CH 3: A Cutter's Diary
Carrie's POV:
Blood was oozing out of my wrists. It felt good. I had to stop the bleeding somehow. I grabbed as many tissues as I could and I dried up the blood. I put on a sweatshirt to hide the cuts. I thought of a good lie. I'll tell them I had a nosebleed if they ask. I slowly went downstairs for dinner.
"What's for dinner," I asked.
"Grilled cheese," Dad said, "Kids, I need to tell you something."
"What is it," Jake asked.
"Kids, the doctors fear that mom is going brain dead, they want me to sign her DNR papers, but I wanted to tell you first."
"Daddy, you can't sign those papers, then we'll never know if she'll get better or not," I cried.
"Carrie's right, Dad," Kyra said, "What if Mom does get better? What if God had planned for her to get better, but we let her die?"
"I don't know, I still think it's best to sign the DNR papers," Dad said. I ran up to my room and cried.
Maryann's POV:
Carolina: Aunt Maryann, can you or Uncle James come get me please?
Me: Why?
Carolina: I'm just really mad at Daddy and I don't feel like talking to him. And I have to tell you and Uncle James something that I can't put in a text, call, or email…
Me: Alright, James will be there soon.
Carolina: Thanks Aunt Maryann. Love you!
What did Carrie have to tell us?
James came home with Carrie about twenty minutes later. Carrie was sobbing. She didn't hug me, which was strange.
"Sweetheart, what's going on," I asked Carrie.
"Daddy wants to sign Mom's DNR papers if she dies," Carrie sobbed, "We all don't want him to. And I cut." She rolled up her sleeves and showed us her cuts.
"Oh my gosh, Carrie," James said, "Why'd you do it and what did you use?"
"I used a pencil sharpener blade," Carrie said in between gasps for air.
"But why did you do it, Carolina," I asked.
"Because of you," she screamed. I felt my heart break and my stomach turn into a knot. James held Carrie to try to calm her down. How did I let her get into this? Why did I let her cut? I should have adopted her, but I didn't. I went to go hug her.
"Don't touch me," Carrie screamed as she swatted me away. I collapsed on the couch in tears. I can't believe I caused her pain and for her to cut. This was unreal.
"What if we don't adopt you, but we let you live with us," I asked.
"Whatever," Carrie said dully as she gave me the death glare.
"Do you want to live with us," James asked.
"Uh yeah," Carrie answered, "Daddy won't care. He doesn't care about us and what we want. He cares about the rest of them more than me. Nobody cares about little Carolina Nell Hart at all."
"Carolina Nell, you know that that is not true at all," I said.
"THAT'S COMPLETE BULL CRAP, MARYANN BECAUSE IF YOU CARED YOU WOULD HAVE TRIED TO HELP ME AND YOU DIDN'T! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP ME! YOU LET ME SIT THERE AND SILENTLY DROWN IN THE PAIN THAT YOU CAUSED ME," Carrie screamed. She began sobbing, "The only person who did care about me was Mom, but she's in between life and death right now."
"What about Lori Ann," James asked, "You seemed so close with her when we saw her last."
"The key word is seemed," Carrie said, "She's been nothing but a wreck since Mom's accident."
"Well, I'll take you back to your house so you can get your clothes and things," James said.