Part 3-Falling Into You
Her heart's squeezed so tight she's afraid it might burst.
She wraps her covers around herself, buries herself beneath them and tries to think about anything other than Gale Hawthorne. But he's everywhere, in every part of her and she has no idea how to get rid of him. Madge can feel him in every heartbeat but that isn't good, not at all, because Katniss already has him.
No matter how often she thinks of his smile, it doesn't matter, not really, because he'll never be hers.
Heartbreak's so much a part of her she isn't even surprised when it strikes her this time.
She's afraid bitterness will well up inside her anytime she sees Katniss, but it never does.
Madge is so relieved she almost falls over and she and Katniss spend more time together than ever before. She visits almost daily and is surprised she never sees Gale, wonders if it's on purpose that they never run into each other. She scolds herself for being so paranoid but can never quite shake the feeling. She almost asks Katniss about him but she's afraid to bring him up, which is ridiculous, but it almost feels like an unspoken rule, like it goes without saying that no one mentions Gale.
It's only after Prim mentions Rory, laughs at something he said about Gale that Madge gathers the courage.
As soon as Gale's name leaves her lips, Prim's face drains of colour and she turns to Katniss, an apology in her eyes. Katniss stands, looking both ill and sad and Madge knows something is wrong. She follows after Katniss as she rushes out into the yard and finds her standing with her arms around herself and her back to the house, breathing deeply.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Madge asks quietly and whatever she feels about Gale doesn't matter, not nearly as much as whatever Katniss is going through.
"I haven't seen him since I came back," Katniss begins, voice wavering and Madge is confused. Is Gale avoiding her?
"I can't," Katniss continues and suddenly Madge understands.
The Capitol is on fire with preparations for Peeta and Katniss' wedding and the announcement's gone out that it will take place immediately after the quarter quell, as a sort of cap to the celebrations. Katniss doesn't like to talk about it, so they don't but Madge can guess Snow's made it clear that Gale's a complication they cannot afford. They made him a cousin but maybe they don't think it's enough, maybe they want to make absolutely sure nothing comes between their star-crossed lovers.
Madge doesn't know what to say but she gives Katniss a hug, tries to tell her without words that they'll get through this, that Madge isn't going anywhere.
She doubts it's enough, but it's all she can give.
She hovers outside the Hob on Sunday, ignores the pointed looks and waits for Gale.
When he finally arrives, he is startled to see her and she forces herself to remain calm.
"Madge?"
"Hi," she manages to get out and tries her best to keep her breathing regular. "I just wanted, um, to let you know, that if you want to talk about Katniss, I'm here." He doesn't answer and she's afraid to look at him, afraid she's stepped over a line and angered him. But as soon as she'd realised what was going on, she'd needed to do something. She'd sat with Katniss and had known Gale must have been just as bad if not worse, and she'd wanted to offer her help.
Maybe she shouldn't have.
"Sure...thanks." She looks up at him in shock. There's a weariness in his face and an old anger in his eyes, but she can also see that he appreciates her offer.
She smiles.
Maybe, if they lean on each other, they'll make it out of this okay.
Maybe.
She bumps into Vick as she's leaving school.
"What's wrong?" she asks, noticing his downtrodden expression. He shuffles his feet and chews his lip before sighing.
"I'm not doing very well in history." She smiles.
"Would you like my help? History's my best subject, I could tutor you." He snaps his head up, looks at her like she's made of stars.
"Really?" She nods, smile widening at his enthusiasm.
"Thank you!" He practically squeals and then turns pink.
"Come on Vick, we've got to get home, you can talk to your girlfriend tomorrow," Rory calls and Vick blushes a deep, dark pink.
Madge smiles.
She loves these boys, she really, really does.
"They shouldn't be able to tell us who to love, who we can and can't be friends with! They can't...they can't just run our entire lives!"
Madge nods, listens as Gale rants, wishes there was more she could do.
"Fuck, fuck! It isn't right, it isn't fair."
"No," she whispers, "no it isn't."
Vick comes home with her after school three days a week for tutoring.
She helps with anything he needs, not just history and feeds him more than she should. Gets him something to drink, fixes him snacks of all varieties and tries not to feel bad. It's the least she can do, after everything they've done for her.
Vick shines bright like a light bulb and Madge adores spending time with him. He makes her feel like nothing bad could ever happen and she wonders if Gale knows how lucky he is to have grown up in a family like this.
She expects to be jealous but isn't, instead she's just glad.
And she can't help but hope she never loses them.
Madge laughs, laughs harder than she can ever remember doing and Vick waves his hands about to illustrate his point.
Vick has a big test coming up and they've been working harder than ever, determined he'll pass with flying colours. When they finally finish, they're both stressed and Vick starts telling her a rather embarrassing story about Rory to relax them both. Giggles spills over her lips as she imagines Rory's face if he knew Vick was telling her about it.
"And then-and then he-"
"Pardon me, but Gale Hawthorne's at the door, says he's here for his brother," Mrs Sparrowsaw interrupts gently and Madge flushes at the mention of Gale. She takes a peek at the clock and her jaw drops, they're late! She should've had Vick home over an hour ago!
"Thank you," she tells Mrs Sparrowsaw who nods and heads upstairs. Madge turns to Vick, "Clean up your things, I'll go get Gale." She hurries to the back door, feeling jittery. She swings open the door and there he is, standing awkwardly on the porch.
"Hi," she breathes and he smiles.
"Hey."
"I'm so sorry about keeping him late, we completely lost track of time," she apologizes in a rush but he waves it away.
"Don't worry about it, Ma's just thrilled he's so into his school work all of a sudden. Though I bet it has more to do with the tutor..." he teases with a grin and she blushes.
"Vick's just gathering up his stuff, he should be out any minute." Gale nods and she wants to invite him inside but hesitates when she thinks of the mess he'll make. He's clearly just finished his shift at the mines and he's covered in dust and dirt and though it doesn't bother Madge, she knows Mrs Sparrowsaw will have a fit. Before she can decide what to do, Gale catches her off guard.
"Are you doing anything on Sunday?" He asks and she can feel her face grow hot.
"Uh...no! No, I'm not," she answers, feeling like she may or may not be floating.
"Well, that's my only day off, so I usually do my hunting then. I used to always go with Katniss but lately..." he trails off and Madge is brought crashing back to earth. Of course, how could she have forgotten? He must be so upset and she hates herself for being so selfish.
"Well, I remember she told me she used to take you out into the woods, so I was wondering if you might want to come with me? I know it won't be the same, but I wouldn't mind the company." She nods quickly.
"I'd love to." He looks surprised and she smiles. He needs a friend and she's determined to be it, determined to be there for him. She may not be able to convince the Capitol to let Katniss and Gale be together, but she can support him in whatever way he needs, just as she's been doing with Katniss.
"Great, I'll see you then," he offers with a smile and she nods again. Vick comes over then, ready to go and she says goodbye to them both. She closes the door after they're gone and closes her eyes.
Why, why can't the Capitol just stay out of it and let them live their lives?
Why?
Madge barely sleeps on Saturday.
Her stomach's a bubbly disaster and her mind's whirring a million miles per hour. She tries to tell herself Gale just wants a friend, just wants a little companionship. That's it, that's all.
It doesn't help.
Hearts don't always break, sometimes they glow.
She wakes up ridiculously early on Sunday morning, long before Gale's due to arrive. She spends twice as long as usual trying to decide what to wear, changes her mind several times and has to remind herself that it doesn't matter. Gale's just her friend and she's never panicked this much when she goes out with Katniss. Of course, Gale and Katniss aren't the same, no matter what she tells herself.
When she finally settles on what to wear, she goes to bathe only to remember part way through filling the tub that she'd done that last night. She feels beyond stupid, can't believe she's so out of sorts and tries in vain to clear her head. She walks down the stairs with spongy legs, heads to the kitchen and tries to make breakfast but her stomach feels like it's filled with snakes. She manages to nibble down some fruit and frets over whether or not she should prepare lunch to bring along. She has no idea how long they plan to be out, no idea if Gale will be bringing his own lunch, no idea if they'll even be eating.
She settles on making sandwiches, needing something to pass the time until Gale arrives. Her hands shake as she prepares them and she tries desperately to think of anything other than Gale. We're just friends she repeats over and over again but it doesn't stop the butterflies in her blood. She adds some vegetables to her basket, throws in the leftover cookies from Merrie's last batch and fills several water bottles. She chews her lip and worries over what Gale will think, if he'll be annoyed that she made an entire picnic. He'll probably think it's stupid or...or, stop. Stop worrying.
She doesn't.
She still has time until Gale arrives and she busies herself with knitting. She's been trying to make a scarf for Vick's upcoming birthday but her hands are practically vibrating, making it impossible to work. She sets down her needles, takes a deep breath and forces herself to calm down.
Gale's your friend, he needs you to be his. You've spent time with him before, this is nothing to worry about.
A knock comes from the back door and Madge jumps, heart nearly stopping, She stands on wobbly legs and takes steadying breaths as she walks to the door. She twists the knob, a cool breeze slithering inside and hundreds of anxiety darts come flying from all directions.
What if he thinks my outfit's impractical or stupid? What if he's only here to tell me he's changed his mind? What if-
All her fears melt away at the sight of his smile.
"Ready to go?" He asks and she nods, picks up her basket. She steps outside, feels her lips turn up in a smile of her own. He takes the basket from her, doesn't say a word about it or her dress, looks nothing other than pleased to see her.
The day is gray and cold but Madge feels warmer than a bright summer day.
He's like her very own sun.
Buried nerves start to rise again as they reach the fence.
She begins to worry that she'll make a mistake, do something wrong, embarrass herself. Gale will think she's useless and never ask her to join him again. He climbs through the fence and waits patiently on the other side and Madge inhales, exhales. You've done this before, nothing to panic about.
She climbs through, extra vigilant not to get caught on anything and does her best to smile at him. They walk in silence as he collects his things and Madge wracks her brain for something to say. Gale glances at her over his shoulder and comes to a stop. He's going to tell me to leave, isn't he? Tell me this was a mistake, that-
"You don't have to be nervous," Gale says and Madge is so startled she nearly trips over her own feet.
"I know you're used to coming out here with Katniss and I've got a bit of a track record of acting like a jerk to you, but you don't have to worry. Katniss' told me that she thought you were pretty good, and you know how slow she is with praise. I'm sure you'll do fine and anyway, I didn't ask you out here for help so much as for your company." Madge thinks her skin might melt off, her face is burning so hot, but she nods.
Things go smoother after that, Madge feeling less on edge. She's still a bit nervous and she gets distracted by Gale a few times, but overall it isn't too bad. She's not as much help as she'd like to be but Gale doesn't seem to mind. They settle down for lunch and Madge unpacks her picnic with fumbling fingers.
"You didn't have to do all this," Gale says, sounding slightly embarrassed and Madge shrugs, eyes focused on her sandwich.
"I wanted to. It gave me something to do and it would have been rude to make something for myself and not for you."
"You made all this yourself?" He sounds surprised and she nods.
"Not the cookies, but the sandwiches yes."
"They're...good. Really good." She blushes again and looks up but he's looking off to the side, and she wonders if she's imagining the colour in his cheeks. They don't talk much throughout the rest of the meal but Madge can't look away and when Gale finally looks back, the smile he gives her makes even her toes tingle.
"Thanks for coming," Gale says as they walk back through town.
"You don't need to thank me, I had a great time, really," she replies with a soft smile and he nods.
"Yeah...maybe we could...do this again sometime?" He keeps his eyes on the road ahead but Madge feels her smile stretch wide.
"I'd love to!" she says, nodding eagerly and then stops, feeling silly. He smiles at her.
"Great. Well, I'm off, gotta go sell this to old Cray."
"Cray?" she asks and Gale snorts.
"Yeah, one hell of a head peacekeeper, buying my illegal meat. He's a big fan of wild turkey." Madge nods.
"Okay, well I guess I'll see you," she tells him, wishing she didn't have to say goodbye quite yet.
"See ya," he offers with a grin and she watches him leave, feels like her heart is soaring.
Today's a good day.
Her father's home when she walks through the door, face furrowed in tired frustration.
"Daddy?" she questions and he sighs, turns to face her with a weary smile. "Is something wrong?"
"I've just gotten word that we've received a new contingent of peacekeepers," he tells her, waving a piece of paper. "I already knew, I saw them arrive early this morning, but I'm only officially hearing about it now."
"New peacekeepers? But why?" she asks, though she has a feeling she already knows.
"The Capitol believes things are too lax here, that our peacekeepers aren't doing a good enough job." Madge nods, knowing District 12 has always gotten away with things they shouldn't have. Like Gale's hunting and she can feel sickness crawling over her. Oh no, what if-what if-
"They've even replaced Cray, the new man's already moved into his house."
The basket slips from her hands, crashes to the floor.
No
Madge runs.
She's never run so fast in her life but she cannot stop, will not. She has to warn Gale, has to stop him before it's too late.
She reaches the town square, sees the crowd, hears the sound of the whip against someone's skin and even before she pushes to the front, she knows.
Knows she's failed.
She's too late.
Much, much too late.
Madge covers her mouth with her hands, feels her tears come hard and fast and every crack of the whip against Gale's back is like a lash against her heart.
Gale Gale Gale Gale oh God please stop please please stop just stop stop STOP please please make it stop please Gale Gale Gale
She wants to run out and leap in front of him, take the pain instead. She clamps her hands over her ears to block the sounds of the whip but it doesn't help and she sobs, the desperate need to do something nearly swallowing her whole. She'll grab the whip, or shield him with herself, leap on the peacekeeper's back, do something, anything, just make it stop, please make it stop.
She never gets the chance because Katniss is there, brave brave Katniss and then Peeta, then Haymitch.
District 12's victors save Gale and Madge's knees nearly give out as she sees the blood on his back.
Oh Gale Gale Gale Gale
Mama, mama I need you, please
Her father will need to tie up things in the square so Madge stumbles up the stairs of her house, desperately reaching for the only parent she has left. She needs someone to soothe the aching in her chest, needs her mother so, so badly.
She's sitting in bed with a book when Madge arrives, nearly choking on her own tears.
"Madge, sweetheart what's wrong?" Her mother asks and Madge collapses on the floor, covers her face with her hands.
"Gale...Gale, he was-they whipped him-he...he, oh oh oh, there's was so much blood and-" she sobs, stopping suddenly when she feels her mother's cool hands against her face.
"Shhh, shh my love, my sweet sweet sunshine," her mother coos and Madge looks up, tears still flowing down her cheeks.
"Take my medicine," her mother implores and Madge's jaw drops. She shakes her head, but her mother is determined.
"Yes, Madge, take it. Take it to your friend, please," she insists and Madge feels her heart expand. She falls against her mother and sobs into her chest, her mother's fingers smoothing through her hair.
"Mama, mama I...thank you, thank you," she can barely speak through the tears but her mother's presence is a balm to her pain.
"Of course, of course, sweetie, of course. Anything for my Madge."
Madge tightens her grip on her mother, afraid she may slip away.
Stay with me Mama, stay with me please.
Madge runs again.
This time it's through a raging snow storm, but she can't even feel the cold. Gale needs her and this time she won't fail him, she won't. The box of morphling is clutched tight in her hands when she reaches the Everdeens and Katniss opens the door.
Please Gale please let this help
Madge clasps her hands under her chin, please Gale, please be okay, please please please, she begs through her tears.
She's sitting on the edge of Gale's armchair in the Everdeens' living room while Katniss paces back and forth in front of her. Peeta sits at the end of the sofa, sad eyes watching Katniss. None of them know what to do, what to say, so they suffer alone, praying for Gale's recovery. Katniss' pacing becomes more frantic with every passing second and Madge feels like someone's reached into her chest and torn her heart right out.
"Katniss," Peeta murmurs and she stops her frenzied pacing, turns to him with panicked eyes. He stands, takes her hand, interlocks his fingers with hers and Katniss squeezes back so tight her knuckles turn white. Madge gets up too, wraps her arms around Katniss, holds her as close as she can.
The three of them find their strength in each other.
"Gale's awake," Prim's tired voice tells them and Madge feels a supernova burst in her chest.
Oh thank you thank you Gale oh Gale
Madge pushes open the kitchen door with trembling hands.
She hasn't seen Gale since she brought the morphling and she'd been beyond surprised when Prim told her Gale had asked to speak with her. Her stomach clenches as she imagines all the things he might want to say and she feels guilt well up inside her. If only she'd gotten to him sooner, she could have warned him, he'd never have been hurt.
"Madge," Gale croaks as she enters the room, reaching out a hand. Madge muffles a sob and takes it between both of her own, sits down in the chair beside the table he's laid out on. Madge clutches his hand tight, feels tears spill through her lashes.
"Thank you," he breathes and she freezes, confusion filling her mind.
"Gale, what...what are you talking about?" He struggles to push himself up on his elbows and she scoots her chair closer, tries to help him hold himself up.
"Prim told me it was you who brought the morphling," he pauses, eyes guarded and Madge squeezes his hand. "I really owe you one." She feels her heart drop, feels something cold in her veins.
"Gale, you don't owe me anything."
"Yes, I do. Madge-"
She shakes her head, cuts him off, "No. Gale, I brought you the morphling because I-I...because I'd like to think we're...friends," she stumbles over the words, knows she's left herself wide open. "You don't...owe friends for helping you. You don't. Unless, of course, you don't think we're friends, in which case-"
"We are," he affirms, cutting her off this time. He takes her hand, holds firm. "We are. We're friends Madge, of course we are." She nods, gives him a teary smile.
"Then you don't owe me Gale. I'm just so glad I could help." He doesn't look convinced, but nods and she holds onto his hand.
She just wishes she could have done more.
District 12 lives under a blanket of fear.
The new peacekeepers are strict and Gale's punishment hovers in everyone's minds. The district walks around on eggshells, terrified of what comes next.
Madge visits Gale as often she can, always mindful to be home before curfew. He heals quickly but she knows the scars on his back will never disappear and the fire in his eyes burns brighter than ever before.
She sits with Katniss, lets her tell her all the things she wishes she could say to Gale, the Capitol still insisting they keep their distance.
Peeta holds Katniss, calms her down when she begins to panic about what Snow will do because she interrupted Gale's whipping and Madge can't help but wonder if life will ever get any easier.
She doubts it.
She sits on the porch swing, tries to breathe in the fresh air.
There's coal dust in the wind and snow falls softly, but Madge doesn't mind, enjoys the chance to be alone. Her house is stifling, her father worried and stressed, her mother dazed and far away. She needs a break.
She inhales again and opens her eyes, startled to see Gale standing just beyond her fence. She hurries over to him, takes in the rage in his posture. Oh no, what could have happened?
She reaches him, recognizes the anger in his eyes and the pale sunlight illuminates his edges.
"Gale? What is it?"
"They've turned on the fence. I can't get out, I can't hunt." Madge gasps, feels her eyes widening. They've turned on the fence? What's next? She reaches for him without thinking, pulls him into a hug and presses her cheek against his beating heart, wishes she could do something.
"I...I'm sorry," she whispers, knowing it isn't enough.
Gale doesn't answer, body tense but she feels his arms come around her.
We'll figure something out. I know we will.
It isn't enough, but it's a promise she intends to keep.
Anxiety builds in every corner of the district.
Her mother is worse than ever and Madge does what she can to ease her pain. Katniss is a wreck, terrified to find out what nightmare Snow has ready for them. Gale is still a storm of fury and his family suffers from his inability to hunt. The citizens of 12 are fearful, haunted by quells past.
The announcement of the third quarter quell draws ever nearer and Madge wonders if the District will even make it that far, wonders if they'll manage to hold on as they dangle on the brink.
And Madge, Madge just wishes for a miracle, something to save them all.
Madge sits on the couch with her father when the announcement's finally made.
President Snow stands at the podium, pulls out an old, yellow envelope and smiles, a cold smile that makes Madge's blood freeze.
"To remind the districts that no one is beyond the Capitol's reach, all citizens will be eligible for this year's reaping," he reads out and Madge drops her teacup, hears it break on the ground.
Everyone.
The entire district.
No one is safe.
No one.
"Just when I thought I was done for good," Gale says with a humourless laugh and Madge can feel bile crawl up her throat. He's supposed to be safe. Posy's supposed to be safe. Vick, Daddy, Mama, Hazelle, they're all supposed to be safe.
But then, this is Panem, no one's ever safe.
"But you know what, it's better this way. I can volunteer, keep my family safe," he pauses, face growing hard, "And then I'll make the Capitol pay." His tone is fierce, his eyes blazing and Madge wants to wrap him in her arms, keep him safe from the world. But she can't, can't shield him from what's to come.
please please don't let them be reaped please please keep them safe
It's useless to hope, but it's all she has.
And she's not ready to let go quite yet.
Katniss is a mess.
Madge visits nearly every day and Katniss is a wreck, growing worse every second the quell draws closer. Soon, she'll have to return to the Capitol. Soon, she'll have to mentor anyone from infants to grandparents.
Madge doesn't know how to fix this.
She can see the worry lines in Peeta's face even as he tries to hide them and Madge wishes she could do something, wishes she could make this better. But she can't and instead she watches as Peeta and Katniss lean on each other, as they find comfort and strength in each other's arms.
Madge hates herself, feels useless and helpless. She can't do a thing for Katniss or for any of her loved ones, all at the mercy of this year's reaping. She can't sleep, barely eats and every time she closes her eyes, she sees her nightmares come to life.
Madge is a mess.
Sunday is the only day she can breathe.
With hunting no longer an option, Gale comes by with his siblings, fills her life with a bit of light. She can almost forget the horrors creeping up on them, can almost imagine everything's alright.
They play games, bake cakes, revel in each other's company and Madge starts to feel almost whole again. Dark shadows still loom over them, still hide around the edges but Madge feels safe with Posy in her lap, with Vick and Rory seated beside her, with Gale smiling warmly. Nothing can hurt them here and Madge holds onto that.
She never lets go.
"I want you to come here for the Games. All of you, I want you to watch with me," Madge says and Gale looks at her, surprise in his eyes.
"Prim and Mrs Everdeen too, I'm going to ask them next time I visit." She tries not to show how much his answer means to her, how much she needs him to say yes.
"I'll have to ask Ma, but I can't imagine she'll say no," Gale shrugs and Madge tamps down her excitement.
"Great," she exhales and Gale smiles, makes her heart flutter.
He has no idea what he does to her.
No one sleeps the night before the reaping.
Fear hangs heavy over them, burrows deep into their skin.
There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
The quell is coming and no one is safe.
Madge wakes up early the morning of the reaping, fastens Aunt Maysilee's pin to her dress.
It's time.
Gale is waiting when she steps outside.
She tries to smile but can't, tries to speak but the words die in her throat. They simply fall into step beside each other and Madge tries her best not to think about how this may be the very last time they do this.
This can't be the end, it can't be.
In the end, no one she loves is reaped.
Instead, Lanna Costmary is called up, the seamstress' daughter, a classmate of Gale's, nineteen, eight months married and six months pregnant. Her husband fights, yells and is knocked unconscious. Lanna collapses in tears and is carried on stage by Peacekeepers, sobs uncontrollably as Effie Trinket tries to call out the male tribute's name.
Phox Peat, fourteen years old and from the Seam, nearly trips up the stairs and cannot take his eyes off Lanna as he stands on stage. He'd probably thought he'd be safe, with all the district eligible, what were his chances?
No one volunteers.
They huddle in her living room and Madge is surprised to find Rory isn't with them.
"Rory's gone to watch with the Paddyfields," Gale tells her and she furrows her brow, not recognizing the name.
"They're our neighbours," Gale clarifies, "Rory's good friends with their daughter Peony." Madge nods, remembers Rory mentioning Peony a few times. She thinks that's it but then Gale's posture changes, his face darkening a bit.
"Their son, Parry, he was a year behind me in school. He was reaped in the 73rd games." Oh. Madge remembers the 73rd Games, remembers that both of District 12's tributes were cut down in the bloodbath.
"The Games, well, they're hard to watch, have been ever since. Rory does his best to help them through it." Madge feels a surge of affection for Rory, feels a surge of sympathy for the Paddyfields.
God, this isn't fair. It just isn't fair.
Madge always hates watching the reapings, but this year's are on an entirely different level.
There are children, small, tiny children of four, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.
There's a father that volunteers to go in alongside his daughter, to protect her.
There's mothers, fathers, grandparents.
There's a man, ninety-one years old.
There's Lanna Costmary, six months pregnant.
The Capitol's never been so cruel.
Gale lingers on the porch after everyone else has left.
They both hesitate and Madge is the first to move, spurred on by impulses beyond her control.
She leans up, presses her lips against his cheek in a kiss. She can feel his stubble, taste his breathing.
"Goodnight Gale," she whispers against his skin and then she pulls back, hurries inside, feels like she's on fire. Her lips tingle and she presses the tips of her fingertips against them, feels a storm brewing in her chest. She peeks at him through the window, sees him press his fingers to his cheek.
She tries to tell herself it doesn't mean anything.
But maybe, just maybe, it does.
Madge is nervous when the Hawthornes arrive the next day.
She's afraid of Gale's reaction to last night, afraid of what he might say or do. She gets everyone a drink, sets up snacks on the coffee table and Gale doesn't say a word, stands off to the side and she wonders why he doesn't sit down. She hovers, hesitates but eventually there's nothing left to do, so she takes a seat on the sofa, knots her fingers in her lap. She can just see Gale moving from the corner of her eye, but she doesn't look up, heart in her throat.
But Gale sits beside her, so close their bodies touch and for a moment, Madge forgets all about the Hunger Games, forgets about everything that isn't Gale Hawthorne.
Hope beats fragile wings inside her chest.
She does her best to keep Posy distracted as the parade draws closer.
She brings out her old dolls from the attic and Posy is enchanted. Prim sometimes joins in with them and Madge tries not to think of all the children Posy's age in this year's Hunger Games, tries not to think how it could have been Posy, sweet, adorable, lovely little Posy.
She wonders if she's trying to distract Posy, or if she's trying to distract herself.
The parade is grotesque.
Everyone dressed up for their deaths and only District Two's volunteers look confident, don't make Madge's insides twist. District Four's chariot rolls out and the girl, seven years old, is dressed up in a pearl studded ball gown, her eyes wide while the old man beside her gives a sad smile, tries not to worry her.
Madge can feel her eyes burn and then Gale finds her hand, holds it tight. She wants to close her eyes but doesn't, forces herself to watch the entire thing. By the time Lanna and Phox have had their turn, Madge is ready to set the Capitol aflame herself, ready to burn it down to cinders.
Anything to stop this from happening.
Anything.
Even in the midst of everything going wrong, Madge finds something good.
She feels sparks in her blood when she looks at Gale, feels something like static electricity beneath her skin when she touches him.
She wonders if he feels it too.
The training scores are pitiful, the worst they've ever been.
A few are decent, are actually good but it only serves to highlight what they all already knew.
This year's Hunger Games will be a massacre.
The interviews are a disaster.
Most of the children cry, the old man from four sighs sadly, says he wishes the children had been spared, the woman from five is dragged away in the middle of an angry, swearing rant, the man from six says he'll die to save his daughter, but he shouldn't have to, the Capitol shouldn't be forcing him to, they should both be allowed to live.
Lanna sobs, unable to speak a word and Phox fidgets, pulls at his collar.
"I don't want to die," he whispers, voice faint. "But I don't want to win either. I don't want to kill anyone, especially not a little kid. And Lanna, she's having a baby. That isn't right."
It isn't, it really isn't.
The night before the Hunger Games begin, Madge dreams of death.
Her nightmares are bloody and violent, and worst of all, come morning, they'll be reality.
As soon as the bloodbath begins, Madge buries her face in Gale's arm.
She can't watch, can't bear it and the sounds alone make her stomach heave. She breathes in Gale, tries to find courage in that. He grips her hand, squeezes so tight she thinks she may be losing circulation, but she doesn't mind.
It reminds her that he's here, he's safe, he's alive.
She draws strength from that and she hopes he can find strength in her, hopes she can make him brave.
She doesn't have much courage to spare, but she'd share it all with Gale.
The bloodbath is an absolute nightmare.
There aren't words and Madge spends the rest of the day sick, loses her breakfast in the bathroom.
Hazelle rocks a crying Posy, Vick and Prim huddle together, hiding their faces in each other's arms and Mrs Everdeen dawdles in the kitchen, says she's making something to quiet Madge's stomach.
Gale's the only one who actually watches the entire thing, keeps his steely gaze fixed on the screen. There's lightning in his eyes, hellfire in his veins and his hatred for the Capitol runs so deep it scares her.
She's afraid his thirst for rebellion will bleed him dry, afraid he'll start a fight he'll never win.
Madge wants the Capitol to come crashing down just as much as he does, she's just not sure it ever will.
Lanna Costmary's death is something best left forgotten.
Of course, there are some things you never forget, no matter how much you want to.
(Madge thinks of Katniss, of how devastated she must be and her entire body aches.
And even though they're separated by so many miles, they share their nightmares tonight)
She doesn't think she's let go of Gale's hand once throughout the Games.
And when he leaves every night, Madge can feel a chill in her skin.
It's like she's missing something, a part of herself.
Varinia Seward, the seventeen year old volunteer from District Two, wins the Seventy Fifth Hunger Games.
Madge doesn't sleep that night.
She doubts she ever will again.
(the seventy fifth hunger games do exactly what the Capitol wants, breaks the back of the revolution. their mockingjay's just a silly girl in love and the people of the districts are so demoralised, so terrified they don't dare to rebel.
and so Panem's rebellion dies an early death, dies before it ever really begins)