Distress Chapter 3: My Queen, a ncis: los angeles fanfic

A/N: long chapter but I am happy with how it came out. Enjoy.

one last thing...Am I the only one that wants to see more of Julia in season 6?! I want to see how the relationship as grown!

My Queen

Chapter 3

Kensi's P.O.V

When I came round I noticed I was lying down and a blanket was thrown over my body. I looked around and saw that I was alone but a cup of water and headache medicine. I swung my legs over onto the floor and tossed back the pill draining the glass of water.

Since it is still dark out I know that it is still early morning.

Wow look at you being a Detective. Deeks' voice chides playfully. And that one thought that one memory of his voice puts me into drive. I stand up and march up to OPS, and I go into Agent Blye mode. Sitting there and wallowing will not bring Deeks back.

As I walk up the stairs Hetty appears at the top effectively slowing my travels. "Yes Hetty?"

"Ah," she nods slowly at the tone of my voice. "I see Agent Blye is here and Kensi is tucked neatly away."

"Wallowing will not bring him home to me, Hetty." I say quietly. "I know that if he dies or we never find him, I will not recover."

"That is what I told Mr. Callen, not of your relationship." I look at her with such anger she explains. "Kensi, they all know that there feelings they just do not know that said feelings have been acted upon. Now come, LAPD has finally sent the files over, this is officially our case."

I nod and without another word I stalk into OPS. All eyes turn to me but a glare sends them talking. Deeks was right, I thought with a smirk, Badass Blye glare is enough to get things done.

"Deeks was sent undercover to take down a drug cartel. He was to get close to the cartel ring leader," Nell brings up a picture. "Juan Ramirez is known to deal not only in drugs but women as well. Deeks' undercover alias was Tyler Jackson, a shady lawyer with questionable ethics and known drug connections and an affinity for drunken women."

At those words I clench my jaw and stare impassively at the screen as a picture of Deeks in a ruffled suit sitting at the bar with a blonde in his lap. But that isn't Deeks, I know. This man has a sneer on his face and cold distant eyes.

Eric speaks next. "Deeks speaks in his reports that one man who was close to Ramirez was wary of Tyler, that he didn't trust him."

"What is this man's name?" Callen asks.

"He is just listed as Simon, there are no pictures, no video feed, the man is nowhere, but he is Ramirez's right hand man. He is dangerous and calculating." Eric answers.

"Okay Nell send us the address to where Deeks was staying, and we will head over there."

"Already done." She says while she looks at me, sympathy lining her eyes, I can see what she wants I give her a small smile and that is all she needs. As the guys file out of OPS Nell walks over to me and tightly hugs me. Even though she didn't know about my relationship she knew of my feelings before the relationship. On every girl night I had to make sure that the conversation didn't steer towards me and Deeks.

"Thank you Nell." I whisper as I pull away and walk out of OPS to my SRX.

15 miles, that is how far away Deeks has been from my house for 6 months. 15 miles that felt like a thousand. The building was sun down and shabby, adding to a morally challenged lawyer. Callen and Sam are waiting for me. I ignore the looks on their faces for now, I just want to go upstairs and find him. So I take the keys from Callen's hand and go up to his apartment on the second floor.

Opening the door I am met with a smell distinctly Deeks and an undercurrent of blood. Blood.

"The blood is not Deeks, forensics is running it now should be back when we get back to OSP." Sam says softly after seeing my eyes glued to the blood smear on the wall leading to the bedroom. So that is where I head, leaving the guys to sweep the rest of the small apartment.

The door is off of its hinges and blood on the handle, and I can't help it when my heart constricts. Adorning my black latex gloves I go through his drawers hoping to find something. Finding nothing there I lift up the mattress on of his favorite hiding places.

A sticky note is taped to the underside and I grab it, curious. On word is written in his messy writing. Cereal.

"What?" I say as I walk into his kitchen and look for cereal boxes. I feel Callen and Sam's eyes watching me. When I find the cereal there are two boxes, the kind he likes and the kind I like.

I take the one I know he abhors down and notice that it is light. I take it to the counter and pour its contents on the counter.

"How did you know that was there?" Sam asks looking through the papers.

"This was under his mattress." I say as I pick up an envelope that looks empty.

"These seem to be notes about the case that he was working on." Callen says but he quickly shoots a look at me when I gasp. "What is it Kens?"

I open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out. They look over my shoulder and look at the picture.

I remember the day that it was taken as if it was yesterday.

I roll over reaching out to the warm body but come up with cold sheets, but before the panic can set in I hear Deeks humming in the kitchen and the undeniable smell of bacon. I reach over the bed and grab his shirt from last night, and button a few buttons and some underwear then make my way to his kitchen.

Since his back is to me I lean against the door jam and watch him. I watch as he reaches above the stove for some spices, and his back muscles contract. That is when the desire to touch him overtakes me and I reach out circling my arms around his waist.

"Good morning sunshine."

"Good morning Shaggy. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed your birthday gift last night." I whisper seductively in his ear. I kiss under his jaw and I hear him swallow thickly as my hands wander to the waist band of his plaid sweats.

"As much as I would love to sweetheart you need to eat your breakfast then we need to get ready for work." He turned around and leaned down to graze his lips to mine.

"Fine, do not forget we are supposed to go to my mother's tonight."

"I would never forget." I laugh at that as I reached around him for my plate of food.

That night we head to my mother's and spend the evening chatting about everything and nothing. When mom brings out a cake, I squeal (yes I squealed) when I saw the chocolate.

"Make a wish Kensi." Mother says. I look to Deeks with a soft smile. I hear the click of a camera and then close my eyes and make a wish.

"What did you wish for?" Deeks asks.

"I'm not going to tell you." I laugh at the pouting look on his face.

"Oh come on please."

I look to make sure that mother is still in the kitchen as I lean over and whisper in his ear. "I wished for some more of that birthday sex you treated me to last night."

At first he is shocked but then a truthful grin erupts as he chuckles. "I think I may be able to arrange that." He says and I lean in and brush his lips with mine. It was short and sweet and full of love.

A week later I go over to my mother's while Deeks is home sick to spend some time. We spend ours just talking and catching up, making up for the lost years.

"You love him don't you?"

"You know, normally I would deny that with everything I have but I do, I am in love with him." I whisper as I look at the fire roaring in the fireplace.

"Here I got a picture from your birthday, I saw it and couldn't help but admire the look you two are sharing."

The picture is right before I blew out my candles. Me and Deeks were bathed in the warm light and a look of pure love and happiness in both of our eyes.

"When was that taken?" Sam asks.

"At my mother's house on my birthday last year." I whisper. I feel my gut twist as I remember that day, how for the first time in a long time I felt as though I had a home; a home with my mother, a home with Deeks.

I flip the photo around and more messily written words. Loose bored.

"What does that mean?"

"Loose floor board I answer. Deeks always complains about a loose floor board in his apartment that creaks every he steps on it." I answer automatically.

"And how do you know this." internally I kick myself.

"It is on the way to the kitchen, I have stepped on it." I lie smoothly. In fact the floor board is in his bedroom so that is where I head. "There must be a loose floor board somewhere and the only place with wood his the bedroom.

So for several minutes we step around the room. It is Sam who hits gold, as a board creaks under his boot. "Floor is hallowed; it's about two feet long and a foot wide."

We crowd around him as he pries the boards up. "Damn it's a safe." Callen says as we look at the keypad.

"Wonder what more important than case notes to hide in a floor safe. I will call someone to crack it open."

I shake my head. "No let me try." I lean down and go through special dates we had shared together.

Our anniversary; wrong.

His birthday; wrong.

My birthday; wrong.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and think. I wrack and wrack my brain to a date that held the most significance for Deeks. Then his words come back to me, the night before he left 6 months ago.

The best day of my life was the day I officially became your partner.

I enter the date and the light flashes green much to the guys' surprise.

"What was it?" Sam asks.

"It was the day we officially became partners." I say as I open the door. Inside are more case notes but underneath all of that is a small cardboard box with Kensi written on the top. I gingerly lift it up and move to sit at the foot of the bed.

I look up to Sam and Callen's eyes, and then back down as I open the box. There was a loose letter on top.

Kens if you are reading this I am either missing or dead. And I really hope you never ever have to read this. I don't want you to think that I am just another guy who left you, I refuse to be that so if I am alive I will do everything in my power to stay alive. I know you will get me back. Even if nothing happens to me I will still give you this box. I will try to write a letter every day.

Love D

I feel a tear slide down my face. I set the note to the side and start going through the letters. "Seems there is a letter for everyday he was gone." Callen says softly as he sat on my right side and Sam on my left. I took a shaky breath as I pulled a letter out, letting them read it over my shoulder, at this point I didn't care if they knew how involved we really were.

Well our one year anniversary was today, I swear I did everything I could to try to wrap this case up before then, but then Simon started questioning me so I had to back off a bit. There is something about this Simon guy that seems familiar, not like I have seen him before but that I have had him described to me. Last night he got plastered, how this man stays a ghost is beyond me. Anyway he spoke about a woman that he left without a word. It reminded me of what Jack did to you. I know that the man broke your heart but I can't help but thank him a little because you became the woman I fell in love with, he brought me to you and you to me. I will be home soon Fern I promise.

Love D

A sob that I try desperately to restrain escapes and tears flow down my cheeks. So much for Agent Blye I think bitterly. But I can't bring myself to care, the man I love is missing and I have no clue where he is.

Callen wraps his arm around my shoulders but I barely register it as I put the letter back, but it won't lay flush with the bottom. So I dig my finger down and grab a small felt box. As I bring it up my heart stops, as well as the hand that Callen was rubbing in circles on my back.

I keep staring at the box, knowing full well what is inside. I open and a small piece of paper flutters to the ground. I pick it up and read it out loud.

"One day Princess, I will make you my queen." I stare for a few minutes at the simple diamond ring, it was perfect.

"No offense to Deeks, but that was cheesy, even for him." Sam jokes, drawing a watery laugh from me.

"Yea it is." Then the damn breaks and I lean into Callen and cry. But not just cry, I sob, heartbreaking sobs of sadness. Callen's arms wrap around me and run his hands in comforting circles. But they are not the hands that I want, not the hands that I need.

"I love him, and… and… I can't lose him. Not him." I whisper brokenly.

Sam's P.O.V.

I am confused as Kensi walks into the kitchen as she starts rummaging through the cabinets, stopping when she finds the cereal. She takes a box down and spreads its no edible contents on the table.

"How did you know that was there?" I ask as I go through what looks like case notes. Places that Ramirez visits, contacts, and numbers of everyone in the cartel.

"This was under his mattress." She says distractedly as she picks up what looks like an empty envelope. I watch her open the envelope and I see a deep and profound sadness in her eyes that deeply worries me.

"These seem to be notes about the case that he was working on." Callen says but he quickly shoots a look at me when Kensi gasps. "What is it Kens?" But she doesn't hear. I can tell that she is lost in another memory like she was when she was told Deeks was missing. There was clearly something going on with these two.

"When was that taken?" I ask hoping to draw her back to the present.

"At my mother's house on my birthday last year." She whispers so quietly that I have to strain to hear. I look to Callen, we knew that Kensi was building her relationship with her mother but not that Deeks was an active participant.

She flips the photo around. Loose bored.

"What does that mean?" Callen asks. A small smile touches her lips.

"Loose floor board." She shakes her head slightly. "Deeks always complains about a loose floor board in his apartment that creaks every he steps on it." I look at my partner who just smirks and I shake my head.

"And how do you know this." he asks

"It is on the way to the kitchen, I have stepped on it." It is clearly a lie but I can see but before either of us can say anything she speaks again. "There must be a loose floor board somewhere and the only place with wood his bedroom."

So for several minutes we step around the room. I am the one who finds it and my boot steps down and I hear a faint creak. "Floor is hallowed; it's about two feet long and a foot wide." I saw as they crowd around me.

"Damn it's a safe." Callen says as we look at the keypad.

"Wonder what more important than case notes to hide in a floor safe. I will call someone to crack it open." I say, truly curious although I have an idea it is something to do with Kensi.

Just as I knew she would, Kensi shakes her head. "No let me try."

Three tries each is wrong and I see her become frustrated as she tries to think of what he would have used as a security code. She pinches her nose and scrunches up her face. Then she relaxes and smiles.

She enters a set of numbers and to my surprise it opens.

"What was it?" I ask.

"It was the day we officially became partners." I look over to Callen and we share a knowing look filled with sympathy for the female agent. Inside are more case notes but underneath all of that is a small cardboard box with Kensi written on the top. She gingerly lifts it up and moves to sit at the foot of the bed.

She looks up at us, and then back down and begins to open the box. There was a loose letter on top.

we watch her read the letter that is clearly from Deeks. Her eyes glaze over and finally a single tear slides down her face. We walk over and sit on either side of her, showing silent support to our hurting team member; family member. "Seems there is a letter for everyday he was gone." Callen says softly.

She takes a shaky breath and lifts another letter, clearly not caring that we are reading it. She was letting us look into what is clearly a serious relationship in her grief, for I knew that she needed support. So I read…

Love D

One year, they have been together for a whole year and nobody noticed. I couldn't bring myself to be angry though. Deeks taught Kensi how to smile again, how to love again

I look to Kensi and see tears openly trailing down her cheeks. A sob that she tries desperately to restrain escapes and tears flow down her cheeks in torrents, and my heart breaks for the woman that I think of as a little sister, and I see the same heartbreak in Callen's eyes.

Callen wraps his arm around her shoulders but she barely registers it as she puts the letter back, but it won't lay flush with the bottom. I watch as she reaches down and grabs something that makes her freeze before pulling up a felt box.

All three of us kept staring at the box, knowing full well what is inside. She opens the box and a small paper falls out. She picks it up and reads it out loud.

"One day Princess, I will make you my queen." she stares for a few minutes at the simple diamond ring." I can feel the despair and grief radiating off of Kensi.

"No offense to Deeks, but that was cheesy, even for him." I jokes, drawing a watery laugh from her.

"Yea it is." Then we watch as the damn breaks and she leans into Callen and cries. Her heartbroken sobs echo throughout the apartment. A uniform officer walks in but I quickly wave him away knowing full well Kensi didn't want anyone she didn't know see her break down.

I look to Callen as he tries to sooth a shaking and shiver Kensi, but it is no use. Her mind, body and soul are consumed with a lost love. And if her broken sobs weren't enough to break my heart and twist my guts her words are.

"I love him, I need him… and… and… I can't lose him. N-not him." she whispers brokenly