Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A million thanks to Project Team Beta that is going to help me along to improve this story. The chapter "Nightmare" is beta-ed now as well. Kudos to Jules and to Kayla Cullen for AGAIN beating the comma and punctuation rules into me. I hope my brain will remember it next time. LOL

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

The other chapters still need to go through the beta-process. Please bear with my English until then, since it is not my first language.

A/N: I'm not exactly following the original timeline. Just so you know.

Chapter 2 - Nightmare

BPOV

It was five months, two weeks, and four days since Edward had left me.

Only five months, two weeks, and four days later I thought of Jake and the kiss we had shared.

I was supposed to wait longer than that for Edward to come back. What would half a year mean to a vampire who had all of eternity? Surely, Edward would soon realize how much he actually loved me and return to me. Would he? I snorted with irritation. Why would Edward want to come back? What was I thinking? He broke up with me because I wasn't good for him.

I had heard Edward's voice again today. Surprisingly it was during the kiss I shared with Jacob, rather than the cliff dive. Usually I only heard Edward's voice when having an adrenaline rush. Maybe sharing a first kiss with your best friend was an adrenaline rush?

Our kiss had been special, and I had not expected to react to Jake so powerfully. Nevertheless, I felt bad. I felt bad and guilty that it had lasted only a brief span to be disloyal to Edward, the love of my life.

I was confused; I felt all the more angry at myself. Why did I let Jake kiss me? I should have stopped it because you just don't kiss your best friend. It wasn't right. He has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. He was always a warm-hearted kid who made me laugh constantly. Now he was grown into a young man with a smile that that warmed me from the inside out and with a body to die for.

How could he fall in love with me anyway? During the last few months he had seen me at my worst. He had tried to put me back together and to bring me out of my depression. He could only do so much, as soon as we separated; I was in the same horrible condition as before.

No. He deserved better than that. I was only using him in some sick twisted way to get over my issues. I was such a bad person. I would risk our friendship if I gave in to this and it ended badly – and it would end badly - because I wasn't the same girl I was before Edward. I was a shell of my former self. Worse – I was a psycho who heard voices in her head. Jake should find himself a girl who was able to love him with all of her heart and soul since I would probably never be able to give him that. He deserved better than me.

I felt a sharp pang in my heart at the thought, and all my insecurities and self-doubts crashed down on me. No, I definitely didn't deserve to be happy with Jake.

I sobbed silently into my pillow. It was damp from tears already, and somehow I wasn't sure what actually made me cry. Was I crying out of old habit, or because I still missed Edward so much, or because of the thought of Jake with another girl? I couldn't tell.

Eventually I fell asleep completely exhausted and started dreaming almost immediately.

I held hands with Jake and he smiled happily at me. At our feet a little boy played with some wooden toys, and when the baby boy looked up at us, I looked into a younger version of Jake. In an instant I was sure that it was our child.

The moment was so peaceful that I wanted it to last forever, even though it was just a dream.

Jake bent down to kiss me, and I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him back. Then, someone walked out of the shadows of the nearby forest. It was Edward with hungry looking, blazing black eyes, and he came stalking towards us.

"I'm here to take back what belongs to me," Edward said, his eyes boring into mine. The strange thing was, I was ready to follow Edward – even though I should just have kicked him in the guts for leaving me alone for all those years, never contacting me once.

Jacob, not willing to let me go, stepped in front of me, trying to shield me from Edward.

"She is MY wife," Jake answered in his strong, deep voice, and he picked our child up, holding him close to his chest. "She chose me. Go away and never come back."

Somehow, Edward managed to get around Jake, practically snatching me out of his arms. I didn't fight. I didn't protest. Within the blink of en eye, I found myself deep in a forest. I was hidden in some cave, Edward kneeling at my side.

"I have missed you so much, my love," he said into my ear, and his velvety voice soothed me so perfectly. Willingly, I let Edward embrace and kiss me, which led into more. I was pinned under Edward and he moved over me in - what I realized - a sexual way, only I felt nothing. In no way did I feel anything close to what I felt for Jake. I had to fight Edward off, tell him to bring me back. But I literally couldn't. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move.

I knew Jacob would be here in no time. I knew he would come and get me back. My expectations were answered when he suddenly hovered over us, forcefully yanking Edward away from me. Jake had a knife in his hand, and with one powerful motion, he pushed the knife up to the hilt into Edward's chest.

I heard myself cry out, "NO! Jake, don't." But it was too late, Edward was dead – I thought vampires couldn't die like this?

"Oh, Jacob, what have you done?" I groaned, feeling despair and fear crashing down on me. Jake's beautiful face contorted in pain as he excruciatingly slowly morphed into a huge black wolf right before my eyes. The transformation was ten times worse than anything I had ever seen in horror movies.

That was the moment when I started my hysterical screams, and I finally woke up. What had me crying? Was it the thought of Edward being killed or that Jake had been in pain when he phased? Or did I scream over my own insanity and weakness? Because – no doubt – it had happened as I refused to take up a position for neither of them.

Even in my dream I had felt the hole in my chest rip open. Pain coursed through me as I felt torn between the two of them. Though I had been sleeping, I knew whatever choice I made – one of them would be hurting, and I was disgusted with myself. How could I cheat on Jake like that?

As I sat in my bed, panting and sweating, the door opened and Charlie slipped into my room, pulling me out of my reverie. "Bella? You okay?" He looked so terribly tired. Again, I had disturbed his sleep with my nightmares. Seeing him like that didn't make me feel any better either.

"I'm so sorry, Dad. I didn't want to wake you up," I said groggily, trying to decipher the dream.

"Don't worry about ME, Bells." Charlie sat down on my bed, and in a sudden sign of affection, he ruffled my hair. "When will your nightmares finally stop?" he asked. With a sad expression on his face he suggested, "Maybe you would feel better if you talked to a professional?"

I startled. "No way, Dad."

"Well, I'm not saying you're crazy or anything," Charlie said, trying to soothe me. "I'm only trying to help you, Bells." He rubbed tiredly over his eyes. "Each night I wake up from your yelling, and I don't think it is normal to have such frightening dreams over months."

I ran my hands through my hair. "I definitely won't talk to a professional, Dad. I don't want to talk to anybody," I said exasperatedly.

"Bells, it's been months since he left you. Eventually you should get better," Charlie insisted. "It's not normal behaving like that."

I gritted my teeth. It wasn't fun hearing your parent talk to you as if you were crazy in the head. I wanted to convince him of my sanity. "This dream was different. I dreamt of Jake." I wished he would leave me alone again.

"Jake? Why would you be screaming then? Have you been fighting?" Charlie sounded so concerned. I sighed in silent frustration.

"No. Well, not exactly," I groaned. I wanted this conversation to end.

"Okay, Bells, if you need someone to talk to you know where to find me." Charlie patted my head which he didn't do very often. He wasn't the affectionate kind of father and showing me his affection twice in the course of a few minutes, made the gesture even more touching.

I mumbled, "Sure…"

Charlie left my room, and I could finally think alone. Dawn was breaking, so he was now getting ready for a new day at work after having another disturbed sleep. I knew he was worried sick over my mental condition. My strange behaviour clearly had to end before he would drag me to a psychiatrist. I had to try harder; I had to be more convincing that I was okay.

I was dead tired. I pulled the comforter over my head and tried to sleep for another hour or two. But the memories of my dream echoed in my head and didn't let me rest. The one thing that had been so unbearable was seeing Jacob in pain. Why had it been agonizing for Jake when phasing actually didn't cause any pain? The other thing I couldn't explain; why would Jake phase into a black wolf and not into his russet coloured form?

Remembering the dream was almost as horrifying as if dreaming it. Once again I dreamt the strangest dream involving Edward. Pondering over the dream only led to the already familiar questions; why had he left? Why didn't he love me anymore? Why was I still hurting? It really nagged my confidence when he told me I wasn't good for him.

The pillow muffled my sobs so Charlie wouldn't hear me crying. I cried until I was so exhausted that I had no more tears to shed. My eyes were sore and the tender skin underneath hurt. I stayed in bed, staring up at the ceiling. An hour later I heard Charlie leaving the house. I got up, took a shower, and went into the kitchen. I tried to eat some cereal, but my stomach churned and twisted. There was a rollercoaster of emotions spiralling through my head. Was it wrong to move on? Did I want to be more than friends with Jacob already?

My thoughts were coming full circle, and I was no wiser than before. How could I be Jake's girlfriend when I still stuck to my lost love? Was it even appropriate to think about being more than best friends with Jake? He deserved better then to function as a replacement. That's what I saw in him wasn't it? Or had I fallen in love with Jacob?

It was easy to be fond of him. His warm and easy-going nature made me feel better constantly. He was my light. He was my sun. But was this love? I loved Jacob as best friend - about that I was absolutely sure - and I had enjoyed his kiss yesterday, very much indeed.

Did it make sense to wait, and wait, and wait for Edward to come back to me? Let's say - just hypothetically speaking - that Edward had lied the day he left and that he actually still loved me, wouldn't he have called or come back a long time ago? But he didn't come back, which meant he didn't love me. What was I waiting for?

Edward's friggin' "you are my life now" thing hadn't been true at all. Or maybe my human frailty had annoyed him in the end and he had just lost interest in me. What did I know? Edward had told me himself: vampires got easily distracted and would lose interest again sooner or later. What did time mean for a vampire after all?

Suddenly I was gasping for air as my chest constricted and my stomach heaved. I made it to the sink, disgorging the little I had in my stomach. My head was swirling, my heart pumping furiously. With shaking hands I cleaned the sink, and after having rinsed my mouth I sank down to the floor.

It was as if all the thoughts about Edward opened the gate to thoroughly hidden memories. I started hyperventilating when all the memories crashed down on me. I was anxious, panicky even. I was breaking down and nobody would be here.

I grabbed the phone and dialled Jacob. When he answered, I franticly stammered just two words: "Come. Jake!"

~*~

I regained consciousness when I was lifted by two strong and overly warm arms. I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck feeling safe and grounded again. Still, I didn't stop crying for a long time. Eventually he coaxed me out of my depression, handing me a tissue from my night stand.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I don't know what came over me," I apologized, still sobbing. I felt bad because I was using him again.

"Why did you call me?" Jake wanted to know, looking at me very concerned.

I answered honestly, "I didn't want to be alone." I was suddenly all too aware of his presence and it confused me. I hopped up from his lap and went to my window, staring out into the garden. From the corner of my eye I watched Jacob stretch his huge body. I saw the muscles move under his smooth russet skin. I groaned inside. How could a girl stay calm when she was close to such eye-candy?

I was embarrassed, mostly because of my break-down, and that I didn't know better than to call Jacob. But it proved once more how much I needed him and how important he was to me. He had given me comfort and solace in his own way. I felt better as soon as he came and took me in his arms.

"I know you have the hots for me," Jacob said suddenly with a huge grin on his face. He had caught me staring at him, and I was annoyed with myself.

I sucked in a deep breath and shook my head.

"You're delusional, Jacob. You're just my best friend," I tried to clarify, but even in my ears it sounded lame. Jake stood up and walked over to me. Putting a finger under my chin, he lifted my head so we could look into each others eyes.

"I'm attractive to you. Don't deceive yourself." He was so sure about himself, so confident.

I wished I could have such confidence. I stepped back, avoiding looking at him any longer.

"I don't know… Jake, I don't know if I am ready to fall in love again."

Jake trapped my face between his hands. I had no chance to back away. "I can wait," he answered serenely.

"You don't understand, Jake…" I snapped angrily. Why would he act so cocky?

Jacob raised an eyebrow in response to my harsh words. "Enlighten me. I want to understand."

I bit my lip, expecting him to become upset or to step back and let me go, but he didn't. He stayed calm and serene, his overly warm and large hands framing my face, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones.

"I can't imagine loving you as much as I love Edward," I pressed through my gritted teeth. There, I had said it out loud. What would he do? What could he possibly say to that? I bit on my lip pretty hard.

Jacob moved one of his hands lower, cupping my chin. With his thumb, he tapped the lip I was biting, and I let it go.

"See, Bells," he said in his warm and husky voice. "I'm here. He is not. I can fight for you. He can't. I've got a pretty good chance to convince you that I'm just the one for you. Don't you see?" He smirked at me and stepped back dropping his hands to his side.

"Ah, Jacob…" I sighed.

Jake sat down on my bed again and opened his arms in an inviting gesture. "Just love me as much as you can. I know you love me. You love me a lot more than you admit to yourself. I am sure that's a good base to start at."

Where did he get hat damned confidence from?

"Jake¾" A big lump formed in my throat. Could I tell him? Should I tell him everything that was going on inside me?

"Well, maybe I'm a little attracted to you. Maybe I'm even in love with you," I confessed honestly. I was surprised at my courage, but as soon as the words escaped my lips I regretted them. They would only feed his hope and needlessly complicate the matter. I quickly added, "But I don't know for sure…"

A huge grin spread over his face. "I told you so!"

"No, Jake, wait." I crossed my room and closed the little distance between us. I stared in his eyes and he looked back in anticipation. If he saw in which condition I really was, he would leave it at that and understand that I wasn't the right kind of girlfriend for him.

"I'm pretty messed up, Jake. I cling to Edward like an addict. I'm afraid that I will never get over him," I admitted quietly. "I'm afraid that I would drop you right in the very minute Edward comes back." I was so embarrassed I couldn't even look into Jacob's eyes - but he would finally understand and hopefully keep his hands off me.

But Jake surprised me again, saying, "I wouldn't let you go, Bells. I would fight for you!"

I felt the blood drain from my face. Fight? That's just what he did in my dream and I couldn't have anything like that to happen for real. I was frustrated, and I clenched my teeth. He was so in love with me, but what could I give him back? He deserved better than being second best.

"Bells, just give us a chance. I won't push you into anything you don't want to do. I promise," Jacob said. He caressed my wrists with his fingers, causing me to shudder.

I pulled my hands back. "I have to think about it, Jacob."

"I'll be right here waiting for you," he said, smiling at me.

We still stood in a very close proximity, and it seemed as if neither of us wanted to be the first to step away. Finally Jacob shrugged his shoulders, asking, "So, what's on the agenda for today? Cliff diving? Motorcycling? Whatever floats your boat, Bells, count me in."