Title: Crash and Burn
Author: MindyH
Part III
Gibbs lies alone in his bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to will himself to sleep. He glances at the clock again to find only five minutes have passed since he last checked. He is already considering not going into work tomorrow.
He's gonna look like crap. Not that it matters. He's gonna feel like crap -- however many coffees he downs.
But then, he deserves to feel like crap -- after what he did to Kate.
She's the real reason he doesn't want to face the office tomorrow. She brings out his inner coward like no other person he's ever known. What was it about that woman that made him feel like he only had half the answers, half the guts, half a life?
He'd never missed a day of work in his life. Apart from when he was in a coma, but that didn't count. Even through all his divorces, he never missed a single workday. Work was his therapy, his release and escape. But now, he couldn't face his work without facing his problem.
And his problem was Caitlin Todd. It always had been. But, over the years they'd worked together, he'd kept it pretty much to himself and relatively in check.
Until one night, not so long ago, when he'd had just a little too much to drink.
Before the accident, he didn't drink very often. But when he did, he tended to overdo things a little. And he hadn't overdone things like that in a long, long time.
He wasn't drinking because of his sad life, or lost wives, or the sometimes appalling things he saw in his work. He was drinking because of her. Because of his beautiful and bright colleague who always remained one step too far out of his reach.
So it was really no surprise at all that he ended up at her door that night.
He closes his eyes in the darkness, wishing to block out the memory of what he'd done, what he'd said that disastrous night. It was about a week before the crash and he hasn't thought of it since. But when she touched his hand tonight in that restaurant, it seemed to dimly re-enter his awareness, and he couldn't get away from her fast enough.
He's lain awake, going over every detail that he can recall from that night and trying to concoct in his mind some explanation for his behavior, other than sheer drunkenness and loneliness. But nothing will appease his raging conscience.
Nor can anything override the surreal memory he now holds of clasping Kate Todd in a sloppy embrace, of the smell of her skin when he kissed her -- or of the look she gave him when she quietly but firmly asked him to leave.
-x-x-x-
Gibbs rested his head against the cool, solid wood of Kate's front door as he waited for her to answer his persistent knocks. His head was swimming and he couldn't quite stand straight without swaying in his boots. The door gave him some semblance of balance. Until it opened.
Jerking his head upright, he blinked at her through half-shuttered eyes. He let out a long sigh, his lazy gaze running over her as she stood before him in shimmery silk pajamas, little pale blue shorts with a matching buttoned top.
Gorgeous. Sexy. Sweet. All the things he knew Katie Todd was secretly underneath her conservative attire and professional attitude.
He could stand there and look at her all night. He could spend hours just imagining what she might feel like through that thin, crisp material. His body leaned towards her, falling into her space and he realized he wasn't so sure about the whole standing part. It seemed to be much harder than he remembered.
"Whoa!" Kate muttered, catching him with both hands braced against his chest before they collided and he knocked her to the floor. She pushed him back against the open door and his head flopped back on the wood with a dull thud.
"I was in the neighborhood," he mumbled drunkenly, by way of an explanation.
"Uh huh," Kate returned dryly, still holding him upright: "At a bar, in the neighborhood?"
"Maybe," he mused noncommittally.
"You better come in," she sighed, stepping away so that he had no choice but to stand on his own two feet.
His knees buckled slightly underneath him before he managed to right himself. He took one step inside and then another, feeling his dizziness dissipate a little in the calm serenity of Kate's clean and cozy space. She closed the door behind him and then headed for the kitchen. He followed obediently, not looking at where he was going, just intently focused on that pretty blue silk and the way it moved.
"Want some coffee?" she asked, stopping in her tracks when they reached the kitchen.
His reflexes weren't working too well so he ran right into her from behind. And then for some reason, he didn't apologize or take a step back.
"Coffee's good," he murmured lowly, breathing in the scent of her hair as his hands twitched at his sides.
Kate turned to look up at him, standing so close and looking so irresistible. Her brown eyes peered up at him questioningly, her lips pursed slightly. With no makeup on, he could see the freckles that sprinkled across her cheeks and without heels, he towered over her more than usual, making her appear smaller and even younger.
Kate patted his chest lightly and murmured, partially to herself: "I think we'll make that a very strong coffee. Take a seat."
He gratefully slumped into the chair she pointed to, watching her move about her small kitchen and rise onto her toes to pull out a mug for him from the cupboard. She glanced side-on at him as she readied the coffee and he quickly turned away. Her laptop was set up on the table and next to it a few notes had been neatly taken on a notepad.
"Watcha lookin' at?" he asked blearily, squinting at a picture on the screen of a sun-drenched beach.
"Oh, daydreaming," Kate replied, turning and leaning against the counter as the coffee began to percolate: "about vacations."
His eyes took another quick trip down her slim, shapely legs. Kate would look very nice in a bikini with a sultry tan, he thought -- then considered that he really had to rethink his definition of 'nice'. When his gaze returned to her face, he could see that his eyes had not been as subtle as he'd hoped. Kate crossed her arms and looked at the floor, before carefully pulling up a seat next to him.
"Where you goin'?" he mumbled, clearing his throat and returning his attention to the monitor.
"I was looking at…." she turned the computer towards her and scrolled upwards to a different picture: "hmmm...Barbados. Ever been there?"
Gibbs grumbled low in his throat and muttered: "Second honeymoon."
"Oh," nodded Kate, then clicked onto another site: "What about Bora Bora?"
She shifted a little closer to him and positioned the laptop between them so that he could see the advertised image of Bora Bora on the screen. He watched her face from the corner of his eye, attempting this time to be a little more discreet in his appraisal. Kate leaned in close and scrolled down to a picture of a gorgeous model standing barely clad beneath a stunning waterfall.
"Get your paperwork in quick," he slurred, glancing between her face and the woman on screen: "and in two weeks, that could be you." He grinned slightly at the enticing image in his mind: "Standing under that waterfall."
Kate smiled and turned to face him, remarking dryly: "I don't have her tan."
"No," he sighed lazily, his eyes moving down to caress her figure again, or what he could see of it. "You're… very…" he hummed as he picked up her hand and slowly turned it over, his gaze climbing up the tender underside of her arm where her flesh looked pale and so soft: "fair…" he finished in a barely audible voice.
As he grasped her wrist, he put out his other hand and ran two fingers up her inner arm, watching their progress with intense interest. He was delighted and stunned to find she was really as soft to the touch as he'd always imagined. Kate squirmed uncomfortably beneath his touch and slowly retracted her arm from his grasp.
"And you're very drunk, Gibbs," she told him quietly, with more than a little reproof in her tone.
He nodded drowsily, unable to dispute the fact, even if he wanted to. "Yes, I am," he mumbled as his vision swayed slightly and the burning in his eye-sockets became too much. "Very drunk…" he agreed feebly as his head dropped forward and onto her shoulder.
He groaned in relief and let his eyes close over, nuzzling against her perfumy silk. To his utmost relief, Kate didn't push him away. She let him rest there for a moment, leaning into her smaller body and breathing deeply. And after a moment, she raised a hand and tentatively smoothed it over his head. He groaned again, low and appreciative, at the feel of the exquisitely intimate caress.
Kate stopped for a second, then carefully repeated the gesture. He shifted against her, pressing closer and burrowing his nose into her neck. She smelled like vanilla and spices. He had enough presence of mind to keep his hands to himself, knowing that if he allowed himself one touch, he'd never be able to stop himself from demanding more.
"Gibbs…?" Kate murmured after a long moment of him breathing against her skin.
"Kate," he sighed faintly in return.
She stroked his hair again: "What's the matter?"
He drew in a deep breath and then released it, capturing her sweet scent in his lungs. He didn't want to talk. He didn't like to talk; he was no good at it. No matter how many times he tried, he just couldn't seem to get the sentences out of his mouth, even if he knew what he wanted to say.
And he had no earthly idea what he wanted to tell Kate Todd, how to explain to this gorgeous, young girl what her sad, old boss had always wanted. As soon as he tried, he knew that this heavenly moment would die. And all he wanted right now was to stay completely still, with his head on her shoulder and her hand in his hair.
"Gibbs?" Kate prompted, lifting his heavy head off her shoulder and looking him in the eye.
Gibbs' head lolled reluctantly in her hands and his gaze dropped to trace her lips as she spoke to him, her face full of concern and care.
"You can tell me anything," she assured him softly, gazing up into his creased face: "I promise. Anything you want."
"Anything I want…?" he repeated weakly.
Kate nodded, her eyes searching his: "Of course."
His eyes closed over again and he raised one hand to cover hers where it clutched his head. "I want…" he muttered vaguely: "I… want…"
"Ye-ah?" Kate whispered and he opened his eyes to see her staring at him shyly and biting her lip.
"Kaaatie…?" he began and paused for a long moment. Then he waggled his head and muttered sluggishly: "I wanna see Bora Bora before I die."
Kate's nervous expression split into a warm grin: "Well," she replied quietly, her tone slightly indulgent: "maybe we could go together."
He felt his lips creak upward in each corner as he immediately began to imagine such a perfect fantasy becoming reality. "Go sailing…" he breathed, bobbing his head lazily.
"And horseback riding," Kate added, her eyes glowing gently at him.
He hummed lowly: "Sip cocktails at sunset…"
She responded softly: "Swim in the ocean…"
"Mm, yeah, " he nodded, letting his head drop back to her shoulder: "Make out in the sand…"
He felt her body stiffen a little beneath his invading bulk, but he ignored it, seeking that soft, vanilla place again with his nose. Only this time he wasn't looking for comfort, this time he wasn't looking for a place to rest. Kate tilted back slightly in her chair, her hands moving to his shoulders, gently trying to push him back into his own space.
"Let's do it, Katie," he murmured into her neck, his alcohol breath drenching her fresh skin: "Let's run away to Bora Bora. You and me, Katie…." He smiled, reaching out for her but finding her hands dueling with his in mid-air: "Right now, Katie, let's go. I wanna go. I wanna take you…"
Kate stood abruptly, pressing his wandering hands back against his chest. "I'm going to get your coffee, Gibbs," she told him quietly, looking down at him with an aching expression he couldn't stand.
"Kate," he sighed, unable to take her hint, wanting her to understand: "Kate, c'mere..." He reached for her again, tugging at her with sloppy, demanding hands, and pulled her down into his lap.
"Gibbs!" she gasped, her hands bracing her against the back of the chair and table ledge. She glared at him, confused, her breath coming out in ragged, astonished pants.
He stared into her eyes, thoroughly relishing the way the silk of her pajamas slid against his rougher clothing. "I don't need coffee," he told her solemnly.
Kate blinked at him, her eyes wide: "I--"
Her voice cut off as he hoisted her into a better position on his lap, drawing her nice and close. As he held her, his eyes began to take her in, up close this time. One arm curled about her back, his hand grasping her side and the other arm grasped her legs, his hand smoothing over the bare skin of her upper thigh.
She felt so good that his head began to swim again -- for an entirely different reason. The heat of her body was burning through his clothes, igniting his muscle and bone and blood to the point that he pulsed with need and desire and curiosity.
How much more could she do to him? How much more could he adore her? How much more could he resist? How much more alive would he feel if he could witness, touch what was underneath that heavenly blue silk?
The small body in his arms suddenly came to life, breaking from her stupefaction. She struggled to right herself but without her feet touching the floor, he had complete control and he held her easily.
"Gibbs--!!" she tried again but her words died when his eyes climbed back up to her face and their gaze locked.
"Relax, it's okay," he assured her slurrily. He stroked her thigh and held her tight, adding gently: "I just wanna look at you."
Kate's eyes blazed, indignant and intense as she stared at him, her cheeks reddening by the second. It heightened her beauty ten-fold and made his body react with increased interest. And then suddenly, that resistance relented and he felt her slacken in his embrace. She dropped her eyes away from his and let her arm slide carefully around his shoulders.
He moved the hand on her thigh up to push back a few wisps of hair that had fallen over her face when she'd tried to move away. Carefully, he curled them behind her ear and then let his finger drift down her burning cheek. Kate raised her eyes to his and he was taken aback to see the mixture of hope and arousal and fragility that she was allowing him to see.
"You're so beautiful," he mused quietly, the words making it out of his mouth without his consent. He inched closer, inexplicably, irresistibly drawn to her big, dark eyes and open, amazed lips. "How did you get so beautiful?" he demanded softly, his hand curling about her spicy neck: "I wanna know…"
He pulled her face closer and Kate didn't resist. Her eyes dropped to his mouth as she moved in, closer and closer until their lips were hovering a mere inch apart. Their breaths mingled, his scotch mixed with her toothpaste. Breathily, she sighed his name, and he just couldn't stand it anymore.
He pressed his lips against hers and felt her soft mouth fit perfectly with his. For a moment, they froze, connected -- kissing. At last.
His hand slid up through her hair. Her arm squeezed him tight. But their mouths remained immobile in the magical awe of that first moment of contact.
Then, he broke it, twisting her hair in his fingers and tilting her head to one side. He delved into her mouth with his tongue and drank her essence. Kate squirmed against him, shifting in his lap and igniting a fire he hadn't felt in years. Her moans were muffled as she tried to reciprocate his passion, clinging to him like she was being swept away by a giant storm.
She tore her mouth away, throwing her head back and gasping for air. But Gibbs didn't have the patience to stop for a breather. His mouth began to assault her neck, his hands roving desperately over her silk-clad curves. It still wasn't enough though. He couldn't seem to devour enough of her.
He was loosing all tenderness and awareness. Kate hands were on his head again, attempting to calm him. Her voice was calling his name from far away, attempting to reach him.
He was overcome by some feral need, which had banked up too long in his constrained body. He ripped at her shirt, exposing her chest to his gaze and proceeding to cover her with kisses and sucks and love bites in a frenzied succession. He was muttering to her in a vague voice about silk and beauty and honeymoons and secrets and sawdust and sand and coffee.
She had to understand how much he needed this. He had to make her understand how much he'd always wanted her. But she didn't.
One amazing second, he had his mouth full of Kate flesh, he had her smell filling his nostrils and seducing his brain, he had his hands inside her silk and his words of love and admiration, truth and lust were pouring over her blossoming skin.
And the next awful second, she was on her feet. She was halfway across the kitchen. She was pulling her shirt over her chest and her eyes were suspiciously moist.
He had no idea what had happened. He thought she understood. He thought she liked it. He thought she cared. He was wrong.
He'd stuffed up royally and he didn't know what to say. He just stared at her, his body still trembling and pulsing for her. It wouldn't stop. It didn't understand that she didn't want him back.
"We can't do this," she was telling him through his swirling haze.
He felt like he was going to pass out. He got up from his chair and stumbled. Kate reached out to help but then pulled back as he straightened unsteadily and faced her.
"I think you should leave," she said, her eyes as hard as crystals and her cheeks still red with both arousal and anger.
He nodded and turned towards the door. He didn't utter a further word. It had taken everything he had just to shuffle out of her kitchen and find the front door.
The last thing he remembered was leaning back against the wall in the hallway outside her apartment. He heard her flick the deadlock from inside and then the rest of the night was a complete blank.
TBC...