Broken hearts and last goodbyes, restless nights
But lullabies helps to make this pain go away
I realize I let you down
Told you that I'd be around
I'm building up the strength just to say
I'm Sorry
For breaking all the promises that I wasn't around to keep
It's on me,
This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay
But you're already on your way
We entered through the elevator like I normally do. It felt so surreal being next to him. Don't get me wrong I've dreamed he would just show up looking for me, but never thought it would happen. Yet, here we are waiting for the elevator and he still hasn't let my hand go. It feels nice to have someone holding my hand, but what will he say when he finds out about my past.
Finally the doors open and we walk in he asks:
"What floor JoyAnna?" he asks. I say "basement please." He looks at me funny and pushes the button. I know he is wondering what is going through my head. I've been so quite that he looks worried that maybe I am rethinking my choice to let him talk about everything.
We finally get to the floor I need and we get off. He now sees why I said the basement. See our public library's basement has the main computer lab, fiction, biography, young adult books, plus the genealogy room in it. He looks over and says:
"Where do you normally head to first?"
"Normally I head to the lab to print some stuff off but for now I think I will head over to the young adult books that I read and see if anything new is in on the series I read. Then head up stairs and check the movies and cd if there is anything new then we can check out and head to get Tiff." I replied to him.
"Ok let's head in." he replied.
When we get into the section I need I notice he sits down at the table and chairs and waited for me to finish my search? While sitting he must feel comfortable around me enough to take off his jacket and ray band's, but left his hat on so he would still be hard to spot.
"Can I ask you a question a few questions before we leave here?" I asked him.
"Sure!" he replied.
"Why did you cut your hair I loved the short look you had. It went with your gorgeous brown eyes. Plus the beard that you tried didn't really suit you. Even though it's still apparent it kind a has grown on me, but still doesn't really work on you?" I asked. Then realized I just let my obsession out and blushed.
"Oh JoyAnna, please don't blush. It's okay you asked I'll tell you. It's okay." He replied.
"Ok" I said in a small voice.
'I cut it at the time because I thought I needed to grow up not realizing that I should stay at a look that is 21 not one that is older. When I got your last email I realized I wasn't acting like myself. That is one of the reasons I came to see you I want to be myself again." He replied to me.
Filled with sorrow, filled with pain
Knowing that I am to blame
For leaving your heart out in the rain
And I know you're gonna walk away
And leave me with the price to pay
Before you go I wanted to say that I'm
Yeah
That I'm Sorry
For breaking all the promises that I wasn't around to keep
It's on me,
This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay
But you're already on your way
What was I supposed to say to that he just told me the one thing that I have been waiting to know and yet I am floored? He has no idea what he is getting himself into with my past. He doesn't realize that my past could screw up his career I know that it wouldn't matter to him but to me it would tear me apart if I messed up his career.
"Joe I don't know what to say to that because in all honesty I am thrilled that you think that I can help you become you again. I have so many thing to tell you that I couldn't in our emails about my family and it frightens me that if the press or media gets ahold of it that it will mess your Career up I don't want that to happen. I my sound a little Jonas Obsessed but you and your brothers are the only thing that gets me threw things when they are bad. But, enough of that when I tell you that I want Tiffany here she knows what to do if I get to the point of scaring you." I told him.
Can't make it alive on my own
But if you have to go, then please girl
Just leave me alone
Cause I don't want to see you and me going our
Separate ways
I'm begging you to stay
If it isn't too late
"JoyAnna I know that we have a lot going on right now but I want to know if this will go anywhere. I felt a connection with you in those emails I may have tried to ignore them but the truth is I saved them and read over them many times and I know I never actually promised we would meet or quit talking or that I would turn to Demi or Ashley because I couldn't get to you. I need to explain in more but won't til Tiffany is here I know I have a lot to answer to you both for. As for the press please don't worry about them I told my brothers and my dad to release that I am going home for a few days and not to bother me. I wanted this time with you to figure it all out and as long as I get the truth from you and if it's something I can't say to anyone else I promise that I will not let it tare me or my brothers apart. I can see that you have a past that haunts you let me help you fix and make you happy." Joe told me with so much passion.
"Okay Joe I will try but please don't hurt me my past has hurt me enough I don't think I can take you hurting me to. I think I am done here for today with you here it makes me just want to hurry up and get are conversation done with. Do you know of where we can go to discuss this because I don't want it to be in public to much drama in Kewanee as it is?" I replied.
"Sure let's go back to my hotel room once we pick tiffany up. Do you need to tell anyone where you're going because this my take a while." Joe stated.
"Yeah, I'll call my grandma that Tiffany and I live with and tell her that her mom needs us to stay at her house a little bit longer because she will be a couple more hours." I replied with a few giggles wondering if he caught the "a little bit longer" remark. I can't help but giggle anytime I or Tiffany makes a Jonas Brothers reference.
"Ok go ahead and call your grandma and Tiffany then we can head out." Joe replied while we head back to the elevator and to his car.
Phone Call 1:
"Phone rings"
Grandma: Hello
Me: Grandma it's JoyAnna I am leaving the library now. Heading over to Dianne's. I just called Tiffany and she said her mom need her to stay a couple more hours and Tiff wants me to stay there with her and walk back. Just wanted to let you know where I was at I'll call and let you know when we are heading home.
Grandma: Okay just know I am not happy about this just make sure your home in a few hours and not any longer. If she is not home then call and tell her that you're leaving anyway. Got it good.
Click.
Man I hate when she does that. Does she not realize that I am 21 an adult that I don't actually have to check in if I choose not to? If she knew that Tiffany and I was going to be alone with a Jonas Brother let alone a Jonas that I happen to like she would flip. I just hope that Joe doesn't look over and see that I kept wincing while she said all of that.
Phone Call 2:
"Ring ring ring"
Tiff: Hey JoyAnna are you done already.
Me: Hey Tiff yeah I'm done but I kind of had a visitor on the way to the library and I was wondering if you're almost done babysitting because we have to go to this visitor's hotel before we go home.
Tiff: Yeah I'm done just been waiting on you to call. And wait what you mean you had a visitor and we have to go to their hotel. Does grandma know about this person?
Me: No Tiff she doesn't I'm not walking to your mom's be outside and waiting for a blue car to pull up. You'll understand once we pick you up.
Tiff: ok see you in a few then. Bye
Me: Bye.
Joe looked over noticing I was done and said: "Where to JoyAnna?"
"Back out head toward the stop light go straight and turn at the Laundry mat go up to the stop light turn left go straight down to the second street from the school turn on S. Walnut and go down to the house on the right with bushes in the front." I told him.
"Ok" Joe stated.
For those few minutes we didn't talk just thought on what we were going to say to each other. Once we turned down the street I knew that our destinies were just about to start once Tiffany got in this car. All I could say to Joe at this point in time was:
"I'm Sorry"
I'm Sorry
For breaking all the promises that I wasn't round
To Keep
It's on me
This Time is the last time I will ever beg you to say.
But your already on your way.
But your already on your way.