I own nothing. WARNING: Drug abuse.
"Spencer," Freddie said intertwining our hand, "Will you tell me more?"
"We'll talk later," I said kissing him softly, "Ready to go out there?"
"No," he said sighing, "Let's go before my mom calls the cops."
I laughed slightly and walked out of his room stiffly. My pants were beginning to dry and stiffen. I hoped it wasn't going to take long to talk to Mrs. Benson about Freddie spending the night.
Freddie was walking in front of me and it was taking all of my will power not to watch his hips sway as he walked. It wasn't until lately that I started to really notice how much time I had spent following him with my eyes.
"Freddie," Mrs. Benson said throwing her arms around him, "I was so worried."
"I'm fine Mom," Freddie said patting her back slightly, "Spencer said that you and Grandma were knocking on my door for awhile. I'm sorry. I was listening to music and couldn't hear anything."
"What if there had been a fire?" she asked getting hysterical, "What if there was a burglar? You wouldn't know because of that music!"
"Mrs. Benson," I said calmly, "I think we should just be happy that Freddie isn't hurt."
"You're right," she said sighing, "Thank you Spencer."
"No problem," I said smiling.
Mrs. Benson looked down at Freddie again. I knew that she was an amazing mother, she could just be a little overpowering if you aren't ready or used to her when she went off.
"Mom," Freddie said softly, "Can I spend that night at Spencer's?"
"I don't know," Mrs. Benson said eyeing me, "Maybe you should stay here tonight."
"Mom," he said sadly, "Please, I just want to spend a little time alone with Spencer. I know it's hard to picture, but Spencer is a good friend and a good person. We're just going to do little things, watch movies, eat, probably paint or sculpt, and then sleep."
"Alright," she said smiling softly, "Go get some things packed, Freddie and you'll meet Spencer over there. Spencer you really need to take a shower and change your pants."
"Yeah," I said blushing, "Had a klutzy moment and spilt tea on myself. See you soon Freddie. Thanks Mrs. Benson."
I walked out of the Benson apartment and into mine before sighing gratefully. The idea of what was coming tonight made my stomach do flips. I wasn't looking forward to telling Freddie about that time of my life.
It wasn't all bad though. During that time I realized how much I loved doing artwork. I also realized that I liked guys. Well, it was when I came to terms with like guys.
Checking my watch I saw that I had at least ten minutes before Freddie would be over for my shower. As I stripped I thought more about how things might have been bad, but in the end I wouldn't go back and change anything.
I took the shower as quickly as I could and changed into something simple that I knew Freddie loved. In these few weeks I tried not to over think things that were happening.
Once I started to think too much I knew that I would try to break it off with Freddie. That was the last thing I wanted to do though. It wouldn't end well for either of us.
"Spencer," Freddie said walking in the apartment, "Where are Sam and Carly?"
"Upstairs," I said softly.
"Too bad," he said sighing, "It would have been more fun if they weren't here."
"We have time for that later," I said smirking, "Why don't you put your things in my room and I'll get rid of them for the night?"
"I like that plan," he said going into my room.
I walked upstairs and into the iCarly studio. Sam and Carly were sitting on the beanbag chairs talking. With a smile I walked up to them and jumped over Carly's legs dramatically.
"Socko is coming over," I said calmly, "And I was hoping…"
"That I would stay over at Sam's," Carly said smiling.
"Exactly," I said laughing.
"Sure," she said nodding.
"Why can't you just stay up here?" Sam asked cocking an eyebrow.
"I don't know," Carly said shrugging, "Spencer always asks me to leave when Socko comes over though. I don't think I've ever met him.'
I kept my mouth shut when she said that. She had met him once and Socko decided that with the agreement the Colonel and I had going on that he would stay away from Carly to make sure she didn't remember something small.
"Let's go Sam," Carly said standing up, "I'll pack some things for tonight."
"Thanks," I said hugging her tightly, "I'll be in my room."
"Okay," she said waving as I went downstairs.
Going into my room I closed and locked the door behind me. Freddie was sitting on my bed smiling happily. I pecked him on the cheek before pulling my cell phone out sighing.
"You want to know the full story, right?" I said staring at my phone.
"Yes," Freddie said nodding.
"I have to call Socko then," I said calmly.
"Why?" he asked confused.
"I don't remember all of it," I said sending the txt to Socko.
"Oh," he said looking away.
I looked at Freddie and shook my head. This story was going to change a lot between us, but I was hoping for the better. I might not want to change what I've done because it made who I am now, but that didn't mean I was proud of it.
Hearing the door open I close I knew that Carly and Sam left. Sighing I walked out of my room and hoped that Freddie was going to follow me. I loved Freddie and I knew he needed to know this about me.
"Spencer," Freddie said softly, "Help me."
I turned back to Freddie and saw that he had taken off his shirt so we could see his wrists. The cuts on his wrist made my heartache and I knew I could never get that image out of my mind.
With a smile I walked up to him and took his wrist in my hand. I ran my fingers gently over the cuts. I hated the feeling of them so much. I had to find a way to get Freddie to stop wanting to cut.
"This," I said kissing the cuts gently, "We'll make this stop. Everything will be okay."
"I love you," Freddie said wrapping his arms around my neck, "I love you so much."
"I love you too," I said kissing him gently, "I'm not leaving you, okay? I'm never going to leave you."
"You better not," he said before kissing me again.
I deepened the kiss and pulled Freddie flush against me. His fingers threaded through my hair and moaned softly. One of my hands were on his hip while the other was on the small of his back.
"Wow," a voice said behind me.
Breaking the kiss I turned around in shock and saw Socko standing there. I let out a soft sigh and glared slightly at Socko. There were times that I hated how sneaky and quiet he could be.
"I'm making you a cowbell necklace for your birthday," I said going to the door and locking it.
"Could have warned me," Socko said grinning, "You're Freddie, right?"
"Yeah," Freddie said shakily.
"Don't worry about him," I said going into the kitchen, "He knows."
"Please," Socko said laughing, "I'm the one that got you to admit it to yourself."
"You guys want anything?" I asked rolling my eyes.
"Vodka," Socko yelled excitedly.
"No," I yelled back with a smile.
"Beer?" he asked pouting slightly.
"Beer," I said pulling out a beer for him, "What about you Freddie?"
"Umm," Freddie said looking at the beer in my hand.
"No," I said putting the beer back, "Not a chance. With everything that we're going to be talking about tonight I shouldn't have even thought about alcohol."
"Spencer," Socko said calmly.
"No," I said glaring at him.
Socko walked into the kitchen and stood in front of me. He glared at me and took two beers out of the fridge. I grabbed his arm and took the beers out of his hands roughly. Alcohol was one of the few times that we clashed.
"It's just one bottle," Socko said softly.
"I don't care," I said calmly, "You know how I feel about this crap."
"Then why do you have them?" he asked as I went to put them back in the fridge.
I froze when I heard him say that. Looking down at the beers I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Socko knew exactly what to say to make me want to go off the deep end.
"Freddie," Socko said not looking away from me, "You might want to come in here."