Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.

A/N: I apologize for this chapter. It's weak, I know. I meant to post it a while ago but I suffered a power outage. Sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Broken

Chapter 3

When I finally felt like I couldn't cry anymore, Dillon helped me stand up. He wrapped his arm around my waist and then led me toward the Quartermaine mansion. It loomed over us, shadowing everything below it from the moon light. I didn't want to go inside. I didn't want to face anyone.

As we reached the door I felt the urge to run away and escape but Dillon was already pulling it open. We stepped inside and I saw everyone turn to look at me. "Lulu," Emily said gently.

Then I noticed Nikolas. He stood up and came toward me. "We were really worried about you."

"I'm okay," I lied. "I'm just really tired." That wasn't a lie. I was exhausted, probably because I had never cried so much in my entire life.

"I have an idea," Nikolas said excitedly.

I made eye contact with him as he said this. "What's that?"

"How about you come home with me to Wyndemere tonight? I can have Alfred take care of us and we'll just hang out. I could even invite Lucky if you want?"

My eyes filled with tears. "So we can pretend to be a family again?"

I could see the tears that he tried to suppress. "It's what Mom would want."

"I think Mom would rather come out of her catatonic state," I started, feeling myself become overtaken by rage. Before I could say anything else the room went black.

I awoke in Dillon's arms as he carried me to the sofa. "What happened?" I asked.

"You fainted," he said, as he gently set me down. Nikolas looked terrified as he sat down beside me. Emily ran over. She pressed her hand to my forehead.

"When was the last time you ate?" Emily asked.

I thought about it. "I don't remember."

"Have you eaten at all today?"

"No," I admitted. "I don't remember the last time I ate something. I've had other things on my mind."

"I'll get you something to eat. How about saltines?" Emily asked.

The word saltines stuck out in my mind as I remembered Carly telling me to eat them for morning sickness. "No," I cried out. "I don't want saltines."

"I'll find something."

I looked over at Nikolas. "I want Mom."

He put his arm around me and pulled me tightly toward him. "I know Lulu. I want her too."

"It's not fair."

"I know. Believe me I know."

I was so tired of crying. "I just want to go to sleep," I muttered.

"Eat something first," he said, as Emily returned with pizza.

"Eat this," she ordered, setting it down in front of me.

"I'm not hungry," I moaned. The very idea of eating made my stomach churn.

"Lulu you have to eat something. Your blood sugar is all screwed up."

I wanted to resist again but I didn't have the energy. I put the greasy slice of pizza to my mouth and tried to take a bite of it. It felt like sand as it entered my mouth. Perhaps all of my crying had dehydrated me to the point I could no longer create saliva. I swallowed the dry lump and practically choked. I went to take another bite but I suddenly felt sick and dropped it onto the plate. "I don't want it."

The nausea got worse and suddenly I knew I was going to be sick. I ran to the door and threw myself outside. I made it to the lawn before everything came up. I couldn't stop choking as I threw up.

Emily reached me first and pulled my hair back. "It's okay," she soothed, rubbing her free hand up and down my back.

I sobbed when I finally finished emptying my stomach contents onto the grass. "You need to sleep," Emily said. "Come on, I'll take you to your bed."

We met Nikolas on the way back to the mansion and he told Emily he'd take me upstairs if she would get me some water.

As we reached my bed, Nikolas helped me onto the bed and covered me up. He sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked my hair. "I'll come back to check on you tomorrow. For now get some sleep."

Emily entered the room with a glass of juice, which she forced me to consume. I acquiesced and then I closed my eyes, succumbing to my exhaustion.

XXXXX

I recognized the blonde hair that cascaded down her back, set against the rocking chair. I approached her, hoping to see a real spark in her eyes again. Of course there wasn't one to be found. I reached out to touch her hand. As I made contact she dissipated to dust and blew away in the wind. "MOM," I screamed. "Mom come back. Please come back."

I woke up to Dillon's hand on my shoulder. "Lulu," he whispered. "Shh, it's just a nightmare."

I probably woke up everyone in the house but I didn't care. I felt sick again and Dillon followed me to the bathroom so that he could hold my hair back.

"No way, not again," Tracy said from the doorway. "I will not be responsible for enabling this."

"This doesn't concern you," Dillon spat.

"Like hell it doesn't. I am still married to her father. Therefore, that makes me her stepmother. Out Dillon."

"No," he warned.

"Do you want another aborted baby on your hands?" The venomous words spilled from her tongue and struck me hard. I pushed my way past them and started running out of the house.

"Enough," I could hear Dillon shouting. "Just because Luke hurt you, it doesn't give you the right to hurt Lulu."

I ran from the estate and kept running. I didn't know where to go. Wyndemere was too far away. I didn't know where Lucky was. I knew Carly wasn't home. I didn't want to bother Liz. I wanted nothing to do with my so called father. Then I decided there was one place I could go.

I arrived at my destination and slammed my hand into the door. After several minutes it opened. "Lulu?"

"How could you?" I screamed. "How could you bring her back just to take her away?"

"I'm really sorry." I watched Patrick leave the room. Robin dropped her head so that she wouldn't have to meet my gaze. "I know this is hard for you."

Robin's roommate Lainey stuck her head out of her bedroom door but Robin dismissed her.

"All I wanted was my mother," I sobbed. My cell phone started ringing and I flung it to the floor, watching it shatter into pieces.

"Lulu, you need to calm down," Robin said softly. "You're going to make yourself sick."

"Too late. I am sick; sick and tired of being abandoned by my parents."

She reached out and touched my arm but I shrugged her off. "You did this. You are responsible for taking her away again."

"I just thought…"

"WHAT? That I'd want to get my hopes up and then lose my mother all over again. That I would want to grieve for her when I'm already grieving the loss of my child," I screamed, anger surging through my body. "Why didn't you just leave her alone? Why did you do this?"

The angrier I got, the more lightheaded I began to feel. I recognized the feeling from before and there was nothing I could do as my world faded to black.

When I regained consciousness, Robin was on the phone and Patrick and Lainey were sitting beside me. "Lulu," Patrick said softly. I made eye contact with him. "You need to relax. I want you to drink this," he said, as Lainey handed me some apple juice.

"I can't," I warned. "I feel sick."

"You need sugar." I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. "Lulu," Patrick said, more firmly this time. "You have to drink this."

"I'm just going to throw it back up."

"That's okay. You're dehydrated and your blood sugar is out of whack."

I listened to him and accepted the juice. I was too tired to fight anyone any longer. I poured it into my mouth and swallowed. The acid was so strong it made me shudder.

Finally the last drop rolled from the bottom of the glass and I placed it onto the coffee table. I leaned my head back again and closed my eyes.

I awoke when I heard the knock at the door. Patrick opened it and I saw a very concerned Nikolas standing on the other side. "What happened to the Quartermaines?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to act indifferent to his presence. All I really wanted to do was run into my big brothers arms and let him comfort me.

He sat down beside me, his concern evident in the way he looked at me. "You've fainted twice today. You haven't eaten in days. You're throwing up. You need help dealing with this Lulu."

"I'll be fine." I'm not sure if that was for my benefit or for his.

"You're coming home with me. I won't hear any protest."

I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around him. I stood up and followed him toward the door. "Thanks," Nikolas said, as he waved to everyone in the room. I felt too guilty and embarrassed to say anything.

I climbed into the car and looked at Nikolas. "I'm sorry," I said softly.

"For what?"

"I seem to be a pain in the ass."

"You're not a pain in the ass. You're my sister and I love you."

"Why didn't he just tell us it was temporary? Why did he let us believe we had her back for good?"

"He wanted us to have the time with Mom that we should have. He's right, if we knew before, there would have been a black cloud hanging over us."

"Can I borrow your phone?"

"Yeah sure," he said, pulling it from his pocket.

I took it gently and dialed the number I had committed to memory. "Hello."

"Hey it's me."

"Lulu where are you?" Dillon asked. His voice resonated with panic.

"I'm with Nikolas. I'm going to stay at Wyndemere tonight."

"Are you all right?"

"What after I told off Robin and then fainted in her living room and had to have Patrick Drake look after me? Yeah I'm fine."

"I'm really sorry about my mom."

"Don't apologize for her. It's not your fault Dillon. I know she's just looking out for you. Maybe she's right."

"She is not right. I want to be with you, not because of the baby or because I'm worried about you. I love you Lulu and that, is why I want to be with you."

"I love you too," I whispered and watched as Nikolas pretended not to hear. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Call me anytime you need me."

"Night Dillon."

"Night Lulu."

We reached the house and I followed Nikolas inside. He led me into the living room. "Would you like something to eat or drink?"

"I just want to go to bed."

"What happened tonight Lulu? What happened at the Quartermaines?"

"Tracy was just being her usual pleasant self," I said, trying to smile at him.

"What did she say?"

"It's not important. Don't worry about it."

"It obviously upset you. What did she say?" he prodded. Part of me wanted to scream at him and tell him to leave me alone, but another part of me wanted to curl up in my big brothers arms and let him comfort me, like my parents were supposed to.

"Please, just let it go."

"Lulu," he said softly. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Positive," I said, breathing a sigh of relief that he dropped it.

"Come on. I'll show you your room. You're welcome to stay with me as long as you like."

"Thanks Nikolas."

"No problem." He led me into the guest bedroom. "Call me if you need anything."

"Will do, but all I need right now is sleep."

"Good night Lulu."

"Good night Nikolas."