The Master in the TARDIS

by Silarcta

The Doctor convinces the Master to travel the stars with him and it really doesn't turn out all that well, except in the ways they never expected. Spoilers: Doctor Who, BBC Sherlock and Torchwood. Mature content. Features several Doctor incarnations.

3. The Rebel Master

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed the story so far! You keep me writing and I hope you will enjoy yourselves and keep on commenting. This chapter contains spoilers for Doctor Who Season 6.

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The Rebel Master

Earth, Utah, 21st century. A bus stopped at the side of a mostly deserted road to let off a couple of Ponds who were seeing the Doctor again for the first time in months. The Doctor was all too happy to greet them with tight hugs. Chatter was had and questions about the Doctor's new hat were posed.

"I wear a Stetson now. Stetsons are—"

That was all the Doctor managed to say before someone leapt onto his back and latched on like a koala clinging to the one branch preventing it from plummeting into a bottomless abyss below. A week turned out to be a lot for the Master, and the Master turned out to be a lot for the Doctor. He fell over facedown with the Master sitting on his back.

"Fancy seeing you again," the Doctor grunted. "Should I be touched that you missed me?"

"Don't make presumptions." The Master took the Doctor's hat and put it on his own head. It clashed wonderfully with his black suit and gloves. He'd even found a black coat with red lining like the one he had as Prime Minister. He bloody loved that coat. "Hello Ponds."

The point wasn't that the hat suited him. Stealing it from the Doctor was his way of showing affection. It was in fact quite the joyous reunion between the four. While he would never admit to it, the Master didn't mind seeing Amy and Rory again.

After playfully tormenting the Doctor and eliciting a few laughs from the Ponds, the Master allowed the Doctor to get back up. They dusted themselves off and faced each other, both genuinely happy. This was a phenomenon to be celebrated. On the other hand, there was something in the Doctor's eyes that threw the Master off. Remorse, secrecy, regret and worse of all...

"Egh. You are old," the Master accused. "How long has it been? We said we would meet up in a week."

"Time flies, you know how it is," the Doctor said and cleared his throat. "Time travel can be so distracting and there's always someone in need of rescuing or whatnot. Surely a couple of centuries more aren't enough to put you off. It's good to see you again," he rambled. He made sure to shut the disgruntled Master up with a kiss before any complaints could be had.

Gunfire interrupted the kiss. River greeted them all by shooting the hat off the Master's head.

"Hello Sweetie," she said, smirking at the Doctor.

"River!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"You're happy to see her," the Master complained, stroking over his hair to make sure it hadn't gotten singed. "Why is she here? Why did you invite her? She shot my hat."

"Oh. It's you," River remarked after bothering to check who the Doctor had been snogging.

"Flattering as always." The Master stuck his tongue out at her.

Once they had all moved to a nearby diner, it was only a matter of syncing their diaries. Seeing that the Doctor and River both had theirs, the Master had insisted upon wanting one as well. His also had the TARDIS pattern, but in red. The Doctor despised it. However, he had been assured that the Master only wanted the journal for keeping a close eye on their interactions with River; not just taunt to him. He wasn't just a troublemaker, he was also jealous.

The Doctor promised them a trip to space in 1969, but somehow it turned out to be a picnic on a beach in 2011. The others were wondering what the Doctor was up to, but the Master really didn't mind. He was more entertained by the Doctor's failed attempt at drinking wine than he was by the idea of humanity's poor attempts at space exploration.

"He is always the one to get drunk first," the Master laughed at him. Despite the company, he was in a good mood. The Doctor was, for once, able to sit down and just talk with them all. It was nice. The Master didn't care for having River around, but the Doctor was particularly attentive to him. He'd insisted on having the Master sitting leaned back against his chest. The Master pretended to be disgruntled, but how could he honestly be?

"Without you, though, the Doctor probably wouldn't need to drink at all," Amy remarked. It was all in good humour.

"Almost two hundred years, though. What were you doing all that time?" the Master asked. He was sagging against the Doctor's chest, making himself comfortable and drinking right from the bottle that the Doctor had given up on.

"You didn't notice me?" the Doctor asked with the sound of a puppy that had just been kicked.

"We saw you," Rory assured. "You've been causing trouble all through history."

"Without me," the Master huffed.

"Now, you always cause enough trouble on your own," the Doctor chided. "And not the fun kind."

A car stopped nearby and caughtthe Doctor's attention. A man stepped out and waved. The Doctor untangled himself from the Master. Slowly he got up and waved back.

"You invited yet another one of your sheep?" the Master asked. They were all getting up, now, and he looked at the Doctor, annoyed that everyone was so bent on ruining everything.

"Don't feel bad," the Doctor said. "You are my favourite sheep," he promised. He was far too serious when he said it, even more so when he kissed the Master as an extra assurance.

"Oh my God."

River had caught sight of something down in the water. They all turned to look. Someone in an astronaut suit was knee-high in water, facing them.

"You all need to stay back," the Doctor said. "Whatever happens, you do not interfere. That goes for you as well, Master."

The Doctor headed towards the astronaut. The Master crossed his arms and grumbled something about the Doctor going off without him again already. The Doctor never told him anything.

Then it happened, what he'd never thought would happen, what he hadn't been capable of himself and what he'd come to dread.

The astronaut shot the Doctor down and then shot him again. They cried out. River and Rory grabbed onto Amy and held her from running towards the Doctor but the Master ran for it and groped for his screwdriver.

The Doctor was staggering back, glowing with regeneration energy already. He held his hand out and yelled for the Master to stay back, that he was sorry.

The astronaut fired again. The Doctor collapsed and the glow of regeneration died away. Now they were all running for the Doctor and the Master was the first to get down at his side.

It had happened. The Doctor was dead. Not a moment passed after this conclusion was reached before River and the Master both were shooting after the astronaut that was vanishing into the water. The Master waded out in the water with an enraged cry, his aim completely off because he was shaking with fury and a lot of other things that he refused to acknowledge.

Between the astronaut vanishing and the next event, there was a sort of vacuum. Amy was on the ground crying and River was choking up. The Master was just numb.

"It's not possible. It can't be him. It must be a clone or a duplicate or something," Amy sobbed.

The Master knew it wasn't; he'd felt the presence of an actual Time Lord. He also knew that this was a fixed point in time, but none of that was of any importance because the Doctor couldn't be dead. Surely all of existence would collapse without the Doctor.

"I'll save you some time by saying that's most definitely him, and he's most definitely dead."

It was the man that the Doctor had been waving at before. He set a can of gasoline down.

"He said you'd be needing this."

The Master was ready to attack the man just for the implication that the Doctor needed a funeral. It was River who stopped him.

"You of all should know." She sniffed, trying to pull herself together. "We can't leave him here. There are people who would rip the world apart to get hold of his body."

Amy was clinging onto the Doctor's body, crying still.

"For once, if the Doctor had any good influence on you at all, do like the rest of the Doctor's friends; as you're told," River said to the Master.

"I am not his friend," the Master spat. He was not one of these brainless admirers and he refused to accept this. He turned right around, stormed off to the nearest rock and sat down with a mind not to move should the Earth so crash into the Sun.

The others were aghast with him. Fighting with their own grief, they turned back to the Doctor's body.

"There's a boat over there," Rory informed, head down. "If we're going to do this, let's do it properly."

They fetched the boat and laid the Doctor's body out, all while the Master watched from where he was sitting. By the time everything was ready, it had gotten dark. He'd had enough time for his mind to become one jumbled mess of doubt, anger and grief, and he could stand it no longer.

The others halted their actions as they saw him striding towards them. He grabbed the can of gasoline from River without looking at her and had one last, bitter look at the Doctor. No one protested as he took over the horrible task of dunking the body in gasoline.

With fury in every action, he emptied the can before he sank to his knees next to the boat and threw the can away with force. His face was buried in his arms. He was no better off than any of them.

Like the Doctor had once burned his body, it was only right that he did it in return. But he shouldn't have had to. Never. There was nothing, now. Ironic, how the Doctor had made him notice the wonders of the universe, yet with him gone there was nothing left in the universe at all.

Amy hugged him. The hug was like a final testament to how bad the situation was.

It took time before the Master managed to get up. They lit the fire together. Rory and the Master pushed the burning boat off from the shore. Soaked, they remained standing on the beach until Rory went off to comfort Amy.

The others were talking to the man. Canton Delaware or something. The Master wasn't listening. His eyes were on the burning boat and his mind was racing. He'd been resurrected, twice. Always he found a way to cheat death and he would think of some way to have the Doctor back.

They returned to the diner. He was too numb to notice them leaving the beach and Rory and River were chattering on about the envelopes. Something caught his attention and tore him out of his trance.

"Hey!" Scowling, he looked at the envelopes marked with the numbers three and two. "How come I am number five?"

He was ignored. They had spotted the final envelope lying on a table and were all rushing to it.

"Number one. Who did the Doctor trust the most?" River asked.

In retrospect, the Master could understand the Doctor not trusting him. Surely they had other, stronger bonds than trust. He could still be first priority. Well, he'd surely been first priority.

Then the Doctor walked in. The eleventh incarnation, with that same horrible jacket and the bowtie, and the Master, River and the Ponds received their worst metaphorical kick in the face as of yet.

"Hold me back. I'm going to kill him," the Master snarled only to be grabbed by River and Rory. Amy went up to the Doctor, shocked.

"You're okay."

"Of course I'm okay. I'm always okay, I'm the King of Okay," he said, hugging her as she did appear a little upset to him. "Wait, that's a terrible title. Scratch that. Rory! Master, look at you, being around others without someone's head getting torn off. I couldn't have been more proud. And River. What sort of trouble have you for me this time?"

The Master would have smacked the Doctor hadn't River gotten there first. The Doctor was surprised.

"I am supposing that's for something I haven't done yet. Ow." He rubbed his cheek. "Looking forward to it."

River was horrified and infuriated, but the Master had a moment to actually think now.

"That bastard is his own most trusted friend," he scowled. "He's younger now. And what is up with you not trusting me?"

River grabbed the Master by his arm and shot him a look. If this indeed was a younger version of the Doctor, they could in no way tell him what had just happened.

"I don't understand what's going on here," Rory muttered.

"I don't. That's not a fanciful change," the Doctor said with a hint of annoyance.

River and the Master exchanged looks.

"We've been recruited," the Master said. "Space something or whatever."

"1969," River supplied. "And someone called Canton Everett Delaware III is involved."

The Doctor looked at them with suspicion.

"Recruited by whom?"

"Spoilers," River told him.

For once, the Master was glad for her annoying tagline.

XXX

It took some convincing to make the Doctor do as they asked. He didn't seem to trust any of them, but Amy swore on a particularly strange kind of food and that seemed to do the trick. The Master wasn't saying anything. He was too angry. They all were, and the Doctor noticed. He couldn't quite understand it.

"I knew you might not be jumping with joy upon seeing me again, but I had expected some sign of affection," the Doctor said. He was sore about the Master's greeting in the diner. "You haven't told me how you enjoyed your holiday, which I am sure I don't want the details about anyway, but you could at least gloat a little and grab my ass."

The Master didn't say anything. Arms crossed over his chest, he was glaring at the Doctor.

"Look, you could have come with me if you wanted, but you weren't interested in doing house-calls with me, now were you? Besides, you've offended or manhandled most of the people I was visiting and I'm sure you had more than enough fun on your own. Judging by the messages you kept sending me on the psychic paper, your mind wasn't exactly troubled. Actually, scratch that, because being in a gutter sort of is troublesome, isn't it? Though this is figuratively speaking. Now, are you going to tell me what is going on or what?"

The Master was still glaring, but had softened somewhat. This blundering idiot was the same man that had dropped him off a week ago. Knowing the Master would cause a lot of people misery, the Doctor had allowed him freedom. It was also the same man who had less than two hundred years to live and the Master would be there to send him off. As a friend.

"Well?" the Doctor asked. He was annoyed at all this secrecy and at the same time anxious about the Master.

"Well what?" the Master asked. He tilted his chin up and narrowed his eyes. "I'm waiting for you to get undressed so we can greet each other properly. I thought you had learned something by now." He tsk'ed.

The Doctor wasn't convinced. Not entirely, but he smiled and patted the Master's cheek.

"How about after 1969, hm? Don't want to upset River."

"I told you before; Cesar, Caligula, Cleopatra. If she only wasn't such a bitch about it."

Leaving that thought hanging, the Doctor was able to put his life in their hands on this one special occasion and piloted the TARDIS to their next destination. Or rather, he tried to make the TARDIS land silently and invisible, failed horribly, except River ran after him and corrected his mistakes while the Master fought not to laugh.

Landing in Nixon's office, it didn't really help because the Doctor was caught, anyway. With a natural 20 on his bluff check (as usual), he landed himself a job in investigating the inexplicable phone call that plagued the President once a week. He shamelessly popped himself into the President's chair and put his feet on the table as he listed his requirements.

"I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilize. Street maps covering all of Florida, pot of coffee, twelve jammy dodgers and a fez," he happily announced.

His companions, and the other occupants of the office, exchanged looks. The Master saw his chance.

"And I'll be needing a leash, a riding crop and a nice cuppa. A proper one. Not like the crap you make here in the colonies," he said.

It was a miracle that they left the office without the Master getting shot by the President's bodyguards, but they were interrupted by a phone call before he could do any additional damage. The Doctor did, when no one was looking, assure him that all those demands could be met once they were back in the TARDIS.

Amy was being weird through all this and had to have a run into the bathroom, but more importantly, the Doctor hadn't been given a fez. Conditions were poor in the oval office, should anyone ask the Master.

Either way, there was that phone call. The little girl was calling and she was crying for help. The Doctor had already figured out where the call was coming from. They were rushing into the TARDIS shortly, one younger Canton included. The Master stopped him from making any remarks about the TARDIS being bigger on the inside with one threatening look.

They reappeared in the space centre near Cape Canaveral in Florida. It was dark and abandoned; the perfect atmosphere for any sort of investigation. The Doctor was prowling ahead and the Master allowed himself to fall back with River and Amy. Rory was trying to explain the whole thing about the TARDIS to Canton.

"Only way I see we could work around the fixed point in time is getting a Doctor from a different universe and let him die instead," the Master muttered. "Still chances for the universe shattering, but..."

He trailed off as he saw River's glare.

"What? How is that not the most reasonable thing to do?" he hissed under his breath.

"The universe is in danger of ripping apart as it is."

The Master gritted his teeth and glared at the Doctor's back ahead of them.

"There must be a way of fixing this."

"He would have a plan," Amy insisted. "He always does."

The Doctor called out to them. "Hey you lot! Pay attention when I am making brilliant discoveries."

He had found the space suit and was making a great effort at trying it on. River, on the other hand, caught sight of a manhole that led down to a series of tunnels underground. It contained Silence. Not that they remembered, but it did.

The Master was so preoccupied with thinking of ways to prevent something he couldn't prevent that he wasn't even bothered by the Doctor's flirting with River. She seemed too preoccupied herself to return much of it anyway. Probably bothered by his death still, and she was giving him a cold front. It was painful for all of them.

Amy was worse off than anyone, feeling sick all the time. Her and the Doctor were alone when she dropped the bomb that she was pregnant, just in time before the astronaut showed up. The little girl in the space suit that Amy almost shot.

XXX

The Silence already controlled America. This became troublesome, particularly after Amy and Rory were killed and River leapt off the fiftieth floor of a building as they tried to escape the authorities. Good thing it had all been planned well. Canton dragged Amy and Rory into the prison cell that had only served to keep the Doctor from a good shave.

Escaping with the TARDIS, he snatched River in mid-fall and then hoped to get the Master before any of the federal agents pursuing him were killed. They picked him up in the desert, and by then he was already peeved. His coat and jacket had been abandoned and his sleeves were rolled up. Arms and face were full of pen marks, and none of the others looked any better.

"Why am I running," he growled after the doors to the TARDIS had been closed behind him. "Why am I bloody running when I could be ruling the planet instead of the Silence."

Then he noticed the Doctor. Really looked at him. Three months was a long time and the first thing that the Master did upon seeing him again was to let out a horrified scream.

"What is that on your face?"

"Oh, this thing here?" the Doctor asked with an uncertain smile through his bushy beard. "Just a product of being kept prisoner, you know. I've been told I pull it off."

"It's horrifying," the Master said, but was intrigued as he gave it an experimental stroke.

The Doctor sent Canton, the Ponds and River a look that read something along the lines of "bitches love them beards". Then he was dragged off to the bathroom for what was hopefully more than just a shave.

Afterwards, the Doctor had them all implanted with a recording device. Once he was able to make the Master stop recording himself singing the Scissor Sisters' I can't decide, he explained that this would be their way of remembering and fighting back against the Silence. Then they were off to the Apollo 11 launch, after Amy had assured the Doctor that she wasn't pregnant after all.

Amy was, however, kidnapped. She and Canton had been checking out an orphanage in hopes of finding something about the girl in the space suit, and she was kidnapped while the Doctor and the Master were sitting around in handcuffs after tampering with the Apollo 11. The Master was whispering some very colourful suggestions into the Doctor's ear while President Nixon arrived with River and Rory all dressed up and pretending to work for him.

"Sexy glasses," the Master commented at Rory while their handcuffs were undone.

Canton was the only one left when they got to the orphanage. Canton and the recording device that somehow allowed Amy's voice to come through. Her kidnapping was nothing they couldn't fix, though it enraged the Doctor and Rory beyond what the Master said was reasonable. He had to snicker when Amy called for the Doctor's help and not Rory's.

Other than that, they found the space suit. The girl had been there and she had forced her way out. Another finding was a harmed Silence who frowned at Canton's attempt at helping it.

"You should kill us on sight," it told them. The Master felt inclined to agree. Canton had a recording of it, so they had what they needed and the Doctor was busy tampering with the space suit. That particular Silence wouldn't bother them again.

The girl from the space suit was missing, but they could now pop in and save Amy, never mind destroy the Silence. With Canton's recording and the Doctor and the Master's tampering with the Apollo 11, the broadcast of the moon landing was now featuring the Silence's order to kill them all on sight.

When they were all back in the TARDIS, safe and sound, the Master grabbed the Doctor's now clean-shaven face and kissed him.

"You have no idea how proud I am of you right now," he purred.

The Doctor wasn't sure if he should be feeling good about another genocide, but the kiss had him smiling anyway. In the background, Amy and Rory were having a moment as well now that they were reunited.

River was silent through all this. She requested to be sent back to the prison and insisted only the Doctor came with her. The Master wasn't liking this one bit, but River had proven herself more likeable this time around. He let the two be off on their own and waited with Amy and Rory.

Alone at the door to River's prison cell, River tried to explain without really explaining anything that this was where she had to be.

"You'll understand soon enough."

"Alright then," the Doctor said. "Suit yourself, but I have a feeling I'll be seeing you again sometime very soon, am I right?" He had such a bright look on his face. It broke River's heart, because she knew what the Doctor would be doing next.

"Just one thing before you go," she said.

"And what would that be?" the Doctor asked with a smirk, having no idea as usual. Not until River kissed him. In his surprise, he mostly just flailed. There was a little too much feeling in that kiss. Perhaps a little too much River as well, but he wasn't sure yet.

River let go of him and drew a deep breath. She had a hard time looking at him.

"You should go back to the TARDIS. And look after yourself."

The Doctor stroked a hand over his mouth as he backed off, still very confused by the entire thing.

"Oh. Yes, you know me, always keeping safe and being okay and all that. Yes, well I'll be seeing you and so on."

"You know what I mean. Don't let him be... him to you."

"Right. Noted. Well. Bye, then," the Doctor said with an awkward wave before he slipped into the TARDIS.

River watched him go. That had probably done more damage than good, but she couldn't blame herself. Not when it was the last time.

XXX

"I told you time and again that the warning lights are flashing for a reason," the Master said, grabbing the Doctor's hands so he would stop hitting the TARDIS. They were bickering about piloting once again and while the Doctor tried to push the Master away, the Master was trying to stabilize the ship.

"Honestly I don't know why she prefers you," the Master hissed, pulling some levers and twisting some knobs that turned off at least some of the lights.

"She and I go way back and you did unspeakable things to her." The Doctor threw an angry look at the red journal that had been abandoned on the dashboard.

Amy and Rory were watching this spectacle with their usual interest when there was a knocking at the TARDIS' door. Everyone went quiet.

"But we are in deep space," Rory protested. "How can someone be knocking?"

"Thank you for that wonderful piece of insight, Rory," the Master praised. "But obviously someone are."

"He has a point," the Doctor said as he crept towards the door with uncertainty. "We are in very deep space."

He opened the doors with what had to be excitement, because this was new and intriguing and just a little scary. The only thing outside was a glowing cube.

"Oh yes. Come here you scrumptious little beauty," the Doctor said, delighted and reaching out for the cube.

"He never calls me that," the Master muttered to Amy. "Never. Not like I want him to, but he should. Shouldn't he? When he goes around calling everyone and their mums that way."

Amy wondered whether she ought to reply and just gave him a weird look before the box flew into the TARDIS, took a sweep around the control room before it bumped into the Doctor's hands and almost knocked him over.

"I've got mail!" he exclaimed and looked at the Master with all the glee of a child.

Upon seeing what it was, the Master's jaw dropped.

"Time Lord emergency messaging system."

"Which means?" Amy asked.

"In an emergency we can wrap up our thoughts in psychic containers and send them through Time and Space. Anyway, there's a living Time Lord out there, and it's one of the good ones."

"Hey!" the Master called at the Doctor, who had run for the controls. "That is discrimination."

"No, this is the mark of the Corsair, see, right there, remember him and sometimes her?" the Doctor asked, shoving the box up under the Master's nose before he ran back to the controls to get them moving.

"But there aren't any Time Lords left in the universe?"

"There are places outside the universe, you know," the Master said and rolled his eyes at the ignorance of human beings. "Your monkeys really don't know a thing, do they?"

"Oi, don't think the 'monkey' comment holds any weight any more when you go around worrying about us all the time," Amy told him off.

What would predictably have been a biting reply from the Master was lost as the TARDIS shook and trembled worse than ever (if possible).

"How can we go outside the universe?" Amy called out over the noise.

"With great difficulty! Burning up loads of TARDIS fumes right now. Goodbye swimming pool, goodbye scullery—"

"Not the swimming pool," the Master yelled. "My battleships are in there!"

"Ha, too late!"

And like that the TARDIS was zooming towards a small, grey and glowing planet existing in a place where none of them had ever been. The Doctor was almost too excited to breathe. Even the Master had to admit that this was a little thrilling.

They were just regaining their breaths when the TARDIS shut down. They were in the dark but for the blue lights coming up from the floor. The nonplussed Doctor pulled some levers in hopes of any sign of life.

"What did you do?" the Master asked with a hand to his forehead.

"Nothing is wrong," the Doctor assured. "I don't understand. This is impossible. The TARDIS' soul just vanished."

"Its soul vanished?" the Master asked with considerable amounts of doubt.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Rory said, then quickly looked away as the Master glared at him.

The Doctor was making his way outside and the others followed. They emerged in what could only be described as a scrapheap.

"I don't know about you lot, but I am having a sort of déjà vu," the Doctor remarked and tried to think about the last time he parked in a junk yard. He stopped thinking about it as soon as he started remembering Susan.

"My thief! That's my thief!" someone called out. A woman was running right at the Doctor, hair wild and expression full of urgency. "Look at you, goodbye. No, that will be wrong." She cut herself short by grabbing the Doctor and kissing him hard. The Master's jaw dropped for the second time that day and he reached for his screwdriver.

The woman was pulled away by a couple of other humans just in time for the Doctor to smooth his hair back and grab the Master.

"Welcome strangers, lovely, ahah. Sorry about mad person." There was a shady man in weird clothes. He was accompanied by an equally filthy and unpleasant woman.

"Why am I a thief, what have I stolen?" the Doctor demanded. He had to wonder why he was being kissed by anyone but the Master lately. This was getting ridiculous.

"Me, you've stolen me no you are stealing me you will steal me, oh tenses are difficult, aren't they?"

She appeared to have enough energy for an entire battalion stored in her and was running about before the Doctor could reply.

"I'm sorry, she's off her head," the older woman said.

"So you have been, or are going to be, picking up mad women in a place you have never been before," the Master recounted. "Why am I not surprised by this?"

"You make me out to be such a womanizer," the Doctor complained. He didn't have an argument against it so he turned to the couple in front of them.

"And you are?"

"You can call me Auntie," the woman said.

"And I'm Uncle. I'm everybody's uncle," the man said. He had a weird accent and they were both talking with a slight difficulty. He patted the Doctor's cheek and was generally creepy about it. "Keep back from this one. She bites," he warned, implying the mad person.

"Do I? Excellent," she said and grabbed the Doctor again and bit his neck. The Doctor cried out and so did Amy and Rory in surprise. They were able to push her off again, though, and she just went off to ramble about how biting was much like kissing.

"Idris's doolally," Uncle tried to excuse them.

"I'm not doolally, I'mmm... I'mmm... It's on the tip of my tongue. Oh! I just had a new idea about kissing."

The Master was growing more displeased by the second as she chased the Doctor around.

"Somehow they are always chasing him. Womanizers are usually the other way around."

Auntie and Uncle were able to stop her eventually, and Amy and Rory were mostly just disturbed by all this.

The Master looked at the Doctor with displeasure.

"You're jealous," the Doctor commented. "I can tell by the frowny thing you've got going on, but it's not like that. Very nice of you to be jealous of course, and tolerant, yes, but you know there's really one person I—"

The Master resolutely pulled the Doctor down and bit him on the other side of his neck.

"Ow!"

Amy and Rory yelped.

"Now we are even," the Master said, licking his lips. Then Idris pulled his hair. Cursing, he shoved at her. "What the Hell?"

"You are in my, what's the word, ceiling. Was. Will be. You are in the way of kissing. You're kissing. Biting. On him. Stop it. If you're doing it already and if not then don't do it you're not allowed to."

"Seems like the Master's gotten places, too," Amy said with scorn.

"Who is she?" the Master sneered at the Doctor.

This was when Idris switched off and fell over.

"So sad," Uncle said with all the conviction of a teaspoon. "She's dead now."

"She's not dead," Rory assured after looking her over. Uncle looked displeased and called for Nephew to help get Idris to someplace safe. The Doctor had a minor fangirling moment as they were introduced to the green-eyed Ood. Then he fixed the Ood's translation device, and suddenly none were too happy.

Voices rang out, calling for help. Hundreds, more than they could count. The Master and the Doctor exchanged looks of horror. Time Lords.

As it turned out, Auntie, Uncle, Nephew and Idris were all who lived on House. The planet, that was. The planet was House, and House was a living thing. He invited them to stay and while the Doctor didn't trust anyone of them in the least, he took House up on the offer. They went off to explore, cautiously.

"If there are other Time Lords here, aren't you worried?" the Master muttered to the Doctor.

"Why should I be when the worst one of them is right here at my side?" the Doctor asked with a grin. "With Rasillon trapped in the Time War, I mean."

"Very funny. You know what you did. What are they going to think of you?" Not to mention what would happen to them both if there were Time Lords in Rasillon's league left.

"Well, I had to. There wasn't a choice. They wanted to destroy reality itself and the Daleks weren't much better. I did what had to be done, don't you see?"

The Master narrowed his eyes. "You want to be forgiven."

The Doctor didn't quite look at him. "Don't everyone?" He was careful at glancing back at the Master. "You understand that there was no other choice. Someone had to make it."

"You haven't asked me what I think about this before and I am sure there's a very good reason for that you haven't," the Master replied. The Doctor's eyes darkened. "You have guessed what I think."

"I still don't know whether you enjoy the idea of massive genocide over the possibility of going home."

"Nor would it mean squat if I was the one to forgive you."

The Doctor cleared his throat and looked back at Amy and Rory. "Would you two do me a favour? I forgot my screwdriver in the TARDIS. It's in my jacket. The other jacket."

Amy and Rory were uncomfortable as it was and didn't protest. Amy warned him against getting emotional and left her mobile with him before they left. The Doctor and the Master were alone in the scrapheap that was House.

"Perhaps we should leave it at that?" the Master suggested.

"I think we would both be a lot better off if you could see it my way for once. Anyway, you don't want to go home, you just want to rule Gallifrey."

The Master was surprised by the Doctor's sharpness. "So I may enjoy genocide, particularly when it's goodie-two-shoes like you who do it, and I might want to rule it but Gallifrey is my home. There are things you can't forgive and there's things I can't forgive."

"Look, now. You do cruel things out of spite. I am only cruel when I have to. You are evil and I am at least better, if not good. I do what I believe to be the right things and you do the wrong things and don't believe in anything. What right do you have to hold a grudge? You would have loved to be the one to make that choice, but you didn't and you wouldn't have because you never could make the right choice."

"There still exists a Gallifrey out there," the Master reminded him. He looked at the Doctor. "We can go back. Close the rift behind us. There will be an entire universe of new things to see." And perhaps he didn't care if he destroyed this universe, so long as the Doctor lived. They could create a new future in a new reality. The fixed point in time could implode the old universe and the Doctor's death would never have to happen.

"We can't. You know we can't, why would you even say that? You don't even want to stay on Gallifrey and live a normal life. You would want to conquer it, or go out in Space and Time to find something else conquerable." The Doctor was getting thoroughly mad and the Master was only thinking of the Doctor dying, of the envelope with the number five and of River Song.

"Would we even be together if there are other Time Lords still alive?" he asked.

"Obviously we won't know that because of me, now will we," the Doctor gritted out. "Hadn't they put that noise in your head, maybe everything would be just peachy. That was my fault as well, I presume."

Ah, the noise. When the noise disappeared, everything had felt so empty. It had been the same feeling when the Doctor died, if not worse. It stung to be number five, but he wasn't sure if it honestly mattered.

"You know, I need you a lot more than you need me," he said.

"What?"

"And you should hurry up and lock the TARDIS before the Ponds find out that you tricked them."

"Oh, yes." The Doctor whipped out the screwdriver and used it to lock the TARDIS. He wanted to ask the Master what this was all about, but the Master had already wandered ahead. "Hey! Wait up, you."

The Master could sense it. So could the Doctor. Past another number of scrap heaps and behind some flimsy patchwork curtains was a small, dark room. It all seemed to be coming from there, but the Time Lords couldn't possibly all be packed inside that tiny little space. They were forced to look at each other again.

"I thought we had resolved us," the Doctor murmured after a while of silence.

"Don't pretend like we will ever be resolved," the Master replied with a snort. "We have too much history to ever be resolved."

"Yes, but everything was fine up until we went to Utah. Now everyone is being really weird. You, River and Amy, you are all acting weird, and not the good sort of weird."

"River?" the Master asked, teeth gritted. "What did she do that was so weird? Amy is having cramps, I am back to my usual self and what did River do? I am not stupid, Doctor."

The Doctor was flustered, and he was rarely flustered. The Master narrowed his eyes.

"Is she in love with you?"

"Possibly."

"You whore."

"Now, no need to be rude."

"I mean it," the Master assured. "You, sir, are a whore."

The Doctor blinked owlishly at him. He'd never get used to being insulted by people he cared about.

"I can't help it if women like me. Or that you're being bitchy all this time and no fun at all."

"Doctor, I want us to go to Gallifrey, just you and I," the Master insisted. Even if it didn't actually change anything, at least he could have the Doctor to himself before Time unfolded upon itself crashed down.

"No. We are not going to Gallifrey and we are not leaving the Ponds behind on your whim." The Doctor turned away, in the process catching sight of a cupboard. This couldn't be possible, and yet...

"Because your whim is so much more important," the Master snarled. "I have a mile long list of things I'd find more entertaining than seeing the stars, do you understand? This is all for you and you couldn't care less. You expect I'll hang around all eternity because I've no other option."

"Don't argue with your designated driver if you've already pissed off the locals," the Doctor warned him. "You might have to spend a lot more time with them, because without me you aren't going anywhere."

It was this whole touchy subject of Gallifrey. While as Eleven was the best at living in the moment, he was also damned good at holding grudges when he really wanted to. The Master was boiling over.

The Doctor had opened the cupboard. It silenced them both for a moment, seeing all the glowing boxes stacked up on shelves. The disappointment and hurt was obvious all over the Doctor. The Master wasn't surprised in the least.

"See, no one can run forever," the Master hissed into the Doctor's ear. "You have to stop one day, and it can either be with me or you can end up like this." He needed the Doctor to listen and to live.

"You should go now."

The Master didn't hesitate. He left the Doctor to stare at the boxes, making his way through the heaps of junk on his own. It was best like this. The Doctor had been given hope and now it had been taken away. He was dangerous now. Even the Master had a mind not to stay around after angering him and besides, he had a lot to come to terms with. If he couldn't find a solution to the Doctor's death soon, the tension was going to tear them apart.

XXX

House stole the TARDIS. As it also turned out, Idris was the TARDIS. The TARDIS matrix was in her, and she alerted the Doctor to the fact that Amy and Rory were now in very grave danger; they all were.

While as the Master understood that this planet fed on Time Lords, he also didn't give a flying fuck. He was angry at the Doctor for being stubborn and inattentive and he had a mind to do something genius and stupid. He had noticed something the Doctor soon would notice himself. The junk that covered the planet was bits of TARDISes. If he couldn't build something functional out of this, no one could except for perhaps the Doctor.

At this point, they were basically working on either side of the same tower of scrap, putting together each their own TARDIS console. The Master was nearly done by the time the Doctor spotted him. He skidded down the hill of scrap and called out.

"Hey! What, tell me what are you doing?"

The Master looked up, mouth full of wires and screwdriver in one hand. "What does it look like?" he asked after removing the wires.

"Don't be stupid. You can't build a TARDIS. Why would you even need to?"

"And what were you doing?" the Master asked dryly. "Yours is gone, if you haven't noticed. I expect you to be all over the task of rescuing Ponds."

"But I have a TARDIS matrix and you don't," the Doctor said, pulling Idris close by her hand. "And you didn't answer me on why you need one."

"It's obvious, isn't it?"

"He's gone. He will be. Is. Left in the TARDIS when no Doctor is there anymore."

"Thank you, Idris, that's quite enough. Master, about before, that wasn't nice of either of us but this is important. Let's not allow petty arguing be the death of us."

"You call me sexy," Idris insisted.

"Lovely," the Master muttered. "Your one true love has a body. I'd suggest a threesome, but currently I'm working on my getaway van."

"You don't honestly mean that," the Doctor said with a nervous smile. "It's not like you could make it work and besides, you wouldn't want to leave, not really."

"My Doctor," Idris said. "He takes my Doctor away. My Doctor. He will take him away."

That was the final drop. Time and Space be damned.

"He is my Doctor, do you understand?" the Master yelled at her. "River, you and anyone else can just try and take him away. I always come back. No one has known him longer than I have."

"Actually, she has," the Doctor said, but his voice was drowned out by the yelling.

"I stole him, my Doctor. My thief. Never went anywhere without me. Never goes, I am always there, protects him. The red book ruined everything for the Master. Master of nothing, definitely not over his own decisions."

The Doctor put his fingers in his ears as the two had a row at each other. It all turned into incomprehensible yelling. Without actually hearing the Master's nonsensical, angry rambling, it was possible for the Doctor to see something other than anger on his face. The Master looked devastated. The Doctor was surprised.

"Both of you, stop, right now," he demanded to little effect. "Now, really, you both knew me for a long while and you both bit me, but it's obvious who is the most indispensable."

"Bastard," the Master scowled.

"A mad man with a box without a box is just a mad man, and that's no use to anyone." The Doctor put a reassuring hand on the Master's shoulder. "You really want to go?"

"Of course not. The more time I spend with you, the less I like you but the more I need you," the Master snapped. "I can't..."

"He was crying," Idris said. "Is crying. Will be. Funny leaky eyes. Do all flesh bodies do that?"

"Shut up," the Master groaned. The Doctor's arms wrapped around him.

"What happened?" the Doctor murmured. "What am I going to do to you?"

"You're an idiot if you haven't figured it already," the Master asked. He was choked up, proving Idris right. He clung onto the Doctor, unable to cope with all of this. "I don't want it to happen."

The Doctor could only guess as of yet, but whatever was going to happen had to be bad. He patted the Master's back with an apologetic look at Idris.

"You didn't do anything wrong," the Master mumbled into the Doctor's chest. "You didn't, you were perfect all the way, you did the right thing, I'm sure."

"He's gone completely bonkers," the Doctor whispered to Idris, who nodded sagely. "Now. Master, if you will be alright, then we have to save some Ponds."

"Off we go, then," the Master muttered.

Together they were able to finish a TARDIS console that was stabile enough for use. With Idris there, they made it work beyond all expectations. House stood little chance as they materialized inside. Idris would no doubt push him out as soon as she returned inside the TARDIS. There was just that. The Doctor had a hard time saying goodbye to her, but she was dying and leaving them little choice. There was a rather touching moment between the two as they said goodbye, or rather, hello. After nine centuries of travel together they were greeting each other.

Amy, Rory and the Master were quiet as they watched them both tear up. Then the TARDIS matrix returned and Idris was again quiet. The Doctor sniffed and turned his back on them. There was a lot of work to be done and the Doctor was irritable. The Master had a mind to let Amy and Rory bug him first and get snapped at before the Doctor recreated their room and sent them off.

Now it was just the Doctor, hanging under the TARDIS console and fixing the poor girl up while the Master watched.

"I just wanted to show you that I can leave if I so decide to," he said after a long while of silence.

"Yes. Great. Well, it wouldn't have worked without Idris anyway, so all glory to that wonderful plan of yours," the Doctor told him without looking away from what he was doing. This whole ordeal had left him bitter.

The Master made a face, but he managed to swallow any snide remarks. He knew he could escape the Doctor if he just wanted it enough.

"I don't care," he began, but then changed his mind and corrected himself. "I don't mind if she's what you care the most about. We both have lives of our own, but they aren't going to last forever. I've been dead twice before, I know."

The Doctor frowned and kept working. He was quiet for some time before he could no longer stop himself. "Why is it that every time we get along, something happens to remind me of just how horrible you are?"

"Replay value?" the Master suggested. Finally the Doctor looked at him.

"No, although yes, but not really because it's getting really tiresome. And now, for some reason, you're convinced that my life is in danger and you're being all upset-ish and angry about it."

"So we are both feeling like crap right now. Let's forget the argument and just make the most of it," the Master said in a hopeful attempt at keeping the Doctor from digging, as well as from fawning over the TARDIS all night.

"Go to bed. I'll be with you when I'm done here."

Of course he would. The Master shook his head and left. There was nothing he could do but try and make the most of it, and that just sounded tragic.

XXX

After the shameful event on House, the Master was able to pull himself somewhat together. Given time, the Doctor was able to calm down as well. They had come to a sort of temporary truce, as they were both tired of the fighting and in need of comfort. The Doctor was currently lying naked on his stomach with a book while the Master scribbled recreational math problems on him. The Doctor hadn't been paying attention, and then suddenly he found himself being used as a notebook. He didn't mind, except when it tickled.

It was best when neither of them were saying anything. Over the past few days they had been able to relax and forget, because for once they weren't in mortal peril. Old, painful scars weren't being metaphorically ripped open by straining events and they had their hands full. There was no time to bicker at each other when they had to look after a child, and they were certainly too tired to give each other any flak in the evenings.

To sum the situation up, the Doctor and the Master were playing nannies for Kazran Sardick, a boy who, once grown up to a bitter old man, would decide the fate of a space liner carrying over four thousand passengers. They would all die if he didn't allow them to land and the Doctor had insisted on interfering. The weather was the problem, but it was controlled by a machine that had isomorphic controls.

"Bah! Humbug. There's no such thing as isomorphic controls," the Doctor had said, to which the Master had replied with amusement.

"Really? Really? Do we have to go through this again?"

Nevertheless there was no way for them to bypass the isomorphic controls. The Master suggested they just went on their merry way, but in the end they followed the Doctor's plan, as per usual. Now they returned to Kazran every Christmas, because the Doctor was sappy like that and believed that people could change.

Had it been up to the Doctor, they would have been running from one Christmas Eve to the other without stopping, but the Master insisted they took a break and lounged around in the TARDIS in the evenings. Not just because he wanted to screw the Doctor while he had the chance, but it was good to be alone just the two of them. Amy and Rory were waiting for them in the future.

While the Ponds had wanted to come along, the Master had urged them to just spend a nice Christmas Day in town and the Doctor had surprisingly agreed. He had left them with a whole lot of cash and plenty of promises that they would be fine on their own.

"We can't lie around much longer," the Doctor murmured into the pillow. He had given up on the book. Now he was concentrating on the Master's pen scribbling equations down his spine. Fingers brushed over his skin with no dirtier intentions than to hold him still. It made him oddly warm inside.

"Will you shut up while we're having a moment?" the Master replied. He was no more clothed than the Doctor. Lying half on top of him, the Master was too comfortable to be bothered. "Besides, I am not done."

"The answer to that one's obvious, though. If you take the square root of x, then you're done. Babies could solve it faster than you. When was the last time you did this?" Facing the other way wasn't a problem; the feel of the pen against his skin was all he needed to know what the Master was scribbling.

"I was savouring it," the Master hissed. "I can beat you at this any day."

"Oh yes?" There was a gleam in the Doctor's eyes as he looked back at the Master. "No peeking, no cheating and absolutely no telepathy. Those are the rules."

As much as they argued, they had fun together. There was that much to be said about them. They fell into a heated competition that left them both covered in scribbles and the sheets full of ink smudges. The Master of course cheated by somehow turning the whole competition into really weird sex. One moment the Doctor was concentrating on math problems being scribbled on his inner thigh, the next he had the Master's head between his legs.

When they emerged from the bathroom a couple of hours later, the Doctor still had smears of combinatorics on his forehead. The Master stopped him and wiped them away with his thumb.

"Can't have Kazran see that. He will insist on doing face painting. I hate that."

"You say that, but I get the feeling you are fussing over me," the Doctor cooed.

"Don't be an idiot," the Master warned him while he straightened the Doctor's bowtie. The Doctor glanced at him in that knowing way of his, but the Master ignored it. The Doctor saw right through him, he was aware. That was the entire point. He could be as mean as he wanted so long as the Doctor knew he wasn't serious about it.

"You will have to stop pretending, some day."

The Master froze, hands and gaze on the bowtie. He hadn't planned on stopping anytime soon, but the Doctor wasn't going to live for much longer. Two centuries wasn't a shoddy amount of time, but nothing ensured him that they would be spending those two centuries together.

He didn't say anything, but he sent the Doctor one of those looks. The Doctor didn't need him to spell it out.

They were off on new adventures with Kazran and that chick he fancied. Abigail or something. The Doctor didn't need the Master's help with the child, not really. Except for perhaps when that shark crashed into Kazran's bedroom and ate half of the sonic screwdriver.

"I told you, you would be better off with laser anyway. This is your chance to upgrade," the Master had encouraged him to poor results.

They watched Kazran grow up. The Doctor made a wonderful nanny, while the Master considered himself more of a creepy uncle at best. Going from one Christmas Eve to the next was driving him insane, but at least when Kazran grew older he could teach him some moves.

"Ooh, where ever did you learn to kiss like that?" Abigail asked Kazran after their first kiss outside the cryostorage.

The Master straightened his tie smugly where he was watching from a distance. The Doctor shook his head and tried not to be embarrassed by the young couple.

Of course, it wouldn't be going smoothly forever.

"I think I accidentally got myself engaged to Marilyn Monroe."

"You what?"

"Please don't hit," the Doctor pleaded. "You know this always happens to me. It would be far from the first time."

The Master narrowed his eyes. "It's not like I care or anything."

"If it's any consolation, I'm always late for the weddings anyway. Only go to them for the dancing, even my own ones."

"Yes, yes the bride always is late," the Master said, nose upturned.

"You would know," was the Doctor's bristling reply.

The Master glared at him, but then got a better idea, fun as it was to rain fury down on the Doctor. "What would she say about an open marriage and a threesome?"

He never got a reply. Kazran and Abigail appeared to be having an argument. Afterwards Kazran stormed over to them, apparently with no interest of continuing their Christmas tradition.

"Told you this would happen."

"Did you put him up to this?" the Doctor accused.

"Did not," the Master scoffed.

"Did too."

"Did not times infinity," the Master said and pulled a face.

The Doctor scowled at him before he turned around and called out. "Marilyn, get your coat."

Abigail was dying. She only had one day left, and Kazran would rather keep her locked up than let her die. The Doctor hadn't so much improved upon Kazran's personality as he had given him a whole lot of heartache.

It was time to return to the days of the crashing space liner and call in their special ops; the Ponds. Miraculously they were able to save the day with a clever plot in the old Christmas Carol fashion where Kazran had to face himself as a child and become a better person. After that, the Master swore he never wanted to experience another Christmas ever again. It was good to be back in the TARDIS, Ponds included.

XXX

They kept travelling Space and Time together; the Doctor, the Master and the Ponds. It had been interesting times, particularly when they ended up on a pirate ship and the Master forced the Doctor into a timely outfit. Much fun was had when they returned to the TARDIS that night. They also found yet another alternate universe, possibly the scariest one yet. They had discovered their alternate selves to be actors in a popular TV show that had been running since the 60s.

As they had stranded there for a while, the Doctor and the Ponds wandered about and enjoyed the fame while the Master went souvenir shopping. When they returned to their own universe, he had a neat collection of action figures and a miniature TARDIS. Of course, he had gotten the Tenth Doctor figurine simply to annoy the current Doctor. He was having too much fun playing with them.

"It's so if you have a headache I have a backup plan," the Master explained when the Doctor confronted him about this.

The Doctor wasn't a lot happier when he found that the Master had gotten a model of his screwdriver as well, and was swapping them around whenever the possibility arose. He'd very nearly reached his limits when he woke up to discover the severed head of a Rose figurine on the pillow next to him. They never found the body.

The Master had always had this thing about dolls. The Doctor wondered if it was some sort of fetish, but at least it wasn't killing anyone this time. A far greater injustice was still to come.

They had been through much trouble the last few days and the Mater was pleased with getting a bit of action. He was currently writing in his journal, sitting in a chair with his feet up on the TARDIS dashboard.

Today I killed and seriously injured a satisfying amount of people. It seems that firing into crowds drastically increases my hit-ratio.

Before he could write anything else, his shoulders were grabbed and he was swivelled around to face a livid Doctor.

"The TARDIS. What have you done to her?"

The Master almost toppled over, chair and all, but caught himself with a hand against the dashboard. "What?" he asked. "You need to be a little more specific."

"It's changed," the Doctor yelled with some rabid gestures towards the door. "We landed and now it's changed!"

"Oh. Is that all." The Master looked back into his journal, making sure the Doctor couldn't sneak a peek at what he was writing. "I fixed your chameleon circuit. Don't thank me, a task like that doesn't require effort once you actually get to it." He sent the Doctor a meaningful look.

"You fixed the chameleon circuit. You fixed the chameleon circuit?"

The Ponds were popping their heads in to see what was happening. The Doctor looked about to blow a fuse. The Master readied himself for a hail of anger, but it never came. In one abrupt second, the Doctor appeared to change his mind and went for the controls. He was pulling levers and twisting knobs with fury.

"Where are we going?" Amy asked and looked at the Master, not void of accusation. The Master shrugged. The TARDIS shook, and for a moment they all fought to stay balanced before they landed again.

"All of you, stay inside and keep an eye on that man," the Doctor ordered. He went for the doors. There was a junkyard outside. It was definitely earth. England, the Master supposed. The Doctor had a quick look around at the outside of the TARDIS, then returned inside and grabbed a hammer from under the dashboard.

"What are you—?"

With a shattering noise, the Doctor introduced the hammer to the chameleon circuit.

"Oh, look. There it goes again," the Doctor said without the slightest attempt at acting innocent. "I have no idea how that could have happened but it seems it's stuck looking like a police box once more. You are not very good at this, are you?"

The Master's expression had fallen into a displeased frown. "And you are going to have it fixed this time, are you?"

"Oh yes. When I get around to it," the Doctor assured.

"Doctor?" Amy called out. She and Rory were at the door, looking out. "Is that another police box in the junkyard?" she asked.

"Close the door, Amy. We really can't stay around," the Doctor said, making for the doors, but the Master got ahead of him. One arm around each of the Pond's shoulders, he grinned and stared out of the TARDIS.

"Oh, yes. So smart, bringing us here. See that old man hobbling along outside? That is, indeed, your dear Doctor during his younger days. Know what made him regenerate? Old age. Very classy. Of course, I didn't know him yet, and just as well. I would have given that geezer a heart attack if I—"

The TARDIS shook and threw them back and down on the floor. The Doctor was annoyed and they were once again on the move before they caused any major holes in Space and Time by hanging around. When they were once again afloat in deep space, the Doctor turned to the Master with an expression that made the Ponds scoot off.

"I was doing you a favour," the Master said and folded his arms over his chest.

"Now, we both know that's not true."

"Fine," the Master said, throwing his arms in the air. "I am bored. The next place we land had better be exciting," he growled. "You know one of my TARDISes was an iron maiden once, and I still wouldn't ever have destroyed the chameleon circuit on purpose."

"Because you're not cool. Working chameleon circuits are not cool," the Doctor explained smugly. "I like her as she is and you have been getting on my nerves ever since that day at the beach. Care to explain yet?"

The reminder came out of nowhere. It hit the Master like a particularly nasty sledgehammer and it was quite apparent to the Doctor how his expression changed. Of course the Doctor knew that something was going on behind his back, he just didn't know how terrible it was.

"Master?"

"You know how much I like it when you use my name," the Master murmured, trying to turn his surprise into seduction instead and get the Doctor over onto other thoughts. He pressed his hands to the Doctor's chest and made to back him against the nearest surface or furniture.

"No, really. What are you all keeping from me?" the Doctor asked, so suspicious and untrusting. The Master was reminded of the fact that he had only been number five. This idiot didn't trust anyone but himself, but the Doctor was his idiot.

"If you had to die, as in no choice, no backsies, not even any timey wimey stuff possibly capable of saving you...?"

The Doctor sighed. "Yes, I would let you be the one to murder me if I had to, but that's not going to happen." He kissed the top of the Master's head. Oh, how this man needed his ego stroked all the time. "Stop being silly and weird."

"Shut up and hug me."

The Doctor did as he was asked, putting his arms around the Master and resting his chin on top of his head.

"Why don't you talk to me?" he murmured.

"You couldn't just hold me for two centuries, could you?"

"The Ponds would get restless I think."

"I thought as much." The Master let out a tired breath and pressed his face against the Doctor's chest. He remembered something the Doctor had told him when he was about to fly the Pandorica into the exploding TARDIS, that he had to stay behind and be the Last of the Time Lords. In his current predicament, it seemed preferable to have the Doctor erased from Time rather than just dead. "You know, we should go back in time and get our younger selves to hook up. It would probably unravel all of existence, but it would be fun."

He smirked up at the Doctor, who replied with an amused no.

"How about we go somewhere, then. Just you and I," the Master suggested. Possibly back to Gallifrey one last time.

"It's been a while since we were on our own, that's true. In fact, I would love to," the Doctor decided. "As soon as we've had this one stop," he added and let go of the Master to rush over to the dashboard. "I have the perfect destination in mind, the Ponds are going to love it," he shouted back at the Master, already getting himself tangled up in the TARDIS controls.

The Master watched, all too aware that he had lost himself to this other Time Lord. He hated it, even if it was his salvation.

XXX

The TARDIS had been hit by a solar storm and kidnapped to Earth in the 22nd century. Things like that happened all the time so they weren't too worried. Mostly because they had bigger things to worry about, like the TARDIS sinking into a pool of acid and a band of Flesh doppelgangers trying to murder them. Apparently they hadn't been so keen on following the Master in a conquest across Earth. They thought they could do better on their own and the Master was now doing his best to shoot any of the Gangers down with his laser screwdriver.

He stopped in the doorway to the chapel and made an effort to shoot their pursuers down. The Doctor had to drag him inside by his collar so they could close and bar the door. They barricaded themselves inside with the surviving crew of the acid plant.

"I told you to stop. The Gangers are also people, they have feelings and memories," the Doctor shouted at him.

"They are Flesh, and they refused to be my army," the Master argued.

"The Flesh is a conscious, living thing," the Doctor sneered, just as much at the Master as at the humans.

"Oh, trust you to fall in love with anything that probes you back," the Master spat.

"Boys, boys," Amy interrupted them. She looked at the Doctor firmly. "Doesn't he have a point? This time around, anyway. Now we need to find a way to get back with Rory."

It had to be the first time Amy and the Master agreed on something that mattered. The Doctor was frustrated with them all.

"If you would just pay attention and try to understand that the Gangers feel and think like real people, that they believe they are real people," he insisted. "Rory can see it. Amy, surely you can too."

"Don't we have bigger problems right now? Like surviving and finding my husband?" Amy reminded him.

"Oh, we have far bigger problems than that. It's just about ready to get hysterical around here."

There was a moment of confusion as the Doctor's voice came from someplace that wasn't the Doctor. Then they saw the Ganger stepping forth, just as smug as the real deal despite its waxy facial features.

"Hello, all of you," the Ganger said with a smile as they stared. "I'm the Doctor."

"Oh, that's not bad at all," the Master murmured. The gears in his head were visibly turning. Amy staggered back, so did the crew.

"Remarkable," the Doctor mused, approaching his Ganger with excitement. That was when the Ganger cried out and collapsed. The Doctor grabbed it and tried to keep it steady. "He isn't stabilizing. I'm too much for the Flesh."

"Doctor!" Amy called out. It took both Jimmy and Cleaves to hold her back. She didn't want the Doctor anywhere near that Ganger.

"Eleven lifetimes in one Ganger," the Master said with interest. The Flesh wasn't made for that. The Doctor's Ganger managed a solid face with the right features, but it was twisting between the personalities of the former incarnations. The Master remembered some of them all too well. Hearing their voices even, that was spooky.

He stared at the Ganger, then back at the Doctor. "Wow. I wish you could do that. Think of all the fun we could have if you were all your incarnations at once."

"Down boy," the Doctor warned him while he helped his Ganger up. "Well, this is quite the situation we have on our hands."

"Good thing there's two of me to handle it," the other Doctor agreed. They straightened their bowties in unison.

"But there can't be two of you," Amy protested. "There can't be." She looked from one Doctor to the other, refusing to accept it.

"On the other hand, it seems there is," the Doctor said, examining himself as if looking into a mirror. "All the better to take care of the problem at hand.

"Even if the world might explode from the level of awesome," the Ganger agreed.

"He has a point," the Master agreed with a fat grin. He slipped in-between the Doctors, putting his arms around their waists. "Now, I still have a very strong urge to kill every last one of those Gangers, but there is a possibility I could be persuaded otherwise."

The Doctors exchanged looks. The Master looked up at them in anticipation.

"Amy, you wouldn't give us a moment?"

"Get a room, you whores," she said, covering her ears. "And be quick about it."

"What, they're not...?"

"Sure they are," Amy confirmed to the thoroughly disturbed crew.

"Seriously?" the Master asked, allowing himself to get hopeful. "Don't we have more important things to do?"

"If it keeps you from killing any of the Gangers, I believe this is very important," the Doctor said.

"Yes, first priority in fact, and now you owe us," the other Doctor agreed. "Which is a favourable position."

Despite all the catches, the Master was grinning like an idiot as they found their way into one of the chapel's backrooms and closed the door. There was an extra pew stowed away in there that would soon feel very violated.

"You know, I thought you would be far too stuffy for even considering this," the Master said as he grabbed himself two handfuls of Doctor ass.

"Oh, you know we've been around."

"And you happen to be in love with yourself," the Master purred as the Doctor kissed his neck. The other Doctor pulled his trousers down and took hold of his knees, pulling his feet up from the floor. "Mph!" His protest was silenced by a firm kiss and together the Doctors wrestled him down on the pew. Sure, the Master would get his way, but not in the way he imagined.

Not that he disapproved in any way. He struggled and would complain about the soreness later, but he loved every second of it. He was being ravished by the Doctor twice over. They worked together on stripping him down, with one always holding him down. Both lavished him with kisses and touches until he was trapped naked between them. He had taken water over his head and he didn't care.

Outside, Amy couldn't possibly shove her fingers deeper into her ears. At the same time she wasn't sure if she was entirely grossed out or if she was covering her ears on principle.

There was some heavy moaning coming from the backroom and sounds pointing to quite the struggle. Hot and flushed with arousal, the Master was still trying to get back in control if only because the Doctors enjoyed forcing him into submission. One Doctor had held his arms and the other kept his legs apart while they had their way with him. He was writhing and arching his body, muscles tense and skin glistening from the heat of their bodies grinding together.

They were one exhausted tangle of limbs by the end of it. The Master groaned in both dismay and satisfaction when the Doctors finally let go of him. There had to be a moment filled only by frantic gasping for air before anyone was ready to get dressed, and it was a self-conscious trio that returned to Amy afterwards.

"You boys are quite done, then?" she asked, lecturing. If anything, she was slightly annoyed that she hadn't been invited, even if she was married.

"For the most part," one of the Doctors said with a smirk at the Master, who was actually flustered, for once. He had been thoroughly screwed by two men who were on the exact same wavelength, who could finish each other's sentences and knew what the other was thinking. He hadn't stood a chance.

"Right," the other Doctor said, clapping his hands together. "About time we got going, wouldn't you say?" The Gangers were using the plant's acid to burn through the chapel door.

Amy wasn't as accepting of the Doctor Ganger as the Master had been. The crew weren't exactly whooping at the idea of following the Doctor and his Ganger after this, either, but the Doctors were just having too much fun.

"You have no idea how privileged I feel—"

"—To know how amazing I am in bed," the Doctors said while they were hurrying through an escapement from the chapel in order to escape the other Gangers. They got to a control room where they were hoping to find enough power to send an emergency signal and scan the monastery for the Gangers.

"I am sort of glad there is usually only one of you," the Master admitted. Introducing the Doctor to himself was like feeding sugar to a hyperactive child.

"Yeah, how are we supposed to know which one is the real Doctor?" Amy asked while the crew were trying to bring the machinery back to life.

"Well, I'm the Doctor," one of the Doctors said, hopping to help the crew with the machinery.

"And oh, oh, so am I," the other Doctor added, beaming as he, too, joined in. They were throwing the sonic back and forth between each other, which didn't help out on differentiating them. "The Flesh came alive—"

"—And another genuine Doctor was created."

"Both have the same memories from a centuries' long life."

"Both have the same obnoxious boyfriend." The Doctor patted the Master's ass. So did the other Doctor. They were both glared at.

"No, one of you was here first," Amy pressed on.

"Well, obviously," the Doctors said, each with a smirk.

"It's the shoes," the Master said. "The real Doctor's shoes got destroyed by the acid."

"Ah, yes."

"There is that."

Both Doctors rocked back on their heels. One had a pair of old shoes given to him by one of the crew.

"Worse than his usual fashion sense," the Master muttered to Amy.

"Satisfied, Pond?" the Doctor with the shiny black shoes asked.

"Yes," she said with an odd expression. "And don't call me Pond, please."

"That's strange," the black shoed Doctor said, furrowing his brows. "You definitely feel more affection towards him than me."

"No, it's not like... He's the real Doctor, don't get me wrong. Being almost the Doctor is pretty darn impressive as well," Amy tried to defend herself.

"Aw, Doctor. Don't be a sad puppy," the Master cooed. He snuck an arm around his waist. "I would screw you no matter what shoes you were wearing."

"But being almost the Doctor is like being no Doctor at all!"

The argument stopped as the crew had gotten contact with the mainland. Cleaves was requesting backup and asking that the Gangers be wiped out. Both Doctors were visibly disappointed.

It didn't help that the Doctor Ganger had a bit of a fit. He could connect with the flesh. The Doctor also felt it, but the Ganger scared Amy rather badly and now none of the crew would trust the Ganger.

"Maybe if you have sex with them, they will change their minds," the Master muttered casually to the Doctor, who was ignoring him. He was busy sonicing about with the screwdriver.

"The Gangers seem to be giving off a somewhat different signal," he said while his Ganger looked at them with puppy eyes from where the crew had placed him on a barrel to keep track of him.

"See, the sonic can tell the difference," Amy said. "There is a difference."

"I told you, he is genuine." The Doctor was getting exasperated.

"We got a visual," Buzzer informed.

"Roy and Jennifer," Amy said, running to the computer screen. She looked to the Doctor. "Shall we go get them?"

"They're heading for the thermostatic room," Cleaves determined.

The Doctor threw the sonic screwdriver to the other Doctor, who caught it.

"What, you're letting him go? Are you crazy?" Cleaves asked.

"Am I crazy? Doctor, what is the diagnosis?" the Doctor asked.

"Are you crazy? Well..." The other Doctor nudged his head in the Master's direction. "Keeping him around, I think that answers that. You did let him do that thing with the screwdrivers."

"Hey! You swore never to mention that. Both of you."

"Well, I'm going," Amy declared. "And I'm not going with him or letting him be responsible for finding my husband."

"Told you, he's the real Doctor just as much as me. Now, I need you to trust him, can you do that for me, Amy?"

Amy crossed her arms over her chest. She struggled, yes, but in the end she gave in. She paced about the monitors as the Doctor in the shiny black shoes left to find her husband and Jennifer. Not happy with either Doctor, she hovered over the crew, who were still at the computers and trying to find the Gangers. The Master and the supposed Doctor looked at each other.

"Does it feel any different to you?" the Doctor asked, barely a whisper. "Could you tell?"

The Master quirked his lips. "You don't feel quite the same way as other Time Lords. It's the smell."

"Yes, we thought as much," the Ganger murmured.

"But physically it's perfect down to every last inch," the Master purred and leaned in closer.

The Doctor Ganger stroked the Master's cheek and held his face with affection. "Then you could tell me what's wrong."

The Master froze.

"Amy is going to spill it to the Doctor eventually, thinking it's the Ganger. I know she's in on it."

"No," the Master decided. "No, that's the last thing you need to know." The Ganger didn't need to worry about that. The Master wasn't biased; he'd much rather have the Ganger die on that beach, but he knew that wasn't the case. He had felt and smelled the presence of a real Time Lord, as much as he liked to imagine himself being wrong.

"Oh, come on. Satisfy an old Ganger's curiosity, be a dear."

"I told you, no. But I can tell you something else. And if you tell the other Doctor I said this , I will melt your sorry ass," the Master muttered under his breath. He thought he knew why the Doctor was playing the old switcheroo on Amy and he wasn't about to muck it up. It had gotten to the point where it was pretty pointless to pretend that he didn't like the Ponds somewhat.

"Oh. Alright," the Ganger said with satisfaction.

The Master took hold of his suspenders and pulled him close to whisper something to him. The Ganger's face went from gleefully beaming to very serious. "Was that just to make me feel good or for both of us?" he asked.

"Something is wrong," Cleaves interrupted them. "The temperature gauges are rising."

"At this rate it'll kill us."

Jimmy was right, and so they had to spring back into action. The entire island would blow up shortly. The factory was melting down, Cleaves had a clot in her brain and Amy was struggling to breathe and having cramps. They also got tricked by Jennifer's Ganger and Rory (again tricked by Jennifer. The Ganger, that was) into the engine room where they were trapped.

The acid was threatening to kill them and Jimmy died trying to stop it. His Ganger burst in, overcome by humanity. Jimmy had a son, and that son needed a dad. It was all too sappy for the Master, but soon they were on the run again. Jennifer's Ganger had turned into a monster.

Now with Rory together with them again, they were running from the monster and following the Doctors to where the TARDIS crashed through the roof at a convenient moment. Cleaves, Jimmy's Ganger and Dicken were the only ones of the crew left and the Doctor ushered them into the TARDIS. The other Doctor was holding the door to the hall shut to keep monster Jennifer out, aided by Cleaves' Ganger.

"Doctor, we have to go!" Amy called out.

"Absolutely not. Door needs shutting. Can't you see I'm keeping you all safe?" the Doctor at the door told her.

"But what's going to happen to you?" she cried.

"Oh, nothing. This whole place will blow up, is all," he told her with a smile.

"But you can't," Amy protested.

"Would you rather I stay instead?" the Doctor with the shiny black shoes asked. "Mister Smith?"

"No, it's not like that," Amy persisted. Though she wasn't fooling anyone. "It's just, even if you're amazing and all, and the Master can't tell the difference between you in bed, you're not him. He and I have been through too much together, I know the difference."

"Amy," the Ganger at the door said. "We swapped shoes."

"You..." Amy looked from the Ganger to the Doctor, and then to the Master. "You knew?"

"Only because I am a Time Lord," the Master said. Somehow he was able to resist gloating. That was a new ability to take note of.

Amy looked at the Ganger with big eyes. "I can't believe it."

"Believe what?" the Ganger asked, only to be hugged so tightly.

"You are twice the man I thought you were."

It was a heartfelt moment, until the Ganger went weird again, but it was a Doctor sort of weird. "Push, Amy," he told her. "But only when she tells you to."

"Amy, we have to go!" Rory called out.

"But Doctor, no," Amy protested. The Ganger was just as much the Doctor. Rory, on the other hand, wasn't letting her stay in the collapsing factory and dragged her inside the TARDIS.

"You might survive this," the Doctor told his Ganger while sonicing him. "Your molecular structure."

"I'll tell you all about it if you were right," the Ganger replied, then he looked to the Master. "Take care of him."

"He takes care of me, really," the Master said.

"Oh, you have no idea," the Ganger said before he was surprised by a kiss. "Tell him," the Ganger murmured to the Master. "And thank you."

"Eventually," the Master assured, giving the Doctor Ganger a final hug before letting him go. There was some heavy banging on the door from monster Jennifer on the other side.

"We're sort of hot from this angle," the Doctor remarked.

"I'll die happy, knowing that. Cleaves, you're staying? This isn't a time for heroism."

"This is my plant. I'm staying," Cleaves' Ganger said firmly.

"Right, then," the Doctor said. He took the Master by his wrist and dragged him along. "All luck to the pair of you!"

They escaped inside the TARDIS. The Jimmy Ganger, with the real Jimmy's blessing, was returned to his family, to his son and wife. The Doctor fixed Cleaves' clot and she and Dicken were returned to their base of operation with the instructions to liberate the Flesh. It was a real, conscious being, and the Doctor would not have humanity abuse it further. It was a happy ending, all deaths considered. There was just one thing left to deal with. Amy was having contractions and it was about time they all had an explanation.

"You brought us there intentionally, didn't you?" the Master accused, seeing the Doctor struggle on where to start. They were back inside the TARDIS and it was hard to know where to go from here.

"Yes. Yes, well, I was going to take us all for tacos first, but then shenanigans and what have you. I get carried away. I needed to learn about the Flesh." He paused, one hand over his mouth as he thought. "Shenanigans. Beautiful word." He looked at Amy and Rory, apologetic. "I have been expecting this for a while now. Rory, step away from her."

"What? No," Rory refused.

"Rory, we will find her," the Doctor said with a furious passion. It took a moment, but Rory let go of her. Amy was scared. So scared. "We will find you," the Doctor promised her. "Wherever you are."

With the sonic screwdriver, the Doctor made Amy's Flesh avatar melt. Rory was beside himself. The Doctor turned to the Master. "I trust you will have my back on this one." A warning. The Master had better not get in the way of rescuing Amy.

"Do you, now?" the Master asked.

"You will be reasonable or you will be left behind."

The Master nodded, reluctant. There was a reason why he was number five, but he was too smart to argue with the Doctor when he was in this mood. Whoever had taken Amy had made the Doctor angry and they were going to pay.

XXX

"You sent Rory to get River?" the Master scowled. "Why does she have to come with you?"

"I am getting everyone together. Calling in favours, and you can believe there are a lot of those to be called in. Dorium Maldovar, the Silurian Madame Vastra, the Sontaran Commander Strax, you name it. River Song will come in handy as well."

"Oh, I am sure she will," the Master hissed with disapproval. This was when he decided that he would join the Doctor in rescuing Amy and the baby. While he didn't approve of Amy having been kidnapped from right under their noses, he'd needed a proper excuse not to stay in the TARDIS and be cross. River Song was a good one; he wasn't leaving the Doctor alone with her.

Now, it turned out that River wasn't showing up after all. She had refused Rory's invitation and said it wasn't her time. So be it. This was war and the Master was probably the handiest man to have as they landed on Demon's Run, the asteroid where Amy was being held. Hell, he cared for Amy and he was as unstoppable as the Doctor. When they cooperated like this, they were a perfect storm. They were ice and fire and death.

And yet somehow, not a drop of blood was spilt. So the Master had to admit that the Doctor once again came out on top. The Doctor was the one who intimidated everyone and in some infuriating way managed to avoid violence and at the same time rescue Amy and the baby. Melody Pond. They could all return to the docking bay where the TARDIS was waiting.

"By the Untempered Skism, will someone shut that thing up?" the Master whined. Amy was trying to calm Melody while Commander Strax was being creepy. The Doctor appeared from the TARDIS to their rescue, brandishing an old cot that he put down next to Amy.

"What's this?" Amy asked with glee. "Look at that." It was a pretty cot, despite its age.

"Give her here," the Doctor requested. "What she needs is a proper rest." The Master didn't like how eager he was about this whole baby situation. Talking to it and giving it attention. Soon it would be expecting the Doctor to be dependable, or worse, the Doctor might want one of his own. He'd had children before and might get nostalgic. The Master didn't get to hold Melody. They were all friendly and that, but everyone thought it best if he didn't.

Then the Doctor was called to the control room. The Master went with him.

"You gave them your cot. You are the biggest sap there is. You kept it for centuries only to give it away to some monkeys."

"What, you had other plans for it?" the Doctor asked.

"No, but you're coddling them," the Master accused. He wasn't at all pleased with how he had been ignored throughout this entire event. He hadn't even been allowed to fight. Amy and the baby were safe, so now he could be difficult again.

"Master, please. We are not done here yet."

And rightfully so. The Silurian and Dorium had looked over the files about Amy and discovered Time Lord DNA. It took a lot of explanation for the Master not to murder the Doctor on the spot, but he went silent as the Silurian pointed out why these people wanted Melody, a Time Lord, as a weapon. It was because they had watched the Doctor. This hit the Doctor hard.

They were also realizing that this had been too easy. Madame Vastra and Dorium returned to the docking bay where the three Ponds and the TARDIS were stationed. The Doctor remained silent in a chair, still letting it sink in that he had been the template for a weaponized Time Lord.

The Master took a seat and slid the chair over in front of the Doctor so they were facing each other. He took the Doctor's hands. "Don't," he told him.

"It's my fault," the Doctor said.

"No, people like me are the reason why the world needs people like you," the Master told him firmly. In all honesty, he rather thought the Doctor was at fault. Anyone who watched the Doctor would want to either destroy or control him. He knew exactly what that was like. "You can't help being magnificent."

"And you're being awfully nice." The Doctor looked at him with harsh eyes. "What are you keeping from me?" he demanded. "Why won't you trust me?"

"I do trust you." Odd, how easy it was to say that. Well, it wasn't really odd. No one had suffered for as long as the Doctor because of him, yet no one would care for him like the Doctor did. "But you're not supposed to know."

The Doctor's jaw was clenched. Melody was Flesh and the Master was hiding something truly important from him. It was all wrong and he couldn't fix it.

"Why was I number five?" the Master asked.

"Pardon?"

"That you trust. I was number five."

The Doctor was taken aback. "Well, I should think that's obvious."

"Well pardon an old, frustrated man," the Master gritted out.

"Master," the Doctor said, shaking his head. "Would you be offended if I said you are still rather insane?"

"... Well."

"Exactly." The Doctor took hold of his shoulders. "Now, see, no matter how much I like you or enjoy having you around, even if I know you so well, you are a hazard. A lovely hazard. Hazarvely, if you will, but a hazard nevertheless. Insane and not entirely predictable."

"No one knows me like you do."

"And yet you keep surprising me," the Doctor said, tapping the Master's nose. "Now, there are some distressed Ponds who need tending to."

"Of course."

They couldn't rescue Melody. The monks attacked. Commander Strax was killed and the villains got away. Amy was struggling not to blame the Doctor. And that's when River popped up, apparently just to taunt the Doctor about how he had made the galaxies fear his name.

"You brought this down on them, my love," River accused. "And now they've taken a baby."

"Who are you?" the Doctor demanded. He was furious enough for the Master to stay behind and watch with satisfaction. "I come every time you call, and you—"

"Oh, look! Your cot. Haven't seen that in a long while," River said, backing off, but he followed, grabbing her by the wrist.

"Tell me who you are." His voice was melting the Master, so enraged and demanding.

"I am telling you," River said, gesturing to the cot.

The Master and the Ponds were left confused, unable to see what the Doctor was seeing. Whatever it was turned the Doctor's mood right around.

"You're..."

"Yes," River said with a smile.

"But we..." The Doctor turned to look at the Ponds, then turned white as he glanced over the Master and back again at River. "But what about...?"

And now it was impossible to read River's expression.

"What is going on?" the Master growled.

"Nothing. Everything. River, get this lot back to Earth. Amy, don't worry. Just don't," the Doctor said. He was already making a run for the TARDIS.

"Oh, no you don't!" the Master yelled after him. He grabbed the door and made his way inside before the Doctor could take off without him. "What was that? You were leaving me with her?"

"I hadn't expected you to stay behind," the Doctor said, already on the job of dematerializing the TARDIS. "Still, doesn't hurt to try, eh?"

The Master grabbed the Doctor's wrists and held him in place.

"Explain. Now."

"Alright, you got me," the Doctor said with the glee of a five year old. "River song is their daughter. She is Melody Pond."

The Master's eyes narrowed. "I see. And what were you so stressed about, pray tell?"

Glee was replaced by guilt in an instant.

"Look, I don't even know myself what happened, or what will happen or have happened. It's all very confusing with the different times and perspectives. I'm starting to understand what Idris meant now."

"You are a Time Lord," the Master reminded him, not buying it. "You don't get confused. Don't take me for a fool. She is in love with you and you aren't minding this one bit; that much is obvious. What I want to know is what you're not telling me."

"It wouldn't be what I'm not telling you if I told you, now would it? Heh." The Doctor straightened his bowtie.

The Master wasn't amused.

"Look, you have things you won't tell me, maybe because I am better off not knowing. This is like that, but different in the sense that it's the other way around."

"You're having an affair."

"She kissed me! I wasn't expecting it and it might have happened again in the future, the coming future, not the future that's been, I don't know!"

"You don't know if you are going to kiss her again," the Master spat.

"I can't predict the future," the Doctor complained.

"You could, I don't know, decide not to kiss her again?" the Master suggested.

"Look, it's not like you have been faithful exactly. Remember Rome? Caligula? You were doing horrible things that I am refusing to imagine."

"That was years ago!" the Master exclaimed. "Pretty much the height of my insanity. I changed, we changed. Didn't we?" he asked. There was something beseeching in his voice as he waited for the Doctor's reply. "Didn't we?"

"Well, yes."

"I don't believe you," the Master groaned. "It's just like that brat said."

"What? Who said?"

"Amy. I told her how you love playing around with your little companions up until you break them. Your broken little toys," he huffed. "I am already broken. Oh, but River is perfect, isn't she?" He pursed his lips, circling the Doctor with every word laced in poison. "Made just for you, by your sexy TARDIS. She lives for the days she sees you. You love that."

"Stop it," the Doctor hissed.

"You can't stop until she is as broken as you are. She's fresh, she's fun. Is that it? Just like Amy, except River doesn't have a husband. If I didn't know better, I'd say she thought of you as her lover already."

"I told you I don't know what happens!" the Doctor shouted and pushed him away. "She talks to me as if we are already a happy couple. It's as if we have a future, something you and I don't."

He'd gone too far, he knew. He didn't need to see the Master's face in order to tell.

"Heh. And here I was convinced that the worst of us was in the past."

"Master, I didn't..."

"Yes you did. But you know what?"

The Master grabbed him by the suspenders and pulled him close, their noses almost touching.

"I don't care. Do whatever the Hell you want with her. I intend on making the most of you while I have you."

This was where it clicked into place for the Doctor.

"That day at the beach..."

"I'm not saying anything." The Master let go of him.

"It was I who sent the envelopes."

The Master was leaving the control room. The Doctor ran after him.

"I invited you all, me included, to that beach. Why? What happened? Was it something between me and River?"

"Keep dreaming," the Master hissed, slamming doors and trying to get away from the Doctor.

"What happened, then? Did something happen to me?"

"Not saying! Do your ears function properly?"

"Hardly ever. Why are you acting so strange? You're being both nice and supportive, and you don't care that I snogged River."

The Master came to a dead halt.

"Snogged? You said it was just a kiss."

"Never mind that. Now we are getting somewhere. Just tell me something."

"You died."

"I don't think I understand."

"You died. Dead. Shot several times, then shot again when you tried to regenerate. I doused your body in a can of gasoline that you had made sure was available, and I set it on fire. So now we have both attended each other's funerals. Happy? Satisfied? Anything else you would like me to suffer through before you and I crash and burn like we were always meant to?"

"Now, that's a bit harsh, don't you think?" The Doctor fidgeted, straightened his coat, looked away and everything he did when he had no idea what to do with himself.

"No. No it isn't," the Master assured and shook his head. "To think I almost chose death over being stuck in the TARDIS with you. I wish I had."

"No, Master, please don't say that." The Doctor pulled him into an embrace. "Don't."

The Master sagged against him and clung onto his coat. "Then don't die, goddamn you."

"That beach is a fixed point in—"

"I bloody well know that!"

"Don't blame me. It's not like I want to die."

He trailed off. The Master had nothing more to say to him. He let out a deep breath and leaned against the wall, still holding the Master to him. Surely he couldn't die. He still had so much life left in him.

"You will tell me if something like this happens again, won't you?"

"I will keep it in mind the next time you invite me to your death."

"You never know," the Doctor said thoughtfully. "I would say it was a good thing if I got a second chance at arranging my own funeral."

"You're not funny."

"No? I was under the distinct impression that I am a very fun guy to be around. Funny and cool."

The Master bit him. He yelped and clutched his shoulder.

"Are you going to take this seriously or not?" the Master growled.

"Ow. If you're not careful I am going to die of rabies before I have any chance to get shot," the Doctor warned and rubbed his shoulder.

"I am going to lock myself inside my room now and play with my dolls," the Master told him, so serious it wasn't even funny. He pushed the bedroom door open. "Ten would never do this to me." He slammed the door and deadlocked it.

The Doctor clenched his fists. He struggled between walking away and trying again. "You're only saying that to annoy me!" he yelled, kicking at thin air. "It's working." He folded his arms and turned his back on the door. "I'm the one dying! You could try and feel sorry for someone other than yourself for once." He was pacing. The Master wasn't replying. The Doctor left in defeat.

XXX

"Seriously, you two?" the Doctor asked.

"This is just unacceptable," the Master agreed with his arms crossed over his chest.

They had landed the TARDIS in a field after discovering a distinct crop circle in the newspaper. The Master knew Amy and Rory would be wailing for them to return soon enough, but this was just wrong.

"I mean, 'Doctor/Master'? My name should obviously come first," the Master complained.

"Whatever," Amy said. "We got your attention, didn't we?"

"In a lame and tacky way," the Doctor huffed with indignation. He could only hold onto his annoyance for so long, on the other hand. He was too happy to see them again. "Permission to hug?" he asked Rory.

"Granted," Rory sighed as the Doctor went for his wife.

"Denied!" the Master protested. He was ignored. The Doctor hugged Amy tightly and the Master grimaced. "Anyway, if the strikethrough was meant as a message, you can have the Doctor. He's been insufferable."

"Says you," the Doctor snapped back at him.

"What strikethrough?" Amy asked.

The Master held up the newspaper. On the front page was a picture of the crop circles that read Doctor/Master.

"We didn't make that."

An engine roared. They were forced to throw themselves out of the way as a sleek car skidded to a halt right next to the TARDIS. Mels had crashed the party and the cops were at her heels. She stepped out of the car with a gun in one hand and a far too satisfied smile.

"The Raggedy Doctor. Amy, you never mentioned he was hot."

"Mels, not again!" Amy groaned.

"Excuse me, Doctor not following, Doctor very confused," the Doctor interrupted Amy's oncoming yelling. "You never said I was hot?"

"Yes, Amy, what's wrong with that tiny mind of yours? You spend all day talking about my legs and forget all about him."

"Who's he?" Mels asked.

"You never...?" The Master's rage got cut short as the sirens were getting dangerously close and Mels pointed her gun at them.

"Time to make use of that time machine, Doctor."

The Doctor raised his arms in the air but was reluctant. "Now, contrary to popular belief, the TARDIS is not a getaway van."

Mels fired off a shot right over his head.

"On second thought, where would you like to go?"

Mels grinned. "Let's see. We have a time machine, I have a gun. I say we kill Hitler."

"You can say whatever you want, I like her. That girl has the right attitude with time travel," the Master said after they'd ran into the TARDIS and started takeoff.

"Who is he?" Mels asked. It was directed at Amy, but it was the Doctor who replied by putting an arm around the Master.

"Why, this is my little Time Monster," he said, turning a wheel with his free hand.

"You had better be talking about your penis," the Master warned him. "Really, Amy, you never mentioned me?"

"I didn't know you," Amy said. She was glaring at her friend. "I told Mels about the Doctor when I was little."

"But the Doctor could have told you about me. Then I could be like your imaginary friend's imaginary boyfriend. Which I probably was at that time, anyway," the Master said with a smirk in the Doctor's direction. "Remember how much you missed me? You got yourself a pair of pets in effort to get over me."

The two were running about the TARDIS dashboard and piloting it at gunpoint, but they were too busy bickering to worry about being shot. The Doctor narrowed his eyes at the Master.

"And who came running back, hm? You've gone entirely soft for me."

The Master's lips curled with displeasure. "Remember how you held me and cried over me after Lucy shot me? The drums were driving me crazy and all I could think of was myself. We seem to have switched places. Congratulations, you have finally become me."

He couldn't see the Doctor's reaction. The conversation was cut short by Mels who had fired off a shot inside the TARDIS to shut them up.

XXX

They had crash-landed. The Doctor was petulant as they climbed out of the time machine and Mels still had the balls to complain.

"You shot my TARDIS!" he exclaimed.

"Cannibalizing it doesn't seem like such a big deal now, does it?" the Master asked.

"Yes! Be quiet, all of you. Where are we?"

They looked around. There were Nazi flags and a big desk. They appeared to have gotten to their destination. Then there was Hitler, who was staring at them in shock.

"Thank you, whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life."

They exchanged looks.

"You can't say this hasn't been one of our more interesting trips," the Master argued.

There was another man knocked out on the floor. While everyone was sharing an awkward moment, he got up and Hitler freaked out. He shot at him several times before Rory punched Hitler to the floor and took his gun.

"Sit still. Be quiet."

"He was going to kill me!"

"Shut up, Hitler."

The Master gave Rory two thumbs up in a rare moment of approval.

"Rory, put Hitler in the cupboard," the Doctor ordered.

"Right. Hitler, cupboard. Cupboard, Hitler, Hitler cupboard."

"Amy," the Master muttered, leaning over to her. "I wouldn't mind swapping. For a while."

"Mels!" Amy wasn't listening. The guy who Hitler had shot at was fine, but fainted. Mels, on the other hand...

They rushed over to her as she collapsed on some debris.

"Too bad. I rather liked her. Where do we go next?" the Master asked.

"Shut up, Master," the Doctor said. He was leaning over Mels, who was dying. "Hold on."

"Heh. I used to dream about you. Those stories Amy used to tell me... You were amazing. I was going to marry you."

"Good, let's get married. You stay alive, I marry you, deal?"

"Hey!"

"Shouldn't you ask my parents first?" Mels asked. She was near dead. Except she didn't die. Instead, she started glowing. The Doctor dragged the Ponds out of the way and the Master leapt to the side as she began regenerating. New skin tone, new hair and everything, yet it was all distinctly familiar. They stared in shock as Mels became Amy and Rory's River Song.

"Oh. It's you," the Master growled.

"What?" River asked, but she was far too busy running around and checking herself out to pay any actual attention.

"I taught her that bloody annoying way of greeting me," the Master sighed to himself while the Doctor and the Ponds were trying to piece this all together. Eventually, though, River had enough of the niceties. She'd gotten hold of Hitler's gun and pointed it at the Doctor. Of course, the Doctor had emptied out the bullets. She picked up her own gun and the Doctor had removed the clip.

It was a weird way of flirting that made the Master both disgusted and jealous. This was his job. Currently he wasn't at all disposed against trying to kill the Doctor himself, up until River actually kissed him. He'd had enough. Snatching up the clip, he reloaded River's gun and shot her.

Everyone yelled at him as River staggered back. The Master just fired away until he had emptied the entire clip into her. Then he pulled out his laser screwdriver and continued to shoot until Amy and Rory grabbed him by the arms and wrestled him to the floor. He hated the fact that it wasn't going to kill her. With a burst of regeneration energy, River healed and knocked them all back. She laughed and stepped onto the windowsill as the Doctor buckled.

"See, this is what you get when you kiss cheap whores!" the Master yelled. He grabbed the Doctor before he hit the floor. The Doctor couldn't die here.

"Let go. Let go, you have to go after River," the Doctor groaned.

"You won't stay alive if I promise to marry you, I suppose?"

"No, that only works when I do it. Nngh. Go! I need to get into the TARDIS." The Doctor was struggling to get up. He shoved his screwdriver into Amy's hand and stumbled towards the TARDIS.

"Oh, no you—!"

The Doctor slammed the door in the Master's face. He crawled into the TARDIS.

"Voice command activate," he called out after collapsing in the control room.

"Voice command activated." A hologram of him had appeared and he cringed.

"No, give me someone I like," he whined. It changed into Rose. "Oh, no, no. No!" And Martha and Donna just brought out too much guilt. "Someone in this universe I didn't screw up!"

"Voice interface enabled."

The Doctor looked up from where he was clutching at his chest. He scoffed with indignation. "How is that not screwed up?"

The hologram of the Master didn't react. "I am a voice interface."

"Of course you are. Have to hand it to Rasillon, you weren't my handiwork at least."

"I am not the Master. I am a voice interface."

"Stubborn as always. Gh... How am I holding up?"

"Your system has been infected with poison from the Judas Tree. You will be dead in thirty-two minutes."

"Oh, you'd like that," the Doctor gritted out. "But you know I'm fine. See, I'm fine. I'll find a cure and I'll be just fine."

"There is no cure. You will be dead in thirty-two minutes."

The Doctor was twisting in agony on the floor. "I. Am fine," he hissed.

"You will be fine for thirty-one minutes. You will be dead in thirty-two minutes."

"Hah, but I'll come up with something clever. You know I always do, that's why you keep trying. You wouldn't actually ever want me dead. If you were in here, you'd be crying all over me."

"I am not the Master. I am a voice interface."

The Doctor gritted his teeth. His mind was racing for ideas to avert his death and the hologram didn't help him. "You should be crying, you stupid hologram."

The near static hologram changed and instead played a recording from after the Titanic incident, when the Master was locked up and going mad in a corner.

"Right," the Doctor said, feeling guilt creep up on him once more. "But that was just one time; I fixed you. That's right. Rasillon screwed you up and I made you better, I actually made you better!" He'd actually, definitely made the Master better. He just realized this. The Master would have been helping him now if he hadn't locked him out.

The hologram changed back to the static. "You will be dead in thirty-one minutes."

The Doctor wasn't listening. He was forcing himself up on his knees, pulling himself up by the TARDIS console. "Except," he panted with newfound inspiration. "You won't have to watch me die again. Not today."

XXX

The Ponds and the Master had been picked up by the Teseleca that had previously tried to kill Hitler. Now it was after River and it led them right to her. The Master was quite gleeful about the prospect of her being tortured, but then the TARDIS appeared with the Doctor all spiffed up with a sonic cane. This was so not happening. It didn't help that he encouraged them to stop the Teselecta from torturing River.

Amy used the sonic screwdriver to bust the Teselecta's systems. Now they were trapped and about to be destroyed while the Doctor was dying. The Master was all too relieved to have the TARDIS rescuing them, up until he found it was River piloting it. He yelled at her until she took them back to the dying Doctor. They rushed to his aid, without much to do other than to look at him and be worried.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor said. He couldn't move and for the first time he appeared to have trouble speaking. "Nothing can help me now." He grabbed onto the Master's sleeve and clenched onto it.

"Stop lying," the Master hissed. "We know you won't die here."

"You told him?" Amy exclaimed.

"What matters is that he has to live!"

"No. No, don't. There's no helping me," the Doctor insisted. "Don't. Master. Don't, I don't want you to."

"I wasn't." The Master narrowed his eyes and looked at River. "You did this to him and you can save him."

"No," the Doctor protested weakly, and that was probably the last thing he was capable of saying. He couldn't even keep his eyes open any more.

River was all shaken up. She had been told that she was, in fact, River Song. One that the Doctor trusted. The glowing light of regeneration energy was around her hands and she knew what she had to do. "Is he worth it?" she asked.

"Yes. Yes he is," Amy said. She wasn't entirely sure what was happening. She and Rory looked to the Master, then to River who kneeled down by the Doctor. The Master was fighting not to interrupt as she had the audacity to kiss the Doctor once more while she gave him her regenerations.

XXX

It could have been a lot more painful, the Master realized. River was in the hospital and they were back in the TARDIS. She wasn't travelling with them, yet.

"After all, you don't want this place going any more domestic," he said with venom in his voice. "Dragging your wife and in-laws around." The Ponds were taking this as their sign to get on with their own business. They left the Master and the Doctor alone in the control room.

"Oh, I don't know how that would turn out. She poisoned me and gave her remaining regenerations to save me. As far as first dates go, I would call that mixed signals."

The Master shook his head with disgust and went for the control panel. "Where are we going next?"

"Hey, hey, you know I didn't mean that seriously," the Doctor said, trying to laugh it off.

"You kissed her again, twice."

"You shot her, and anyway I was almost dead one of those times."

"Until she is dead I haven't shot her enough."

"Look, I am sorry," the Doctor told him. "It wasn't meant to turn out like this."

The Master was hell-bent on being stubborn. He concentrated on driving the TARDIS and getting them as far away from River as he possibly could.

"At least Ten was able to have a serious moment from time to time."

"Serious. That's no fun, that's dull and just makes everyone so moody. No, look now, you and I, we are serious but that doesn't mean we have to be serious, if you know what I mean. When were we ever? Even when I was young and grumpy and you had that awful beard, we still had great times. Remember the first time we met on Earth? You allied yourself with plastic."

"You stole a part from my TARDIS and got me stuck there with you," the Master replied coldly. "Do I need to demonstrate the whole 'not funny', 'funny' faces again so you might understand the difference?"

"Oh, come on. You tried running me over with a minibus and I couldn't wait for the next time we would see each other."

The Master remembered. He had to crack a smile. "Oh, fine. As far as first dates go, that wasn't bad. You wore a cape; that was hot."

"So what do you say?" the Doctor asked, clapping his hands together. "We forget about River Song, you give me a kiss and tell me you forgive me and then we go for a holiday. Every day is holiday for us, except when we have to save the world; then it's an exciting holiday, but we can't have any frowny faces on holidays, now can we?"

The Master pulled a lever while he considered, watching the Doctor out of the corner of his eye. "Wash your face, first. Then we'll talk."

They didn't get that holiday any time soon. Not when the Doctor received a message on the psychic paper; a cry for help from a little boy who was having nightmares.

"We are responsible adults," the Doctor explained to the father. It turned out to finally be a lie too big for the slightly psychic paper.

"This is when the paper spontaneously combusts," the Master muttered.

Nevertheless, they elbowed their way in and began helping. The Doctor, anyhow. He was able to help because the Master wasn't getting in the way. The Master was a big, scary monster in the child's eyes and had been put in the closet with all the other scary things. The Doctor was in a silent panic, but played it cool with Amy and Rory up until Amy also got trapped, and they suspected that the Master had set the doll house on fire because of the smoke coming out of the closet.

It was all very unsettling. The boy was an alien being and somehow the only thing needed to save the day was just some love from his parents. It all got too sappy for the Master and he was the first one back inside the TARDIS while the Doctor had breakfast with George and his father.

They returned only to discover that the Master had gone through the TARDIS' dressing room. He had found the Doctor's old scarf from his fourth incarnation. He was wearing it, and he wasn't wearing anything else.

"We'll... leave you guys alone," Rory said. He had to drag Amy with him before he got any more embarrassed, and before her eyes fell out, preferably.

"Amy had a point," the Doctor said, getting all fidgety. "You do have nice legs."

"You washed your face?" the Master asked as he looped the Doctor in with some excessive length of scarf. The Doctor nodded.

"That thingy is an antique, you know—oh."

They were a tangle of scarf and bodies before he knew it. The Master still had a way of getting him all flustered when he wanted to.

"We need to stop having sex in the control room," the Doctor said once they were done and lying in a breathless heap on the floor. He tried to get up, but the scarf was tied to one of his wrists, his thighs and several other body parts. He promptly fell back into the heap.

"And we'll stop arguing, shall we?" the Master asked and put an arm around him. "I might just win a galactic peace price while we are at it."

"Either way it will be your job to explain these stains to the dry cleaners."

After this, they felt rather bad for Amy and Rory. The Doctor did, at any rate. To make it up to them, they would finally get to that holiday; the Doctor would take them to the second most popular holiday planet in the system; Apalapucia. He couldn't stand coffee shops and the Master couldn't stand being around people he couldn't kill, so it was all working out.

Of course, they landed in a medical facility wherein Amy got herself trapped. The planet was suffering from an attack of Chen7, and the Apalapucians had founded "kindness centres", which the Master scoffed at. He wouldn't be scoffing for long. When the Doctor found out that Amy had been locked in a time stream that suspended one day so that the infected could live out their lives, he got nervous.

"You will be able to get her out, right?" Rory asked.

"Well, yes, but, the thing is..." The Doctor was ripping loose the lens in the visiting room. With it they could keep contact with Amy. "If the TARDIS is even five minutes late, we have no idea how much time might have passed for Amy.

"Some months on her own will just make her appreciate us more," the Master said without concern. He did aid the Doctor with his screwdriver, but only because he liked destroying public property.

"And I wonder what would happen if we did that with you," the Doctor said and frowned. "Amy is going to be all alone and we are already wasting time. Weeks will have passed. You have trouble enough spending one day in a locked room."

"I am a psychopath! Amy's mental condition might be questionable—"

"That's my wife you are talking about," Rory protested.

"—But she isn't going to flip out if she is left on her own for a few weeks."

"It's going to be a lot more than weeks," the Doctor murmured. The way he looked at the Master was not reassuring. The Master took a step back.

"Oh, no. No. You can go in there if you want to risk your life, I am not. I can pilot the TARDIS better than you, anyway. You are going to screw up and she'll be dead from old age before you get your sorry ass in there to save her."

"I never ask anything of you," the Doctor said. "Master, please. We can get you vaccinated. All you have to do is stay with her and protect her for a little while. Rory and I will use the lens and have the TARDIS lock onto Amy's life stream. We'll be right in there to get you."

The Master hated it and so did Rory, but in the end he gave in. They were already wasting precious time. While they couldn't make the TARDIS materialize inside the specific time stream, they could use the door to get in, but not out. As prepared as he could be, the Master pressed the red button on the lift and stepped in.

"If I die, Doctor, you had better tell everyone it was for an evil cause. Not... Not keeping a human girl safe," he snarled.

"You will be excellent. And careful, I hope."

The lift closed and the Master stepped out in the kindness centre to be greeted by the Handbots. He was despising this already. At least their vaccines and medicines wouldn't kill him instantly. Now, to find out whether Amy was alive and sane still.

The place was deserted and he sincerely hoped he was in the right time stream. He had wandered the place for quite a while when he spotted the writing in lipstick on the wall. It was a message Amy had left for the Doctor, signalling where she was. It looked old.

The Master ventured into this darker section of the centre, one arm over his mouth even though the vaccine should keep him safe. He was paranoid. The idea of dying here was sickening, but he forgot all about it when he saw Amy. She had pulled together somewhat of a home in there, and she had a Handbot with a face on it that she had named Rory. She was sitting on a crate, crying silently.

"Amy?"

She looked up. She was older, but she wasn't old yet, per say. Above all she was genuinely surprised to see him.

"Master?"

"How long has it been?" he asked. Rarely did he get stuck in a room with her alone. This was going to be awkward. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Why would he send you? It's been four years. I was starting to think he'd given up on me, heh." She sniffed and straightened herself up. The Master appeared to have caught her at one of the more embarrassing moments.

"He is coming, but apparently it was too cruel to leave you here by yourself," the Master replied sourly and sat down on another crate. "He needs time to fix onto you so he can materialize the TARDIS in here. Who knows how long we are stuck."

"So he's not here yet." What hope had reignited in Amy's eyes was going out. "What about Rory?"

The Master let out an audible sigh. "It hasn't even been ten minutes for them. He is fine. You had better not be this dreary all the time, or you are going to be horrible company."

"Wait, am I getting this right?" Amy asked. "You are staying here with me? To keep me company?"

The Master nodded. His frown was comical at this point, the very definition of "not funny." To think that he had been a proud, powerful Time Lord once. The best. Had Gallifrey still existed, he could have been ruling it, but here he was, babysitting a monkey. Not five minutes away from the Doctor and he was easing back into destructive thoughts.

Amy didn't mind. Not when the Master could help her keep the Handbots away. If not the best company, the Master was at least destroying robots left and right. Only Rorybot got to live. With the parts, Amy made herself armour and the Master showed her how to make a sonic device of her own. She called it a sonic probe. The Master cracked up whenever she said its name, and she couldn't deny it was pretty funny when the Master said it in his sleaziest voice.

Now and again they actually had some laughs together. It helped, somewhat. The Master couldn't stand how slowly time passed when they weren't doing anything interesting. As the days snailed by, he counted all the evil plots he could have pulled off during their time at the centre. Amy just laughed.

"You might as well be counting all the times the Doctor could have kicked your arse," she said, snapping her fingers. "He'd be onto you like that."

"Maybe I like it when he's onto me. 'The Sonic Screwdriver' isn't just a tool, you know. It's also this thing he does when we—"

"Okay, no, stop that. None of that," Amy told him. "We agreed on no creepy stories. That man kissed my daughter."

"Don't remind me," the Master warned her.

"Ooh. Someone's jealous," Amy singsonged.

"You are, too. Don't pretend like you don't have a crush on him."

Amy's face fell into a frown. "Yes, well, I'm happy with Rory. And the Doctor... What are you going to do?"

The Master had hoped they could avoid this conversation. "I will think of something. I always do."

"I hope you do."

The days became months and years. The Master was getting bored to death, but Amy was losing faith. Understanding the difference between the time streams, the Master knew that the Doctor and Rory hadn't been long, but two decades had worn on Amy. It was a little grotesque to him, watching her grow old. It had been funny when he had aged the Doctor with his screwdriver, but this was sad, in some way. He pitied her.

The two of them stuck together at most times, avoiding the Handbots and moving from room to room. At least they had the scenery to enjoy. One was a vast garden. They knew it by heart now, after countless walks in feeble attempts at passing the time. Amy was sitting on a bench, tired after their last fight with the Handbots.

"Sometimes it would be centuries between the times we met," the Master said. He was talking mostly to himself. Amy wasn't very responsive, but he kept in the vicinity, shooting down butterflies with his screwdriver. "Now and then he would have a new face, other times I would. Speaking of, you never saw what I could do with masks and mind control. Brilliant. Did I tell you about this machine that supposedly sucked out the evil in people? It could trigger a vision of their worst nightmares and make them die of shock."

"You told me," Amy said. Her voice was different. The Master had almost forgotten what the young Amy sounded like. He hadn't paid attention to her, and now she was the only thing in the world left to pay attention to. He was noticing the small changes.

"Huh."

"What?"

"First time I repeated myself since we got here. I'm running out of stories. We must have been here for a while." He fell silent. Amy was silent. The garden was one huge place filled with pressing silence.

The silence continued over the next years. It turned out not to matter. Awkward moments had long since been eliminated and replaced by comfortable quiet. They had a routine every day to keep them alive and nothing else mattered. Amy had gotten to somewhat know the Master by now. Whether they kept each other sane or spiralled deeper into insanity together was hard to say. Possibly it was a bit of both. Together they survived, was probably the most appropriate way of putting it.

Another decade. For thirty-six years it was just Amy, the Master and Rorybot living like scavengers. The Master kept Amy safe, but by now she was very capable of taking care of herself. She was an old woman who had long since given up on the idea of being rescued. If they did eventually come, they would be too late for her.

She had told the Master, "If you ever get back to them, please tell Rory that I only blame the Doctor." They were harsh words filled with contempt. The Master only nodded to her. He knew the Doctor would eventually show up, but he was feeling her hatred and he was, in many ways, agreeing. He wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for the Doctor, but his priorities had shifted. He was doing this for Amy, not for him.

She hardly showed much other than bitterness at this point. She was cold, efficient and precise whenever they fought the Handbots, quiet and defeated when they were alone.

Then, after a few more days it happened. They ran into Rory. He was wearing Ten's glasses, which looked ridiculous on him, but nevertheless it was Rory. The glasses allowed him to keep contact with the Doctor.

The Master had been worried that Amy would be completely stoic upon seeing Rory again, should it ever happen. Whether it was because of him or because she had held onto some emotion, he didn't know, but she lit up when she saw him. Rory didn't notice, but the Master did. Compared to her younger self she was still bitter, but Rory had brought her happiness again.

So the Doctor had latched onto the wrong time stream. Of course he had. The Master had very mixed feelings about him, though less than forty years wasn't much of his lifetime. Amy, on the other hand... Now, the Doctor wanted her help to bring the younger Amy into this time stream so he could save her, but that wasn't about to happen. The older Amy would not give up on her existence, the years she had suffered because of the Doctor. The Master found himself backing her up.

Rory was furious at the Doctor and the Doctor was furious at the Master for agreeing with her. He put the glasses on speaker phone. "Master, don't be ridiculous. We can fix this."

"You should have let me drive," the Master told him.

"This isn't the time for jokes!"

"Do I look amused?" he asked. He definitely wasn't making the funny face.

"Listen to me, both of you. We can use the lens to help your younger selves across the time streams if you simply do as I say. You won't have to have experienced any of this."

The Master looked to Amy. This strange alliance was baffling both Rory and the Doctor.

"Amy, please," Rory begged.

"I hate him." Amy said.

"What?"

"Are you listening, Doctor?" she called out at the glasses. "I hate you. I am not going to let you erase that and have me skipping along all happy like as if nothing happened."

"But if you would just let us save you, nothing would have happened," the Doctor argued. "Master? Please."

The Master looked to Amy. It was weird to have respect for a human. He should have enjoyed watching her deteriorate into an old hag. "He left me here to keep you company."

"Shows how much he cares about you."

"I had no idea it would take so long," the Doctor kept on insisting.

"Take both of them with you," the Master said.

"What? Have you gone insanerer? The TARDIS could never handle the paradox."

"Unless we turn it into a paradox machine again," the Master said smoothly. He had both Amy and Rory's attention, now.

"You could do that?" Amy asked. "It would save both of us?"

"Doctor?" Rory tapped a finger at the glasses when there wasn't any reply. It took a moment, and when it came, the Doctor sounded as if he was fighting to keep his anger back.

"It's wrong."

"Then you shouldn't have failed us in the first place," the Master murmured. He had thought he would be happy for hearing the Doctor's voice again, but it was hard to feel anything right then.

Silence. Then a strangled "Fine."

The Master nodded to Amy. They would do this. With Rory's help and the lens, they found the younger Amy's time stream and synchronized both of the girls' thoughts. They were able to bring them into the same time stream. Both Amies looked at each other and went "oh my god."

The younger Amy, on the other hand, hugged onto Rory with relief. She had such a bright smile. This was just weird to both the older Amy and to the Master.

"Should we get the Master as well?" Rory asked.

"No need," the Master told him. "What is thirty-two years to a Time Lord?" His lips curled with a certain cynicism to it. The Doctor had trouble making out what he was thinking, and then he had trouble making out anything at all as Rory's glasses began to malfunction.

"Rory! The glasses can't handle the feedback from both time streams meeting. You need to take the glasses off," he shouted to him. "Get to the TARDIS."

It was the last they heard from the Doctor. It didn't help that the Handbots had found them. They would have to fight their way out, at which Rory and the younger Amy were rather useless. Rory led them to the hall where the TARDIS had been parked, but there was a small army of robots to be mowed down before they got there. The younger Amy was hit by one of the Handbots' tranquilizers.

"Take her and get into the TARDIS!" the older Amy yelled at Rory. "All of you."

Rory and the younger Amy ran in first. The Doctor was at the door, waiting for them. When the Master was within reach, he took him by the hand and pulled him inside before he slammed the door.

"Amy!" Rory called out. "Doctor, you can't do this!"

"You promised her," the Master snarled. But he wasn't surprised.

"You didn't think I would actually let you do that horrible thing to my TARDIS again?" the Doctor asked. "It's wrong, is what it is. Just wrong. I am sorry, but there can't be two of Amy."

"No, I didn't expect you to," the Master assured. "I didn't expect anything."

"Master..."

The older version of Amy was banging at the door and calling out.

The Master shook his head at the Doctor. Over the years he had looked at the Doctor with contempt, frustration and a number of other negative emotions, but never before had he looked at him with disappointment. It stung.

"There is nothing else I can do," the Doctor tried to defend himself. "Nothing. Rory will have to choose." It was painful to him as well. Even more so when he heard the older Amy start crying.

"Leave. Just leave now," she told them. "I knew this was too good to be true." She sank down along the TARDIS' door to sit on the floor. "So just leave, before I break the door down and make Time and Space collapse, yeah?"

Rory looked to the Doctor, pleading. The Amy out there was just as much his Amy. The Master, on the other hand, knew very well which one he preferred. He pressed himself to the door with gritted teeth.

"Amy. You soldiered on like no one else. I won't forget it."

Amy sniffed and leaned her head against the door of the TARDIS. "No. You and I did," she said. "Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"You too," the Master muttered.

The Doctor and Rory were mystified as they watched this emotional farewell between the two. The Doctor collected himself and got the TARDIS moving before it became any more difficult to leave. Rory was broken, but he went over to his Amy and picked her up to take her to bed. She was still out, and he wasn't looking forward to explaining to her.

The Master was still sitting by the door once they were adrift in deep space. A little over three decades had left more of an impression that he thought it would.

"Master."

He looked up.

The Doctor kneeled down next to him. He knew that a lot of damage had been done during this time, but he also just witnessed the Master's most humane moment so far. "We can still go back and get you," he said. "You don't have to live with this."

"No. I looked after her. I did something good and you are not taking that away because it doesn't suit you."

"Alright, alright," the Doctor assured. "We won't. You still look young and pretty, hm?" He dared to try and stroke a hand over the Master's hair. He was relieved not to find himself pushed away. They could work this out. "Young, pretty, sexy thing. You're a beauty. Did I ever tell you that?"

"Hmph." The Master was reluctant. After a minute, he let his head lean against the Doctor, who put an arm around him.

"Did you ever lose faith?" the Doctor whispered, his hand stroking the Master's back. "Did you start hating me as well?" They could work it out if he did. They had done so before, they could do it again.

"Never."

Now the Master was clinging onto him and they were in a sudden, intense embrace.

"I just sometimes forgot that I didn't."

"Of course you did," the Doctor mumbled into the Master's shoulder. "It's fine. Everything will be just fine."

"I missed you." The Master was choking up and hating himself for being so weak. It didn't help that he had known Amy a lifetime, and the Amy travelling with them didn't remember any of it. He was so furious with the Doctor for making him go through this, but he was all too happy that it was over. He was vulnerable and he didn't care if the Doctor exploited it with the intension of an unusual tender night to mark their reunion.

XXX

"You owe me one," the Master told the Doctor when they were at the TARDIS console the next morning. "And it will involve bending over." He had gotten considerably better after some intensive care from the Doctor throughout the night. He was back to his snide, potty self.

Amy and Rory appeared after breakfast, Rory yawning. Amy was a little odd when she saw the Master, knowing what he had done for her.

"Hello," she said, awkward.

"Morning," the Master said without interest. He focused on driving the TARDIS.

"Hey, I know I don't remember any of it, but it was big what you did for me there," she said with some uncertainty. She didn't imagine over three decades with the Master would be entertaining. "Thanks?"

"I did it because the Doctor asked. Move along, Pond." He didn't need to start caring for her all over again. It wasn't the same Amy.

They landed in what appeared to be an Earth hotel from the 80s. It was alien. Someone had put great effort into making it look like a hotel from the 80s, but nothing was Doctor-proof. There was a Minotaur wandering the halls and there were people to save. Not to mention the TARDIS got lost almost the moment they stepped into the space hotel.

It, like everything else, worked out in the end, but not without them having to face their worst nightmares inside designated hotel rooms. Amy saw herself as a child, the Doctor saw himself and Rory saw nothing at all. The Master, well, he saw himself with the opportunity of being victorious ruler of all Time Lords. He was annoyed by this for quite some time, while the Doctor ran around in the background and tried to save people. By the time he realized that his greatest desire in conquest would probably cost him the one person he cared for, the Doctor had failed miserably.

They had the TARDIS back, but too many had been killed in the process. Not to mention it was getting late for the Doctor, and he knew. The fun was over, the Master supposed.

The TARDIS landed and the Ponds were the first ones to run outside to see where they were. It was good old England and a nice, big house with an expensive car parked outside. It was theirs. This was where they took farewell. Amy and Rory were taken aback, but the Doctor was adamant. He wouldn't risk their lives further and he hugged them both in turn and said goodbye. The Master actually hugged Amy, but he said nothing to either of them. He was the first one to stomp back into the TARDIS and pretend not to be touched.

The Doctor joined him in a moment. The Master was leaning over the dashboard with a frown.

"I suppose I am next," he said. His question was met by silence. "I knew you wouldn't take me along when it came down to it." The Doctor wasn't even giving him a chance to fix this.

"There is nothing you can do. Trust me," the Doctor said after a moment of consideration. He went up to the Master and put an arm around him. "I have to do this. But there is somewhere I want to take you first. One last trip for poor old me and you, what do you say?"

"It's not going to be one of those where you go 'just one more trip' and we get tangled up in a big mess and suddenly it's been ten and twenty trips, and in the end everything just goes back the way it was, is it?"

"I... I am afraid not. Not this time," the Doctor said. "Maybe next time?"

"Don't even try," the Master warned him. There wouldn't be a next time. There had always been a next time; they had never stopped chasing after each other and a world without the Doctor was impossible. Surely it would rather implode upon itself than be void of Doctor. It was going to take time before this sank in.

The Doctor took him to Venice during the renaissance. Being their last trip, it wasn't meant to turn into a huge clusterfuck of saving the world. They were careful to avoid the fish and Casanova (because the Doctor still didn't have a chicken to pay him back), and other than some assassins running about, it was a fairly quiet stay.

He had given them two weeks together, rented a house and really gone all out to make it special in a non-dangerous way. The Doctor had meant it to be fun. He'd even dressed up for the era, but there was no making the Master smile because no matter how nice it might be to snuggle down every evening in silk sheets in front of an open balcony in Venice, they couldn't get by that this was the last time.

"It was meant to last forever," the Master murmured. It was their last night. He hadn't said much during their whole stay and they definitely hadn't talked about what was going to happen. The Doctor had hoped they would keep it that way.

"Everyone has to die at some point," he said. He was still desperately trying to think of ways to escape his fate, but the Master didn't need to know how scared he was. He'd spent the last days holding onto the other Time Lord and he still was. "Think of all the fun things you can do without me to hold you back." It was a feeble attempt at cheering him up. The Master didn't respond to it.

"Death shouldn't have to be the end."

"Master." The Doctor sat up. "There is something I want to give to you. A parting gift, if you will."

"Don't," the Master sighed.

The Doctor took the Master's hand and put something in his palm. "This is probably a terrible idea, but I will be dead before this comes back to bite me in the ass, so what do you say?"

The Master looked down at the key in his hand. A key to the TARDIS. He had finally gotten his own key to the TARDIS.

"I can't..."

"It's yours. You have earned it."

The Doctor embraced him once more. It was a long, painful night for both of them, and when morning arrived there was silence. All but one thing had been said, and neither could find it in them. The Master asked to be left at the beach in Utah. The Doctor was reluctant, but he couldn't turn down the Master's last request. And so he was off to do the rest of his goodbyes while the Master witnessed his death once more. At a safe distance he watched them burn the Doctor's body. It smouldered to ash, taking with it the best times of his life.

XXX

Some had perhaps wondered would occur when a fixed point in time did not happen as intended. Those who still existed were in the process of finding out. Everything was happening at once as history folded and collapsed upon itself. River had refused to kill the Doctor and it was now 5:02 p.m. at the 22nd of April 2011 until reality could no longer bear it.

The Doctor, now with a full on bushy beard after being kept locked up for so long, was brought down from his cell in the palace tower and forced down on his knees in front of the Holy And Eternal Ruler of the Universe. Also known as the Master.

"Have you come up with a satisfactory answer yet?" he asked.

"I told you," the Doctor said. "About the fixed point in Time."

"And how we used to travel Time and Space together. Likely," the Master laughed. He was leaning on his desk with a clock in hand. "This is all wrong," he murmured to himself. "The fixed point in time, perhaps..." He glanced to the Doctor. "I remember things." He sat the clock down and began circling the Doctor with his hands behind his back.

"You do?"

"Fighting. You and me. That's all there is; fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting."

"If you would just try and remember," the Doctor pleaded.

With no warning, they were suddenly somewhere else. They were in a large hall and the Doctor was wielding a sword, the Master his screwdriver. Their arms were decked with tally marks.

"What..."

"The Silence," the Doctor said. He was breathless and wary. "They must be here. We fought them together once, do you remember?"

And instant later they were further down the hall and with considerably more tally marks. They had realized too late that the ceiling was one large nest of Silence and would have been dead if it wasn't for Amy's timely rescue.

"Sleek," the Master commented to her outfit.

"Who's he?" Amy demanded.

"He's coming with us, is what he is."

Amy had an office inside a train. That was simply too cool. The Master and the Doctor alike couldn't imagine why they hadn't thought of that. It was starting to come back to the Master. Amy had remembered, Rory was even around even if she didn't recognize him and then there was River. Of course, goddamn River. If having the Doctor shave his beard wasn't enough to make the Master remember, she was. Hate came very naturally to him.

The train took them out to Area 52, which was now somehow a pyramid but never mind that, it was full of trapped Silence that weren't so much trapped as they were simply a trap. The Master hated it when that happened. But River and the Ponds had prepared a plan, a device on top of the pyramid that they hoped would fix Time without the expense of the Doctor's life. The Doctor wasn't buying any of it.

"River, there is no avoiding it," he said, and now he was angry. "You are going to have to shoot me. I know it's difficult, but this isn't negotiable."

"But I love you," River said. Her eyes were red and full of tears.

"And your love for me is worth more than all of existence, is it now? I don't think so," the Doctor said.

"It is," she insisted.

"As much as I despise admitting it," the Master said. "We have to try. We have a chance here at saving you."

"No, we don't." The Doctor paced about in frustration while the Ponds, the Master and River watched.

"Right." The Doctor stopped and turned on his heel to face River. "Right, if this is how it is. I need a bit of cloth, actually, no." He undid his bowtie. "River, come here."

"Oh no, you don't," the Master sneered. Everyone else was confused, but he knew what the Doctor was planning. He walked right up to him and grabbed the Doctor by the front of his coat. "You are not doing this to me, not now."

"What matters is that we get time unstuck and I need River to cooperate with me."

"I don't care if I have to brainwash her into killing you," the Master said. "If you have to die, you aren't betraying me the last thing you do. It might not matter to you, but you're not going to be her dead husband."

The Doctor slowed down and actually considered what he had been about to do. "You'd rather...?"

"Of course, you blundering idiot."

The Doctor furrowed his brows. "But..."

"What's going on?" River asked. The mention of marriage hadn't exactly put her less on edge. Her eyes were red from crying, but now they were almost hopeful.

"I am just asking you not to marry her!" the Master exclaimed. "Is that too much?"

"Oh." The Doctor was fidgeting with the bow tie, absolutely blushing. "For a moment there I thought you wanted to have the dead husband. Well obviously, who wouldn't, but you know you never would have said that out loud, and you didn't, so it's all fine."

The Master stared at him. "What?" He narrowed his eyes. "You were just about to marry River. Is there even a tiny bit of sense in that strange mind of yours?"

The Doctor cleared his throat and looked to River. "Sorry about this, but I might be about to break your heart." He turned back to the Master, but had a quick look back at River again. "You probably will deal better with it than him, anyway," he said and started to tie the end of the bowtie around his own hand. "And it makes perfect sense," he added with annoyance at the Master. "Don't want to die without marrying in the Time Lord way, would I?"

"You don't even trust me," the Master scowled.

"Master, I absolutely, definitely do not trust you, you are insane and unpredictable and angry and vengeful and dangerous. But it doesn't matter, because I love you, and that's enough, isn't it? You didn't honestly think we would ever trust each other?"

The Master was taken aback. At the same time he found himself agreeing, after some consideration. "Not in all of Time," he sighed and tied the other end of the bowtie around his hand.

"Wait," River protested. "What are you...?"

"Short version, I'm afraid. You're fine by that, Master?" the Doctor asked.

"Very short, considering neither of us has parents any more to consent and all that," the Master huffed. So there wasn't much in the way of vows, but it was the act that mattered, even if the Master didn't expect the Doctor to behave any better once they were married. It was fine, so long as the Doctor didn't expect him to behave.

The moment arrived when they should have told each other their names, but they never got that far. River refused to sit quietly and watch. She called out in protest and grabbed the Doctor's hand. Time unstuck and everything around them unravelled itself and flew back into the right order.

So there he was, the Master all by himself at the beach with a piece of blue cloth around his hand. There was a distant shout from the beach. The Doctor was telling him that he was sorry.

The Master watched the Doctor's death and funeral from afar and something inside his head clicked back out of place. It began as simply remembering the Doctor's heartbeat from all the nights they had fallen into each other's arms. Then it never stopped.

He wouldn't allow this to be the end. There was always a solution and there would always be a Doctor. The noise was maddening and there was no extent he wouldn't go to in order to have what he wanted. Pulling out the key to the TARDIS, he turned around and walked away from the beach.

The TARDIS materialized before him and he pushed the doors open and ran to the console. Frantic, he began to pull levers and twist dials, running around the console as he piloted it by himself for the first time in a very, very long while.

"Come on, I know you too well. You liked torturing yourself too much to close it just like that..."

His actions had activated a security code in the TARDIS. A hologram of the 10th Doctor was projected. "If you see this, I am dead and you're about to do something very, very stupid. And if I am not dead, stop being a dick and untie me. You can't go back, not to stay, you will rip both universes apart if you do."

The Master scoffed. "If it was Eleven who left this message, it would only say 'Geronimo'." His teeth were gritted as he fought the TARDIS. It didn't want to cooperate. It wanted anything other than to punch a hole in the universe but the Master had found Gallifrey and he was going back. Tears were splashing down on the dashboard as the Master and the TARDIS rocketed through Time and Space until finally, with a loud bang, they ripped through the fabric of reality and appeared above a shining amber planet.

The TARDIS was empty and silent. It drifted through space without its Doctor. There was only the Master and one constant, repeating noise; one, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.