His sorrow, leavened with hope and love, and tinged with resignation, streamed through the link. All of those paled in the presence of her shock, confusion and… fear. What was he saying? What could he mean?

Spock was silent as her thoughts rocketed through her mind. On some level, Uhura was aware that he was giving her time to process his words. She wasn't certain a lifetime would be long enough to make sense of his revelations. A lifetime.

A curse, he'd said. His Nyota Uhura saw her expanded lifetime as a curse. In spite of having love and, relative to her actual years, at least a physical manifestation of youth. Presumably she had health, as well. Why, if these were all the case, a curse?

With some effort, she recalled the control she'd learned in her years as another Spock's lover. She sorted through the emotions that trailed her wildly spinning thoughts. The Ambassador's feelings were relegated to the back of her mind. Her confusion was contracted. Her curiosity organized into coherent questions.

Her exertions were not as smoothly executed, nor were the results as neatly ordered, as one would expect from a Vulcan mind. But she was not Vulcan and the outcome was sufficient to her needs.

"Is she – was she – well?" she asked first. Long life did not necessarily go hand-in-hand with good health. It was best not to begin with assumptions that it did.

As is sensing her discomfort, or perhaps because the question was simple enough to answer, Spock didn't hesitate this time.

"Her physical condition was as close to optimal as one might reasonably expect from a Terran woman of approximately fifty years of age," he told. "Her mental and emotional states, in spite of her unique circumstances, were likewise sound."

Confusion edged up out of its constraints. Uhura quickly quashed it. Later, there should be time enough to ask how someone remained mentally and emotionally sound while believing herself cursed. But…

"I thought you said she was 'altered' in the equivalent of seventy years from now," she mused. "How can she be like a fifty-year-old, a healthy fifty-year-old, if so much time had already passed before she was… changed?"

She could feel reassurance and comfort emanating from the link. Of course, Spock knew she was afraid. Of course he would want to soothe her.

"If you remember, I also told you that whatever it was that caused her change, restored much of her youth when it saved her life. She is now, or she was when I was last with her, much as I remember her from the time when she truly was a fifty-year-old woman," he explained. "She is as she was then, except perhaps… stronger."

Uhura soaked in the comfort he offered, bizarre though it may be that it was needed. She didn't even know this other version of herself. Why should she worry about her so? Still, things were as they were. There was no value to questioning why at this moment.

"Is she – do you think she's worried about you? Because you didn't come back?" she asked him, because that was the crux of her concern. For a woman who'd lost so much, even as she'd gained so much, surely having her lover taken away, without explanation, would be… it would be unbearable, Uhura thought.

"I do not believe that she is concerned for my safety, if that is your meaning," he answered. "Before I left for the Romulan system, she bid me good-bye – not just farewell, you understand – and asked for my pledge that I would improve the world for those who came before. At the time, I did not understand her meaning, but promised to do my best all the same."

Another wave of shock rolled through the young lieutenant.

"You mean, you think she knew what would happen?" she asked, incredulity coloring her voice.

Spock's face, often so much more expressive than that of his younger equivalent, was as grave as his voice when he said, "Since her alteration, it was not unusual for her to know what was to come."

As she processed what he had said, as his words took on meaning, as she began to understand, Uhura felt his sorrow become her own.

"She knew," she whispered, "and she still let you go. She had you, and she sent you away without trying to stop you. She knew."

Anguish mixed with an overwhelming sense of affection, and she lifted her free hand to caress the face of the man who held her other one in both of his.

"How could she have let you go?" Pain turned her question into a plea for understanding. She leaned in to rest her cheek against his shoulder as tears spilled from her eyes. "She had everything, and she let it walk away."

________________________________

There had been no talking as Uhura's body had been wracked with her sobs. She was, Spock realized, crying as much for her own loss as she was for his. He didn't comment on this, or shy away from her display of intense emotion. Nor did he release her hand to lessen the impact her feelings had on his own mind. Those methods of finding solace in logic – in the avoidance of emotion, really – had faded away with his distant past.

Instead, he tugged her into his lap and encircled her in his arms, somehow holding on to her hand until the shuddering sobs eased. The woman in his arms was not his t'hai'la, but she was Nyota Uhura enough that he found himself thinking he'd give anything to spare her pain.

Knowing that was impossible, he offered her what he relief he could.

"He loves you, Nyota. And the distance between you will not last," he told her. His words were a promise. "By my oath, it is not just my duty to rebuild my people. I have also sworn to keep you two from making the choices Nyota and I made. It was my pledge. I will not fail her."

When she responded, her voice was so quiet that even his Vulcan hearing would have been hard-pressed to make out what she said, had it not been for their link.

"How, Spock? How can you promise us that when he walked away from me and nothing I said would change his mind?"

Saying nothing, Spock lifted one hand to stroke her cheek, wiping away her tears. Long slender fingers moved towards her contacts points, hesitating before moving into position.

"Yes," she said in answer to unspoken question.

And then she felt his presence slip softly into her consciousness.

Her quarters, after Bridge Crew's Alpha Shift:

"That doesn't make sense!" she says, her barely controlled anger made evident by the fingernails cutting into her palms. "You've already chosen. You told them. You chose us. You chose me and you chose Starfleet."

The tall Starfleet commander standing before her wears little expression, save his sad eyes.

"I said only that I will wait until the Enterprise has completed her mission before I fulfill my duties to Vulcan," he says for what feels like the hundredth time.

"Just like that, Spock? Just like that, this – we – no longer matter?" she asks, her anger having morphed into an agonizing pain.

"I am sorry, Nyota," he says. And then he walks away from her.

The doors leading from her quarters whoosh open.

She is alone with her breaking heart.

Not alone, Spock told her through the meld. Never alone.

__________________

His quarters, sometime between ship's midnight and ship's dawn:

"I have already explained this to you. My duty to my father's people outweighs my own desires. My people are nearly extinct! You cannot ignore that fact, Nyota," he tells her, whispering in the dark. "What we want does not matter in the face of what could yet befall them. You are not so selfish as to put your needs above those of an entire race."

"I'm not as unselfish as you think I am," she whispers back. She rubs away her tears into the hot skin of his chest. "I don't want to let you go."

His arm tightens around her, his other hand strokes her head.

"You are wrong, my love," he says, his voice already tight with pain and loss. "Your generosity sets you apart from everyone around you. It makes you even more worthy of love."

If things were different, she thinks, she would laugh at his illogical statement. The idea that she was more worthy of love than anyone else was not reasonable. She is amazed that she can recognize humor in this situation, even if she can't really feel it.

She wonders if their lovemaking was a sign that she has become a masochist.

It is not wrong to have expressed your love physically, the presence said. It is only natural to want to cling to what might soon be lost.

__________________

Captain's Ready Room, Alpha Shift:

"I believe this course of action to be unwise, Captain." Spock's eyes never leave Kirk's face, but Uhura feels as if he can see into her soul. "The Enterprise requires the best that Starfleet has to offer. In this case, Lt. Uhura is the best."

Kirk appears uncomfortable. At a loss for words, even. It isn't something she is accustomed to seeing in her captain.

"It's only for three months, Jim," she tells him. Though her eyes are pleading, her voice is firm. "I'm entitled to leave. And I think it would be… prudent for me to take it at this time. It's best that I'm away while we're on a benign mission and among friends."

She sees Spock's jaw clench ever so slightly, though she is certain Kirk has not perceived it.

"Captain," the first officer says, "I cannot disagree more. We will need the lieutenant's proven diplomatic grace and knowledge of my language and culture more than ever on this visit."

Kirk is clearly torn. In many ways, Spock is right. Even Uhura recognizes this. She is the most qualified communications officer onboard. But, she also knows she is the least qualified person to participate in their visit to the Vulcan colony. Spock's announcement is still too new, her knowledge of their eventual separation is too recent, for her to trust herself to control her feelings about the subject in front of their hosts.

"Captain," Spock says, "to my people, Uhura holds nearly as much responsibility for our few survivors as you have, as I have. While they will not hold her – or any of us – up as a hero, it would be considered an insult if she was absent for our first official visit."

She knows the instant Kirk concedes to the half-Vulcans logic. She understands she will have no reprieve.

She feels Spock's eyes on her now. It feels as if her heart is breaking all over again. She wonders if he is still sorry.

It was right to bring you here, Ambassador Spock told her. He was correct in his interpretation of how our people would have perceived your absence. But you know that was not the reason why he would not let you go.

__________________

Temporary Federation Regional Headquarters, Vulcan colony:

"Captain," she says when Kirk walks into the office assigned to him during their stay. She has been waiting for him for two hours. "I need to speak with you about a private matter."

Only one week remains of their two-month visit. It is the first time she has been able to catch him alone.

"Of course, Uhura," he tells her, an understanding smile already spreading across his face. She knows he can't help trying to charm females. "Though, if it's a private matter, shouldn't you be calling me 'Jim'."

She smiles at his mild attempt at flirting.

"It's also a professional matter… Jim," she confesses. "I wanted to talk to you about my leave. Ambassador Spock has invited me to take it here. I could stay with him."

She believes she knows what her captain is thinking. Is she thinking of exchanging one half-Vulcan for another? This one is old and wrinkled, but at least his face moves. She knows that although Jim Kirk has forged a nascent friendship with his first officer over the past twenty-two months, he is still more comfortable in the presence of the older Spock.

She knows the instant he decides to grant her wish.

__________________

Ambassador Spock's house, Vulcan colony:

Spock looks into the fiery eyes of his younger self. He doesn't believe that the commander will strike him, but he knows he must tread carefully.

"She needs time to find her balance," he tells him – himself. "It is a part of human nature you will learn soon enough, if you have not learned it already. Sometimes, they must step away from a situation in order to see it more clearly."

"Nyota is not like other humans," young Spock protests. "She is intelligent enough to already have seen it clearly. Her strength of character would not have led her to this point if you had extended your invitation."

Spock would pity this man if he didn't know exactly what motivated him. If he didn't know that the man's judgment was clouded by a selfish desire to hold onto what his younger self already decided could not be his.

He reaches out and places a hand on young Spock's shoulder. It is a liberty he would not take with any other Vulcan. And, although the fabric of the younger man's shirt prevents skin-to-skin contact, their very nature – their sameness – allows him to see another reason for the other man's protest.

Commander Spock is jealous. He is afraid he will lose Nyota Uhura to his other self. He does not see that one cannot lose what one has already given up.

__________________

Uhura jerked in surprise at this new piece of information. Spock's hand fell from her face and the meld is broken.

"You see? It is not over," he told her.

A/N: This chapter ended up being quite a bit longer than I'd originally intended. Hope some of this is starting to make sense to y'all.

Usual disclaimer: I own nothing.