Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach if I did, Ulquiorra wouldn't be emo

Toushirou Hitsugaya woke up in a position he was rather uncomfortable with. Well, rather was putting it mildly. He found unable to move, seeing as how he was lying on top of Rangiku, and she was cuddling him in the same way a much younger girl would cuddle a stuffed animal. After observing his surroundings he realized he had a large bruise on his head and wished he could forget what happened last night.

It was right after he had held Matsumoto's hair back while she barfed for the fifth time, and needless to say she was unusually grateful.

"You know, I really ought to thank you, taichou," she began. "I mean, you're always doing what's best for me, but it's not like I wouldn't repay you if you asked." She was inching closer to him, ruining the moment by slipping on the floor here and there. "I would do anything for you, taichou, anything." Her voice had taken a more seductive tone, a drunken, seductive tone. She slowly leaned in closer, and then kissed him.

Hitsugaya hated it. He felt bad about taking advantage of her in this state, not to mention her breath was like a mix of alcohol and vomit. Quickly he pushed himself backward.

"It's okay, I understand," she continued. "Despite your smart n' sexiness, you're still a kid, and you couldn't resist me forever, I'm telling you you don't have to anymore." He had to hand it to her; she was very eloquent while drunk. He would have done anything to get out of the situation, and soon enough his chance came. It came in the form of trying to stand up, but instead bumping his head on the sink so hard he passed out.

At first he thought he was dreaming when she picked him up and carried him to the bed with her. After that she kissed him goodnight and fell asleep cuddling him like some teddy bear. Hitsugaya now realized that that was more plausible, but still thought it was because she was drunk the other night. That was going to cost him.

He opened the door, and there she was.

"Kurosaki-kun, I never got to thank you for what you did for me yesterday."

"I'd do anything for a friend Orihime you know that. Besides, it must have been really uncomfortable to have those guys staring at your… your… well, you know what I mean."

"Yes, I think so."

"Listen, Chad went back to visit his relatives, Ishida hasn't let anyone in his room all morning, and Rukia is out buying a pregnancy testing kit to make sure Renji didn't knock her up, so would you like to—"

POW!

"Idiot! Don't even joke about something like that! Are you even old enough to understand what you're saying?!" Rukia was furious, but flying through the window and kicking Ichigo in the head had made her feel a little better.

"I'm a lot older than you think, you old hag! It's not my fault it took you 1500 years to figure out what I did in 15! And c'mon we both know it was funny."

"Old hag! How dare you! And it certainly wasn't funny, did you see Inoue laughing!"

"That's because you made her nervous, she probably would have laughed right along with me had you not burst in and kicked me in the head!"

"Oh, I really doubt that. Inoue, you didn't think that was funny, did you?"

"It was nice talking to you Kuchiki-san, Kurosaki-kun, but I've got to go." Orihime backed out of the room and started walking quickly down the hall. She bowed her head and gave a weary sigh. She had planned on telling him today, but it would have to wait.

"Soifon! Glad you could make it," Yoruichi said as she sized up her new student.

"I'm ready Yoruichi-sama. W-wait a minute, weren't we going to be alone?"

"Oh don't mind Ise, she just wanted a quiet place to read, away from Kyouraku."

"Alright then, what do I do?" The training was rigorous, and it would kind to say that Yoruichi was a cruel taskmaster, but Soifon enjoyed it. To her, time with Yoruichi was time well spent. Finally, they sat down for a break.

"Yoruichi-sama, have you tried this juice? It's delicious," Handing her a cup full of a drink that she herself had tampered with. I may have screwed up last night, she thought, but what happened to Matsumoto won't happen again.

"You know, I don't think I have," Yoruichi picked up the cup, and was just about to put it to her lips when out of nowhere a voice called out.

"There you two are, I was looking for you all over the place!" Kisuke Urahara shouted to them as he walked up, poorly shaved but at least not wearing clothes that had been made one hundred years ago.

"Oh Kisuke, decided to show up uninvited, did you? Ya know what though, you should try this juice; Soifon said it's delicious."

"Did she now," Urahara took the juice and quickly drank the entire cup. Soifon could have died.

"My, my, Soi-chan, you've developed good taste over these last one hundred years, not to mention incredible beauty." Oh God, thought Soifon, what did I do to deserve this?

"Soi-chan, you look upset, let me cheer you up." Urahara leaned forward slowly with his lips puckered.

"Ise can I see your book for a second?"
"Of course taichou, why do you as—"

WHACK!

"So cold, Soi-chan."

"If this in any way makes Nemu a less efficient worker when we get back to Soul Society, I'm going to kill you myself, do you understand me, boy?" Kurotsuchi Mayuri was giving Uryuu an angry glair, as if he would really kill him at that instant.

"That won't happen, sir, I assure you." Uryuu said, looking behind the rather unhappy captain to see if his date was ready.

"Okay, let's go," came a voice from inside the room. Nemu walked out to greet her date with a small bow and a blush.

"C'mon," he said, "let's go."

"Back by ten, or both of you will suffer!"

"Yes, Mayuri-sama"

The restaurant wasn't that crowded, but it had a nice atmosphere and the service was pretty good. The two of them sat there nervously, not saying a word. Nemu did her best to start the conversation.

"So, what's she like?"

"Who?"

"Your mother. I never had one, so I was just curious."

"My mother died when I was very young."

"Oh." Silence. Uryuu tried this time

"So…any interests, hobbies, things like that?"

"I like taking pictures, there's always plenty of things to do on the computers in—"

"Wait, computers… do you get the human internet over there?"
"Of course."

"Ever seen Red vs Blue?"
"Who hasn't, that's hilarious." At last things were looking up. That is, until Ishida caught Nemu trying to "improve" his iced tea. He caught her and looked her straight in the eye.

"Please," he said. "I'm really having fun tonight, don't spoil the evening."

"You—you know what this is?"

"I have a good idea?"

"And you're not mad?"

"You're nervous; it was obvious even when you asked me out. You just wanted the date to go as smoothly as possible. Quite frankly I don't blame you."

"So you forgive me?"

"Yes. Now what were we talking about?" He can be compassionate, she thought, I knew I was right about him.

On the way back to the hotel Uryuu found a mariachi band. He whispered something in the guitarist's ear and handed him some cash. Instantly the band began to play.

"OOOOOOO, I love Prenda del Alma," squealed Nemu. "¿Por qué es un imposible, nuestro amor?"

"¿Tu hablas español?"

"The duties of a high ranking Shinigami can take us all over the world, not just Karakura Town, it is important we are fluent in every human language, so that we may easily communicate with whoever needs our help."

"Cool. Can you teach me Arabic?"

"Maybe later." As they approached Nemu stared at her date with longing eyes. He stared back with confused ones. She closed her eyes like she was waiting for something. As soon as he got the hint, Uryuu closed his eyes and moved his face towards where he thought hers was. They bumped heads.

"I better get going," Nemu told him as she made her way to the door.

"Nemu, wait!" Uryuu walked quickly up to her and gave her a long romantic kiss.

"Goodnight, Quincy-san." She smiled and closed the door behind her.

"Nemu? It's 10:01 you stupid bitch!" As she braced herself for another beating, Nemu let out a breath and smiled. Totally worth it.

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