Chapter 3

Late on Monday afternoon, the Doctor made his way toward Rose's office. His school in the East End of London was about a half-hour's walk from Torchwood tower, and he always marveled at the way the neighborhood changed so quickly from the shabby row houses and council estates that surrounded the school to the sleek modern high rises and renovated lofts of Canary Wharf. He reached up and lifted his collar as a particularly vicious gust of wind pushed sleet into his face. Just after five o'clock, and yet already dusk was well advanced. It had been a good day in his classes, and he had been cheerful when he left the school, but he now felt his spirits sink. The sun was so feeble in wintertime England; it rose late in the morning and it sank before he was done cleaning up his classroom from the day's activities. He supposed it had to do with vitamin D or circadian rhythms or some such thing, but he found the short days incredibly depressing. Of course, when he was a Time Lord, if he did not care for the weather in a particular place, he would have simply moved ahead to summer, or gone to another place on Earth, or to another planet altogether. He had been the master of time and space; now he was at the mercy of it. He could do nothing but suffer through the dark and cold winter along with the rest of humanity. And thus the mundane fact of shorter winter days threw into relief all that he had lost and all his revulsion at his new helplessness. He sighed and bent his head into the wind.

He was walking to Torchwood because just before he left school he had sent a text message to Rose asking if she was still at work and what she wanted to do for dinner. She had risen obscenely early that morning to go to the office. Jake had called when he returned from his reconnaissance mission, seemingly oblivious to the fact that it was four in the morning and sensible people were fast asleep. Rose had clearly not minded, however, and after hanging up the phone she had showered, dressed, and made herself a travel mug of coffee at record speed. She had kissed him as he lay, awake but still in bed, and whispered, "I need to go in and hear Jake's report."

"At this hour?"

"Yep. Have a good day at school. I love you."

"I love you too. Madly."

That brilliant smile and then she was gone. It was more than twelve hours later that he texted her, thinking that perhaps she had left work early. He got back a brusque reply that she was still working and he should come to Torchwood. Well, maybe it wasn't meant to be brusque. Everything sounded crabby in text form, he thought, except perhaps the occasional sexy message she would send him when she knew he was in a meeting, just to distract him.

Now he arrived at Torchwood and felt a wave of relief when he entered the warm and bright lobby. He shook the worst of the water off of his coat and headed toward the front desk. As a consultant with the firm, he had a badge but was not technically supposed to be admitted without having a regular employee come down and escort him. But the young woman working at the desk–Karen, he thought, although he might be wrong; he had a hard time remembering names now–had a bit of a crush on him and waved him through with a blush and a smile. She asked, "Do you want me to let Ms. Tyler know you're here?" He grinned and shook his head, placing a conspiratorial finger to his lips. She flushed an even deeper shade of pink and nodded.

He took the elevator up to the second highest floor in the tower. Being in this building, this mirror image of the place where he had lost Rose, always made him feel uneasy. There was even a lever room here, Rose had told him–well, there weren't any levers, obviously, but there was an equivalent space. Rose had described for him how she had sobbed and screamed on her side of the wall when they had first been separated. She had gone in the room only once after that, when she had first come to work here, but she had gotten too upset and had never returned. "'S just a storage room now, full of shelves and boxes. No reason why I'd have to go in there, thank God."

He emerged from the elevator onto Rose's floor. It always struck him how much Torchwood looked like any other office, at least up on these upper floors. The lower levels, where the labs and clinics were located, were a different matter. But this floor…it looked like a financial firm. Glass-walled offices lined the outer edge of the space, giving their occupants a coveted view out over London. In the center of the floor was open space with large conference tables where teams could congregate. And indeed, at one of the tables a meeting appeared to be just wrapping up. A whiteboard had been moved next to the table and a rough map of some sort sketched out on it in red marker. On the surface of the table large maps or charts had been unrolled. Geoff was bent over one of them, Rose and Jake over another. The Doctor was out of earshot but he watched as Rose discussed something with her team, her brow furrowed as she gestured between the two charts. They seemed to come to an agreement as Rose and Geoff straightened up, both nodding decisively. Rose leaned backward, stretching her spine.

Jake lifted an arm and absentmindedly began to rub her shoulder, without taking his eyes off the map. Rose leaned into Jake's touch, and a stab of jealousy went through the Doctor. Not sexual jealousy, obviously, that would be silly, what with Jake being gay. Nor was it because of any specific problem that he had with Jake, who had been a good friend to him since his arrival in this universe. But…a small, petty part of him hated the ease that Rose had with Jake, and with Geoff too, for that matter. The utter trust that came from having survived missions together and having saved each others' lives more times than they could count. The Doctor shook himself and moved forward into their line of sight. Just before they noticed him, he heard Geoff say, with a sigh, "I wonder what the hell we're going to find on the other side." At that moment Rose looked up and her eyes met the Doctor's. He saw surprise in her gaze, and her eyes flicked back and forth between him and Geoff. He knew she was wondering if he had heard what her teammate had said, but he kept his own expression bland. After just a moment of hesitation, her face broke into a smile and she ran the few steps to him, flinging herself into his arms. He held her tightly, breathing in her scent. Against her hair, he said, "Long day?"

"God, yes. Are you starving? I am."

"Did you not eat lunch?"

"Forgot about it. Working too hard. And I drank way too much coffee. So I'm jumpy as well as famished."

"A delightful combination," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

Jake and Geoff moved toward them and the Doctor shook hands with them both. "How are you, Doctor?" Jake asked. "How are those kids treating you?"

"I'm managing, thanks."

"You know, the next time you've got a few free hours, we picked some stuff up on our last mission that we can't identify. Maybe you'd have a look?"

"Sure. There's a school holiday on Friday. What about then?"

Jake paused. "Maybe. Depends on what's going on with this thing…" he gestured vaguely toward the maps on the table behind him.

"Is this the new mission? The one you called about so charmingly early this morning?" The Doctor arched an eyebrow at Jake, who had the grace to look abashed.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Knew Rosie would want to hear about it right away."

"What did Geoff mean by 'the other side'?"

All three teammates exchanged glances and said nothing for a moment. The Doctor felt a surge of annoyance. Three against the world, and that included him. Just as the silence threatened to become uncomfortable, Rose took a breath and said, "Doctor, I'll fill you in at home. I want to get out of here. Let's get some dinner on the way, okay?"

"Of course."

Rose turned to Jake and Geoff. "I'll see you guys bright and early tomorrow. No carousing tonight, mind. We need to be fresh." She pointed a finger at Jake, who raised his hands and adopted an expression of pure innocence.

"I'm hurt, Rose. When have you known me not to be fresh?"

Rose laughed and raised up on her toes to give Jake a peck on the cheek. "Never once. Now good night, both of you."

The Doctor sat across from Rose, resting his hands on the waxed tablecloth and trying to suppress a grin. They were in their favorite Chinese restaurant, which was conveniently located about halfway between Torchwood and their flat. More often than not they ate take-out from here that Rose would pick up on her way home, so it seemed like a rare treat to be sitting in the dining room, plain as it was. The décor was absolutely standard for such restaurants, right down to the red paper lanterns. But everything was kept shiningly clean and the food was far above the standard of the other places they had sampled before finding this one. The waitress tonight appeared to be new, however, which necessitated Rose's lengthy effort to convince her that yes, she did in fact want her food very spicy. One of the many changes in Rose since she had come to this universe was her choice of restaurant food. She no longer ate chips, but rather had developed a taste for extremely hot dishes. It was not a proclivity he shared. Once the waitress left Rose leaned back in her chair and looked at him. "We'll see if she really believed me."

He indicated the small pot of chili sauce that sat on the table next to the soy sauce. "You can always add that, I suppose."

She grinned slyly. "I'm afraid I'm going to be unkissable tonight."

He gazed back at her unblinkingly. "Well then, I'll just have to kiss you everywhere but your mouth."

She flushed and looked down at the table, using her fingernail to scratch a groove into the tablecloth. "Sounds good," she said softly, the corner of her lips curving in a smile. After a moment, she looked back up and rolled her shoulders, reaching her arms above her head and stretching. "God, I'm tired."

"I don't doubt it. You were up and out awfully early."

"Mmm."

"Rose. What is this mission?"

She leaned forward and clasped his hand. "I'll tell you when we get home. Let's enjoy our dinner. Okay?"

"You're not making me at all anxious by avoiding my questions. Really." He did not bother to suppress the sarcasm in his voice.

"Doctor. Please."

He sighed. "If that's what you want."

"Thanks." At that moment, the waitress reappeared with their entrees. Rose picked up her chopsticks and looked at her dish for a moment before reaching in and fishing a long, red, wicked-looking chili out from among the prawns. She looked up at him with a gleeful grin and waggled her eyebrows. He couldn't help it. He laughed at her, and he forgot his apprehension for the moment.

They sat on the couch in their living room, both holding glasses of red wine. The Chinese restaurant served no alcohol, and so she had asked him if he wanted something to drink when they returned home. He had accepted and now sat, full of food and lulled by the pleasant sensation of Rose's legs draped over his lap. He was so tired, from waking early and working and then walking through the bad weather. But he could not fully relax, because he was waiting for Rose to fill him in on what she was doing at work. He knew that her reluctance to tell him meant it was something he would not like. That in turn meant that it was almost certainly something dangerous. Jake and Geoff had responded to a call a couple days ago; had they figured out what the caller had seen? Some sort of unpleasant alien who needed to be corralled? The thought made his stomach contract. Rose was still so jeopardy friendly. He knew–he knew–it was part of her job and that she loved her job. But it was so hard now, as a human, to do what he had done so blithely as a Time Lord–to watch Rose walk into a dangerous situation. He tried to bring his anxiety under control and took a sip of his wine, fixing his eyes on Rose, who lay back against a cushion with her eyes closed, her hand slowly rotating her wine glass and aerating the liquid within. As if she could feel his gaze on her, she opened her eyes and took a small drink. Without preamble she said, "The call that Jake and Geoff answered on the weekend."

"Yes."

"Turned out not to be an alien. Or, at least, not an alien here on earth."

"What do you mean?"

"People were disappearing from this one specific spot in a village in Dorset." Rose paused and smiled. "From just behind the pub, actually, so for a long time it went unreported, since the people who disappeared were mostly drunk and kept showing up about a day later, disoriented and unsure where they'd been. People put it down to them blacking out from too many pints and then surfacing with a hangover." She drew a breath and continued. "But then it happened to a barmaid at the pub. Everyone knew she never touched alcohol, so when she had the same story, they started to pay attention, and someone called us. That's why Jake and Geoff went down there Saturday evening. They found it."

"It?"

"It's a portal of some kind. Someone's transporting people away and then returning them. Jake and Geoff sent one of our instruments through but couldn't get much data. There must be some kind of shielding device–we could see that the instrument was still running for a while but not much information was coming back." She sighed. "Our best guess is that someone's got a ship in orbit with a perception shield, or maybe is moving people to somewhere else down here on the surface. But we need to figure out what's going on."

He felt terribly certain that he knew where this was going, but he asked anyway. "And so what will you do?"

She looked surprised that he would ask. "We're going down there tomorrow, of course. Geoff and Jake set up a perimeter around the portal, so no one should stumble into it until we get down there. Then we'll go through and see what's going on."

His skin prickled. "You'll go through?"

"Sure." She gazed at him, her expression blank, as if she couldn't imagine why he would object to such a plan. He pushed her legs off him and stood up, his glass still in his hand, looking down on her.

"You're going to go through some portal with no knowledge of what's on the other side. It could be another universe, or…"

"Doctor, most of the people have come back completely unharmed. We've done scans on them."

He looked at her in disbelief. "Most of the people?"

"One's still missing. But the people in the village say he's a real eccentric, known for wandering off–he's probably back here and just off on one of his walkabouts."

He suddenly remembered something she'd said a few minutes before. "You said…the instrument was sending back signals for a while?" She looked down at her lap. "Rose?"

She fiddled with her watch, not meeting his gaze. "Whoever's on the other side stopped the instrument. Turned it off. Sent it back to us though, which was nice. S'an expensive bit of equipment." She was striving for a light tone, he could see, which only exacerbated his rising fury.

"So you're just going to gallivant through some kind of portal to who knows where, into the hands of someone who knows enough to send you a message not to interfere, and who may have killed one of the people who's disappeared."

She looked at him now, and he saw the frost in her eyes. "That's about the most hysterical interpretation you could put on the situation, Doctor. Whoever it is didn't harm the equipment, just turned it off. And we have no evidence that anyone's been hurt, much less killed. And," now she rose and pointed a finger at him, "we don't 'gallivant' anywhere. Two of us will go through, appropriately armed. With sensors on us so the person remaining behind can monitor us."

"You have no idea how you'll get back."

"No, I don't. But we have every reason to believe we can get back. Everyone else…"

"Not everyone else!" He was shouting now.

"I told you…"

"You have no idea what happened to that missing man! He could be…being dissected as we speak!"

"If so, we'll get him back. He wasn't armed. He was drunk. He had no experience with aliens. None of those are true of us." She was maddeningly calm and he wanted…he wanted to make her angry. To make her understand that she made him feel so helpless.

"No, Rose."

Her eyebrows lifted. "No? What do you mean?"

"You're not going through there. I'm sure you'd never consider being the one who stays behind while Jake and Geoff go through. But I'm telling you now, you are not going to be the one going through."

"Don't be silly, Doctor. Jake and I will go through. Geoff monitors us. That's how it works, at least since Mickey left."

"No."

"You're forbidding me?" Her voice was filled with disbelief and growing anger.

"I am. You can't take these kind of risks."

She set her glass down with a sharp click on the coffee table. "That's rich, coming from you."

"What?"

"The man who unlatched himself and fell into the pit, just for kicks? Just to see what was down there? Didn't matter that you left me behind? The man who jumped through a mirror after Reinette? I'd get down off your high horse right now if I were you, Doctor."

"That was me as a Time Lord, Rose. I wasn't human. I had more than one body to work with. You don't. Hell, I don't anymore."

"I take calculated risks, Doctor. We prepare and plan to mitigate them. You insult me and you insult my team by implying that we're just leaping into things."

"I'm sorry, Rose. I don't mean that, but you have more things to think of now."

"Geoff has kids and a wife. That's why Jake and I go through."

"And what about me?" He felt stupid and weak for asking, but it was the question his heart was shouting. And he was angry with Rose for making him ask it out loud.

"What about you?"

"I need you, Rose. I need you to come back to me."

She drew her breath in on a hiss, her eyes full of fury. "Lucky for you then that I'm the one who always comes back to you. You're the one who leaves. I'm the one who finds the way across universes. You're the one who gives up."

"Dammit, Rose, that's not fair."

"No? It's also not fair for you to ask me to give up the job that saved my life just so that you don't have to worry about me. I'm not going to lose everything I've counted on just to be with you."

That was too much. The implication that he had not lost…he could see Donna's face suddenly, could hear the engine of the TARDIS. The rage he felt needed some physical expression, and he felt his muscles tighten as he hurled his half-finished glass of wine against the wall. The twinge in his shoulder, the sound of the glass shattering, the sight of the red liquid running down the white wall…they all felt so good. It was startling, how good it felt to lose control.

He looked at her. Her face registered shock but also cold anger. They stared at each other, both breathing hard. Then, before he could even begin to formulate something to say next, she turned on her heel and was gone.