Summary: Sasuke and Naruto have strange ways of showing each other they care. My own personal random word challenge. 50 words, 1 word for each chapter. SasuNaruSasu
Warnings: Yaoi, of course. You'll get lemon warnings as they come. Possible spoilers for upcoming manga chapters.
Disclaimer: Trust me, if I owned Naruto, I wouldn't have to write fanfiction.
a/n: Well I'm back for another chapter! I hadn't planned on posting this chapter yet, but then I remembered...It's SasuNaru Day! So I just had to post something. Also, thanks so much for your reviews. I'm glad everyone enjoyed the chapter. And props to Dark Wraith Dragon Mage and K Richardson who both guessed correctly the point of the italics. The italicized words in the last chapter are all synonyms of the word Incompetent. I thought it would be kind of cool to incorporate the synonyms in the chapter.
Now, on with the show! This time it's a whole lot of Naruto. And Tsunade makes a guest appearance. I made myself chuckle while writing this one so I hope you enjoy it as well. And please review. Oh, and for the record, since I've been asked a couple of times, this is not a full story. These are basically drabbles and one shots based on random words. The only connection is that it's all regarding the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke. That's all.
The Dobe and Teme Chronicles
Chapter 3 – Diagnosis
"What's wrong with you dobe?"
"I don't know. I don't feel so good." Naruto replied to Sasuke's query. His stomach felt a bit off and it was getting worse the longer he stood there with his best friend.
"Probably all that ramen you eat. It's a health hazard."
"Shut up teme! It is not."
"Tch, please... If not for your little occupant, you'd probably have had a stroke by now due to high blood pressure from your sodium intake."
"Whatever bastard. It's not the ramen. I've never gotten sick off of it." The last time Naruto had gotten sick from food was years ago. And that was because the grocer deliberately sold him bad food without him knowing it.
"Hmm." Sasuke stared intently at him for a moment, then raised a hand and lightly pressed it against the tanned forehead. Naruto suddenly felt hot and tingly, especially where Sasuke had his hand on him. He shook off the hand. Sasuke frowned. "You feel a little hot. Maybe you're catching something."
Naruto shrugged. "Maybe. Although usually the stupid fox keeps me from catching anything."
"Well, whatever it is, I don't want it. Go home and sleep it off."
"No way! You just don't want me to beat you teme."
"Idiot. Go home. You're no use to anyone sick."
"But I don't want to." He whined.
"Hn." Sasuke pushed Naruto toward the road leading to his apartment. "I'll force you if I have to dobe."
"Alright alright, fine, I'm going. But just for that, I'm going to kick your ass tomorrow."
"Feel free to try." Sasuke replied as he turned and walked away with a wave.
"TEME!" Naruto yelled at the retreating figure before turning away and walking the rest of the way to his apartment. After a drink, he went to lay down. But after a few minutes of laying in bed, it began to dawn on him that he didn't feel sick anymore.
Weird...
The next few days came and went but things didn't get any better. In fact, they got worse. But Naruto ignored it and sparred with Sasuke anyway. Unfortunately, he lost every time. It was hard to focus on the fight when he was feeling like he did. It took a couple of days before he began to figure out that he only felt sick around Sasuke. Every time he was in his teammate's presence his stomach would began to do weird things. He would feel light-headed. His heart would race and he would have trouble breathing. All Sasuke had to do was touch him and he would feel shivers run up and down his spine. It didn't make any sense.
But he was going to figure it out.
He went to see Tsunade. If anyone could figure out what illness was plaguing him, it would be her.
The hokage was in a sake induced slumber at her desk when the door slammed open and a loud voice woke her up.
"Hey baa-chan!" Naruto announced his presence. A large round paperweight was suddenly heading toward his face. With a scream he ducked the flying projectile. "What the hell! You trying to kill me you old hag?!"
He was unable to avoid the blow to the head from the next thing on her desk that she could grasp...a thick book.
"Shut up gaki! You're too loud! And stop calling me that before I throw you out the window." Naruto looked unfazed by the threat.
"That doesn't mean much. It's not a long drop, you know."
"Naruto…" She growled and Naruto grinned sheepishly.
"Sorry, sorry...Please don't hurt me, I'm already sick enough."
Suddenly Tsunade was sitting up, mind fully alert. "Sick? What do you mean sick? You look just fine."
"Yeah, now I am. But I've been feeling sick for the last few days. And you know I never get sick. That's why I came to see you. I need you to find out what's wrong with me."
"Hmm." She got up and walked up to the blond and examined him with her eyes. "What are your symptoms?"
"Uh, my stomach hurts...well, not quite hurts. It just feels kinda queasy, you know?"
"Go on." Tsunade held up her hands as healing chakra flowed into them and began to check Naruto over.
"And sometimes I feel light-headed and dizzy. Oh and I feel hot too."
"Probably too much ramen."
"Dammit, that's not it! The teme said the same thing. There's nothing wrong with ramen."
"It's unhealthy. And considering how much of it you eat, I'm surprised you don't get sick more often."
"ARGH! It's not the ramen! I never feel sick after eating it."
"Fine gaki, if it's not the ramen, what is it?"
"How the hell should I know! That's why I'm here."
Tsunade rolled her eyes, then stepped back. "Well, I don't see anything wrong. Is there anything else you can tell me? Is it constant sickness? Are there times when you feel just fine? Have you eaten anything lately that may have tasted a bit off?"
"Uh...not really. Like right now, I'm fine." Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Actually, it's kind of weird, but every time I feel sick, Sasuke's around. The bastard's probably spreading his germs to me and won't admit it. I bet it's all his fault I'm sick."
While Naruto was ranting, Tsunade slowly smirked as she began to realize what was going on.
"So...let me make sure I have this right. You only feel this way around Sasuke? No one else?" Naruto shook his head. "Uh huh...interesting."
"What? What's wrong with me? Am I gonna die? I can't die...I still have to become hokage. If I die, I'm totally going to haunt the teme forever for killing me with whatever disease he gave me." A whack upside the head silenced him.
"You're not going to die Naruto. You're perfectly healthy, thanks to you know who." Naruto looked confused.
"But then what…"
"I think I can make a diagnosis, but I need you to describe this in greater detail." Tsunade was doing her best to hide the grin that was practically begging to show itself. "When you first see Sasuke, how do you feel?"
"Uh, my stomach starts feeling weird, like quivery or something."
"Like butterflies?"
"Uh…I guess." Naruto shrugged.
"What about when he touches you?" Naruto frowned and Tsunade amended her words quickly. "Not like fighting. I mean grabbing your hand or something like that. What do you feel then?"
"My skin feels weird. It gets all tingly and I feel kinda hot and lightheaded. And my heart starts pounding like I've been running all over Konoha."
"Hmm."
"Well?" Naruto waited with baited breath. Tsunade leaned against her desk and crossed her arms over her ample bosom.
"Well, honestly, your symptoms are easy to diagnose. And even easier to solve. You see, everything...the butterflies, the way your heart pounds, feeling hot and lightheaded...all of them imply one thing."
"What?"
Hazel eyes practically twinkled as she gave him a smug grin.
"You're in love."
"....Huh?" She rolled her eyes.
"You, Naruto, are in love." Naruto frowned. Then blinked...and blinked again.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"Oh hell no!"
"Don't bother denying it Naruto. I'm not wrong."
"No way in hell! He's my best friend. He's a guy!"
"And your point?"
"Hello! I don't swing that way!" Tsunade raised a brow at that.
"Are you sure about that?"
"I like girls! You know, the ones with boobs, long hair, pretty."
"Oh really? So why aren't you dating any of them? Hinata for the longest time would have died happy if she could have just one date with you. And you haven't asked Sakura out since Sasuke's been back." Naruto glared past Tsunade and out the window. She sighed. "Naruto, you can't help who you're attracted to. Besides, it's not like you have to hide it...no one cares about that nowadays. I could write a list of all the ninja I know, just in Konoha, who swing that way. You'd be surprised at how many of them you know. Hell, Jiraiya was a classic case of overcompensation."
Naruto gaped.
"Wait...what? Jiraiya?!" The self proclaimed super-pervert? Author of the most famous porn in the world?
"Heh, yep. I'd have never known if I hadn't happened to stumble upon him and Orochimaru one day when I was training in the woods."
Naruto's brain short circuited. "O-Orochi-ma-ru?" He shuddered at the visions. "But what about Icha Icha? And all the peeping in the women's baths?"
"I told you. Overcompensating. But that's beside the point. We're talking about you here. Let's be real...you haven't had a crush on Sakura in years have you?"
"I..."
"And no one would train so hard and chase someone for years the way you did without feeling something beyond friendship."
"......"
"Be honest with me and yourself and answer just one question for me. If he kissed you, what would you do? Punch him or kiss him back?"
"Of course, I would pun..." Naruto trailed off. His mind suddenly brought forth a memory of Sasuke on top of him after losing a spar, sucking on his lower lip, sending sparks shooting through his body. He couldn't stop the blush from appearing and he knew Tsunade saw it.
She grinned.
"What's the matter Naruto?"
Naruto lowered his head so his longer spikes hid some of his face. "Nothing." He mumbled.
"You sound so convincing." She deadpanned. Then her grin turned almost evil. Naruto saw it and instantly felt the urge to run away as fast as he could.
"Is there something you want to tell me Naruto? Have you two kissed already?" Naruto turned a whole new shade of red. He huffed and crossed his arms, turned his head away and glared at the blank wall like it held the most interesting things in the world. "And no, I don't mean the instance at the academy." His eyes went wide and his head spun back to face her.
"How did you know about that?!"
"Gaki, that story is common knowledge all over Konoha. It made every fangirl in the village hate you for years afterward. Now quit stalling and answer the question."
He growled then waved his hands in front of him. "I had nothing to do with it. That damn teme kissed me!" Tsunade smirked.
"Did you kiss him back?"
"......."
Tsunade raised a brow.
Naruto looked down again trying unsuccessfully to hide the blush. Tsunade chuckled as she walked forward and ruffled the blond locks lovingly before going back to her seat.
"Well gaki, that is my diagnosis. You have your answer. What you do with it is up to you. Your choice."
He sighed and ran a hand through his spikes. "What the hell am I supposed to do about it?" he muttered to himself, but Tsunade heard him clearly.
"Think about it Naruto. Sasuke kissed you. You figure out what that means."
He did think about it. For the next two minutes he was silent and his forehead crinkled in thought. Tsunade knew exactly when he finally reached the ultimate conclusion for his eyes suddenly glinted with that famed Uzumaki determination. He grinned at her.
"Thanks baa-chan. I have to go now. Bye!" He ran out the door to the sounds of 'quit calling me that brat!' and made his way to his usual training ground.
First he was going to punch the bastard for confusing him and making everything so damn complicated.
Then he was going to kiss him senseless.