This is My Wish

Chapter Three – My Not So Secret Life

Edward-2 1/2 years after meeting Riley

I wanted damned privacy, didn't these assholes get that. I brought it upon myself; I knew that. However, it had been a year and still I was asked questions about that stupid video that bitch Heidi leaked to the internet.

I should've known better, especially since everyone had warned me that Heidi was a barracuda. One thing I learned was not to think with my dick anymore. I sat in the back porch of my new house, secluded in the hills. Away from reporters, cameras and crazy ass people that thought they had a right to know every single thing about me.

I watched the sun start to set over the horizon as I drank a couple of beers. My new agent had left a few messages for me to make a few appearances with some Hollywood starlet that needed the publicity. I was being hired to be a fucking escort. Christ, how had I let my life become this shit?

Letting my head fall back against my chair, I thought back to the day where everything had changed. I had left television to try my hand at better movie roles. I had worked on several in my Power Ranger days, but mostly high school or heartthrob films. They were the kinds that were never taken seriously.

Some new up and coming director took a chance on me and allowed me to get out of my stereotyping and I landed my first major role. Yes, it was an action flick, but it brought in big money. It helped that on premiere night, one picture changed "my look" because of one cute kid and his mother.

The picture I had taken with Riley Biers and his beautiful mom landed on several magazine cover and sparked articles. After that, the media focused on my humanitarian efforts and my work with children. I landed not only big budget films, but also roles that earned me nominations and an Oscar.

I had wished that I would've been able to see Riley and his mother Bella, more often soon after we met. Most of the times we had made public appearances, paparazzi had always surrounded us. The few times we had to ourselves were few and far in between. I wanted desperately to be a part of their lives, but after the night where Bella was exposed, it had turned her life insane. God, I missed her – them.

After that, I knew I didn't belong in their world. All I could offer was a smile and their faces on the front pages of the latest gossip rags. Whenever I thought of them, I remembered my aunt Tanya. And how much her death affected me. She was there when I first met Riley and his mother. She was there for my first red carpet night.

The limo came to an abrupt halt in front of the red carpet and I could already make out the roar of the crowd nearby. I cringed and shook my head. This was one part of becoming famous that I still hadn't become accustomed to.

"Relax, Edward," Tanya, my aunt, said. She patted my hand as the limo driver came around the car. "Take a deep breath, you'll do fine."

That was my first red carpet appearance since I left television and started in big budget films. The past year had been nothing but filming, photo shoots and press junkets. I sort of missed the days where I was just filming episodes of Power Rangers. The people I had worked with on the set were genuine and I missed sparring with Jason and James, my fellow Rangers. Despite that, I had to get away from the stereotyping the show had brought upon me. I wanted to be taken seriously, and that wouldn't happen as long as I donned the white spandex suit.

"I can do this," I said, swallowing a quick glass of water. "I can do this."

"Honey," Tanya said softly. I turned to her, her strawberry blond hair lightly dusted with white and grey hair, made her all the more approachable. "I'm proud of you. This film will the one that get you the multi-million dollar pay days."

"It's not about the money, T," I said with a sigh. "I just want to do roles where they take me seriously. I'm twenty-five years old, I shouldn't be playing lovesick seventeen year olds."

She smiled. "They'll take you seriously after this one."

I nodded and stepped out of the car when the door opened. Immediately, I was accosted with screams and hundreds of cameras flashing in my direction. I did my best to smile and nodded toward the cameras as they continued to momentarily blind me. With a small wave, I turned my attention to the limo and took Tanya's hand to assist her.

She was my rock, the only person that really, truly believed in me. My father was an asshole and didn't see acting as respectable work. My mother supported me, but she turned the other cheek while in my father's presence. Without Tanya, I would've been stuck doing underwear ads and diarrhea commercials for the rest of my life.

I walked the red carpet when Tanya pointed out a small group of children. "Those kids are from the local school and hospital. They're White Ranger's fans." I smiled at that and shook my head. It amazed me that, even after a year, I still had kids that admired me for my work as Kyle Jacobs, The White Ranger.

"Let's say hi," I said with a smile. I knew how much the local children's hospital meant to her, and it meant a lot to me, too. Tanya nodded and helped me navigate through a throng of reporters under the night sky. I realized it was getting a little chilly as I stepped toward the bleachers that held some of the kids that came out to see me.

It had been one hell of a busy eighteen months after that event. My aunt died just over eleven months ago, because of me. She had been working hard, along with my new publicist, Heidi Gibson, to maintain my schedule and my career.

I kept my life as private as possible. I had always tried to keep my relationships out of the public eye. I had to be safe, I was never positive that who I was seeing wouldn't sell her story to the highest bidder. I hadn't wanted to add fuel to my father's insistence that acting was not work and a waste of my intelligence.

Bella was a different story.

Tanya had worked diligently to make sure I got the roles of a lifetime, managed my money and contracts. While Heidi just made sure, I looked good and kept me on schedule. It was after the incident with Bella that made me turn to Heidi for something casual, and only after finding her in my bed the night following a drinking binge.

That was my mistake. Despite the rumors that she had leaked information on some of her former clients, I refused to believe them, giving her the benefit of the doubt. Heidi however, saw our casual relationship as something much more than I had.

When she started booking public appearances at the same time I had obligations to my aunt or charity events, that should've been my first clue that something wasn't right. After she had done it a third time, I knew there was something seriously wrong with our communication.

I confronted her and she had indicated that I shouldn't waste millions of dollars on something that wasn't helping my career anymore. She said helping kids made me look boring, and that I needed to drop the good guy act. When I told her that I wasn't fucking acting, she threw a fit and a vase at me. I broke our personal relationship that day.

When she publicly announced that I wouldn't be a part of the annual baseball game that benefited the local children's hospital, I promptly fired her ass. She got even, by leaking out a sex video that she had filmed without my knowledge. Heidi seemed to have erotic tastes and that first night with her was something different, a threesome with her friend, Megan that I had no recollection of. I had no idea we'd been filmed, worse yet it was obvious I was fucked up. It was the first night I had even slept with the bitch.

For days, Tanya did was she could to help me, but it was a lost cause. That short video fucking ruined my career. Disney dropped my three-movie contract and soon others were pulling out. I had needed to get away, hoping to dodge a few bullets from the media. I needed the time to figure out what I could do. Tanya and I left to take a month long vacation. We took some time off at a private beach and it seemed to be what we needed.

However, our return flight home was leaked to the media. The paps were there, chasing us through the airport and on the way to my house.

My aunt was at a loss on what to do, and stressed from the media frenzy. The paps at the airport said the most revolting things to her because of me. As she drove us home, the fear, the sadness that had weighed heavily on my during our vacation hit me harder than ever.

I had a panic attack. She tried to calm me down, pulling over, which was a mistake. Cameras surrounded our SUV in under a minute, she was yelling at them, telling them to leave me alone. I couldn't fucking breathe and I put the car in drive, getting us out of there.

She managed to get control of the car, and after another minute, I was able to get myself under control. I fucked up, and I needed to find a way to fix the shit situation I created. I had turned to my aunt, and found her slumping over the steering wheel and then the car weaved into oncoming traffic.

I had almost died, and she suffered a heart attack. Along with her injuries, it had killed her. It was my fault. It was all my fucking fault. I'd never forgive myself.

If she saw what I had become, she would've never approved. I became the asshole the papers made me out to be. I couldn't stand to be around people, I looked like shit wherever I went. I smoked, and I never fucking smoked before. I knew what that shit would do to my body.

I drank in pubic, had become intoxicated on more than one occasion. Apparently, I fucked many women, though it was nowhere as bad as the media made it out to be. I could easily count the number one damn hand! I was upholding the image of Hollywood's latest bad boy after Tanya's death. I didn't care what anyone thought of me, and told off anyone that said I couldn't act.

I still gave money to same charities that Tanya focused on and the foundation named after her daughter, Mia. My sweet baby cousin died before her eleven birthday and was the light of my aunt's life. There was no way I'd ever turn my back on those causes.

I still got work. Plenty of scripts crossed my desk every day. I ignored the pornos, because that shit just pissed me off. Besides action films, I got plenty of Sci-Fi and B movies. However, there were no comedies, romantic or nomination worthy roles.

My career ruined because of grainy video of me about to fuck two women, a night I don't even remember. I lost my aunt because of the video, any chance with Bella, the respect of my peers, the respect I had from critics, and along the way, and I lost who I was.

I was no longer Edward Cullen, hero and heartthrob. I missed being the White Ranger, when things were much simpler. I had to do something to change my life. Then maybe, I'd worthy to see them again.

~oOo~

Six months later

I sat in my agent's office, months after choosing to change, wondering why the fuck everything the room was white. That was supposed to be latest in decor? I rolled my eyes, wishing I could leave already. Jane was a bitch, but she got things done. So I had to put up with her shit.

"Edward," I heard from behind me. "Darling, don't slouch."

I wanted to growl at her, but the problem was, she'd growl back. She was feisty, tiny little thing and gay. So, she was perfect to work with. She had no inclination to get in my pants, and frankly, she scared the fuck out of me. I never allowed her tiny stature or her pretty elfin features to fool me. Her bubbly voice was just a fucking lure. The moment she trapped anyone with those grey eyes, she had you.

After I lost Tanya, and I had no one representing me for almost six months, she sought me out. One dinner with her and I was convinced that she could flip my career around again. I had told her to fuck off at first, and after another failed working relationship with another agent, I went crawling back to her.

In the past six months, she had managed to clean me up. I looked better, but still felt like shit. She put me in therapy. I hated that, but it was the only major stipulation she added to her contract. In the end, I figured she was only trying to help me out. In addition, before Tanya died, she had been working with Jane to take over for her eventually. If Tanya trusted her, I had to learn to do the same.

"You said you had something serious for me," I said, running a hand through my hair.

"Cut your hair," she said, as she took a seat behind her desk. The blue of her suit stood out in dark contrast against the white of her chair and the wall behind her. It rather looked like she was floating in mid air. Fucking creepy.

"Whatever," I said.

"I should make you an appointment with Laurent," she said, pulling out her phone. "You have an engagement next weekend."

"The baseball game," I said, smiling. I had looked forward to the annual charity game, where a bunch of Hollywood actors came together to raise money for the local hospital. Plus, I might be able to catch a glimpse of Bella and Riley, though I wouldn't approach them. Not in public at least.

"Yes," she said sweetly. "You need to look good. The kids will be out there as will the media. You've kept yourself out of trouble for the last six months, so it would be best if you make a good impression."

"Jane," I said, cocking my head to one side. "Is that your way of saying I haven't gotten laid in over six months?" More like eleven, but she didn't need to know that.

She looked up at me, giving me that lethal "don't fuck with me" look. I hated that look, because it always gave me nightmares. I swore it felt as if she could burn me with that glare. "I didn't say you couldn't date anyone, Edward," she said, looking over a script.

"You said to keep my dick in my pants and my hands off anyone for a while," I grumbled. "Meanwhile, you've been setting me up on these 'dates' with beautiful women that I wasn't allowed to touch."

"They needed you to help sex up their image, and you needed them to clean yours up. You could've tried to really date them," she said, handing me the script. I hoped it was the one that everyone was all abuzz about lately.

"All three of them believed the rumors and had no interest in me," I said, rolling my eyes. Not that I really cared, I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with any of them. They weren't the one I wanted.

"What a blow to that ego of yours."

Without looking at her, I scratched my forehead with my middle finger, earning a snort. I did a mental fist pump after opening the package to find a copy of a script. I had hoped for a chance to do that movie. "They want me for the lead?"

"Hold on," she said firmly. "They think you look the part, but whether or not you're ready for this kind of role after the past eighteen months is what they're worried about."

"I figured as much," I said thoughtfully. "What do you want me to do?"

"Make sure you don't yell at cameramen and try to push them out of the way."

"That asshole deserved it," I snapped. "It had been the first time my mom gave me a chance to take her out and they fucking ruined everything."

"That's life in Hollywood," she said loudly. She never sugarcoated anything. "You should know better than to expose yourself to that kind of environment with your mother. They wanted fresh meat, something to help fuck everything we've worked so hard to fix in the last six months."

"All right," I said, holding up my hands in defense. "You're right. I need to keep out of the limelight."

"Yes you do," she said as she gestured toward the script in my hand. "I know you miss going to the children's hospital, why don't you stop by sometime this week. Keep your ass out of trouble and be nice out on that field."

"I should stop at the hospital," I said softly. I ran my hands through my hair. I hadn't heard from Bella for a while. I had sent a present for Riley's birthday a while back and his return thank you card was from only him. Bella had to hate me, after what I'd done.

Why taint and stain their lives with all my shit? The problem was, I had no clue if Riley was alive or not.

How fucked up was that shit? All it would take was a phone call to find out, yet I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feared to hear that sad lilt in her voice, the one that would tell me that he was sick or that he was gone.

"I think I will," I whispered. "Thanks for this." I held up the script and smiled at her.

"Don't get your hopes up," she said, dismissing me with a wave. "Read and get a feel for it. Remember what I said."

"You said a lot of things, Jane," I teased as I made my way to the exit.

"You know exactly what I mean," she said angrily, the shrill ring of her phone causing her to jump. "Keep your ass out of trouble."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said.

Script in hand, I whistled as I walked out into the cool October, California air. Deciding that a sandwich from the nearby deli sounded damn good, I went over my plans for the week. I had plenty of time to visit the hospital, and maybe – just maybe – find out how Bella and Riley were doing.

If they weren't there at the hospital, it meant it was a good sign. It would mean that Riley was still in remission. If he was there, in one those tiny hospital beds, then it meant that he was ill again. There was of course the possibility that Bella wouldn't want me around her and Riley.

I had to have faith that everything would work out in the end. Maybe I wouldn't see them at the hospital, and if I didn't, I wouldn't let that stop me from finding them. With that in mind, I had a quick lunch and headed out to the nearby parking garage.

As I contemplated on going back to my place for my guitar before heading to the hospital, my cell phone rang – Jane. "Did I forget something?" I asked, turning on my car.

"You once told me that if someone named Riley Biers or Bella Swan called looking for you, to give them your number, right?"

My heart pounded in my chest – they called. "Did you tell them my number?"

"I wasn't so sure, but I told her I'd give her a message. She said to meet her for coffee in an hour, where you used to go and see her."

"If she calls again, tell her I'll be there."

"You sure you want to be seen somewhere publicly?" she asked, concerned. I wanted to roll my eyes. My "relationship" with Angela James had been over for weeks.

"We're not meeting somewhere publicly," I said as I pulled out into the street. "You have nothing to worry about. I need the rest of month off." I wanted to make up for lost time. Take Riley to a ball game, maybe camping. Have dinner with Bella and see if she'd forgive me – maybe try again.

"What!"

"Figure it out, Jane." I hung up before she could start ranting at me; I swore the woman could go on for hours. I wasn't that busy anyway.

I looked through my cell's contacts list, stopping on Bella's name. Should I call her? I could, just to tell her that I'd be there. With a light touch, I called her for the first time in over a year.

"Edward," she answered breathlessly. Just the sound of my name and the small sniffle afterward, told me that my fear had come true.

Riley had fallen ill again.