Chapter 3:

Empty.

Spencer stood in the bathroom doorway surprised, her mouth hung open slightly as she took in the still surroundings of her room. "She really left," She whispered softly. "I can't believe she really left."

Walking farther into her room, she dropped her pile of clothes on the bed and sat down in the exact spot that Hanna had occupied only minutes ago. The discarded magazine lay a few inches away, still open to the last page that she had been reading.

Hanna had come over here as a friend, Spencer thought as her fingers traced one of the pages. And of course, I had to be a jerk and push her away because I'm too scared to let anyone in to help me.

Letting her head press back against the frame, she let her eyes wander around her room. Medals, ribbons, trophies and awards lined the wall next to her window, all of them another sign of her perfect Hastings persona.

Without giving it a second thought, Spencer pushed herself off the bed and walked straight over to her closet. After a few seconds of digging, she pulled out a plastic container, lifted off the lid and dumped all the neatly folded clothes to the floor.

It only took minutes for her perfect world to disappear. Every medal, ribbon, trophy and award now lay hidden inside the tote back in the darkness of her closet. Before closing the doors, her eyes fell upon the dresses, skirts and blouses and other articles of clothing that made up who she was to the world.

Who am I? She thought while pulling one of her blouses off the hanger and walked over to her full-length mirror, holding the item up to her chest.

"The ideal imagine of a Hastings daughter." She said with a forced smile as she moved some of her still-slightly damp hair out of her eyes. "Perfect looks to go along with the perfect car that you got from having perfect grades, and now all you need to do is find the perfect boy friend to make the circle complete."

Perfect

The word repeatedly sounded in her mind as her stomach turned and knotted with a sudden sickness. The blouse slipped from her hands, her knees buckled down to the hard ground and her eyes filled with a flow of tears.

Wrapping her arms tightly around her own body, she cried.

She cried for herself, for her friends, hell, she even cried for her parents and sister.

The world of perfect was a place that Spencer no longer felt she belonged.

She was broken, lost and most of all…"Fake." She whispered the word with a sob. "All I am is a fake, a coward, too afraid to tell my friends and family the truth."

Getting up from the floor, Spencer slowly walked the few steps over to her bed, tossed the magazine behind her and collapsed onto her sheets, hugging one of her pillows to her chest.

Burying her face into the pillow, a strong scent of perfume reached her nose. Instantly recognizing it as Hanna's, she clutched the pillow tighter into her body as more tears fell from her eyes.

For the next half hour, she allowed her weakness to take over her body. She allowed herself a chance to cry, a chance to understand, a chance to plan and a chance to relapse back to tears.

After every plan, a picture appeared in her mind. The disappointing faces from her friends, the mean words from her parents and the sickening smirk from her sister as the truth thickened the air around them. No matter what she said, or how much she apologized, the ending never changed.

Wrapped up in her thoughts, she failed to hear the soft knock at her door, or the sound of footsteps crossing her room towards her bed but upon feeling the mattress shift behind her, she froze, but for only a moment, relaxing when her nose caught the scent of Hanna's perfume.

There was no exchanging of words between the two girls; it wasn't required when two people had such a strong connection as they did.

It took less than a second for Spencer to feel Hanna scoot herself closer, instantly wrapping her arm around Spencer's body, hugging her from behind.

At the gesture, an odd feeling swept over Spencer, she couldn't place her finger on exactly what it was, but she was certain that it made her feel good; safe almost.

A few more minutes in silence passed before Hanna spoke. "It's going to be okay."

Although spoken softly, Spencer heard them loud and clear and she was torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry. For so long she wished to hear those words and now that she had, she didn't know what to do with them, she didn't know how to believe them.

"How can you be so sure?" She questioned, her raspy voice sounding low and weak from all the crying.

Hanna's arm tightened around Spencer's thin frame as she rested her head directly behind Spencer's to the point that her forehead was touching the brunette's skull.

"I'm not," She voiced out with a small sigh. "But I am sure that I will always be here for you Spence, no matter what is going on in either of our lives and I will always be around for you."

Spencer sensed the hesitation at the end of Hanna's sentence, the sadness that lingered in her voice, she knew whatever the blonde was about to say next was not going to be easy.

"Just please Spence," Hanna's voice was beginning to crack, a clear sign that tears were not too far behind. "Don't push me away again."

At Hanna's words, Spencer felt her chest tighten as a new batch of tears made their way down her face. She wanted to tell Hanna the truth, let her know about everything that she kept bottled up inside for the last few months but when she opened her mouth to speak, the words she wanted to say just seem to disappear.

"I won't." Spencer said instead while silently cursing herself for letting the Hastings pride get the better of her once more. "And I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier, I-"

"Hey," Hanna cut in softy. "You have nothing to be sorry for alright? I totally jumped all over you and that was unfair of me." She paused for a moment to prop her free arm on the pillow as she rested her head on her palm, giving her a better view of Spencer's face. "You really had us worried about you Spence. It's not like you to skip school, at least not without telling one of us first. Where did you go all afternoon?"

"The park," She said while her fingers found the charm bracelet on Hanna's wrist and slowly spun it around to feel each charm. "Do you remember that old swing-set, the one that we used to play on as kids?"

"Of course I do," She said with a smile. "We all had a ton of fun on that swing-set, well, until you and Emily decided it would be fun to have a jumping competition and you ended up breaking your arm because you jumped off way too high trying to be a show off."

"Yeah well," Spencer let out a small chuckle. "It was worth it, I beat Emily by a few yards."

Hanna smiled. "God, I can't believe you remember how much you beat her by, you are such a nerd." The two girls shared a laugh. "But kidding aside," She started as the laughter faded away. "Why did you choose that spot?"

"Honestly?"

"Please."

"I wanted to feel like a kid again."

"Spence.."

"I know," Spencer interjected quickly, cutting Hanna off. "It's stupid to want something that impossible," She said while sitting up and moving so there was now distance between the two of them. "But I do Han; every day I wake up and realize that I'm another day closer to becoming an adult in the real world. Every day that I'm sitting in class and stuck listening to our teachers drone on and on about events, names, dates and places that hold absolutely no meaning for me outside of their classroom; it makes me want to go back."

"I can't even concentrate during field hockey anymore," She continued. "My coach told me a few weeks ago that some scouts would be stopping by to watch a couple of our games, more specifically, to watch me; and ever since she told me, I've been playing like an idiot. I've missed goals and passes, I can't keep the ball in my control longer than a few steps before someone steals it away; it's like I've gone back to being a freshman who has never played the game before."

Hanna sat quietly, watching as her friend paused to wipe away a few fallen tears that slipped out during her rant. Without saying a word, she moved closer to Spencer, took one of her hands and gave it a small squeeze.

The gesture was enough to make Spencer crack a small smile before she spoke again. "I go to the park, I sit down on one of the old swings and I wait. I wait for.." Her sentence trailing off as she ducked her head to hide the rest of the tears that refused to stay locked away.

"For what Spence," Hanna asked softly as she reached up to wipe away the tears from Spencer's cheek. "What do you wait for?"

"Myself."