Bella wrinkles her nose as they approach Jasper's car. "Jasper," she says in exasperation, "when are you going to get a better set of wheels?"
"Eh?"
Jasper stares at her with his hand holding the passenger side door open. She gestures towards the unfortunate creation of metal and rubber somebody had the nerve to finance into production.
"What's wrong with it?"
"It's, well," Bella searches for a more diplomatic expression of her opinion. "It's not exactly… hip, is it?" she says, thinking of Edward's Volvo and Rosalie's red BMW.
Jasper's beige 1989 Honda is almost an offense to the name of vampire.
"Oh." Jasper makes a dramatic bow like an actor on stage and gestures her into the car. "Sorry it's not flashy enough for you, kid. Trying to keep a low profile these days."
She settles into the seat, that new car smell all around her. No candy wrappers in the cup holders, splashed coffee stains or even dirt tracks despite the Washington weather. It's like a ghost driving it.
"Are you worried?" she asks when Jasper's started the car up.
"'Bout what?" he says, too neutral to be convincing. He's paying undue interest to the road for a creature who could probably drive with his eyes closed.
"I don't know." Bella shrugs. "About people finding out you're back in town?"
"People," Jasper says, "or Edward?"
"People," Bella says firmly.
"Not really, no."
Jasper's a more defensive driver than Edward and he turns on his signal as they near a crossroads. Bella barely sways as the staid little soccer mom car hums down the road.
"That's good." Bella falls silent and stares out the window. Then: "Because," she erupts, "it would be understandable if you were. You know, worried."
Jasper's teeth are very white in moonlight. "Thanks for the permission. I'm not, though."
"Because you could take them all out," Bella says.
"Oh, I dunno about that. I'd never want to meet Carlisle in a dark alley."
Bella picks at a fraying edge of her purse. It doesn't match her dress. She sighs in defeat and folds it over her stomach.
"Anywhere special?" Jasper asks, just like he always does.
Here we go. Bella says, "I don't want to be around people tonight. Take me somewhere different."
Usually Jasper takes her out to a restaurant. He won't eat, of course, but will order a plate for appearances. Bella will take it home in a box for Charlie. Jasper will drink, but she's never seen him drunk. Can a vampire become intoxicated? She would ask but, if all goes well tonight, she won't have to. She can experience it all for herself.
Jasper is quiet for a moment, then he says, "I saw a park a few miles back. It was lit up real grand and smelled like cake, I think somebody had a wedding earlier today."
"Oh?"
Weddings make her think of Edward, and that's the last thing she wants right now. Sometimes she feels as though she only has so many filing cabinets inside her head and that pictures of Edward are more and more taking up that space, causing disarray. Pages are being lost, whole manuscripts lost to history. Where is Bella? Not in one of the scripts; she's just a metal container, waiting to be filled up.
Jasper skirts a sideways glance at her. "Is that not acceptable? If you'd like something a little more civilized -"
"Hm? Oh, no!" Bella starts. "I mean, yes. Yes, that's fine. I like being outside more than I used to. Being outside reminds me of -"
Jacob. Another forbidden word. She's really batting zeroes tonight.
In an effort to prevent Jasper from asking inconvenient questions, Bella runs her hands up her arms and says, "I'm so pale, everybody always asks me if I'm sick or something. I should probably go outside more than I do. It's just so cold here all the time."
"Not gonna do much to rectify that with the company you are currently keeping," Jasper says. His eyes follow the motion of her hands.
Bella is watching him and neither of them seem to really be paying attention to what Jasper is saying. "I suppose," she murmurs.
Her head slings towards the window so it is hidden from Jasper's view, her heart speeding in excitement. Did she really see what she thinks she just saw? Maybe this will be easier than she anticipated. She closes her eyes, trying to will a core of calm from the depths of flurried doubts and urgency. Calm down, girl. He just looked at your arms. He's a vampire, for Pete's sake. It'd be weird if he didn't.
The logic doesn't quite manage to suppress the little chirrup of 'Maybe!' that wants to burst free and take flight. So close, and Jasper's her last hope - her only one, really. Edward's never going to accede to her request, she sees that now. Whatever his misgivings, a need for control, fear for her happiness, love, it's nothing to do with Bella. She's eighteen and knows what she wants. And if it's a mistake, it's hers, not anyone else's.
Jasper seems content enough with the silence but Bella can barely stand it amidst the cacophony of her own thoughts. It doesn't help that she knows Jasper can sense them, even if it isn't his fault she's feeling so loud and he isn't trying to listen in. Her thoughts and feelings are her own and she's always prided herself on her miserliness with them. Inside of her is sacred space. No trespassing, last exit, here be dragons. She doesn't like that somehow Jasper is able to cross where angels fear to tread. It is patently unfair, especially when she can't even begin to guess what goes through his head. At least in this regard with Edward she's on more even playing field.
And that just burns him up crazy. She smiles. Women are supposed to be mysterious, according to Renee. How many times has she seen her mother stand before that full-length mirror back in their Phoenix home, twisting this way and that in one dress after another, when they both know she looks perfectly stunning in them all and would turn heads even in an oversized painter's smock? Bella had loved that mirror.
Found at a flea market, it's fashioned to create the illusion of branches scrawling up the sides - branches and thorns that had looked like teeth to Bella's six-year-old eyes. Like the witch's mirror in Snow White. Mirror, mirror. Bella's breath fogging the glass, her eyes locked on her own reflection as she searched it for some hidden meaning, a ripple in the smooth surface.
Her smile fades. She never had to ask it who was the fairest. The real magic of the witch's mirror was that it could see what you really looked like, inside. And she already knew.
The Honda's tires roll over gravel and they come to a stop. Jasper opens the door for her and leans against its front, his red eyes hooded as he watches her struggle with the seatbelt.
"Does it feel good," he says, "being with me?"
It's a strange question, precipitate of a line of inquiry that isn't like Jasper to initiate. He's less introspective than Edward and generally keeps their conversations on the light and inconsequential. What Bella did that day, what music does she like, can she really stand to eat what is essentially decaying matter. That sort of thing.
"Um," Bella says. "Yes? I wouldn't be out here if it didn't."
"Unless I were persuading you to like it," Jasper says. "Did that ever occur to you? Maybe the choices you think you're making aren't yours at all."
Bella has in fact thought of this, for about thirty seconds, and then as quickly dismissed it. She sees no reason to change her conclusion. Jasper can be aloof and cold, and she's not certain any emotion he's ever displayed towards her besides bloodlust has been authentic; but that's her problem, not his. He's not making her do anything. Playing with his food, finding sport in it, is just not his style. No, from the little she's gleaned of his history - he's worse.
"You wouldn't," she says. She shrugs. "I'm not worth it."
An evening breeze brushes Jasper's hair over his eyes, hiding everything but his mouth which curves upwards without humor. "You place a lot of trust in someone who's already proven themselves unworthy of it," he says.
Confused, and bored by what she perceives as a hypothetical, she flaps her hand at him. "Oh, don't start up with that. You want me to think you're scary? Fine, you're scary. Bela Lugosi's got nothing on you. Now can we see the park?"
"If you wish," Jasper says.
Bella climbs out of the car and Jasper follows a step behind, his footsteps soundless. It's probably just her imagination that the night wind seems colder now.