Chapter 3

I Have to

I got off the plane and Charlie came to pick me up in his cruiser, of course. My first day of school is next week. I'm so fucking nervous. I never really fit in well in Phoenix, it was weird, the sun was shining everyday and yet I never got a tan, I am too pale, I'm not very pretty and I didn't have many friends, it was just me and Alex.

When we pulled up at Charlie's house, I recognized it, I've been to forks before, and I knew it pretty well. My grandmother used to live here and Charlie would take me here for a couple of weeks during the summers. This house used to belong to my grandmother before she passed away. My parents never told me what they were going to do with it I guess they knew they were going to get divorced a long time ago.

I walked upstairs and into my room, it looked the exact same way as it did when I last came here. I hated those ugly yellow curtains. I closed the door behind me and tossed my suitcase on the floor next to my bed. I plopped down on the bed and sprawled out over the covers, not even bothering to take my shoes off. Before I knew it I was asleep, and dreaming of Alex.
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'Never forget me.' I heard the love of my life say once again. 'I wont, I never will' I turned to rush back into my room and embrace Alex in one last kiss, but when the door swung open in front of me, Alex was no longer there, in fact nothing was there, just a bottomless pit. I looked down into the sheer darkness of the pit and I heard Alex calling; 'Bella, Bella come with me, Bella! Jump Bella! I'll catch you!' I listened to my loves voice and did as he told, I jumped into the pit, and darkness surrounded me.

I woke up in a cold sweat and tears streaming down my cheek bones. I now realized that I have to forget in order to get on with my life. If I ever wanted to be normal and live my life I have to forget him.

I got up out of bed and sank down onto the floor next to my suitcase. I unzipped the zipper and on top of all of my clothes, was my picture album. I took it out and flipped through it taking all of the pictures of Alex out until it was nearly bare. In the top cupboard of my dresser there always use to be a big box of matches, hoping it was still there I got to my feet and walked to the dresser. Luckily it was still there. I pulled the box open and got four matches from it, and put the box back, closing the cupboard. I picked the pictures up from the floor and walked over to the window, opening it quietly. I took two pictures and held them together, and strike the match on the bottom of my shoes, which I failed to take off last night. The match burst into a beautiful yellow and orange flame. I held it to the tip of the picture, it engulfed in flames and I dropped it and watched the pretty flame float down to the pavement below, I did so with every last picture and when I was done, I noticed the mess on my hands. My fingers were blackened with the ink that had melted from the pictures. 'Great another reminder of him'

I practically ripped the shirt that I was wearing, off of my body. Alex gave this shirt, it was my favorite shirt in the whole world, but if I was going to forget I had to destroy everything. I wiped the ink off of my fingers with the shirt and retrieved a pair of scissors from my dresser. I held the scissors to the shirt and I opened them. I tried with all of my might to close the blades to make the first cut, but I couldn't, I couldn't wreck this, I love this shirt. I closed my eyes to let the tears stream down more easily and I gritted my teeth to make my hand stop shaking.

"Do it! Cut it you coward!" I whispered to myself, my want to destroy it beginning to overpower my need to put it back on and leave forks and take the first plane to phoenix. I did it; I closed the blades and kept cutting and tearing until there was nothing, nothing but shrapnel of the shirt that the love of my life gave me. I picked up the pieces and bundled them to my chest, I leaned over and fell to the floor and began to bawl. My silent tears have never scared me this much before, I would have fallen asleep by now but I couldn't, I just couldn't, not until I forget. I stood up, holding the pieces of my favorite shirt in my arms and I walked downstairs. Stupid me, I hadn't noticed that I didn't have a shirt on, only my shorts and a bra, but I walked outside and dumped the shirt into the garbage cans outside. I stood outside for what felt like hours until Charlie ran outside, I suppose he was going to work now since he was dressed in his police uniform.

"Bella! What are you doing Bells? It's raining get inside!" I just realized the annoying patter of raindrops on my head, in fact it wasn't just raining, it was pouring. When I didn't answer, Charlie got worried. "Bella? Bella honey? Are you okay?" he shook me, I now wish he hadn't because I had an awful headache, and that was just making it worse.

I braced myself on the rim of the garbage can, my body hurt and I knew my legs were about to give out, and I was right. Before Charlie could come to my rescue and try to catch me I had fallen, bringing the trash can with me. I hit my head hard on the concrete and blacked out.

I woke up who knows how many hours later, in a hospital. But I wasn't in a room, well it was a room but it wasn't a room with a single bed and two chairs for loved ones, I was in the Emergency Room. I looked all around, still foggy to what happened. I felt something wrapped around me, I looked down at the green blanket that was covering me. I lifted it off slightly and gazed down at my chest, I had only a bra on, my ugly deep purple bra.

"Dad?"

"Yea, Bella."

"What happened?"

"I was just going to ask you the same thing, kiddo."

"Why don't I have a shirt on?"

"You cut it up and threw it out. I found pictures, burned pictures, of Alex outside, what were you doing?"

"Who's Alex?" I was perplexed at the name; I had never heard of or known a person named Alex. I thought Charlie had gone insane. He and Renée never talked about anyone named Alex, there was never any kids at school named Alex either.

I noticed Charlie had a shocked look on his face."Dad, what's wrong? Who's Alex?"

"No one, sweetheart, no one." He turned away and looked at the nurse, who was waving us into a room. We followed her in and she sat me on the check-up table- I hate those tables, the paper that is always covering it makes noises when you fidget.

"Can I speak to you outside for a minute, doc?"Charlie said looking kind of worried.
The doctor nodded and followed him outside.

Charlie's POV

"Well doc, here's the thing. This whole commotion was about her boyfriend, she wanted to get over him apparently and cut up his things. I found her outside in the rain at 6:00am when I was leaving for work. She collapsed and hit her head. I kept asking her about her boyfriend, Alex, but she says she can't remember him."

"I see, well I'll check her out" the doctor turned and walked back into the room and I decided to sit outside the door.

Bella's POV

"well let's see what's up." The doctor said slapping her gloved hands together once. "How long were you outside for Bella?"

"I don't know" I answered honestly.

"I see. Did you see the time at all last night?"

"Um I guess so, it was like 3:40 or something."

"give me an approximate time that you went outside."

"Uhh, 4, 4:30. Why?"

"Who is this Alex fellow?"

"Who?"I just looked at her confused and wondered why Charlie and my doctor had both asked me about this mysterious Alex character.

"No one, dear. Tilt your head down. Where does it hurt?"

I did as she instructed and pointed to the back and right of my head. After she was done dabbing up what I guessed was dry blood, she tilted my head back up and shone a flash light in my eyes.

"Well you might have a concussion, but I'm not quite sure. Charlie, would you wake Bella every hour to make sure if she's alright?" she said out the door towards Charlie. "If you have any trouble rush her back to the hospital, okay?"

"Yup" I heard Charlie say as he walked into the room.

Charlie ushered me out to the car, holding my arm the entire way. I sat in the back of the cruiser this time. I lay down in the back seat and fell asleep.

I woke up to Charlie calling my name."Bella, Bella sweetie, wake up we're home."

"Mmmm, no, it wasn't a full hour yet. Sleep more."

"I guess I'm going to have to do this the hard way." I felt Charlie pick me up, and heard him grunt as he held my weight. I wanted to tell him to put me down, that I'd walk the rest of the way, but I was too tired. I fell back asleep right away.

Charlie had done what the doctor had asked; he woke me every hour on the hour and made sure I was okay. He'd ask me questions about my name, his name, Renée's maiden name, and a few multiplication questions.

I was tired the next day, but I wanted to see Forks again. I drove around just sight seeing until it was time to go back to school.


TWILIGHT SHALL BEGIN NOW!