Sleep did not come easily to Hermione that night, her mind plaguing her with memories. Her nightmare started as they always did, in the drawing room of Malfoy manor. The coldness of the room never failed to surprise her, as if the design was made to reflect the pain she endured there. Wild black curls distorted her vision, blocking what little light there was. A thick curtain of hair fell in front of her eyes as the knife dug in.
Every single second of this carving was excruciating, and her voice ripped out screams that she had no control over. It was visceral, the pain, something that her brain couldn't even fathom. She'd endured the extent of magic's pain, having been crucioed by the mad woman; but this was worse, this was torture. Her own screams faded out of her ear as it was replaced by the joyous giggles of her torturer. When Bellatrix pulled away, and Hermione looked into her eyes, the woman's face was burned into her memories. Where there should have been a sign of humanity, Bellatrix's eyes only held hatred.
She was woken from her nightmare by arms holding her tightly. "You're okay Hermione. You're okay." The voice seemed distant, even though Hermione could feel that it was close. Her eyes flurried open as the moonlight glinted against Ginny's red hair. She sat up, tears overwhelming her as she leaned into Ginny's embrace. Ginny pulled her closer, stroking Hermione's hair to soothe her. This was not the first time that Hermione had had these nightmares, and it likely wouldn't be the last.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Ginny asked after Hermione's breathing had returned to normal and her tears had dried. The curly haired witch shook her head, not looking up to meet her gaze. She was tired of talking about it, and she was tired of thinking about it. Maybe it would be best if she could just forget. McGonagall's voice from their meeting echoed in her mind, 'Don't think that if you forgive you have to forget.'
Her lips turned into a scowl. How could she do one and not the other; how could she forgive and not forget. Ginny broke her out of her own thoughts, moving away from Hermione so she could look at her. "You can't go on like this. Its going to keep happening as long as you keep it locked inside. You…what you and Harry and Ron went through, I know that I can only imagine it, but you have to deal with this festering mental wound, or it will destroy you." Ginny had a fire behind her eyes that was half concern and half exasperation. Like her nightmares, this was not the first time Ginny had told her this.
Resigning, Hermione sat up, crossing her legs to sit facing Ginny. "I need to tell you something, but you can't interrupt. No matter what happens, you have to just let me think out loud. You're right…" She conceded, looking sheepishly away so as not to give away her hesitance. "I'm not doing myself any good keeping it in."
Ginny nodded curtly, leaning back against one of the posters of the bed and looking expectantly at the witch in front of her. After a deep breath, Hermione launched into a brief summary of her conversation with McGonagall, leaving out the deal Malfoy had made to avoid Azkaban. Minerva had trusted her with this information, and she would not betray the woman's confidence. It took only a minute or so and Ginny, true to her word, did not interrupt. Hermione could feel Ginny's eyes on her, studying her carefully before responding.
"I hate the ferret as much as anyone else. Maybe even more so, but putting my own feelings aside, I still don't think this is a good idea. He had power once and look what we have to show for it. A death eater with a Dark Mark walking around Hogwarts like his family…like all those Slytherin's families didn't try to kill us all." She took a long breath, looking out the window to the left of the bed. "That boy and his father and their master have cost me a brother, cost Harry nearly every person in his life, and if I had my justice, they would have all been given the kiss."
Hermione was taken aback by the cruel tone of Ginny's voice. Sometimes she forgot that Ginny was no longer the little girl who had followed Harry around like a puppy, she had experienced the war just like Hermione had, and she had lost too much. She reached out instinctively to grab Ginny's hand, watching as her body language became less guarded and rigid.
"You're right." Hermione spoke softly, her words leaving her throat like a whisper. "But…" She hesitated, biting her lip. There was this ball in her stomach, urging her to defend him, and she shoved it away. Malfoy, of all people, did not deserve her defense.
"But?" Ginny spat, a venom in her voice that she normally reserved for enemies and rival quidditch teams.
"No." Hermione amended, "No but. You're right. I'd be a fool to agree to this." She buried her head in her hands, trying to rub the bad memories from her eyes like sleep.
"Unless…" Ginny began, a mischievous smirk painting its way onto her face. "Oh Hermione its perfect!" She jumped up, the curly-haired witch staring at her in confusion. Her wide eyes followed the girl as she began pacing the length of the bed.
"What's perfect? Ginny you know I don't like it when you get that look. It almost always means you have a scheme planned." Hermione crossed her arms, frowning at the girl pacing in front of her.
"If Malfoy becomes a prefect, then you can keep an eye on him and make sure he's not up to something. He never leaves the Slytherin common room between lessons, and who knows what that brigade of pureblood bigots is planning. He'll have to patrol and go to meetings outside, where we can see him. It's brilliant!" Ginny's smile was genuine, but Hermione felt that knot in her stomach grow. She couldn't be sure Malfoy wasn't up to something, but that stupid urge kept rising to defend him. She swallowed it back down again, mulling over Ginny's idea.
Certainly, Hermione had been in more dangerous situations than spying on Malfoy, but guilt plagued her mind. On the one hand, if he wasn't up to anything, then all the spying would've served to do was waste her time. On the other, if he was up to something then she could uncover his plot and stop it. It really was a brilliant idea.
"Ginny that's brilliant!" She awarded, watching Ginny's chest inflate with pride. She was grateful at once that she and Ginny had been given a dorm to themselves. Sometimes she felt that it was too empty, but she considered that it was moments like this that had inclined McGonagall to allow it. They didn't have enough students for all the beds anyway.
"I am rather brilliant, aren't I?" Ginny remarked rhetorically, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep, or do you want me to stay with you?" She asked, watching Hermione chew on her lip.
"Stay…please." She whispered, her eyes wide and full of pain. She hated feeling weak, but Ginny had seen her at her worst, and she was always there for her. Ginny nodded, pulling back the covers and squirming in, as Hermione did the same. Sleep was always easier when someone else was there. Ron had served that purpose for a while, as had Harry during the war, and she was eternally grateful that Ginny was willing to do it now. But her heart sank as she realized how reliant she was on her friend. The uneasiness of her mind soon faded as she drifted off into a dream-less sleep.
The Next Morning -
Hermione stirred when the light of the sun touched her face, stretching and yawning. Opening her eyes, she noticed that there was empty space where Ginny had been. Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione noticed a note left on her bedside table.
H.
Had an early quidditch practice, didn't want to wake you. I might be late to breakfast, save me a croissant?
G.
She couldn't say what surprised her more, that Ginny had willingly woken up early in the morning, or that she was skipping breakfast to do so. The girl was really throwing herself completely into the sport, and while she didn't understand everyone's fascination with the dangerous pastime, she did admire Ginny for her dedication.
Getting up, Hermione let the sun hit her face, basking in the light for a moment before gathering her robes. Crookshanks purred as she reached out and pet his ginger mane. He was the one thing that she had that felt like home. Her fingers dove into his fur, rooting her to the earth for a moment. He nuzzled up at her touch, arching his back into her hand. She dressed quickly, organizing her textbooks, scrolls of parchment, quills and ink into her extended bag. She technically wasn't allowed to have it, but no professors had thus far taken to caring for technicalities.
She glanced in the mirror in the room, groaning as she caught sight of her hair. Whenever it was raining, it seemed to grow a mind of its own; which was a terrible quality to have in Scotland. Luckily, Ginny had been working with her on her beauty charms, and after a few tries, she had gotten her poof down to a cute crown braid. It was best to leave it up when it was raining, and the humidity in the potions room always made it worse.
When her thoughts drifted to potions, she was met with the knot in her stomach that was growing ever-present. Ginny had been right to suggest espionage, but it didn't mean that Hermione ever got used to the means to her ends. The common room was rather empty when she descended the stairs, finding only a scattering of third years, a few fourth years playing Chess, and Neville who looked as though he'd been up for hours.
"Good morning Neville." She greeted, peering down at the parchment he was busily scribbling on. "Is that the transfiguration essay? I would've thought you'd have finished that last week."
He responded, without looking up at her, "I got caught up with a herbology experiment and I completely forgot it was due." Hermione frowned as her friend struggled, knowing there was nothing she could do to help at this point; he had been nearly done.
"Okay well how much longer do you have? I'll wait for you so we can walk to the Great Hall together." Neville just shook his head, not turning away from his paper.
"I don't know how much longer I'll be, so just head down without me." Since he hadn't been looking at her, he didn't catch the disappointment in her eyes. She offered a quick goodbye and wandered out of the common room. The castle was empty, silence filling the space that chatter and laughter would have once filled the hallways. Hermione never liked walking alone in the mornings, often her mind was too open, too vulnerable to her more depressing thoughts.
When she arrived at the Great Hall, the chatter returned, not as loud as it once was, but loud enough to calm Hermione's qualms. The Gryffindor table was pretty sparse, and those who did sit there she didn't know too well. She sat close to the middle, pulling out her Potions book for some review while she ate her breakfast. They were working on a relatively difficult healing potion in class, and she wanted to study the instructions a few more times before the afternoon sessions.
Hermione was alerted to Ginny's presence, not by her sight, but by her hearing. One of Ginny's less endearing qualities was one she shared with her siblings, being incredibly loud when it was completely unnecessary. With Ginny's return, so followed the rest of the Quidditch team which brought some sense of warmth and fullness to their table. Hermione no longer felt alone, and she couldn't help but let out a breath of relief.
"I'm just saying, if we want the cup then we're going to have to find a new keeper. I'm already playing seeker rather than chaser because Flynn didn't come back this year. Lord knows Harry was the only real seeker we had and he's also not here. We can't have our best beater playing keeper against Ravenclaw." Ginny's cheeks were turning red as they often did when she was ranting about something, she was passionate about.
A quiet fifth year Hermione didn't recognize frowned but nodded. "I know, but who would even try out? We'll probably have to open it up to first years. Ugh… anyway I'll make some flyers up. Say Thursday for tryouts?" Ginny nodded, doing some sort of convoluted handshake with the girl before sitting down next to Hermione.
Ginny had only been sitting for a fraction of a minute before she was digging in to the buffet. She downed a plate of eggs and some bacon before coming up for air. Hermione pushed the small plate she had grabbed with a croissant on it towards the red-head. "You asked me to save you one." She offered, earning an appreciative gaze from her.
"Practice was so crazy this morning." Ginny stated, returning her attention to the food in front of her. Hermione was suddenly glad she had already eaten because whenever Ginny ate like this it always made her feel nauseous.
"Do you know Deela? She's a fourth year, short black hair. Her hair kinda reminds me of Harry's actually." Ginny added thoughtfully, a brief flash of longing shining in her eyes before she shook her head, focusing back on her description. "Anyway, she got hurt this morning by a rogue bludger. Now I need a new beater. If I had known being captain would be this annoying, I never would have agreed." Hermione just raised her eyebrows in response, knowing full well that Ginny wouldn't have turned down being captain for all the Galleons in Gringotts.
"Okay so that's a lie, but it still shouldn't be this stressful." The red-head pouted and sunk back, picking at a pastry she had been eating.
"It's just, this was supposed to be my year. My life is not in imminent danger anymore, and I really wanted to have an amazing seventh year. The Harpies will never draft me if we lose the Cup." Her misery was infectious, and Hermione soon found herself frowning as well. As much as she was unhappy about how her year was shaping up, she felt awful for Ginny. It wasn't fair that the lack of returning students was bringing down Ginny's hopes of a Quidditch Cup.
"Well you know, there's always Cormac." Hermione offered, watching a smile slowly break across Ginny's face. Cormac turned at the sound of his name but didn't put together that Hermione had been the one to say it. Both girls started laughing after he returned to his breakfast, muttering into his oatmeal.
"The worst part is he's not even a good enough player to be as cocky as he is. I hate to say it though, if he shows up at tryouts, I might have to offer him the spot." With that, Ginny and Hermione sat in content silence for a few minutes, allowing Ginny to finish eating her seemingly endless plates of breakfast.
During these few quiet moments, Hermione found her eyes wandering, noticing for the first time that Malfoy had come into the room. He sat by himself, seeming purposely distant from Pansy, Theo and Blaise who sat several feet away. She couldn't help but wonder why. He was staring off into the distance, a blank expression plastered on his face. It frustrated her to no end that she could never tell what he was thinking. She was pulled from her observations by the screech of an owl as it dropped a rolled-up newspaper onto the table next to Ginny.
"Ooo today's prophet." A few students looked over, readying themselves for the game.
"Alright place your bets." Ginny started, roving her gaze over those near her.
"15 sickles on them saying you're pregnant." One offered.
"I'll add ten to that on twins." Ginny nodded, pulling out her parchment of bets. It was a game that she had started following the war, which Gryffindor had found a sense of comradery in participating in. Hermione didn't think it was very fun at all, especially considering how many of the headlines had to do with her and Ron.
"I'll put 25 down on that Hermione and Ron are engaged." She heard a voice add, snapping her head to look at the approaching Neville.
"You are dead to me Longbottom." Hermione responded, pouting. Neville just knocked his shoulder into hers, prompting her to scoot over.
"Sorry 'Mione, but it's the next natural step from last month's report that you are moving in together." He grabbed a piece of toast, spreading some jam on it and taking a bite. She scowled as he reminded her. It wasn't exactly surprising that the Daily Prophet had gotten pictures of her and Harry helping Ron into the apartment above Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, but it was annoying that they somehow didn't think to include any pictures of Harry.
"You're absolutely right Neville." Ginny cooed, holding up the society page to find a full spread about the proposal. A few students let out groans of disappointment as Neville gathered his winnings. Hermione snatched the paper, groaning as her face began to heat. She only had herself to blame, having refused to act differently around Ron after they had broken up. Apparently, him being one of her best friends was impossible without dating him.
"I for one and happy for the distraction from me and my fictional children. I hope there are no reporters around after this meal. It'll certainly look like I'm pregnant." Ginny sighed contentedly, rubbing her stomach. This earned her a few laughs from her peers, and she looked pleased.
"Well I for one am not happy. Ronald and I are friends and claiming we're anything more is derivative and hurtful. Imagine how awful it would be if we had a messy breakup and this garbage was being printed." Her lecture fell on deaf ears, as Ginny waved her concerns away.
"Anyone who matters knows its not true. I'm the one with an actual engagement on the horizon, and honestly, I'm grateful they're focusing on you. I know it sucks, but you and Ron are doing me and Harry a real favor by absorbing most of the gossip." Ginny took Hermione's hand, squeezing it tightly until Hermione cracked a smile. The red-head used her best puppy dog eyes, and the curly-haired girl sighed.
"You know that I can't disagree with you when you look at me like that and it is wholly unfair." Ginny held back a smirk, standing and gathering her things. "Alright folks, I'm off to charms. 'Mione, can you help me with my essay tonight?"
"Sorry Gin, I've got rounds tonight. Tomorrow during the free block?" She countered. Her prefect's rounds were one of her few obligations, but she always found herself dreading it.
"Okay, tomorrow then." She cheered as she bounded out of the hall. Hermione chuckled after her, putting her potions book back in her bag and finishing her almost cold cup of tea. She eyed Neville who was finishing up a piece of bacon and he nodded, standing up with her. The two headed towards Transfiguration, chatting about Neville's herbology experiment he was doing with Professor Sprout.
The transfiguration classroom was pretty empty when they arrived, only a few Hufflepuffs having come early. They did still have about five minutes to the start of class, so more students would start filling in. Hermione took this opportunity to talk to Professor McGonagall. The old woman was wearing a blueish grey set of robes, her hair pulled back into her tight signature bun.
"Ah Ms. Granger." She greeted, removing her spectacles and letting them hang from their chain around her neck. "Am I to assume this is in relation to my question from the other yesterday?" She asked, knowingly.
"Yes professor. I…Well I've decided that Malfoy should be allowed to be a prefect if you think that's a good decision." The words sounded hollow, but McGonagall didn't press her. She kept her reasons to herself and was relieved when the headmistress didn't press for more.
"Very well." She stated, the corner of her lips turning up into a small smile. "Every day I am even more pleased to see the woman you've become. Your mother would be proud." There was an affection in her voice that caught Hermione in her chest. She hadn't seen her mother in almost two years at this point, and it stung to hear her mentioned, even in the context of pride. She forced a smile, and nodded, returning to her seat next to Neville without another word. The lesson began a minute or so later, and Hermione welcomed the distraction.