had done. Her hair was a mess, her dress rumpled, and a bruise was darkening on her cheek. She raised her arms in front of herself and saw bruises on her wrist, too.

Bilba had never even heard of such violence occurring in the Shire before. Hobbits weren't a violent people.

Looking herself in the eye, her tears turned to anger. How dare he! Her surprise had been so great, she had been unable to put up much of a fight. That would never happen again! She would not be weak! She should have used teeth and nails, stomped on his feet, kicked him between the legs, pulled his hair, poked him in the eye, grabbed something nearby and hit him with it, anything to defend herself. She would not let herself be that helpless again!

Removing the ribbons she shook her curls out. She'd just have to leave them loose for now. There were guests to attend to. Straightening her clothes she headed to the door.

As soon as she exited her room there was a knock on the front door. Opening it brought eight dwarves (eight!) tumbling down at her feet, one on top of another. Behind them Gandalf bent down to see into the doorway. He looked quite jovial until he spied the bruise on the hobbit's face.

"My dear Bilba, what has happened to you?" he asked in concern.

"It's not important right now," she winced. Forcing herself to perk up and be a charming hostess, she exclaimed, "Now, none of that. This should be a merry party! I've never had the chance to share my cooking with dwarves before."

She and Gandalf helped the fallen dwarves back onto their feet. "I've been informed dwarves have healthy appetites. I hope this is true. I spent most of the day cooking!"

"Oh, aye, lass! We do! Especially my brother, Bombur, here," he said pointing a very fat redheaded dwarf who bowed. The dwarf speaking had black hair and the oddest hat that Bilba had ever seen. He bowed and tipped his hat a bit and continued his introductions. "I'm Bofur, at yer service. This is my cousin Bifur," he said gesturing to a black and white haired dwarf that had something sticking out of his head who bowed. "He has an injury. He can't speak Westron 'cuz of it, but he can understand it just fine."

"Pleased to meet you Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur," Bilba curtsied.

Another redheaded dwarf stepped forward and bowed. "Gloin at you service." He pulled a silver haired dwarf up beside him. "This is my brother Oin. He's hard of hearing."

"Yes, she does look very endearing, but what does that have to do with supper?" the silver haired dwarf said bringing a trumpet up to his ear.

The other dwarves guffawed at that and Bilba blushed.

Next a dwarf with silver hair braided up in an elaborate style stepped forward. "Dori at your service," he bowed. He tried to pull to his side a brown haired dwarf who had his hair (even his eyebrows!) done up into a sort of six point star.

Dodging he griped, " 'ere, now! I can introduce me own self!" Turning to Bilba he bowed, "Nori at yer service."

"My brother," Dori clarified. "And this," pulling the last of the group forward, "is our sister, Ori."

Ori, a dwarf with reddish-brown hair styled in what looked to be a combination of bowl cut and shoulder length braids, stepped forward bowed and spoke softly, "At your service."

Bilba beamed. "I'm Bilba Baggins, at your service. Welcome to Bag End! Come in, maybe the others have finished rearranging the furniture."

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The furniture rearranging hadn't been completed. Many of the dwarves jumped in to help and chaos ensued. There were dwarves everywhere. They moved in and out of every room with furniture. She'd had to stop one of them from using her paternal grandfather's antique chair.

Gandalf also had been speaking literally, when he told her the dwarves would clean out her pantry. If they weren't moving furniture, they were moving food. At this rate it wouldn't matter how many furnishings were moved out of the dining room there still wouldn't be enough room for everyone because it would be full of fare! She did manage to keep them from the small pantry she had stored the desserts in. Those were for last and were meant to be savored.

Unbeknownst to Bilba, Gandalf pulled Balin aside to ask if he knew anything about her bruises. The wizard had noticed the elderly dwarf give their hobbit a grandfatherly look that had seemed too gentle just for someone experiencing dwarven collaboration for the first time.

Balin passed on the account Dwalin had given him. The wizard's eyebrows alternated between a scowl and trying to reach his hair line throughout the tale.

"Very odd behavior for a hobbit," Gandalf stated. "Violence of this sort is nearly unheard of. Hobbits have been known to fight when pushed to defend themselves, but to attack anyone? Most odd, indeed. I'm glad Dwalin arrived in time to keep Bilba from being injured worse."

"The lass'll still have to deal with what did happen at some point. Does she have any family she could go to for comfort?" the dwarf inquired.

The wizard hummed considerately. "Best not go that path. When they learn what has happened, there is a chance they will see her reputation as too damaged to do anything but have her marry him. No, its best she comes with us."

"They'd have her marry that beardless swine?!" Dwalin exclaimed from the doorway where he had been leaning, listening in on the conversation.

"It is possible, yes. A female's reputation is very important in the Shire," the wizard informed them.

"The lass will most likely still be in danger traveling with us. It'll just be of a different sort," countered Balin.

"Aye, and the Wild is no place for a gentle lass like her," added his brother.

"Hobbits are resilient. She can handle an adventure with thirteen dwarves, even if there is a dragon at the end," argued Gandalf.

"It will be up to you to convince Thorin of that," the white haired dwarf told him.

The wizard harrumphed.

"Best come get some supper 'fore it's gone," Dwalin said as he turned into the hallway.

"Gandalf, didn't you say there are supposed to be thirteen dwarves?" Bilba called to him. "Only twelve have arrived."

It was Dwalin who answered. "He is late is all. He traveled north to a meeting of our kin. He will come."

"Then I best rescue some food to set aside for him!"

"Aye, lass. Everything on that table will be consumed," Balin chuckled.

And they did. Then they treated her to their witty singing when she got a bit fussy about her plates and silverware. It would have been amusing if she had known beforehand that all her dishes would survive intact.

"Now that you have unnecessarily done the dishes I have to tell you there is dessert, too, if anyone still has room."

A cheer went up from all the dwarves. Newly cleaned dishes and silverware were quickly passed around again.

One more knock sounded on the door and the dwarves went silent.

"He is here," Gandalf said moving to answer the door.

Standing on her front step was the most gorgeous male Bilba had ever seen. Tall for a dwarf, he had long shiny black locks streaked with silver that only enhanced the dark color. He held himself in a way she occasionally saw her grandfather use when performing important duties as Thain. But this seemed to be this dwarf's natural posture. It was very regal, very majestic. He must be someone of significance.

'Oh, he is speaking. He has a lovely voice, too.' She mentally shook herself. 'Pay attention, Bilba!'

"...lost my way. Twice. I'd never have found it if it at all wasn't for the mark on the door."

"Mark! What mark? There is no mark on that door! It was painted a week ago!" Bilba declared.

"There is a mark. I put it there myself," Gandalf informed her. "Bilba Baggins, may I introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."

"So, this is the hobbit, Gandalf? A lass!" Thorin said raising an eyebrow at the wizard before turning his attention back to Bilba. "Tell me, Miss Baggins, have you done much fighting?" he asked circling her.

"Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword, what's your weapon of choice?" Thorin grilled.

"Well I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know," she responded cheekily.

"I thought as much. She looks more like a barmaid than a burglar," he scoffed.

What?! How dare he walk into her home and insult her! They'd barely even been introduced! And all that attractiveness? Gone. He apparently lacked the personality to support his looks. Such a shame, too. He was so good looking. Too bad he had to open his mouth and ruin it.

The other dwarves showed Thorin into the dining room where he took the seat at the head of the table. Bilba followed in carrying the dishes of food she had saved for him. It was only the thought of what her mother would think that stopped her from upending them over the rude dwarf's head. As it was, she ended putting the dishes down in front of him with more force than she usually would have been comfortable with inflicting on the aged crockery. The dwarves seated on one side of the table passed down some silverware while the other passed him a mug of ale.

"Come on, lass! Donna' hold back on us! Bring out dessert!" Bofur exclaimed.

"Alright, if you think you have room after eating nearly all the food in my home!"

"Nearly? Did we miss something?" asked Fili.

"Just what I put aside for breakfast tomorrow. You do want breakfast don't you?"

"Aye!" they cheered.

"Especially if it is anything like supper tonight!" smiled Kili. There was more cheering agreement.

"You cooked all this?" Thorin turned to her and asked waving his hand at the food he'd been devouring.

She looked coldly down her nose at him. He seemed surprised that she could cook. "Yes," she said very stiffly.

"It's very delicious. You are an excellent cook," he said still sounding surprised.

"Careful or I might start to think you actually capable of manners," Bilba smirked. "Just wait. You haven't had dessert yet. I even made the Baggins family's secret recipe lemon-blackberry tarts."

Thorin's eyes widen. "Blackberry?"

Dwalin and Balin chuckled, and Fili and Kili groaned.

"Thorin is fond of blackberries," Balin explained.

"Fond doesn't cover it. If it's got blackberries, it means the rest of us won't get any!" pouted Kili. Thorin turned to scowl at him.

'Hmm, we'll see about that!' she thought.

There were two plates full of tarts. She could put one in front of Thorin to distract him, and the other at the opposite end of the table with the cakes and pies in between.

As she brought in the confections, the dwarves questioned Thorin about the meeting he'd attended.

"... will not come. They say this quest is ours and ours alone."

'Quest? Oh, this might be a good time to find out more about the adventure Gandalf had proposed.'

There was talk of portends and ravens, and foretellings of the end of the beast's reign.

"What beast?" Bilba nervously inquired. Only after hearing about Smaug did doubts about going enter her mind.

The first argument broke out after Gandalf didn't answer how many dragons he'd killed. Bilba tried to intervene, but it was Thorin that succeed in bringing the group back to the topic of the Lonely Mountain.

'OK, so the rude dwarf could be a charismatic leader,' she thought.

Gandalf pulled a key and a map out of nowhere and that started talk of hidden entrances into the mountain and the need for a burglar - her.

Another argument broke out about her status as a burglar (she wasn't one) and whether she was fit to accompany them (too gentle to fend for herself). It was true, but that last bit stung. Hadn't she needed Dwalin to save her? If she stayed here she wouldn't have anyone to protect her, but if she went would she be anything more than a burden?

"Enough! If I say Bilba Baggins is a burglar then a burglar she is. Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the scent of dwarf, the scent of hobbit is all but unknown to him which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company and I have chosen Miss Baggins. There is a lot more to her than appearances suggest. And she's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including herself," he glanced at Bilba, then turned his attention to Thorin. "You must trust me on this."

"Very well," Thorin said reluctantly. "We'll do it your way. Give her the contract."

Reading it brought no comfort. Bofur's comments didn't help.

For the first time in her life, Bilba fainted.

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