Emma stirred and her eyes fluttered open. The crying she had done last night was taking its toll and her poor eyelids stung with every movement. Reaching out for the rail beside her bed she pulled herself into a sitting position. She rested a hand on her aching stomach, feeling like she'd been turned inside out, through the flimsy fabric of her hospital gown she felt the padding of a bandage and shifted the covers to get a better look. When she pressed a finger gently on top of it, she felt her stomach churn and was promptly sick all over the bed covers.
A nurse entered the room with a stack of clean sheets and a damp cloth. Emma was now lying back on her pillows dejectedly so the nurse bustled over and peeled the sheets off the bed, depositing them in the wash bin at the side of the room. In a motherly way she eased Emma into a sitting position before tugging the hospital gown over Emma's head and then fishing around in her bag she produced Emma's pyjamas and helped her into them. "You need me again Emma sweetheart then you just shout for Adele or hit the button by your bed." She said kindly as she wiped round Emma's mouth with the cloth. Emma managed a weak smile and Adele left, giving her a sympathetic look over her shoulder.
Will arrived shortly after and stood looking through the doors at the girl he loved, lying broken on her hospital bed. She was staring off into space with a blank and sedated expression on her face. Her eyes were dark and had tears shimmering in the corners, threatening to spill over.
Emma was too preoccupied with her own thoughts to even notice Will standing watching her. The steady pattern on the screen of her heart monitor was hypnotic and she saw everything blur into one so she shook her head and looked up spotting Will at last. She desperately wanted to smile and wave at him but the battle in her head was won by the new Emma and she averted her gaze and pretended like she hadn't seen him.
Will felt a pang of sadness pass through his chest as he saw her fighting the losing battle against herself. Pushing against the heavy swing door he stepped inside and took a few steps closer to her bedside. Sitting down heavily on the plastic chair he took hold of her hand.
Her eyes momentarily flicked up to connect with his and he saw the pain and upset reflected back in them. "Why did you do it?" He whispered to her as she broke the eye contact again. She let out a little sob and turned her back on him.
After the uncomfortable silence had lasted for at least 10 minutes he rose to his feet. "Take care baby." He murmured before disappearing through the big swing doors. Emma wondered how long it would be until she saw him again. She so badly wanted to tell him why she'd done it, why she needed to block it all out and drown herself in misery. But she just couldn't, she was battling head on with her broken pride and for the moment at least it was still winning. She didn't blame him for leaving, she just wished he hadn't.
Will bumped into Dr Bentley as he was walking down the ward. "Oh hi!" He said steadying her with a hand on her arm. "How is she doing?" He asked worriedly.
"Well the surgery went well. Her kidney couldn't purify the blood because of the excess of alcohol. It began producing too much poisonous material for her body to cope with and as such most of the nephrons went into immediate failure." She said, babbling slightly.
"Uh one question…what's a nephron?" Will asked screwing up his face.
Sophie just giggled and waved her hand dismissively. "Sorry…it doesn't matter, she'll be fine now. You can lead a perfectly normal life on one kidney. It's how she's doing emotionally that's worrying us. She hasn't spoken to anybody yet; she refuses to let us contact someone for her. Only Adele has been able to connect with her…you didn't have any luck did you?" Sophie asked, getting worried again.
"No…" Will replied shortly before turning his back on Sophie and walking through the ward doors and out of the front of the hospital.
When he arrived at work he was hauled into Gina's office even before he had a chance to put his uniform on. He sat opposite Gina and twiddled his thumbs as they just sat and looked at each other for a few minutes.
"Is…is she okay?" Gina asked eventually, unwillingly letting her voice crack and show her concern for the PC who had recently been causing her so much trouble.
"Um physically yeah she's on the mend but…but she hasn't said a word yet. It's not like her to keep it all in…she used to confide in me but she wouldn't even say hi to me this morning. I'm worried about her Gina…really worried about her." Will murmured, a tear or two dripping down his cheeks.
Gina got to her feet and rested a hand comfortingly on the side of his face. "Hey, look at me. She'll be just fine, don't you worry about it." She said with as much compassion as she could muster.
Will smiled at Gina and left the office feeling considerably happier. He bumped into Sally as she was coming the other way and was concentration on balancing a stack of files. They collided but before the folders could leave her hands, Will had grabbed them and only handed half the pile back to her.
"Oh thanks Will." She said, quite surprised that he was helping her. "How's Emma?" She added, being one of the few people who knew that she'd been rushed into hospital.
"She'll be fine…she just needs to sort out some stuff in her head. Thanks for covering for me yesterday anyway." He replied, smiling over the pile of paper at her.
"Not that it did much good. I heard she noticed anyway and you got in trouble." Sally said worriedly.
"Chill out doll, she understood…anyway you tried and I appreciate it." Will grinned as they reached the Inspector's office. Once he'd deposited the stash of files on the desk and clapped Sally on the shoulder he left the room and headed off to catch up on paperwork.
Sally and Gina began work on their assault case but half way through the morning they received a call saying that the victim had regained consciousness so they traipsed off to the hospital. As she was letting Sally lead the interview, Gina let her mind wander and no matter how much she tried to refocus on something else, Will's worried words about Emma kept passing through her head.
"Err Sally I think you've got things under control here. I have something else to follow up here…I'll radio for Tony to come and pick you up in 15 minutes." Gina said.
She walked down the ward and through a set of double doors until she reached Emma's room. Gina stopped short as she saw a nurse was tending to Emma. When the drip in her arm had been refilled and her bandages changed, Gina entered the room to see the motherly-looking nurse Adele sitting on the edge of the bed stroking back Emma's fringe.
"You really should speak to somebody honey. Keeping it all inside can't be doing you any good. What about that nice boy who came to see you earlier? Couldn't you tell him?" Adele asked Emma gently who shook her head and let a tear slip down her cheek in reply.
Adele just nodded and sighed, giving Gina a smile as she walked past her and out of the room. Emma refused to acknowledge that Gina was even in the room. She turned over and huddled down under the sheets.
"She's right Emma. Pushing away everyone who loves and cares about you will do no good whatsoever." Gina said irritably. Another tear trickled down Emma's pale cheek and Gina's tone softened as Emma turned to face her and saw Emma's sore eyes and tearstained face. Sitting down on the end of the bed she patted Emma's feet comfortingly. "Why did you do it?" She asked, just like Will had earlier that day.
Emma bit down hair on her lip and frowned as she considered her answer. Several minutes later her eyes reconnected with Gina's. "Everything just…just got to me. I…I'd been feeling like it for a while but it reached breaking point last night." Emma said in what was barely a whisper.
"What's been getting you so down?" Gina asked in the same neutral tone.
"I…I think it started when Honey died…I mean she is…was my best friend. How do you get over something like that? And…and then Matt started controlling me and hitting me until I ended up in custody. Wh…when I came back to work it was like people were avoiding me…nobody wanted to come near me in case I broke down or something. I couldn't be the same person I used to be so I tried to be harder…and…and then everybody thought I'd shout at them the whole time. I…I just wanted someone to talk to…someone to give me a cuddle…" Emma said tearfully. "And…and you hate me so bad that I don't want to come to work any more."
Gina shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She had no idea that so much had been affecting Emma. "I don't hate you Emma…I just get angry when you don't do what you're told, or show up late. Since you split up with Matt your police work has suffered and I thought if I just tried to toughen you up and shake it out of you then you'd be back to normal in no time. I'm sorry if I've caused you so much upset…I really didn't mean to." She said in defeat.
"It's not your fault…I…I thought you blamed me for…for Billy dying." Emma replied, tears sparkling in her eyes.
"Billy? No of course not…I was maybe a little harsh with you at the scene…Nikki and Sally were in no fit state…I didn't know my questioning would hurt you. I didn't you you'd been affected by his death. I'm sorry Emma, really I am." Gina said.
"No you shouldn't be sorry it was my fault, my problem. I never should have made that bullying accusation against you. You were only doing your job." Emma said, still tearful.
"Oh come here you softie." Gina replied putting out her arms and to her surprise Emma fell gratefully into them. When they broke apart Emma sniffed and smiled at her.
"You know what…when HR said no action would be taken I was happy. I didn't want to go through with it but Heaton said he had no choice. Can we put it behind us?" Emma asked hesitantly.
"Of course we can. Now you take care of yourself Emma. I might pop in tomorrow if you're still here." Gina replied, smiling at Emma from the door.
Emma grinned back and snuggled down into her pillows. For the first time in months she fell into a deep sleep with a smile plastered across her face.