chapter two: JASPER AND RILEY

"You know what, Riley?" Jasper yelled, right before pushing himself up from his chair and gathering their cutlery, glasses, and empty plates to take to the kitchen. He looked his boyfriend straight in the eyes right before walking away. "Just fuck off. I've had it with your excuses, your Goddamn explanations for everything, and all your lies."

With his heart beating wildly in his chest Jasper then quickly left the room, suddenly in desperate need of some breathing space and a moment or two to calm down. In the kitchen he absently rinsed the dirty dishes before placing them in the dishwasher.

Jasper didn't like fighting with Riley. It scared him to death. He still remembered the fights in the early days of their relationship when Riley sometimes would disappear for days without so much as a text to reassure Jasper, to let him know they would be okay but he just needed some alone time for a while.

Jasper had always been a few steps ahead of Riley. Usually, he hated to factor in their seven year age difference when it came to their different views on some very important life topics. But he couldn't deny it had always somehow been a barrier between them whenever they hit a rough patch.

To Riley it'd never mattered.

He'd tried to coax Jasper into going out with him the moment they first laid eyes on each other, when Jasper was already running his deli and Riley had just started art school. Jasper had dismissed the eighteen year old Riley, even though the attraction, fascination, and even blatant lust between them could never be denied. It had taken Riley two years of flirting, suggesting, sweet-talking, and persuading to get Jasper to finally give in and go out with him.

These days, Jasper sometimes regretted caving for Riley's attractiveness, charm, and wit five years ago. He loved Riley with every fiber of his being but much to his dismay he'd started to believe that sometimes love really wasn't enough. He wasn't a quitter though, and he also believed at this point he still loved Riley enough to not give up.

Sighing deeply once more, he reached for a bottle of water in the fridge. He felt calm enough to face Riley again. He'd never wanted their evening to end in a fight like this. He took a few sips of the cold water, left the bottle on the kitchen counter, and made his way back to his living room.

Riley was sprawled out on the couch, flipping through the channels on TV. Jasper bit back the hint of annoyance at seeing his boyfriend so relaxed and seemingly undisturbed by their argument.

Jasper walked over to Riley and sat down on the coffee table in front of him, trying to get Riley's attention. When Riley's sight from the TV was blocked by Jasper's form he looked up reluctantly. "Feeling better, Jasper?" he asked flatly. "Or are you going to continue yelling at me?"

Jasper knew he'd probably deserved that sneer. He gestured at Riley to sit up a little straighter and make some room so he could join him on the couch. Once seated next to Riley, Jasper took one of Riley's hands into his own, resting them in his lap, while trying to gather his thoughts before speaking this time.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, babe," Jasper said softly without meeting Riley's gaze. He shifted around a little bit, trying to get more comfortable, before speaking again. "I just want you to … acknowledge what we have?" Jasper wasn't sure he'd chosen the right words and when he looked up at Riley, the confusion on his face confirmed that suspicion.

He tried again. "I love you, Riley. Is it so hard for you to understand that I want you with me, not just under the pretense of a relationship, but for you to really be with me? I want us to build a life together, start a family maybe. I want to be there for you as much as I want, or need, you to be there for me."

Riley reached for the remote and turned off the TV. He pulled his legs up under him, turned towards Jasper, tenderly placed his hands on both sides of Jasper's face, and pressed a soft kiss against Jasper's lips. "I love you, too, Jasper," Riley softly murmured. "But I never pretended to be someone I'm not. I like my freedom—need it, actually. You know that. I have the unbelievable luxury of not having to worry about money or other practicalities."

Riley laughed uncomfortably and leaned away from Jasper a little. He was thankful for his grandparents' trust fund but he was also sensible enough to sometimes feel a slight hint of guilt at the easiness in life the trust fund gave him.

"Anyway," he continued, "that's why I'm so unconditionally focused on my own art and pursuing my career in the art world. You know that too, love. I just feel like moving in with you, or the other way around, would stand in the way of my own goals in life."

Jasper's unease started to rise again. He couldn't shake the feeling this night would end up in a disaster after all. He felt restless and unable to sit still anymore. He got back up from the couch and started pacing back and forth in front of Riley.

"I've given you time and space, Riley. I think I've been understanding enough about you and your stupid idea that finally taking our relationship to the next level would keep you from reaching those goals." Jasper carefully thought about his next words before he continued. "To a degree, I really want to give you what you need, like I always have so far. I'm scared though, babe. Terrified even."

He tried to keep his hands from shaking. Unfortunately he couldn't keep his voice from trembling. "Your idea of love and commitment is so fucking different from mine, Riley. I think I need this from you to ease my worries about you leaving me because of your self-proclaimed need for freedom."

During Jasper's short speech Riley hadn't moved a muscle or made a sound. Tension suddenly hung thick in the air between them. Jasper stopped pacing, glanced at Riley directly and cleared his throat, unsure about where to go from here. He wished Riley would say or do something, anything, to comfort him and put an end to this catastrophe.

When Riley finally spoke, it felt like all the air was sucked out of Jasper's lungs. And then some. His whole body went rigid. "I'm sorry," Jasper said through gritted teeth. "I don't think I got that right. What did you say?" He willed his muscles to relax and sagged down into a chair.

"I fucked Benjamin," Riley repeated flatly.

"Benjamin, your colleague at the art gallery?"

"Yes."

Something snapped inside Jasper. He jumped up from the chair with so much power behind it the chair fell backwards with a loud bang. Not in the least bothered by it, Jasper walked up to Riley, leaned over him and put his hands on the back of the couch, trapping Riley between his arms. He kissed him, hard, forcefully pushed his tongue into Riley's mouth. There was no passion or love in the kiss. It was angry, accusing, and full of sorrow.

After a few moments of utter surprise, Riley kissed Jasper back with as much force and dominance, giving as good as he got. Too bad it was for all the wrong reasons, Jasper thought bitterly. He realized he probably was kissing his lover of five years goodbye.

Jasper backed away abruptly, gasping for air. He kept his face uncomfortably close to Riley's. The unexpected turmoil on Riley's face gave Jasper a twisted feeling of satisfaction.

"For fuck's sake, Riley," he hissed. "Five years. Five fucking years, and you throw it all away like that?" Jasper shook his head in disbelief. "I wanted a family with you, a life with you. I can't believe you cheated on me. And for you to be so casual about it … It's like I don't even know who you are anymore."

Riley wriggled his way out of the confinement of Jasper's arms and put some distance between them. "Jaz," Riley cooed. "It's nothing like that. It was just meaningless sex. I don't even care about Benjamin."

Jasper, who'd gone back to restless pacing, chuckled humorlessly. "This is just priceless, Riley. You what? You needed to come that badly between selling paintings and statues that the first available body would do? This is a low blow, Riley, even for you."

Jasper's jaw was clenched tight and his heart was racing a thousand miles a minute. "Throwing away everything we have for a cheap orgasm with someone you don't even care about? I can't believe how immature and childish you are." Venom poured out of his voice and Jasper had every intention of hurting Riley with his words.

"Really, Jasper? Pulling the age card again? Who's the immature one now, because you know, this argument has reached its expiration date." Riley felt irritation rise inside him at Jasper's apparent incapability of seeing things from his point of view.

"You do realise, Jasper, that now you are the one throwing everything away, right? Because, frankly, I have no intention at all to be with Benjamin, or anyone else for that matter. You are my love, my soul mate, and my inspiration. And that thing with Benjamin? It was just something physical, no feelings involved. I love you. You, Jasper."

There wasn't a trace of anger left in Jasper, only pain and regret, when he finally admitted defeat. "Maybe you should have thought about that before getting it on with Benjamin."

Suddenly exhausted and already feeling alone Jasper walked in the direction of his bedroom, waving a hand vaguely in the direction of the front door. "Just leave. Please, Riley. We are over."

Next chapter in a couple of hours.