Do you ever get that feeling . . . that maybe you don't know anything at all?
Perhaps deep down . . . you get the impression that everyone is hiding something from you?
And even deeper down . . . you're hiding something from yourself?
We didn't go back to the community. Instead, Rin and I spent the night at a motel. Not having any way to pay for our room, Rin manifested cash with her physical form. The "money" would have since long vanished in the cash register by that point. I felt bad for pretty much stealing from the motel, but I felt worse for Rin.
She didn't sleep at all that night. To make the situation worse, she was so depressed from the moments before that she didn't even react when the manager wasn't shy about his assumption that Rin and I had rented the room for, ahem, "activities." Normally her disgust at the very thought would insult me, but in that moment I wanted her to express those negative feelings for the idea of us together. That would have been better than how mopey she acted all throughout that night.
Neither of us lied on the bed for the majority of the night. We simply sat at the foot, Rin's head resting against my shoulder, with no lights on save for the light coming from the television. Rin had cried herself out hours ago. By that point, we were silently watching I Love Lucy marathons. Once in a while Rin would chuckle at some of Lucy's tactics, but that was it. However. I supposed her chuckling was better than her not reacting at all. Anyone who can watch I Love Lucy and not at least smile at some point during the show has some serious psychological issues going on.
During one of the commercial breaks, Rin randomly asked, "Nero, can I ask you a question?"
"Well, you just did."
"Haha, you're so clever."
"What do you want to ask?" was how I answered.
"I was just wondering . . ." Rin stopped, took a deep breath, and tried again. "Have you ever been in love?"
I snapped my head in her direction so fast that it hurt my neck. Yet all I could do was stare at Rin as if I had never seen her before. "Why do you ask that of all things?"
Rin shrugged. It might just be the colors emitting from the Wendy's commercial, but Rin's cheeks were turning a bright shade of red. "I'm curious. Falling in love just seems to be something everyone does. From anywhere between the feelings are returned, to the two go out, to that love going unrequited, everyone has at some point in their lives has been in love. Len's been in love, almost every Love Maker has been in love at least three times before they turned sixteen, and even a couple of Love Wreckers I know have partners they won't claim to be in love with but they are still incredibly loyal to them. Makes me wonder if you have ever been in love."
Bracing myself for all kinds of responses, I asked Rin, "Have you ever been in love?"
Rin laughed with less humor than the chuckles she gave for Lucy. "I wouldn't know. I've always been too scared for both Len's and my lives to really stop to ponder if I have ever been in love with anyone. How would I know? What does being in love feel like?"
"Well," I smiled, "you get queasy around this person, but you like to be with them anyway. You love talking to them, but thinking about how you feel about them makes you feel nauseas. Nobody like that person makes you feel so alive, but nobody like that person scares the life out of you, either. Really, being in love is living a paradox."
"Oh."
"You think you might have been in love?"
"Maybe, but I also could have had the stomach flu so I can't say for sure," Rin answered. She let out a deep breath. "You never answered my question."
"Okay, I hear you." I hesitated for a moment, not sure why I did. Sure, I can tell you easily that I had a number of crushes growing up. It's a part of life, isn't it? But as for actually being in love, I wasn't too sure. Yet as I thought about the girl leaning on me, I discovered something I never knew until that very moment.
"I have been in love," I told Rin. "Once. Just once. Puts me below average for a Love Maker, huh?"
"Did your feelings go anywhere?"
"Nah. They were unrequited."
"Did you confess?"
"Never."
"And why is that?"
"I knew this person could never feel about me the way I felt about them. Confessing would have been setting myself up for rejection."
"Nero." Rin sat up and looked me in the eyes. I noticed the show had come back on, but I tuned it out in favor of listening to Rin. "You are a great guy. I know I can be pretty mean to you-"
"'Pretty mean'?" I interrupted, but Rin didn't break her flow.
"-but I do actually think you're an amazing person. I don't doubt that you could have any girl you wanted."
Shaking my head, I couldn't stop myself from questioning, "Where is this all coming from?"
"With everything going on recently, I've found myself thinking about things I never thought about before." Rin looked away and bit her lower lip. "You up and left everything for Len and me. Just like that. No time to think about any of it or what this would mean for you. I hated to think that you were leaving behind someone you might have cared for just to help me find Len."
"Like I said," I shrugged, "the person I love could never return my feelings."
"You just used present tense. Are you still in love with this person?"
"As much as I wish I wasn't, I am."
"Oh." Rin's eyes flickered across the room before they finally landed on me again. "Don't let your doubts stop you. If you really love someone, then say something. What do you have to lose?"
"Easy for you to say since you've never been in love," I said.
Then Rin froze. Her lips moved, but no words came out. She kind of reminded me of a goldfish if not for her looking over me as if she wasn't sure who I was anymore. "Good point," Rin finally said. She stood up and walked to the bathroom. "After this episode, we should try going to bed. You're sleeping on the floor."
"Of course I am." While Rin took care of business, I grabbed a pillow and the top blanket. However, I also couldn't stop thinking about what had just passed between us. Why would Rin bring up something like that? Since when did she care if I had ever been in love? It was almost as if that girl was not the Rin I grew up with.
The thing that I couldn't get over though was Rin's statement that I could have any girl I wanted. Why would she say something like that? What was she trying to tell me?
Too bad I didn't figure it out until it was too late.
As I lied on the floor and stared at the ceiling, Rin emerged from the bathroom and looked down on me. "I wasn't expecting you to actually sleep on the ground."
"Didn't you tell me I was sleeping on the floor?" I snuggled deeper into my moldy blanket. "Besides, it wouldn't be appropriate. We don't care for each other like that."
"No," Rin said slowly, "we don't. Good night, Nero."
"Good night, Rin," I returned.
Rin didn't leave right away. Instead she stared down at me, wanting to say something but battling within herself whether or not to say it. Just before I could open my mouth to ask what it was she wanted, Rin turned away and crawled into the bed. We didn't say anything from there. All we did was try to sleep.
I say "try" because I know neither of us slept that night. The constant shuffling of the sheets told me that Rin was too restless to sleep, and her words from earlier were still filling my every thought. When morning came, we pretended that the conversation never happened. Maybe it was for the better that way.
If I could go back in time and change anything, would I do it?
There's so much I would do differently. There are so many mistake I wouldn't make. There's no reason to not put myself out there because I already know that I will always regret choosing to let fear rule me.
Yet if I did go back and changed those things, would I be who I am today?
Rin was slow to get ready the next morning. It was as if she didn't want to do what needed to be done. I don't think she wanted to do it at all. With all her talk of helping Len, you would think she wouldn't hesitate to do just that. However, as she prepared to meet him again after many months apart, Rin probably hesitated out of dread of all the possible negative outcomes of this reunion.
"We have to do this," I said before I knew I was opening my mouth.
"Of course we do," Rin agreed, "but that doesn't mean it will be easy."
And it wasn't.
We showed up just in time to hear blue-haired say, what I was shocked to later learn was under Len's influence, "I gave a used person like you a chance, and this is how you repay me?"
The look of utter betrayal on the woman was enough to break my heart even without knowing the context of this situation. I don't think she would have been more hurt had the man across from her rose and stabbed her with his fork. "I deserve better," she forced the words out.
Len and Miku were so into this . . . this . . . whatever the hell this was that neither of them realized Rin and I had arrived. Granted Rin and I stood quietly by the doorway and didn't make a big announcement of our arrival, but I thought we wouldn't have been so unnoticed. That goes to show how focused Len and Miku were. Rin and I, on the other hand, were so transfixed with what was happening that we didn't react right away.
"How can you do better than me?" The man laughed so bitterly that I felt nauseous. "Remind me again: how many guys were willing to give you a chance after you told them your secret? They all lied to you and said that it didn't matter, but the truth is all men want to marry a virgin."
"These same men being the ones who sleep around enough as it is already," the woman argued. "Men are not loyal."
The man shot to his feet. "You can't make a man's life hell and expect that he'll still want to stay together. Women have these insane standards for men, and yet they call men pigs for having their own preferences. Makes me wonder why we even try."
It was when the woman, with tears in her eyes, asked "Why do we even try?" that Rin and I took action.
Rin ripped Len away from the man's heart of hearts while I targeted Miku. The girl took one look at me, began to cuss, and fought like a wild raccoon when I took hold of her. She punched, screamed, and kicked, and I knew I was going to have some serious bruises for the next few weeks.
"LET ME GO!" she shouted, nearly blowing my eardrums.
Not wanting to do it but not wanting to lose a limb more, I stuck Miku with a syringe. The tranquilizer ran through her system quickly, and she went limp in my arms. How quiet she was immediately afterwards lessened my regret knocking her out.
"I'm sorry, Len," I heard Rin say before her gun went off. When I looked at her, she was in tears. It was all she could do to rip her eyes off of Len's unconscious body.
"Why do we try?"
Rin and I looked to the man and woman, unaware of what was going on around them. Acting quickly, we lied the unconscious Miku and Len next to each other and went to work. We didn't communicate; we just took action.
When I entered the woman's heart of hearts, I was shocked at what I found. What did Miku do to her? There was so much hurt and distrust within her soul that I began to feel what she felt.
The woman's heart sat on her knees and sobbed into her palms. I knelt next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She would never, ever sense that someone was there, but at least she wouldn't be truly alone.
"Why do you try?" I whispered to her, forcing her to find the answer. Her memories flashed before my eyes, showing me the reasons she decided this man was worth the effort in the first place.
When they met, a group of men were flirting with her while she was shopping for groceries. Kaito approached her and pretended to be her boyfriend. She played along, and the men left. What really got her interest, however, was that this man didn't expect anything in return. He didn't even give her his number.
They met again two weeks later. He was trying to find a certain book in the store, and she, being a valued employee, helped him find it. Helping a customer quickly turned into conversation, and conversation led to attraction. It was her who gave him her number.
Things started slow. He had just come out of a relationship and had come to the sense that he needed to reevaluate the purpose of being with someone. She confessed that she herself was weary but still willing to take risks for love.
Despite not being official, they saw each other regularly. They made each other smile, laugh, and feel something neither wanted to admit was there. Before things got serious, she told him her secret. When he didn't shun her or think less of her for it, she cried at how accepting he was.
Was it possible he had changed between then and now? she asked herself.
"No," I told her. "He changed for you. It started for himself, but you were enough for him to keep going. He isn't perfect, and he will make mistakes. You just have to decided if you will accept him just as much in the ugly times as you do in the beautiful."
Tears poured from her eyes. I was right. When you love someone, you stick by them when things get too hard. If they can't carry themselves, you stay to lend a hand. Sometimes the relationship must end, and that's okay, but it shouldn't be thrown away when there's something there that makes the relationship worth it. Before you decide whether to stay or go, you must determine whether the second chance truly is deserved.
In this case, it was.
"We keep trying because we both know this relationship is worth fighting for," the man said, eyes watering. "I don't know what's come over me these past few days, but Meiko, I love you and don't want to hurt you like that ever again."
The woman began to cry as well. "Can we fix this?"
"I know we can, even though it's clear we have some personal things we need to work out as well."
Wiping her eyes, the woman replied, "I think we should see a counselor." They did need to see one. Rin and I couldn't stick around to help them with their problems, so I suggested the idea.
It must have taken Rin a lot of work to get Kaito to agree, because it took him a moment to say, "You're right."
Rin and I stayed long enough for the couple to set up an appointment. When that task was complete, we dragged Miku and Len outside so that we could activate our pocket portal. I still hated the thing, but I was ready to go.
"Thank you," Rin said as we waited for the machine to warm up. "I couldn't have done this without you."
For a moment, I looked at Rin. Her shoulders slumped, and her head was down. No tears flowed down her cheeks, but a sigh escaped her lips.
"You're welcome," I finally said. We didn't speak again until after we went through the portal and Rin had to talk me through my portal sickness.
As long as the days can be, they are over before you know it.
Blink, and you miss everything.
There are so many moments in my life that I would give anything to relive, even just for a minute.
Try as I might, I can't stop these times from slipping away.
All I can do is hope that when I look back on them, I can say that I didn't take a single second for granted.
Needless to say, Miku and Len were not happy campers when they woke up. They were kept in separate rooms, the doors securely locked. The walls were sound-proof as well, which I think was a good thing. The rage and twisted looks Miku and Len wore on their faces told me that I did not want to hear the shouting, screaming, and yelling that was going on inside their respective rooms.
Rin, of course, was nowhere near this location while her brother acted like a rabid animal. Now Tonio did give her the option to be there with her brother, but she turned it down and asked that I go in her place. "I knew that I wouldn't be able to see Len in such a state," she told me later. "To be betrayed by me, the only person he ever truly trusted, and brought to this strange place – all immediately after what he went through as well? If this 'rehabilitation' he went through really did try to bring him back to his true nature, then I know his first response when he woke up was anything but pretty."
I didn't hide it from her that she was right. I even told her what Len seemed to yell at me when he saw me on the other side of the glass. I may have not heard exactly what it was that he said, but the look of pure murderous rage on his face told me all that I needed to know.
It took three days – three days! – for Len and Miku to calm down enough for a psychologist to enter their rooms and talk with them without fear of being ripped apart. Chances are it helped that Len and Miku were hungry and slightly dehydrated, too. As regularly as they were served, only so much food and drink can fit through the slots on the doors.
Two days after this new attitude adjustment, Len was asking to see Rin. Before he only shouted unkind things about her, but now that he was not consumed with so much anger and hatred, I believe that he genuinely wanted to talk to her and figure out, in her own words, what was going on. Tonio did deem the meeting appropriate, especially since Len would be cuffed to his bed, but Rin refused.
"Why are you denying Len's request to see you?" I asked. "I'm sure he really just wants to talk with you. There's no way he's still that mad, right?"
Rin sighed. "It's not that." She tucked her knees into her chest. By that point, she had spent a lot of time in my room. If she wasn't eating with everyone else during meals or sleeping in her room at night, she stayed with me in my room. I'm not so introverted that I typically spend my days locked inside my bedroom, but I didn't have it in me to leave Rin to hang out with the others when it was clear the only company she wanted to have in that time was mine.
"Then what is it?" I asked.
Instead of replying, Rin looked away from me and stared at the floor. A soft, nearly inaudible sigh escaped her lips. She hugged her knees closer to her chest. Those little movements alone were answer enough.
"You're ashamed to face him," I called out. "All you ever wanted to do was protect Len, and you failed. Now you can't stand to see him after you didn't do the one thing you have dedicated your entire life to doing." Rin didn't say anything. "Tell me that I'm wrong."
"I could," Rin said, "but then I would be lying."
"Rin, I don't believe for a second that Len's going to hold a grudge over this, especially since this isn't your fault."
"You seem to forget that this all began with an idea stupid little kid me had and have held onto all these years." Rin buried her face into her knees. "I know Len doesn't blame me, but that doesn't stop me in being so ashamed. However, I'll get over it eventually. Until then, I just want some space. Len's safe now; there's no reason to pressure the reunion. Is there?"
"No," I replied slowly. "I suppose there isn't."
We sat in silence for a minute before Rin said, "Hey, Nero?"
"Yes?"
"Could you be the one to talk to Len to see how he's doing? Just because I don't want to be the one to speak with him personally doesn't mean I want to totally ignore him either."
I think the request over before I stiffly nod. "The person he wants to see is you, but I'll check on him if that's what you really want."
Looking up, Rin reaffirmed me. "It is. Now go talk to him, please. I don't know how much longer I can go not knowing what exactly is running through his head."
Whatever Len wants to tell you, I doubt he's going to tell me, is what I want to say, but I keep it simply as a thought. What I actually tell Rin is "Okay" before I begin my journey to find Tonio, or anyone else who will let me speak with Len.
"Hey, stranger," is how Rui greets me when she sees me coming down the hall. "I don't see much of you anymore. Nor do I see Rin. Is everything all right with you two?"
"Rin is . . . ," I trail off, trying to find the right words to say. "Rin is handling this situation the best that she can. This is all too much in such a short amount of time, you know?"
Rui nodded. She knew. I didn't know how she knew, but she knew. "And you, Nero?"
"I'm just doing whatever I can to help Rin. There's no way she could handle this whole situation by herself." Rui chuckled. "What?"
"You two aren't partners, yet you care an awful lot for this girl." Rui shows me the most genuine smile I've ever seen on her face. "I do believe that friendship is a very powerful thing – I know from my relationship with Zeito that two people don't have to be partners to have a deep, meaningful connection, but you truly care for this girl more than simple friendship, don't you?"
"Rin and I grew up together," I reminded her.
Raising her brows, Rui questioned, "So you see Rin as a sister?" I didn't have a reply to that. Rui grinned. "Don't worry, Nero. I won't tell anyone anything. Your secret's safe with me."
I changed the subject. "Where's Tonio? I want to talk to him about speaking with Len."
"Ah, don't worry about him." Rui waved her hand. "He left a little while ago to meet with our spies in enemy headquarters and won't be back until later. You don't need to wait for him in order to speak with your old friend."
"He'll be all right with it?"
"There's a possibility that Tonio would rather have Rin speak with Len, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him." Rui casted me a sideways glance. "Let me guess: Rin wants you to talk to Len for her."
I stiffly nodded. "Yeah. Really it should be Rin walking with you now, but I can't make her do what she doesn't want to do. If she wants to wait to speak with Len and sends somebody else in her place until she's ready, then God help the idiot who tries to convince her to change her mind."
"I don't blame her," Rui said. We were descending the stairs at this point, making our way down a hallway I've only previously walked through a couple of times. "Before your little friends were of interest to the Streamers, the Streamers would actually practice their 'rehabilitation' on regular Love Wreckers and Love Makers."
Nearly stopping in my tracks, I exclaimed, "You're kidding!"
Rui sighed. "I wish I was. You've heard of the unsolved kidnappings that happened in the European Love World pockets about four, maybe five years ago, right?" I nodded. "My closest ally and Zeito's partner, Zatsune, was one of the victims."
Her words took a while to process. "You mean . . . ?"
"That the Streamers took somebody that I cared about, twisted this person to become something they're not for the Streamers sick experiment, and then disposed of this person as if they have never mattered? Yes." By this point, Rui had stopped walking. Now she stared at her toes, her fingers curled into fists. "Although the Streamers may have 'perfected' their 'rehabilitation,' it didn't come without a cost. Many Love Wreckers and Love Makers lost their minds to these experiments, and what do you do with a rabid animal?" She didn't give me a chance to answer. Rui barked a humorless laugh and said, "You put it down."
Shaking her head, Rui continued to lead me to where Len was as she finished, "I could pretend that Zeito and I are here to save lives and to keep others from experiencing the loss that we endured, but we're not that heroic. Truly, we just want revenge. We want to find the people who abducted, tortured, and killed Zatsune and finish them off slowly. We want to see the life drain from their eyes as we let them know that their suffering is to avenge those they have damned."
With nothing to say to that, Rui and I spend the rest of the walk in silence. Fortunately, it wasn't a long walk. I don't think I could have stood it if we didn't speak to each other for a long time after what Rui had just told me.
"Nero here would like to speak to the male one," Rui said as soon as we entered a ballroom-sized area. Mikuo and Zeito, probably on guard duty, looked up from their Uno game. "Rin asked that he go in her place," Rui added as if that comment made a difference. Maybe it did.
"Sure he'll be happy to see you?" Zeito asked. "You did help his sister kidnap him the last time you two were in the same room together."
"It's either me or nobody else," I answered. "Len wants to see Rin, but Rin doesn't want to see him. Not yet, that is. Until then, she wants me to talk to Len to figure out how he's doing." I looked over to Mikuo, who continued to stare at his hand as if he had to find the best strategy possible to beat Zeito at the card game. "Have you introduced yourself to Miku yet?"
For a while Mikuo didn't respond. Then, with a shake of his head, he replied, "I can't bring myself to meet her. Not after what happened. Not like this." He tossed the keys to Rui, who caught them with a snatch of her hand. "Take as long as you need. You should discuss whatever it is you need to without the pressure of leaking time."
"Thank you," I said as Rui lead me to Len's cell. As she unlocked the door, I told her, "Thank you as well, Rui. I appreciate everything you did for Rin and me."
"Oh, don't get all mushy." Rui screwed up her face. "Just have a nice conversation with your friend and leave when you're ready. I will stay here to lock the door after you go."
It made me uneasy to see how we were keeping Len and Miku locked away like prisoners. They were victims. Granted they had violent outbursts and had done horrible things, but they were still victims. Seeing the little compassion Tonio and the others had for my friend and this girl, it made me wonder just how better they were than the Streamers.
"So it I wasn't just imagining things when I saw you and Rin taking Miku and me down," was how Len greeted me when I entered the cell and the door slammed behind me. "How did you get involved, Nero?"
"Long story," is the only explanation I give. Len was shackled to his steel frame bed, and his hands were cuffed. The only thing in this room that could be used to entertain himself are old books, one of which Len set down as I entered. Other than the bed and novels, nothing else decorated the cage Len was locked within. There wasn't even a chair in which I could sit on as I communicated with my old friend.
"How's Rin?" Len asked, his facial features falling. "I've been asking and asking to see her, but I haven't heard anything concerning my sister."
Uncomfortable, I figured out how to tell Len what he didn't want to hear. "Rin's fine. Honest, she is. Well, as fine as one could be given the situation." Len nods along, given me the chance to say everything I needed to say before he interrupted me. "She's heard that you've been asking for her, and she's even been encouraged to speak with you, but she . . . doesn't want to talk to you right now."
"Why not?" Len asked. He didn't seem angry or irritated, just hurt. "I want to speak with her. Why doesn't she want to do the same? After everything, certainly she wouldn't want to avoid me." Len took a moment to think it all through. "Is this because of what happened with Kaito and Meiko? Is she ashamed of me for . . . Is she ashamed of me for doing the very thing I constantly criticized her for?"
"Rin's ashamed, but not of you," I answered. "She believes that she failed you. All your lives she did everything she could to protect you, and she couldn't even do that. It's tearing her up."
Len stared at his hands, finding the words to respond with. "We managed for over nineteen years, and that in and of itself is impressive. I didn't want to think that Rin believed that we could keep this going without for suspicion for our entire lives. I shouldn't have left the burden for only her to bear. She never ceased to keep her eyes open, to do whatever it took to keep us both safe. I was the idiot who didn't take all this as seriously as I should have. If either of us, this is more my fault than hers. Actually, it's completely my fault." Looking me in the eyes, Len added, "Tell Rin that I don't blame her, that she has nothing to be ashamed of. I'm the one who should be, and am, ashamed."
With nothing to add to that conversation, I asked easily the dumbest question I ever asked. "How are you doing?"
Snorting, Len answered, "How does it look like I'm doing? I'm handcuffed, tied to a bed, and treated like a wild animal that will attack at any minute. Okay, that last one is my own doing, but is this extent really necessary? I'm still a civilized being. I could at least be given a fork to eat my dinner with. Eating with my fingers is a lot more embarrassing than I want to admit."
"I'll see what I can do," I promised. "Other than your . . . conditions, how are you doing? You know, mentally? I've heard some about the 'rehabilitation,' but even then I can't ever imagine living through it."
Len shrugged. "It was all the perfect example of classical conditioning, complete with negative reinforcement and positive punishment. It was maddening. You know we had to kill to get the constant, headache-inducing buzzing noise to fade and fade until it finally went away entirely."
My spine became iron. "You killed?!"
"Not people, thank God, but cute and innocent creatures like bunnies and kittens were not so lucky." Len shivered. "It was all training to make us less empathetic. The more I wanted to help myself – to make the buzzing go away – the less I had to be willing to not hurt the animals. If I could get to the point that I could kill a fluffy animal with little regret, how effortless it would be to hurt another person just for my own enjoyment."
All I could do was stare at Len. Again he looked at his hands. He rotated them back and forth, curled and uncurled his fingers, and put them down as if he couldn't bear to look at them. "Sometimes I still see the blood coated on my skin and caked under my nails," he said. "I don't regret it, not anymore, but it still haunts me. It's not that I'm no longer capable of being sympathetic, but I don't care about the consequences as much anymore. Good thing you guys found us when you did. I was almost about to take Miku and myself back there to finish 'rehabilitation.' Had to because they threatened Rin. I'm glad to know that she truly was safe the whole time, but without any way of knowing, I would have willingly damned Miku and myself just to keep Rin alive. I wouldn't have regretted that."
"Then maybe the 'rehabilitation' isn't as successful as you think," I pointed out. "You still cared enough about Rin to sacrifice yourself for her. It's rare to find someone who would willingly lay down his life for a loved one, even amongst Love Makers. Maybe you're not as far gone as you think you are."
For a minute, Len considered this. Then, "Thanks, Nero. I needed to hear that. When you go, can you tell Rin . . ." Len took a deep breath. "Would you please tell Rin that I'm sorry? Tell her that I blame myself more than I could ever blame her? Tell her that I love her and miss her so much? Please?"
He looked so broken, what else could I say? His face turned red and tears built up in his eyes. The longer Rin went without speaking with her brother, the more he broke. Whatever the Streamers did to him, I don't believe that it could ever change the feelings Len had that ran deep for his only sister.
"I'll tell her," I said.
Len sighed in relief. "Thank you," he replied.
Don't thank me yet, I thought. It would take more than that to convince Rin to speak with Len, and I wouldn't consider that visit a success unless I did so.
"What about Miku?" I asked. "I understand that you two went through all of this together, but you haven't mentioned her once. When that attack happened in the marketplace, you seemed pretty persistent in helping her. Now you don't seem to care enough about her to ask how she's doing."
Frowning, Len answered, "I don't know how I feel about her right now. I don't hate Miku, but I can't say she's my favorite person either. Maybe I'm just trying to forget everything about her right now, like if I forget everything that has happened since I met her, then life will go on as if none of it ever happened."
"You can't blame someone for something out of their control, Len."
"Of course not."
With nothing else left to say, I made my way out of the prison.
"Nero," Len called me.
I didn't turn around. "Yes, Len?"
"Thank you for being there for Rin. As strong as she is, I don't think there's much of this she could have done by herself. You really are the friend neither of us deserves."
What Len said circled around my head as I left without a word and closed the door behind me. To my surprise, Rin was also just leaving the room across from Len's. I didn't immediately understand why she was there. Zeito and Mikuo were gone, but Rui did stay in their place as she said she would. The small woman sat back, closed her eyes, and wore earphones, tuning the world around her completely out.
"Why were you . . . ?" I began, but the truth is I didn't know what I was trying to ask.
"She has no friends here," Rin replied, crossing her arms. Her tough demeanor was back, but I wasn't sure if it was for show or if talking to Miku helped Rin recover enough to act like herself again. "Mikuo won't meet her, but since I'm avoiding Len, I know I can't judge. As hard as this is for Len and me, it's even harder for Miku. Up until all of this began, she had a perfectly normal life. Now all of this happened one after another. It wouldn't be right to just pretend that she doesn't exist."
Rin had a point. All this time I worried about Len and tried to be there for Rin, yet I completely forgot about the person who was probably suffering the most. "How did she take meeting you?"
Smirking, Rin said, "Oh, we did not hit it off. Miku recognized me as the one who broke her and Kaito up, and Len definitely told her a lot about me. Needless to say, she's not my biggest fan." Rin held up her hands in a gesture that suggested how little she cared. "However, we're not total enemies or anything. Miku understands that it really was in her best interests that she and Kaito ended their relationship, but she didn't necessarily support the choices I made in the process. Either way, I think the conversation ended well. She doesn't hate me, but she doesn't trust me either. Good to see that she has some intelligence." Before I could say anything in reply, Rin's features softened as she asked, "How's Len?"
Extending an arm in an "after you" motion, I answered, "Let's walk and talk. I have enough to say to keep us occupied as we walk back to our rooms and begin getting dressed for dinner."
A lot had changed since the attack in the Love World pocket of which I lived. The life I previously lived now was nothing more than a distant memory. The only thing I knew of, the only thing I could think about, was the here and now.
It wasn't as if I had been gone for too long. It was just that so much had happened in such a short amount of time. Truly it's not the time that ages us, but the events.
The world around me changed. People I had known my whole life had changed. I changed.
My thoughts changed. My beliefs changed. My feelings changed.
Every aspect of my life was completely different from what it was before. No similarities existed. The worst part was I wouldn't turn back for anything. I was here now, and that's all that mattered to me.
When I first went to the community, I found the mass number of roses outside unnerving. After my weeks there, I learned to appreciate them. Even Rin showed interest in the flora, something I never would have expected from her.
Earlier that morning, she told me that she wanted to speak with me after breakfast. When we had finished eating, she told me to meet her in the rose garden in fifteen minutes. I did, naturally, and found her pulling a white rose down close enough for her to smell it.
"Why do you want to smell that particular rose?" I asked as I stood next to her. "There are literally hundreds of others you wouldn't have to reach as high for."
"It wouldn't have been worth it if it was too easy," Rin answered. She let the rose go, and it bounced back to its position higher up on the bush. For a while she didn't say anything, and then, "Thank you for helping me get my brother back, but now I think it's time you go."
"What?" I furrowed my brows.
"You need to leave," Rin said, her words more forced this time. "We did what we set out to do. Len's safe. That's all that matters."
"Really? Because I think everything that's going to follow is important, too."
"It doesn't involve you. None of this ever involved you." Rin shook her head. "The only reason I let you come with me was because I knew that I couldn't be alone in all this – I would never have had to courage if the only person I could depend on was myself, but now I have my brother again. You're not needed anymore."
"Don't I get a say in this?" I asked. "What if I want to be here?"
"Why would you want to be here?!" Rin snapped. "Life from here on out is going to involve danger at every turn. Len and I will never be safe again, and neither will you if you choose to remain with us. Go away and forget that either of us have ever existed. It's for the best."
"The best for who? Me, or you?"
Furrowing her brows, Rin answered, "The best for everyone. If you stay, you're just going to be surrounded by people who don't even want you there."
I felt the blood drain from my face. "Are you implying that you don't even want me here?"
"Didn't I just tell you that the only reason I kept you around was so I wouldn't feel lonely while Len was missing? Now that I have my brother back, I have no need of you anymore."
"Rin," I chocked on her name, "what about the conversations we had? Didn't we connect with each other? Didn't we grow closer together? I thought we were friends."
"Nero, you seem to forget often that I was raised to be a Love Wrecker. We Love Wreckers don't have friends, and that means I don't think of you as my friend. You're just another face to forget."
My chest ached. Why was she saying stuff like that? "Look me in the eyes and tell me that," I ordered.
Shocked, Rin turned around and stared at me, her eyes wide. She hadn't looked at me once since I walked outside. If I was going to believe her, she would have to tell me everything she just did all the while maintaining eye contact with me.
"If you really mean it," I said slowly, "you should have no problem repeating those words as you look at me. I know what your lying face looks like, so now show me your honest one."
Rin's eyes clouded with forming tears. She blinked back the liquid before glaring at me with slits. For a moment all she did was stare at me like she wanted to hurt me, and then her features softened. Appearing the most genuine I have ever seen her, Rin looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "I can't be around you. Not anymore. All I want is for you to go as far away from here, as far away from me, as you can. I can't stand to be this close to you, not when-" Rin cut herself off. She shook her head and repeated, "I don't want you here. Now go."
I didn't want to believe I heard her right, but I couldn't ask her to repeat her words. There was no way I could handle the rejection if I kept asking Rin to lay it on so thickly.
"I understand," I said even though I didn't understand at all. "How soon do you want me gone?"
The reply I hoped for was "tonight," but the one she actually gave was "Now would be an excellent time." As much as I wanted to argue, I knew it was pointless. With a sigh, I told her that I would gather my belongings – AKA, the clothes on my back when I first went there – and I would leave as soon as possible.
Neither of us had anticipated that our enemies would choose just then to attack.
I feel the fire in my shoulder before I hear the loud thunder that echoed around us. Gasping, I gripped my shoulder in pain and was shocked to feel moisture. When I pulled my hand away, my worst suspicion proved to be reality. Blood. I was bleeding.
"Run, you idiot!" Rin screamed as she locked arms with me and practically dragged me back to the front door. More gunshots rang out. With a cry, Rin fell to the ground.
There was no time to think. I scooped Rin up and carried her inside, all the while ignoring the excruciating pain in my shoulder. Once inside, I used my back to slam the door shut, which made my shoulder further scream in agony, and shouted, "We're under attack!"
Thankfully, Mikuo happened to be walking by and witnessed Rin's and my dramatic entrance. Without hesitation, Mikuo ran to the other side of the hall and flipped a switch I always assumed controlled the light in another room. However, flipping the switch revealed something similar to a fire alarm, and Mikuo was quick to pull it.
The walls turned red with the flashing lights. A blaring siren rang inside my very skull. Rin struggled in my arms.
"Put me down," she said. I did as she requested, but Rin instantly cried out and clutched her calf. Blood poured from the gunshot wound.
"You can't walk," I gasped.
"Yes, I can," Rin argued, teeth gritted.
"I don't care how, but you two need to move now," Mikuo ordered. "Follow me." He didn't wait. Dude just bolted.
When dragging Rin along proved futile - she was in far too much pain to put weight on her leg - I picked her back up despite her protests and chased after Mikuo. "Where are we going?!" I shouted at him.
"Out of here!" he replied, saying nothing more. Good enough for me.
It didn't take me long to realize that the twisting paths we were going through lead to where Miku and Len were locked up. When we arrived, Zeito and Rui were already leading out Len and Miku, respectively. In the center of the room, a pocket portal was charging.
"RIN!" Len yelled upon seeing his sister in my arms. He tried to run towards us, but Zeito held him back.
"You can check on her when we get to where we're going," Zeito said, struggling to keep the blond in place.
"I'm fine, Len," Rin said as she pushed herself out of my arms for the second time. She winced when she again stood on her injured leg, but she held herself up regardless.
The place shook and thundered, the vibrations forcing me to wobble where I stood. We all looked at each other, knowing exactly what just happened. No locked door could ever stand up to a bomb.
"Where's everyone else?" I asked.
"Probably doing what we're doing," Rui answered. "Getting the hell out of here." She glared at the portal. "Except this device is taking too long."
"They'll catch us if we don't run soon!" Miku shouted, her eyes wild. Even Len looked terrified. They knew who was coming, and neither of them were eager for that reunion.
"I can't make the portal charge faster," Rui growled.
"But we can make them take longer to arrive," I gasped. Rin shot her heads toward me. I didn't think this through. I acted.
Running back to where we came, I pulled out the knife I hid in my boot. There was no way I could stop them, but I could at least slow them down. If that was all it took to save my friends, then that was enough.
Really, it all happened too fast for me to recall the exact details. First I was taking Love Wreckers down left and right, then I was struggling with a burly one, and then he pinned me to the floor as he held my own knife against my neck. Before he could finish me off, however, a hole suddenly appeared on the center of his head, blood flying out, and he fell over lifeless.
"Don't ever pull a stunt like that again!" Rin hissed as she ran towards me, a large limp in her steps. Her calf still bled. It reminded me of the pain in my shoulder. Everything began to hurt.
"I had to buy everyone time," I said as I sat up and reached for my weapon. "I had to buy you time, yet here you are."
"Idiot," Rin snarled. "I'm not leaving you. Not in a situation such as this."
We couldn't argue. Soon more Love Wreckers would appear, and even with a gun, there was no possibility Rin and I could fend them all off. All I could do was hope that the portal was ready.
"Let's head back," I suggested. The trip there was more anxiety-inducing the second time around. Now that I've experienced first hand what we were up against, I knew exactly the type of threat we had over our heads.
It was as Rui literally pushed the reluctant Len into the portal that we returned. "Good, now I don't have to look for you two," she said, panting. "Don't hesitate. Just jump."
"But what if they follow us?" Rin asked.
The question caught Rui off guard. All she could do was shake her head and answer, "Let's just hope they don't." Then she disappeared.
Rin and I glanced at each other before we made to follow Rui's example. The problem was we were interrupted in the process.
My jaw slammed into the hard floor after a large forced knocked me over. "Where do you think you're going, pretty boy?"
It was Rin's defiant screams that told me we weren't alone anymore. My head was forced upwards so that I could witness Rin fighting a Love Wrecker woman with salt and pepper hair. "Let's watch her die, shall we?" the man on top of me said. Needless to say, I didn't agree with him.
Gun knocked out of her hand, Rin had to use physical combat to defend herself. Too bad her attacker was skilled and Rin injured. Most of the fight was the female Love Wrecker punching Rin as Rin held her guard up to protect her face. Then so quickly that I almost didn't process it, the woman pulled out a grenade.
"RIN!" With the power I never knew I had, I pushed the man off of me, bolted towards the threat, and tackled the woman. I didn't stop her from throwing the grenade, but my actions did prompt Rin to get out of the way.
Only Rin wasn't fast enough.
The grenade exploded on one of the doors, and the debris shot towards Rin. She cried out as the particles pierced her, cutting her in every area of exposed skin. Shaking, Rin covered her eye with one hand. I almost vomited to see blood seeping through her fingers.
"That's it," said the first voice. I turned to see the other Love Wrecker, a man with silver hair and mismatched eyes, aiming his gun at me. He snarled. "You die now."
Acting purely on instinct, I looked for an escape. I saw Rin's gun just a mere yard away and lunged for it. The man panicked and yanked his gun back on me. A gunshot rang out, and the man fell over.
I didn't stop to see if he was dead. As the woman charged at me, I turned the weapon on her and fired. She, too, fell.
My next concern was Rin.
Still covering her bleeding eye, Rin sobbed as she watched me. "Are they dead?" she asked, remaining good eye scanning the bodies.
Not taking the proper amount of time to do an actual analysis, I scanned the bodies for a total of three seconds for signs of life. "They're dead," I pronounced, hoping the words to be true. I rushed to Rin's side. "We need to go now so you can have someone look at your eye."
"I don't even know if I still have an eye," Rin mumbled. She sobbed again, a hiccup passing her lips. There was nothing I could say to comfort her.
"Either way, you need medical attention." As I lead her to the portal, approaching footsteps grew louder as their owners came closer. We were lucky enough to fight and survive the two Love Wreckers, but I wasn't willing to test that luck again. "Hurry," I muttered as I began dragging Rin.
The good news: There was enough time to enter the portal before they arrived to finish us off.
The bad news: The portal was already closing, the self-destruct mechanism following after the closure.
Rin swore. "It's too small already for us both to go. We're not going to make it."
"We're not," I agreed, "but you are."
"What the-" Rin stopped when I pulled her into a hug. "Nero, what are you-"
My voice raising with excitement, I interrupted Rin so that I could get the words out as quickly as possible. "I love you, Rin. I'm so very, deeply in love with you. God, I love you so much it hurts me. I know you could never feel the same, but I wanted you to know. There's no way I could do this without telling you first."
I didn't give Rin even a second to react. Pulling her away, I pushed her into the portal just as it reached the smallest possible size to travel through. As she vanished away, I could see her reaching out for me as she called my name.
Then she was no more.
There wasn't time to sigh before the Love Wreckers found me. "My, my," the leader of this group said. "What do we have here?"
Nero frantically waves his hands in the air. "I thought I was a goner! 'This is it,' I told myself. 'This is the end. I'll never know if they will make it out all right, and worst of all, I'll never see Rin again.' I prepared myself for immediate death, but then-!"
The man silences Nero by raising his hand to signal Stop. "That will be enough, Mr. Akita," the man says.
"But I'm not finished." Nero frowns. "I thought you wanted to hear everything."
"What I want is to leave here and begin using my vacation days." The man rubs his temples. "I finally interview someone who's cooperative, and I'm ready to send him out when he's still so eager to talk. That's how I know how long this day has been."
"Want me to get you some coffee?" Nero offers. He points his thumb at the door behind him and says, "They have been serving us coffee all day. I have to say, it's really good coffee. I've had four mugs already."
"That explains your energy." The man gathers his documents. "That will be all, Mr. Akita. Why don't you send Ms. Kagamine back here for me? I need to discuss things with her further."
"Sure thing." As Nero's fingers graze the doorknob, the man calls his name. "Yes?"
Pinching his forehead, the man replies, "When you have Ms. Kagamine come this way, could you have her take a mug of coffee with her? I'm going to need all the help I can get with her second interview."
End of
The Love Vanishing Diaries
Book IV