Chapter 3
Conner
We're not far from his place about half way there and I can feel him trembling, his arms tighten around me and I feel my stomach explode with butterflies but they're also heavy with concern.
"Are you cold!" I shout over my shoulder. I'm not sure if the wind had drowned out my voice as he doesn't show any sign that he heard me. I ease up on the throttle to slow us down.
"Wally?" He must've heard me this time but again no reply. I pull over and he quickly slips his arms free and rushes to the side of the road retching on all fours. Instantly I feel guilty for missing the feel of his arms around my waist.
"I can't," He says once the contents of his stomach are emptied. There's not much of it on the ground. I can see he hasn't eaten anything all day. Not a good sign for a teenager with an extremely high metabolism.
I place my hand on his back uncertain of what I should do. "Are you ok?" I ask, instantly realising how stupid the question is.
"I-I can't go back in that house." He wipes his mouth looking up at me pitifully. "They hate me."
"I'm sure they don't hate you but even if that's the case you still need clothes. They still belong to you."
He just shakes his head once then spits the taste of bile from his mouth.
"Fine, I'll go then." I decide.
"What?"
"I'll get your clothes for you. What's the worst they can do to me?"
He moves to sit up wiping the road dirt from his hands and knees. He has a look of amazement on his face but he's also smiling, grateful. "Why are you being so good to me?" He asks as though questioning his luck.
"Do I have to have a reason? Anyone would do the same if they saw the state you're in." I offer, somewhat self consciously.
"Ah, pity then." He decides but his tone isn't serious.
I go to sit next to him on the road, his vomit rapidly cooling on the ground between us. The Moon rises slowly over head looking bigger than I ever remember seeing it. It occurs to me that I've yet to experience all twelve moons in a year. I turn my attention back to Wally expecting him to be looking at the same satellite in the sky but I'm surprised to find he's watching me. There's a stillness in the air between us as I feel him searching my eyes with a calmness that wasn't there a few moments ago.
The butterflies return, swarming within me, weakening my self-control. I turn to look at the moon again uncertain of what impulses might surface if I'd dared to hold his gaze any longer. Staring up at its glowing surface all I can see is the bright green of his eyes.
"Beautiful." I think aloud to myself breaking the fragile silence of the warm summer evening.
"Pardon?"
"The moon." I say plainly. "Don't you think?" A warm breeze passes through the whispering leaves of the trees close by.
"Mmm." He murmurs in agreement, now looking up with me.
There's a loud guttural squeal and we both look at Wally's stomach wide eyed before bursting with laughter.
"I think it speaks for both of us." I laugh getting to my feet. "C'mon, we should get going."
He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and climbs onto to the back of the 'sphere' behind me. "Remind me to pack your toothbrush when I go to get your stuff."
-x-
There are another two streets left before we reach our destination but I selfishly want to keep driving just feeling him close to me. Reluctantly I pull up behind some shrubs protecting us from being spotted from inside the house.
"So where's your room?" I ask looking ahead, both hands still gripping the handlebars.
"Second door down the hallway on the right. Are you just going to break the door down?" He asks nervously climbing off the bike.
"I was going to try ringing the doorbell..."
"Right, obviously. Um... I'll just..."
"Wait here and torment yourself?"
"Uh, yeah." He laughs nervously.
"Relax. As far as they will know I'm just here on my own." I pull off my jacket giving him something to hold. "I won't be long, just stay here, breathe and think of what you want on our pizza's."
He gives me a half smile before I make my way to the front door.
His father answers a few seconds after I press the buzzer.
"Hello?" He says and his eyes fall to the symbol on my chest. "Superman?" He says but he's not sure. I make a mental note to turn my shirt inside out before we get to the pizzeria.
"Superboy," I correct him, suppressing my irritation at being mistaken for my father yet again. "Mr West I've come to collect some of your sons' things."
"I don't have a son." He says grudgingly stepping aside for me.
'Yet you have a room filled with the used possessions of a fifteen year old.' I think sourly.
He walks with me to Wally's room, neither of us comfortable with one another's presence.
"Take whatever you want. I'm giving the rest to charity." He says and leaves me to it. I'm grateful he's gone. I wanted to grab him by the collar of his shirt, slam him against the wall and scream at him. He wouldn't spare a thought for his own son who clearly needs his parents and he dares to talk of charity! He's a man after my own fathers' heart. Are all fathers like this?
Briefly taking in my surroundings I feel lost; I don't know where to start. I've never been in another boy's room before so I don't know what I should expect. I cast my eyes about the room noting the contrast between his and mine. My room barely looks lived in, everything in its place with only my favourite pair of boots at the foot of the bed indicating that the room is being used at all. Personalising my room had never occurred to me until now.
His room is really something to look at. There are posters on every wall, most of them sports related. A large full length mirror in the corner of the room catches my eye. Its borders decorated with the logos of random surf brands. In the top right hand corner there are three small photo's of Robin and himself at the beach. In one shot they're both standing barefoot in the sand each with a surfboard under their arms. The same surfboard Wally holds in the picture is now propped up against the adjacent wall. I can't remember the last time I saw him smiling as happy as he is there.
There's a single bed which hasn't been slept in, piled high with dirty laundry. Next to the bed is a large wooden desk littered with various trophies and awards. "'Souvenirs' " I say, quoting Wally, with a smile.
Its odd how there isn't a single track and field trophy amongst them. Picking up the nearest silver gilded cup, gently rubbing a thumb over the engraving of his name I imagine the pride he must have felt presenting it to his father. Feeling his proud smile reflected back at him. I sigh as I turn the silver cup over in my fingers before putting it back where I found it. Who will he share these moments with now? I'm finding that we have more in common than I first realised but it gives me no pleasure. Even I know how important family is and I've never really known what it's truly like to have one. Always standing on the outskirts never feeling part of a whole.
I open the built in cupboard doors where I find two good sized duffle bags. Immediately I start grabbing at clothes. Vests, T-shirts, shorts, jeans, shoes, flip flops, anything I think you might need for a summer holiday. Only he says he's 'staying' at mount justice now. Not really a holiday, I understand now. I go over a list of things in my head that I would pack for myself checking things off. Socks, underwear. I haven't found these yet. Walking over to a chest of drawers I notice a picture of Wally with his parents. They look like the perfect family unit. Despite what I say about superman, I still want to experience that. The team is a pale comparison to how I think family should feel. Without really thinking I stuff the framed photo into the bag too. Snatching up the three photos from the mirror as well I lay them all carefully in the bag before going back to the chest of drawers.
Underwear, I'm going to be touching his underwear. Cloth that has touched him in places I've never seen. I grab quick fistfuls from the first drawer and shove them into the bag as I feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I do the same with the socks. With everything packed I make my way back to the front door, my escape.
I nearly walk right into Wally's father when I turn the corner.
"Thank you, Mr West." I say curtly keeping my pace. The sooner I'm out of here the better his chances of surviving my visit.
He grunts, clearly happy to see me leaving. And to be honest I'm just as happy to be going.
I'm just about to close the front door behind me when I stop, turn to look at him and without hiding my disgust say. "You know, he's just a kid."
He doesn't say a word but stares me in the eye, nostrils flaring. He grabs the door handle without looking for it and slams the door shut in my face.
"Asshole." I spit at the door. The door's thin enough that he can still hear me but I'm beyond caring. I've got I came for. No point in sticking around wasting my time with him.
-X-
I come around the hedges and Wally sees me first. He pushes himself away from the sphere. His forehead slightly creased with worry when he sees my face.
"What happened? D-did they say anything to you? You look," He pauses for a second seeing my tight grip on the duffle bag straps. "Angry." He finishes.
It's only when he says so that I become aware of the tension in my jaw. I close my eyes and take a slow breath willing away the anger.
"I am. Your Dad let me in. I didn't see your mother." I drop the bags at my feet.
"D-did he say anything...about me?" He says, fear flushing the colour from his cheeks.
"Believe me it wouldn't do you any good to hear it. I'm so sorry. I didn't realise it was this bad." I say touching his arm. "Look I promised myself I wasn't going to ask you until you were ready but what happened?"
He shifts his weight awkwardly looking everywhere I'm not. "I..."
"Whatever it is I won't believe you deserved any of this." I want him to know I'm on his side. Always will be.
He takes a deep breath building the courage to speak. "If I tell you, you have to promise me one thing first."
"Sure." Anything.
"Promise me you won't drive off without me and leave me here, no matter what you might think afterwards."
I squeeze his arm lightly. "I wouldn't no matter what but, maybe you shouldn't tell me. I shouldn't have asked."
"But I-I want to tell you. You don't know how much I want to."
"Because there's no one else to tell?" I offer.
"Something like that." He says with a sad laugh. Sullen eyes cast down on his fidgeting hands. He seems to become conscious of them and hastily shoves his hands in his pockets.
I can't stand to see the struggle going on behind those lonely green eyes, it's torture.
I pull him in close, wrapping my arms around him as I rest my chin on his head. "Hey." I say but I'm not sure I'm in control of myself now. His body tenses beneath mine but I hold on.
"What's this for...?"
"If I were in your shoes it's what I'd want me to do." I say. But in a small selfish way I'm really just consoling myself over the pity I'm feeling.
"My...shoes?" He says more to himself than to me.
He pushes me away a little freeing himself from my arms. "If I were in your shoes right now... I wonder what I would be thinking," He says backing away from me with another step. "If I knew."
I'm starting to get irritated now. "Wally, am I your friend?"
"What?" He says thrown off guard.
"Am I?" I insist.
"Yes, of course." He says
"Then why don't you trust me?"
"It's not that simple. I'm...I'm scared I guess. I don't want anyone else to leave me." He says barely above a whisper.
"Please don't." I say incensed. "Don't you dare put me in the same boat as them." I gesture wildly at the house behind me.
"It's because I care about what you think of me that I'm scared, okay?" He shouts back in my face. "Just look at what happened with my parents!"
I'm stunned to silence. I feel like such a fool. Of course he's scared. Who wouldn't be in his situation? I can't believe how it escaped me that his world must seem so fragile in the wake of what's happened.
"I'm not like them." I hear myself say mutely, still trying to hold onto my argument, but my voice shakes. I clear my throat too late to hide the shame in my voice.
"I told them I was in love with a boy." He says brave enough to test my claims. And for a moment I don't know what to think or say, shocked.
Slowly, without a word, I pick up his bags and stash them in the super cycle and climb on looking straight ahead.
"You don't have anything to say to that?" He asks a little annoyed at my lack of response.
"I haven't abandoned you on the side of the road have I?" I say as I pull my jacket off the seat behind me. I quickly put it on zipping it up over my family's crest. Taking my shirt off and turning it inside out now would just seem like I was mocking him.
"But-" he starts to say.
"You said they hate you." I say looking him in the eye.
"Yeah."
"I don't hate you." I say before looking toward the road again.
"C'mon. Let's get the pizza and head back home." I draw out the word 'home' letting him know that it's his home too now.