You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
…
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And I feel so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
…
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done
Blaine always tried to play with Cooper, talk to Cooper, impress Cooper. As much as Coop ignored him, he still tried to be the little brother Coop wanted. Even if he new he would just be ignored again. Eventually he gave up; Cooper barely noticed.
…
Before Cooper left for college Blaine thought that maybe they were okay. He knew he'd miss his big brother.
He didn't want to be alone.
"Hey, squirt, don't worry! I'll call home all the time, you'll feel like I never left. Ring if you need me, yeah? I'll be back for Thanksgiving before you know it"
Well, Cooper kept up the calls for a couple weeks. They soon became few and far between before nearly stopping altogether. Blaine tried to call once a week, changing up the time to try to catch Cooper free - he wanted to make sure they both knew the other was still alive, at least.
Coop didn't end up coming home for Thanksgiving and was rarely at home during Christmas vacation. He promised to take Blaine to the beach during Spring Break but never called to say when he was coming home, or if Blaine should fly out to LA. Before Blaine even got word of Cooper staying in LA for his first summer Blaine gave up waiting for his brother's call.
…
Three days before the Sadie Hawkins dance Blaine called Cooper to ask for advice. He found the number disconnected.
…
Cooper made Blaine fall off his bike.
Cooper broke the vase in the hall when they were playing as kids and blamed Blaine.
Copper got Blaine's toys taken away.
Cooper gave Blaine the wrong answers for his homework.
Cooper told him to try basketball or soccer. He got beaten up and Cooper brushed it off, told him it made him tougher and stronger.
Copper didn't support him when he came out. He wasn't even there.
Cooper didn't give him advice for the dance.
Cooper abandoned him just like their parents did. But Cooper wasn't even there to pretend to care.
…
Blaine thought that he wasn't cool enough, smart enough, athletic enough, tall enough, straight enough to have a brother like Cooper actually love him.
He stopped trying to change for Cooper's approval.
So why did it still hurt?