Torn: Ready or Not
Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimer here...
A/N: To Guest (the first one) if you're here to read this: Actually, they do risk their safety for saveable lives/property, they might risk their safety for lives/property that have the potential to be saved, but they will not risk their safety for lives/property that are lost. Clearly, they had to put their heads together first to assess/determine what the situation was - and determined it was too risky. However, obviously Danny doesn't care how rubble-y the building looks because he's going in anyway - he's still thinking somewhere between categories 1 and 2. I'm sorry you feel the way you do but hey, at least you gave it a try, right? That counts. :)
Thanks to everyone for their reviews! :) I was going to wait a bit to post this one, but I have to work a graveyard shift (sort of) the night I was planning on finishing the story, so I'll just do everything a day earlier instead. ;)
Enjoy! :)
Chapter 3: Realizations
It felt like hours since Nicki had left. He hadn't heard anything, so he assumed she must have gotten out safely. Yet, no one had returned.
Jamie sighed. He felt tired and cold. His jacket had had a large tear in it, so he'd torn a large chunk of material from it to wrap around his leg. It helped, but he knew it wasn't good enough. He needed to get out of there.
Slowly he moved over to the doors, pressing wearily on a few of the broken boards. Nothing moved, and he wasn't too keen on just pulling material aside; he knew he could bring the whole thing down on himself. He glanced through the open space that Nicki had squeezed through. He could still see thin light filtering from where the doors would be at the top of the stairs. The stairs themselves didn't look like they were in bad shape. He pulled again on a few of the boards, his heart thumping when a couple of them moved. Nothing collapsed. He pulled again, more forcefully this time, pulling a board free. He froze at a few creaks and cracks, but still nothing collapsed. He grabbed another board…
He jumped back when the blockage fell inwards, stumbling and tripping over a piece of concrete behind him. He landed hard, knocking the wind out of himself. Gasping for air, he reassessed the damage; the debris in front of the door had moved, but the doorway was still blocked. His back and leg throbbed. He let out a breath, allowing himself to lay flat. His head still throbbed in time with his heartbeat. He closed his eyes, easing the pain from the dust.
He told himself he would just rest for a few minutes before trying again.
~~BB~~
"This just isn't safe." Phil mumbled, staring at the doors.
"I know." Danny answered. Phil glanced at him.
"You won't change your mind, will you?"
"No."
"I get it." Phil sighed. He glanced over at Tony. "Ready?"
"For Jamie." Tony answered. Danny nodded in agreement.
"Alright." Phil agreed. He turned to his men, plus the small group of officers and paramedics that stood at the ready. "Be ready to hand over any equipment we may need. I'm counting on you to get it to us immediately. I'll be waiting at the stairs, so don't come in." he told his men. He turned to the paramedics. "We'll need you, so gather everything." They nodded, already standing by with stretchers and other medical equipment. Renzulli took over, making eye contact with his fellow officers.
"I can't ask you to go in there… but we'll need you out here." He glanced at Danny's family, standing by the ambulance and watching with fearful looks on their faces. He watched as crowds of still-stunned bystanders gathered. "Keep them back. If this place collapses… let's keep anyone else from being injured." The officers muttered their agreement.
"Okay," Phil continued. He turned to Danny and Tony. "Ready?"
"Yeah…" Danny mumbled. Tony bit his lip nervously, but nodded.
"Then let's go."
Danny shot one more look at his father, nodding at him, before turning and following the other two men into the building.
~~BB~~
Jamie struggled to open his eyes. He couldn't understand why he felt so sluggish. He'd only been resting for a few seconds… hadn't he?
He heard a noise from somewhere at his feet. It sounded far away, like a scraping noise. He wanted it to go away; all it did was hurt his head.
"Jamie!"
Now he was hearing things.
"Jamie, dammit, answer me!"
"Danny?" he mumbled weakly, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Try moving those boards, they don't look like they're too tightly wound together." That same voice, the one that sounded so much like his brother's continued to talk to… someone. "Jamie! Answer me!"
Jamie coughed slightly. "Danny?" he tried again, a little louder. He could still hear voices, and he was starting to think he was hallucinating. A grinding noise could be heard, but he didn't know what it was.
"I can see him!" A different voice called out. That one sounded a lot like his partner.
"Jamie! Say something…" the first voice pleaded. "Phil, hurry up!"
"If I go any faster, this place could fall around our ears!" a third voice – Phil – argued back. "Give me some time."
"Jamie doesn't have any time!" Danny snapped.
"Danny, calm down, that's not helping anything."
"I know, Tony… but why hasn't Jamie said anything?"
Jamie groaned in frustration. Was Danny deaf or something? He'd called out to him already. At least, he thought he had. He cleared his throat again.
"Danny…"
"Jamie? Thank God… Jamie, hold on, okay? We're trying to get in there as fast as we can."
Jamie grunted something unintelligible. He didn't know why his body was so heavy. He wanted to move so that he could help his brother move the debris, but his muscles didn't want to do more than twitch.
"Phil, I think that's good, I can get through that space." Danny continued.
"That's good enough for you, maybe…" Tony grumbled, earning an amused snort from his friends.
"Then you should stay in shape." Danny said sarcastically. "Look, I need to get in there. Phil, keep trying to clear away some of the debris so we can get a stretcher down here. I just need to see him."
"I get it, Danny… I'll keep working on it." Phil told him, lightly slapping Danny's shoulder.
Danny eased his way through the small space. He nearly got stuck, but managed. Tony was right, it really wasn't big enough. He sighed, quickly crawling over to where his brother lay on his back, face pale and stained with dirt, sweat, and blood. His eyes were closed. Danny gently touched his face, relieved to see his eyes flicker open.
"Danny?"
"Hey, kid… nice to finally see you."
Jamie smirked slightly. "What's going on?"
"We're getting you out of here. Can you move?"
Jamie frowned. "Not well… I'm so tired…"
Danny squeezed his arm. "I know, Jamie. Just stay focused on me, okay?" He turned back to the hole to see Phil move several more pieces. Tony was able to get through easily.
"Get a stretcher down here!" Phil shouted back up to where another firefighter was waiting at the top of the stairs by the door.
"Damn…" Tony mumbled to himself, taking in his friend's appearance. Jamie smirked tiredly.
"Nice to see you too, Sarge…" he grumbled hoarsely.
"Sorry, Jamie. Didn't mean that in a bad way…" Tony grinned weakly. He swallowed at the amount of blood Jamie was losing, exchanging a look with Danny.
"They're picking their way into the building. I'm going to meet them." Phil called. Danny nodded.
"Make it fast, Phil."
"I really don't like it in here," Tony grumbled. "Everything's creaking…"
Jamie wished they'd quit making so much noise. He wasn't prepared for the panicked shout from his brother.
"It's caving!"
Jamie sucked in a breath; Danny had fallen upon him, covering his body. He couldn't see where Tony went. There was a massive groan, more concrete, wood and dust falling around him. He heard Danny hiss, the weight upon his body increasing. His back screamed…
"Dammit… is everyone alright?" Phil yelled. He was answered with several coughs.
"I'm bleeding, but it's okay…" Tony called back. "It's not deep. Danny?"
Danny groaned. Jamie felt a prick of worry poke at his brain, but his back was still screaming. He pushed at his brother.
"Danny…" he ground out. "You need to get off…" He felt Danny ease off of him.
"Danny, what's wrong?" he heard Tony ask.
"I think I broke something…" Danny hissed. "My leg's on fire…"
"You're not bleeding, but I think you might be right…" Tony mumbled. "Try not to move much, okay? Phil! Two stretchers!"
"Dammit…" Phil mumbled.
"We've got to get out of here…" Danny muttered. "Concrete has it in for me today…"
Jamie frowned in confusion, but he could no longer focus on anything. He just wanted to sleep.
~~BB~~
Outside, Linda burst into tears as the police pushed back the bystanders. Erin stood, too stunned to cry. Henry moved around the side of the ambulance, leaning against it, trying to control his emotions. Nicki sobbed, hugging her cousins who both wore shocked, confused looks. Frank stood, his heart in his throat, staring at the crumbling, collapsed building.
'Please God, not both of them… you can't take both of them…'
~~BB~~
"They can't get through… you have to meet them at the stairs." Phil called.
Tony sighed. "I have a man with a broken leg and another who's barely conscious… how am I supposed to get them to the stairs?"
"I'm coming through… Danny, you'll go first."
"No!" Danny snapped. "Jamie's…" he trailed off, staring down at his brother. "You have to take him first."
"Danny…" Tony soothed. He glanced down at Jamie. "You're the biggest hope for survival…" he muttered quietly.
"Drop the professionalism already, Renzulli!" Danny snapped again. "This is Jamie we're talking about, and I promised I wouldn't let him die!"
"I can still hear you…" Jamie mumbled weakly. He was starting to feel scared. He didn't think the numbness he was starting to feel was a good thing… even though it was a nice change from the pain.
"Sorry, kid," Danny apologized. "Don't mind us."
"Hmm…" Jamie mumbled. "I'm cold…"
"I know." Danny answered, taking his hand. "Just keep hanging on, okay? I promise I'll get you out of here."
Jamie shook his head. "You should go…"
"I'm not leaving you!"
"Please, Danny… don't leave Dad alone…"
"I'm not leaving you!" Danny repeated stubbornly. Angrily.
"Tony's with me." Jamie told him, surprising himself for using his partner's first name. He did think of him as a friend, but always as a partner and superior first.
"He's right, Danny," Tony replied, resting a hand on Jamie's other arm. "I'm here. I'll keep him safe."
"Someone make a decision!" Phil snapped. "We need to go."
"Fine," Danny snapped back. "I'll go. Jamie, you'll be right behind me. I'm not letting you stay down here."
Jamie smiled, still feeling fuzzy. "I know, Danny. Go."
"Tony, I'll need your help." Phil said. "Danny, keep your leg straight. Tony, help stabilize it. Good…"
Danny grunted, grumbling in annoyance.
"You're not helping, Reagan." Phil grumbled. "Okay, let's move."
"Stay awake, Jamie." Danny called behind him. Jamie just grunted. He was left in silence. He felt movement next to him.
"Jamie? Come on, kid… you promised Danny you'd stay awake."
"…did not…."
"Come on, Jamie, we're going to get you out of here, okay?" Tony said, a hint of a smile in his voice.
Jamie felt arms beneath him, pulling him up. He hissed as the pain in his back returned. He tried to pull away, but Phil was on his other side.
"Easy, Jamie… I know it hurts…" Phil soothed. "Tony, on the count of three, lift…"
"Okay… I apologize in advance, Jamie…"
"One… two… three!"
Jamie nearly cried out, but he bit his tongue, another hiss escaping his lips instead.
"I already apologized, kid…" Tony muttered, a hint of panic in his voice.
"Just keep moving…" Phil mumbled. "They'll be waiting at the top of the stairs."
Pain radiated through his body. He wished he could just fall unconscious to get away from it. He felt weak, but the pain was keeping him awake. He wanted to cry. Finally, he was lowered onto something soft. He could hear mumbled voices, words and sounds blending together into one jumbled noise. He could feel something touching him, but he couldn't make it out. The light blinded him, making him squeeze his eyes shut. Finally… finally he could sleep…
~~BB~~
He frowned, his eyes squeezing shut even tighter, trying to block out the light that was hurting his head. He wanted to go back to sleep, but his body was forcing him awake; he realized that he wasn't lying flat on his back like he thought he'd be.
"Jamie?"
His mouth felt dry. He tried swallowing a few times, but it didn't help. Something pressed against his lips; a straw. He sucked greedily at the cool water.
"Easy, kid. Don't make yourself sick."
"Sarge?" he rasped.
"We're not on duty. Don't call me that." Tony replied, a smile in his voice. Jamie cracked his eyes open.
"Tony… what's going on? Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital. Don't you remember?"
"Not really… what happened?"
"There was an earthquake," Tony told him. "You were with the kids at the library…"
"Yeah… I told them to leave and get help… I was trapped inside."
"Yes."
"I'm not dead?"
"Obviously not." Tony smirked. "You've cheated it once again."
Jamie smiled tiredly. "I must be running out of lives by now."
"Never."
"What's that beeping?"
Tony snorted. "Heart monitor. They like their machines. You're fine."
"I feel like crap…"
"Yeah, I believe you. But you're still okay."
Jamie nodded sleepily. "How long have I been out?"
"Two days." Tony replied. "They kept you out of it with medications to allow your body to start healing. You were in and out of consciousness over the last couple of days and then they wanted you to wake up on your own."
"I wish I was still asleep…" Jamie grumbled.
Tony laughed slightly. "I can believe that, too."
"How bad was it?"
"How bad was what?"
"How did I look?" Jamie tried again. "You practically insulted me… that I do remember!"
"I didn't insult you, Jamie." Tony sighed. "Truthfully… you were in really rough shape. When I saw you, you were bleeding heavily, and you were extremely pale… you've also spent the last few days getting God knows how many transfusions."
"Guess I can't donate blood anymore…"
"I guess not. Not right now, anyway." Tony said, receiving a smirk in response.
"You were panicking at the end…"
"…no I wasn't…"
"Yes, you were." Jamie said, sleepily looking his partner in the eyes. "When you were trying to get me out… I heard it in your voice."
Tony sighed. "You'd make a good detective, kid. Yeah, I was. You'd paled even more… I was just scared. I didn't know what was going on and I thought that we'd hurt you even more."
"You did, though I think it was just the injuries fighting back…"
"Probably… they found several glass shards embedded in the cut on your back. It'll take your muscles a while to heal up completely. A couple were awfully close to your spine." Tony looked away. "I realize now what a stupid idea it was to move you like that… you would have been better off with a stretcher coming to you."
"It was too dangerous and too difficult to get anyone else in. You had no choice."
"No… but we could have paralysed you…"
"Tony," Jamie said, waiting for his friend to meet his eyes again. Slowly, Tony looked up.
"What?"
"Even if I was paralysed, I would have been alive."
"I guess…"
Jamie smiled in understanding, deciding to leave it alone. "My leg's throbbing…"
"It was a really deep gash, and there were several wood slivers left behind. A couple nicked the artery… but it could have been a lot worse…"
Jamie nodded again, the scared feeling returning. "I could have bled out before I'd even gotten Nicki out of there…"
"Probably…"
"She would have died, too…"
"Maybe, maybe not. She's a smart girl," Tony said, patting Jamie's arm gently. "She probably would have figured out how to get out even if you weren't there to help."
"I know… but watching that… if I didn't make it, I don't even want to think of what that would have done to her. She should never have to see that!"
"And she didn't," Tony soothed, sensing that Jamie was getting upset. "She'll probably never have to. Don't worry, she's okay."
Jamie took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. He nodded, feeling calmer. "I know, I'm sorry…"
"Don't be sorry, Jamie," Tony said, waving him off. "You're worried about your niece. I wouldn't expect anything else."
"How's Danny?" Jamie asked suddenly, fresh worry filling him.
"He'll be fine." Tony answered. "Two cracked bones, one fractured. Same leg, too."
Jamie smirked. "Poor guy."
Tony grinned. "He's milking it for all it's worth. He'll probably be away from work for a month or so. Then he'll have to take it easy for a few weeks."
"That will kill him."
Tony smirked. "You know, if it weren't for the age difference between you two, I'd say you were twins!"
"How does that work?"
"You both received concussions." Tony smiled teasingly. "Granted, yours was a bit worse, but he received a small gash with his. It happened during the initial quake."
"Let me guess… he's milking that one, too?"
"Yep."
Jamie smirked again. "Poor Linda."
"I think she's ready to give him something else to complain about." Tony smirked. Jamie had to laugh, cutting it short when his back seized up.
"How are Jack and Sean?" he asked once he'd caught his breath again.
"I haven't seen much of them, but what I have seen…" Tony sighed. "They thought they lost their father and their uncle all at the same time. They're clingy. But they're getting better." Tony assured him. Jamie nodded, lost in thought.
"You look tired, Jamie."
"I am." Jamie smiled. "I've been out of it for two days, yet I still want to sleep."
Tony smiled back. "That's your body healing itself." He lightly patted Jamie's good leg. "Get some rest. I'll see you later, okay?"
"Definitely. Bye, Sarge… Tony."
"That's better, kid." Tony laughed, waving as he left the room.
Jamie carefully eased himself into a different position, taking pressure off of his back. He honestly didn't think he'd be able to rest, but he was asleep in minutes.
~~BB~~
A sound jolted him awake; he could hear frustrated mumbling from somewhere behind him.
"Stupid cast… damn crutches…"
Jamie cracked open his eyes, turning slightly to glance over his shoulder. His lips quirked in amusement. "Danny?" he rasped.
"Jamie? Sorry, kid, didn't mean to wake you." Danny apologized. "This stupid cast gets in the way."
"That's why you're supposed to be taking it easy."
"Smartass." Danny grumbled, giving Jamie a smile as he watched his brother carefully turn himself over so that they were face to face. "How do you feel?"
Jamie shrugged. "I hurt. What else is new?"
"Do you want me to get the nurse?"
"No. I'm fine." Jamie answered. "I feel drugged up enough anyway."
Danny nodded. He glanced at Jamie before looking away. Jamie frowned.
"What is it?"
Danny shook his head. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
"It's something, Danny. It's bothering you, whatever it is."
Danny sighed. "I didn't think you'd get out of there… I didn't think I'd be able to find you. When we learned that you and the kids were still inside… I don't know about anyone else, but I thought I'd lost all of you. Then we learned you guys were still alive. You saved my sons, Jamie. You saved Nicki. I owe you everything, kid…"
Jamie looked away. "No you don't, Danny. Any of us would have done the same thing in this situation."
"Yeah, we would… but we don't face this situation every day." Danny shrugged. "If it weren't for you…"
"You know I'd do anything for them, Danny. They're my niece and nephews. I'm not going to just leave them."
Danny just nodded. "I know." He smiled softly. "Tell you what. Once you're out of here, I'll treat you to a huge dinner, anything you want."
Jamie smiled back. "Sure. Just don't conveniently forget your wallet."
"That only happened once!" Danny defended himself.
"Five times, but who's counting?" Jamie smirked. Danny just muttered something incoherent.
"Knock knock!"
Jamie looked up, smiling. "Hey, Erin. Come in."
Erin put down the small vase of flowers that she was holding, leaning over to give Jamie's forehead a kiss. "Hey, Jamie. How do you feel?"
"Still tired, still sore."
"Expected." Erin replied, smiling slightly. Her eyes looked watery.
"Erin…" Jamie sighed.
"I'm sorry… it's just that if you weren't there… you kept them alive. Thank you, Jamie." Erin smiled again, leaning over to give him a hug. Jamie just glanced over at Danny, who tossed him a look that clearly said 'See? I told you so.'
"I did it because I had to… it was automatic." Jamie replied, awkwardly patting Erin's arm as she continued to hug him. "You don't owe me anything."
Erin stood, still grasping Jamie's hand. "Nicki's here… she wants to say hi. Are you up to it?"
"Of course," Jamie smiled. "I'd love to see her, see how she's doing."
Erin nodded, motioning to Danny. "Get your butt off that chair, Danny. You can't stay in here forever."
"I just got comfortable, Erin." Danny grumbled, reaching once again for his crutches. He eased himself off of the chair, hobbling slowly after Erin. "I'll see you later, Jamie."
"Sure… hey, Danny?"
"Yeah?"
"What did you do to your hand?" Jamie asked, looking at Danny's taped up fingers.
Danny paused while Erin let out a laugh. Finally, he cleared his throat, blushing slightly. "Car accident?"
"What?" Jamie asked, confused. "Don't tell me you tried to drive with that cast on!"
"Er… no, not exactly…"
Erin laughed again. "He was holding the car door open for Grandpa yesterday afternoon. Then he closed it… but his fingers weren't out yet."
"You closed your own fingers in the car door?" Jamie laughed, before wincing. "Ouch…" he mumbled, rubbing gently at his side. Danny glowered, but shot him a sympathetic look.
"Yes, smartass, I closed my own fingers in the door." he grumbled, making Jamie laugh again. "It happens."
"Sure it does… to a five year old."
Erin laughed. "Come on, Danny. Jamie looks tired, and Nicki wants to see him. Let's not waste their time, okay?"
"You're right. See you, Jamie." Danny smiled.
"Bye, Danny."
"I won't let her stay long." Erin told him.
"It doesn't matter." Jamie smiled. "See you later, Erin." He watched as they walked out the door. A few minutes later, Nicki shyly entered the room. Jamie smiled at her. "Hey, Nick."
"Hi, Uncle Jamie." Nicki replied, giving him a light hug. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." Jamie answered. "How about you? How's your ankle?"
"Just a bad sprain. I have to be careful with it for a few weeks."
"Any other injuries?"
"Some cuts, bruises, scrapes… I didn't even feel them until they were pointed out to me."
Jamie smiled. "That's what usually happens." He watched her carefully. "You okay?"
"Yeah, sure. I'm fine." she answered, giving him a smile. He frowned slightly, able to tell that she wasn't telling him everything, but unable to pinpoint what it was that she was hiding.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Don't worry about it, Uncle Jamie."
"You remember what I said before?" he asked, regarding her seriously.
"About what?"
"Hiding things."
"Oh…" Nicki picked at the blanket covering his legs. "It's nothing, really. There's no need to worry about it now."
Jamie was feeling tired enough to just leave it, but he was determined to find out later. "Fine, Nick… but I will find out. Count on it."
She nodded, glancing away. "Sure… later."
Jamie continued to study her, but let it go. "How's the house doing?"
"Grandpa's needs some fixing, but really, you can't even tell anything happened. Ours was barely touched. Uncle Danny and Aunt Linda would have been safe at home… their neighbours didn't even know there was a quake until the news."
"It's a big city."
"It is." She looked at him carefully. "You're about to fall asleep, Uncle Jamie," she told him. "I'm going to go… I'll see you later, okay?"
"Sure, Nick." Jamie smiled, his eyelids growing heavy again. "Take care of yourself."
She nodded. "Get some rest…"
He watched as she left the room, but didn't know if Erin came back. He was asleep before the door even closed, the soft click not even waking him up.
~~BB~~
Jamie sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for his father to stop by. He had finally been discharged from the hospital after a week. The doctors attending to him wanted to keep him for observation, as well as making sure he would be strong enough to be able to continue his day to day life; his injuries had taken a lot out of him, and after being bedridden for three full days, he needed some help getting moving again. It hadn't taken long though, and within a couple of days he had been getting up and moving around on his own, even though he was frustrated with moving slower than a snail. He had finally been released on strict orders to take it easy for the next few weeks, when a follow up appointment would determine how long he'd have to remain resting. He hoped it wouldn't take too long, though he knew it would probably be a couple of months before he'd be able to get back on the job. He sighed; at least he could join in with Danny's complaining and moaning and groaning… his brother wouldn't be alone then. Jamie snorted at himself. The last thing he needed was to annoy his family enough that he would need to sleep with one eye open.
A sound at the door drew him from his thoughts. He turned slightly, noticing his father enter the room. He smiled in greeting.
"Hi, Dad."
Frank smiled back. "Ready to go, Jamie?"
"Definitely." Jamie sighed, easing himself off of the bed. Frank hovered worriedly beside him but didn't touch him. Jamie smiled. "It's fine, Dad."
"What is?"
"You want to help," Jamie pointed out. "Yet you're worried that I'll take offense to it."
Frank shrugged. "I just want you to feel that you still have your independence… that you can still do things for yourself."
"Of course I can," Jamie told him, shrugging. "I'm not an invalid. But I'm also not going to get upset if someone wants to help with something." Jamie paused, thinking. "In moderation."
Frank chuckled, finally reaching out to gently grasp his son's arm as Jamie slowly made his way to the door. "I'll try to keep Pop away from you."
Jamie laughed. "Good luck with that." He hobbled his way over to the wheelchair that the nurse had left, easing himself down. He would have preferred to walk out on his own two feet, but his leg often cramped up walking the short distance to the bathroom, never mind down the hall to the elevator and out to the waiting car. His back wouldn't be happy either. It was getting better, but he knew he'd have to give it more time.
Outside, Frank helped him up from the wheelchair. He held open the car door for him, watching as Jamie slowly lowered himself into the passenger seat. Frank had convinced his entourage to leave him be for a day so that he could have some alone time with his youngest; and finally, he was able to drive himself somewhere. Granted, he had to borrow his own father's car to do it. He frowned, remembering his father's protests as he tried to take the keys; Henry had insisted that since it was his car, he should be able to go with it… he wouldn't want anyone else "driving it wrong," after all. Frank had finally ordered him to stay in the house. It wouldn't take long to pick up Jamie and bring him home.
Jamie was silent as they drove through the streets, taking in the lingering damage.
"It only took a few days to get things up and running." Frank supplied.
"The buildings are still ruined."
"Not ruined, Jamie. Many of them may take a while to get up and running, but they can be saved."
"The library?"
Frank paused, his heart constricting. "It will be rebuilt, but the structure was too damaged to save. They'll have to start from scratch."
Jamie nodded, still staring out the side window. His brow furrowed. Frank glanced at him worriedly.
"Something on your mind, son?"
Jamie let out a sigh, still frowning. He stared down at his hands clasped in his lap. He clenched a fist. Frank immediately pulled over, parking the car. He reached out, grasping Jamie's clenched fist.
"Jamie, talk to me." Frank ordered gently. He studied his son as Jamie continued to stare out the window.
"Why?" Jamie suddenly burst out. "Why did this happen, Dad? Why us?"
Frank looked taken aback. "We're all alive, son… you don't have to worry anymore."
"Not that, Dad… why did this happen to our city?" Jamie's eyes radiated pain. "I heard the news, read the papers… there were several deaths, some of them children, hundreds more injured… why did this have to happen to us?"
Frank shrugged helplessly. He'd asked himself the same question. "We can't predict what Mother Nature has in store for us, Jamie… sometimes these things happen and we can't explain why. We can only pick up the pieces and be grateful that we're alive. Yes, there were casualties, but the majority of people are alive and well. We may have lost a few material items, but we still have each other."
Jamie nodded. "I know… I'm sorry, Dad. I just don't understand any of it."
"Neither do I, son… but that's why we have to move on from this. Just keep going, get back to normal."
"I was scared that day…" Jamie whispered.
Frank paused, his hand hovering over the gear shift. He watched as Jamie bowed his head. "Go on…" he prompted softly.
"I thought I was going to die… when the earth ripped apart, I thought I was going to die and the kids would be lost, too… I couldn't handle that, Dad!" Jamie cried out, his voice desperate. "I couldn't handle the thought of them being killed in something that shouldn't be happening in the first place! And I didn't know where any of you were… for all I knew, I had just lost my entire family!"
Frank reached over, attempting to pull Jamie into an awkward hug. "You didn't lose us, Jamie," he soothed. "And the kids are okay, thanks to you. You kept them alive. You kept yourself alive; you fought back, Jamie. Even in uncertain circumstances, you kept your head and you kept on fighting. You have to remember that."
"I'm sorry, Dad…" Jamie mumbled.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jamie." Frank told him. "You did what you had to do. We were all scared; no one knew what was going on. We were separated – the thought that we'd lost our entire family crossed all of our minds. The fact that we couldn't get into contact with anyone didn't help." He looked away. "And I have a confession to make…"
"What's that?" Jamie asked, curiously. The last time he'd seen his father look so vulnerable was when Joe had been killed.
"I didn't think I'd be getting you back alive, either." Frank said, barely making eye contact. "We had finally been reunited, except for you… and the building was too unstable to let anyone else in…."
Jamie's heart thumped painfully. "You were thinking of letting me go… weren't you?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He tried to keep the accusatory tone out of his voice.
"I didn't want to, Jamie." Frank told him firmly yet softly, his voice laced with pain. "I didn't want to lose another son… I would have barged in there myself. But I had to keep a professional head… I couldn't send more men and women to their deaths. You're my son… but I couldn't ask other men and women to sacrifice themselves because of what I wanted."
"You thought the building was going to collapse in on itself." Jamie mumbled.
Frank sighed. "Yeah, I did."
"It must have killed you to realize you might have to leave me in there."
Frank nodded. "It tore me apart, Jamie… the last thing I ever want to do is leave you behind. I don't want to leave any of you behind. But sometimes decisions have to be made. Sometimes we're not going to like the decision even if we know that, ultimately, it's the right one."
"Did it feel like that, though?" Jamie asked, still accusing. "Did it feel 'right' to you?"
Frank finally made eye contact. "In my head, yes. I made a professional decision. In my heart…" he sighed, looking away. "No. It never would have been the right decision to make. I would have had to bury another son… and I would never forgive myself for it."
Jamie watched him, almost as if seeing his father in a whole new light. He was starting to understand the kinds of decisions his father had to make every day. "It wouldn't have been your fault, Dad."
"Maybe, maybe not." Frank said, shrugging helplessly. "I still would have hated myself if you'd died… I would have blamed myself every day."
"Danny still went in."
"He did." Frank said, staring out the window. "There was no changing his mind, so I allowed it. I pleaded with him to rethink it… I couldn't lose two sons… I couldn't stand the thought of visiting my boys on their birthdays and holidays in a cemetery. To know that all that was left of my three sons was a name and date carved into stone. How would I go on?"
"You would go on for Erin and Gramps, Linda and your grandchildren… you would have found a way, Dad." Jamie said, all traces of anger gone from his voice.
"Maybe," Frank responded. "But it would never be the same."
"No." Jamie answered in agreement. "So if you were ready to make that decision, why'd you let Danny go in?"
"I wasn't ready, Jamie," Frank corrected. "I would never be ready to make that kind of decision. I let Danny go in because I couldn't stop him."
"Yes, you could," Jamie told him. "Just pull rank."
Frank smiled a grim smile. "Yes, you're right. I could have ordered him against it. But I allowed it because we shared the same pain… he would lose another brother, I would lose another son. I couldn't allow anyone else to sacrifice themselves for one person… but I'd let my other son sacrifice himself for his brother… knowing full well that Danny could have died with you, I let him go in based on the small chance that he'd get you out. Was that the right decision, Jamie?"
Jamie swallowed. "How am I supposed to answer that, Dad?" he asked, his voice rough. "I didn't want to die… but I don't want Danny to die, either. He's got kids, a wife… I don't. I would have willingly stayed in there if I'd thought that Danny wouldn't make it out. I would have told him to stay out, forced him. But I didn't want to die… I didn't want to stay in there… so maybe in my own selfish way, I was willing to let him sacrifice himself for me. Is that the right decision?"
Frank smiled grimly again. "I think, Jamie, that we're starting to come to the same conclusion."
"That there's no right decision in this type of situation?"
"That's part of it." Frank said, looking Jamie fully in the eyes. "This situation was out of our control. We're never going to be ready for something like this. It just happens, and we have to deal with it. We're not always going to like the outcome."
"But everything turned out okay."
"You're right." Frank smiled again, his smile warmer this time. "We're all alive."
Jamie smiled back. "Then we should get going."
Frank put the car into gear, pulled away from the curb and headed for home.
~~TBC~~
A/N: One more to go. Thanks again! :)