(After The Murder in the Middle East)

I had some requests to write more of this story. I hope this is what you wanted.

I don't own Bones.

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Staring intently at Booth, Sweets spoke calmly and firmly, "Underneath your affable exterior, is a deep reservoir of rage. My question is, you always have that under control?"

Furious, Booth hissed at the younger man, "You know if I didn't you'd be dead right now instead of just wincing."

Trying to control the conversation, Sweets corrected the Agent, "I'm not wincing."

His temper barely under control, Booth leaned closer and threatened him, "Don't ever bring up my old man again."

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He knew the drill after all he'd been through this before. Eleven years ago he'd given up gambling for Brennan and he could do it again. Hell it should be easier this time because he hadn't really known Brennan back then and he'd only been infatuated with her. Now the stakes were higher. Booth loved her and needed her back in his life. She'd kicked him out of their house and the only way back in was if he proved that he had his addiction under control.

He'd made a mistake and he knew it was just a matter of will power to fix it. He needed to stop gambling and go to the GA meetings. He really dreaded going to those meetings because sponsors always wanted you to share. They wanted you to give them a piece of yourself and that was something Booth hated to do. He'd spent most of his life struggling to control his reactions, his emotions, his history and to just give even a small piece of himself was almost unbearable.

His first time through the program, he'd controlled what part of the past he was willing to share and that had been as little as possible. He'd spoken mostly of the future and quietly avoided most of the past. Now he was trying to walk the same line, but his sponsor wanted more this time and he knew it.

Although he knew he needed the people at GA to help him with his addiction, he considered the meetings to be a huge waste of his time. He knew he had to put in the time to show everyone that he had his gambling under control and more importantly, he needed to prove to his Bones that he wasn't going to gamble anymore, so he attended the meetings once a week and then left, speaking as little as possible.

He avoided anything that might trigger his urge to gamble and was very careful who he associated with. Because he was on his own, he had no one to help him and he really didn't expect any. He moved into an apartment, went to work, did his job, checked on Brennan and Christine would he could and attended the meetings.

Booth didn't ask for any help from his friends because he didn't think he had any that he could rely on. He was on his own and he would have to fix the situation by himself. He knew he could do it. He always had in the past, so this was just more of the same.

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As the weeks went by, Booth started to worry that his addiction was going to be tougher to control than it was eleven years ago. He actually knew the source of his addiction and knew that to beat it, it was just a matter of control.

Control, an easy thing to want, but not an easy thing to maintain.

Sometimes he was filled with rage and it was all he could do to keep it from flaring out into a tornado of destruction. He'd always been proud of the fact that most of the time he was able to control that pool of violence that was hidden inside of him. He knew that it was there and most of the time he was able to keep it under control.

Once in awhile that control would slip and the violence would flare outward singing anyone who was in its path. He feared the destructiveness of that violence and always felt that if he ever really lost control that violence would destroy him and all who were near him. He considered it a legacy from his late unlamented father. A malevolent gift thrust upon him by a man who took great joy inflicting pain upon those too weak to defend themselves.

Booth knew that the darkness inside was waiting for any signs of weakness so that it could burst forth. Sweets had been right when he talked about his deep reservoir of rage. Booth couldn't admit it to Sweets then and he couldn't admit it anyone now.

Giving up control to someone else was a dangerous path that Booth was afraid to follow. If he gave up part of his control would the darkness inside awaken? Would he still be able to control the violence if he allowed people inside far enough to help him with his weakness, his addiction?

The closest he'd ever come to allowing someone else inside his shield was Brennan, but he was still careful to keep as much control as possible. He knew almost everything there was to know about the love of his life and yet she only knew a small portion of what made Booth who he was. He'd talked reluctantly of his past, of his father, of the men he'd killed and yet he still hid the rage that was the center of his being. His biggest fear was Brennan finding out exactly who he was and not who she thought he was.

Gambling had been his way of maintaining control over his impulsiveness. He had used gambling as a release valve in the past and the high it gave him helped him to control his inner demons. When he'd given up gambling he's lost that and he'd had to work hard to present to the world the Booth that everyone thought existed. When his addiction took over once again he'd felt the pressure ease inside him and the high felt so good.

But that high came with too steep a price. The loss of his family was a price he didn't want to pay. He would fix it and he would get Brennan to take him back. Now he had to control his demons without the gambling and he knew that he had to do it right the first time. He'd done it before and he could do it again. If he wanted his family back he had to show that gambling wasn't important to him anymore. The only problem with that was how do you control the darkness when you lose some of your control? He was about to find out.

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So I hope this made sense.