Chapter 3

Michael was silently tending to Nikita's wound and all she could do was stare at him. His face was all business, taking her back to her first days inside Division, when he was her handler. It was killing her inside to see him like this, to know she hurt him so much, but there was nothing she could do right now. They had to focus on bigger things for the time being, but she knew that at some point, they will have to talk, figure things out between them and see if there was any hope for their relationship. She really hoped there was. A life without Michael was no life. Even when she left, knowing that it was over between them, she still hoped that somehow, some day, when the danger was gone, if they were still alive, they would find their way back to each other. Hope was what kept her going all these months when she was alone, on the run, exhausted and wanting to give up.

All done. It was through and through so it should heal in a few days. I can't do nothing about the pain though, but you'll get used to it, I know I did.

It's ok, I'll deal with it, thank you.

Michael stood up to leave, but Nikita grabbed his hand and rose to her feet to stand face to face with him.

Michael…I've missed you…so much…Nikita said with a trembling voice. I know right now this means nothing to you, but once this fight is over, I want us to figure things out. Clearing my name and being free doesn't mean anything without you. My reasons for leaving are still reasons and I regret hurting you … so much… but I'd do it again because it was to keep you and everybody safe. But even if I left, when all this madness would have been over, I would have come back for you. Please, try to understand me. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing? Don't give up on us…fight for us…

Nikita…I am in this fight…to stop Amanda…I am here to help you and help all of us to get our lives back, but I am done fighting for us…..Get some rest, you'll need it.

Nikita closed her eyes and fell back into the chair. She was broken, shattered, tired and sad beyond words. Her fight for Michael will most likely prove to be the hardest battle of her life.

What did you expect? Rose petals, scented candles and a sex marathon? Birkhoff said, coming out of nowhere and sitting next to her.

Despite all the sadness in her heart, Nikita couldn't help but laugh.

Birkhoff, you are irreplaceable. Please remember that and try not to get killed in the heat of battle.

Duly noted, captain!

Oh, god, this is such a mess…where do we even start? Nikita said, taking a deep breath.

Well, you should start by taking a shower and getting some sleep. You'll need it for later. You think what just happened was hard? Wait until the Russian heiress, best known as the new Batman, arrives. Boy, I don't want to be around for that!

What? You said Alex was in Mumbai, hot on the trail of The Shop.

Was, is about right. Last I spoke to Sonya, who apparently is the new Robin, she was booking tickets for the first available flight here. They must be on the plane back right now.

Whaaat? Alex is c coming? She can't do that! She has a mission! She knows better, I thought her better…..Nikita said, panic rising in her voice. She knew how shattered Alex was when she left and she worried about her the most. It was the thing that haunted her more than anything while in hiding. Not knowing if Alex will recover or throw her life away. She knew Alex was a survivor and a strong person, maybe stronger than her, but what happened would be too much for anyone. So having to face Alex, after leaving her behind to deal with all that mess, was terrifying. What is she going to be like? Cold, resentful, angry? Knowing Alex she will probably be the exact opposite of that. She will be forgiving, understanding, supportive and that was even scarier.

Niki, calm down. This is not about Alex's mission, is about you facing her after you know…left her right after Sean died, all battered and broken, still recovering from Amanda's mind tricks.

Wow, you really know how to put a girl at ease, don't you?

Well, for your information, I do, but right now I don't want to. Because as much as I love you and try to understand you and not make nasty comments about you leaving, the fact is that you did. And ok, it's behind us now and all, I'll get past it…eventually…but right now I'm kind of team Alex, you know?

I know…but would you please switch teams for a few moments and give me a heads up? For old time's sake, you know? What happened to her after I left?

I really don't think it is my place to tell you anything, Niki . Alex wouldn't want me to and, as I said, right now I am in her corner…

Nerd, I swear that if don't tell me everything right now, I will have to get all Amanda on you and that's a scary thought even for me!

Well, I guess if you put it that way…. Let me tell you something and pay close attention. I think that by now you are fully aware of the impact your leaving had on us.

You think?

Well, miss Legendary, you don't know the worst.

Really? Than what does the situation with Michael qualifies for?

It qualifies for bad, really, really bad! But Alex's situation was 10 times worse!

Ok, now you're scaring me. Tell me already.

Nik…you LEFT her! YOU left her! Not me, not Michael or Ryan. YOU! You saved her, gave her life back, freed her from the drugs, mentored her, trained her, gave her something to live for, a purpose in life, you started this fight together and then…YOU left her behind! Fortunately, now she's come to a point where she understands your reasons, but believe me when I say that for a whole month she was a dead man walking. She lost Sean when she finally found love, she blamed herself for that, she was still suffering from Amanda's mind games, she was confused, hurt, depressed, angry. Do you know how hard it was to get her back on track? We took turns in watching her so she wouldn't do something stupid. One time we had to physically stop her so she wouldn't come after you. I still don't know what stopped her from trying again, but thank God she didn't. She had nightmares every single night! She would wake up screaming, crying and asking for YOU, Niki! And every time we had to tell her you were gone, because her brain was so screwed that she couldn't remember it. Every time WE had to hurt her by telling her you were gone! WE had to do that! It is a miracle she didn't relapsed. And she probably would have if she would have been able to leave the safe house and get herself something to knock her off. We were all here for her, but YOU were not! The one person she needed most was not here for her.

Nikita took in every word and she cried when she thought there were no more teas left in her. She couldn't say anything more, she was speechless. Alex…her best friend, her redemption, the kind, brave, strong girl that she saved and who saved her in return…she hurt her so deeply…..

But…but you said she is ok now, right? Nikita said with a bit of hope in her voice.

She is, fortunately. Sonya helped a lot and her new job for the UN gave her purpose. She does it for herself and for you! To help clear your name! But even if she is better, she is not completely healed. Sonya tells me she still has nightmares. Less frequent now, but still….so please, when she comes, talk to her. Knowing her like I do, she won't want to tell you what she's been through, she'll dismiss it like it was nothing because she doesn't want you to feel guilty. But please, talk to her, make her talk, by force if necessary. I know that the past few months haven't been a walk in the park for you either, but for her…it's been a journey through hell.

And with that, Birkhoff went to his computer to resume his work, leaving a broken and tired Nikita to ponder on his words. After a while she decided to take his advice and went to take a shower and some much needed sleep. After all, she'll need a clear head for her talk with Alex.