A/N: Back again with a new chapter! Just wanted to put out there that I am in fact, American, and trying to write a very British Lara Croft in 1st person can be difficult at times. For you Brit's out there, if you could let me know if I'm phrasing her words right and or using enough (or not enough) swears that would be great! As thanks for the Fav's, Follows and Reviews here's an extra-long chapter! Reviews make my day, and when my day is made I wanna update faster ;)
Chapter 3:
Stepping out of the shower after what felt like hours of carefully scrubbing grime and blood off my body, I grab a clean towel from a nearby shelf. I take the sizable piece of cotton to my damp brown hair first, wringing it out till it's mostly dry then running my fingers through it as a makeshift brush. Sliding the elastic band off my wrist that I put there while bathing, I pull my hair up behind me into a rough pony tail.
Being careful of my injuries I pat dry the rest of my body, avoiding the hole in my back where crimson (among other things I'm sure) still seeps from the reopened wound. The thin rod of rebar that I had fallen onto certainly did a number. Grimacing I rest the white towel on the bathroom counter, careful not to have gotten any blood on it. Prying open the mirror type cabinet above the sink I'm grateful to find a double toothbrush package, still with one untouched red brush. Roughly running the brush along my teeth after finding some toothpaste I stick both items back where I had found them.
Reaching under the sink I pull out the first aid kit I had used to wrap Sam's ankle in previously and place it next to the white linen. Shuffling through the box I find only one roll of gauze left, but there should be enough to bandage around my waist, hopefully the fresher cut on my palm Mathias gifted me can also be covered with whatever's left. The other gouges on my skin have started to partially heal or are already scared over in most places so I'm not going to worry about them for now.
Dabbing as much blood as I can from my back with some toilet paper I quickly place the gauze around the wound to my side in several layers. As I go to cover my hand in a similar fashion I hear a knock on the door.
"Lara sweetie, are you alright in there? Cuz' you know after earlier you kinda freaked me out" Sam calls through the door with a bit of worry still lacing her voice.
"Yeah Sam, I'm fine I'll be out in a minute. Just drying off" I state guiltily, not liking to keep things from her but knowing how distressed she'd be at knowing the extent of my injuries. I opt to keep this to myself against my better judgment, knowing how pissed she'll be when she finds out about it later.
"Unlock the door then Lara" Sam says in a commanding voice, recognizing something must be wrong already.
"Sam I'm naked, so no. Just give me a second and I'll be right out. Promise" I quickly finish cloaking my hand before wrapping the semi-wet towel that lay on the counter around my body.
Unlocking the door I tug it open to find a slightly annoyed looking Samantha on the other side. She's standing somewhat awkwardly but the rest of her poster tells a different story. She has both hands on her hips and her face supports a scowl mixed with a raised eyebrow. Giving me a once over her face quickly drains to something more that of shock, bringing a hand to cup over her mouth briefly, she reaches out and grasps my forearm firm but gently. Tugging it out towards her she inspects the bandage wrapped around my appendage. Letting my hand go she steps back and holds out her hand making a turnaround motion. With a hard glare cast to her eyes I sigh and do as I'm asked. There's not a lot she can't ask me to do and I'd still comply, and she knows it.
Shimmying around in a small circle I wait for the supreme scolding I know I'm about to receive. I'd been foolish to think I could hide anything from her in the first place. Now that she's conscious and most obviously almost back to one hundred percent of course she's going to pick up on things.
"Sam really, it's worse than it looks I'll be fine!" I make to go around her through the door as she continues to study every cut and dark bruise on my body that's visible.
"Lara you're a terrible liar, seriously, what else are you hiding under the towel. Take it off." She's giving me that look again, worried yet irked at me simultaneously. Every step she takes towards me I take one back, that is until the back of my legs hit the desk behind me, where the clothes I had gathered and our sandwiches lay.
"What? No! I'm not taking my towel off. God, just trust me on this okay? It's nothing that can't wait until we get off the ship alright?" I plead with her, I'd really rather keep some dignity.
"Lara…"
"No Sam" I say exasperatedly rolling my eyes at the oddity of this conversation.
She gives me one last hard stare before backing off and going to sit on the bottom bunk of the bed. "It's not like I haven't seen it all before Lara" she grins at me as a blush sneaks up my neck and to paint my face.
"I don't think bursting into my shower to tell me, very drunkenly might I add, that Angelina, quote 'is gonna' cut her boobs off!'" I'm laughing at the end as the tides have been turned with Sam sitting there suddenly in embarrassment, having forgotten specifics of that story apparently.
"Oh shut it Lara" Sam rolls her eyes and giggles at me while tossing the pillow behind her in my direction.
"And here I was thinking you were concerned about my wellbeing" I say cheekily to Sam. She seems ashamed shortly after having thrown the pillow at, what she thinks (and might be true), a very injured me. Luckily I have a high pain tolerance, not that the pillow actually managed to come anywhere near me, let alone hit my body.
"Sorry!" she squeaks out finally, flopping backwards onto the bed, arms spread wide.
With a teasing grin I turn away from her to look at what clothes she left for me on the desk. Sam herself had dressed in a faded red t-shirt with some obscure band name on it along with a pair of skinny gray trousers that almost match the color of her eyes. Not the most fashionable thing but somehow she made it work, one of her hidden skills I had always been slightly envious of, especially on the days she would drag me out shopping. I pick up a flannel shirt from the pile; it's blue and white and should fit me fairly well if not for being a little long. Grabbing a pair of tight knee length shorts I slide them on under the linen still wrapped tightly around my torso. What I wouldn't do for a pair of knickers right now I sigh out sadly, sliding the zipper up on the denim shorts. Pulling the shirt over my head, I let the towel drop to the floor, carefully hiding the gauze that covers my back.
Rolling up the sleeves of my new shirt and fastening the buttons down the front, I pick up what appears to be ham and cheese sandwiches before turning back to Sam. Making my way across the small room I sit next to her, placing one of the wrapped pieces of food on her flat stomach. Sam sits up and allows the snack to slide into her lap.
"For me?" She asks with fake enthusiasm, clasping her hands under her chin.
"Yes you, you twat. Now eat up you haven't had anything for a while" I comment to her with an eye roll while unwrapping the plastic around my own small meal. Biting into the provision I can't help but let out a sigh of utter delight. I hadn't known how ravenously hungry I had been.
After practically inhaling the sandwich I look over to Sam who was watching me amusedly with a quirk of an eyebrow.
"You weren't hungry were you Lara? I mean it's not like you finished that entire thing in less than four bites or anything" She laughs playfully before taking the first bite of her sandwich held with both hands in front of her.
Swatting at her playfully, consciously careful to not actually touch her again so soon after she had recoiled from me earlier, I stand and make my way to the window on the far side of our room. It's a beautiful cloudless day; the sun is shining while the ocean sparkles invitingly.
"Want to go get some fresh air?" I turn back to Sam as she finishes the last few bites of her meal. Dusting off her hands of crumbs she stands, with a mild limp and bare feet she edges backwards to the door leading out of our room.
"Well come on then Miss. Croft! We should invite Jonah and Reyes too!" Sam practically sings before spinning and making her way out into the hallway.
"Sam slow down, one sec-"I quickly make my way back into the bathroom and strap the leather holster to my leg before sliding the pistol back into its leather nest. Slipping my boots back on I tie the laces quickly. Sam waits impatiently in the hallway for me, hovering outside our door with her arms crossed fingers tapping against them. She still has a slight smile to her face though so I know she's not to awfully bothered by the delay.
"Which one is their room?" She asks while looking down the corridor, spotting a few open doors where sailors are mingling about between the rooms. I point to the one adjacent to where we stand and Sam makes her way over to it.
After knocking on their door unsuccessfully for several minutes, we decided to head up to the open deck in hopes of finding Reyes and Jonah. With luck on our side Sam spotted them shorty after our eyes adjusted to the glaring light of the warm afternoon sun.
Sam immediately strode up to Jonah with a smile on her face, at first I thought she was going to hug him but watching her, she oddly restrained herself and simply gave him a loving pat on the shoulder. At least now I knew it wasn't just me who she was avoiding being overly touchy with. Nodding her head at Reyes the older woman acknowledged Sam before staring back out to the sea from where she slouched against the railing around the ship.
I followed slowing behind Sam, despite her being the one with the injured ankle she reached the group first as I paused to take in our surroundings. Several men were working further up the concrete landing, shouting things to each other as they attempted to move some of their cargo around with a massive crane. I monitored them carefully, conscious that I didn't need to but wanting to none the less in case one of them advanced towards us in an unbecoming manner. I may be paranoid after leaving Yamatai, but that paranoia is what kept me alive and I'm finding it impossible to let go of now.
Placing myself between Sam and the working men I give a slight wave of my non-injured hand to Jonah and attempt to shoot the distant woman to his left a shy smile. She doesn't return it but she does nod her head in my direction indicating she understood me. I can't help but let a sigh slide past my lips, I feel responsible for the way Reyes is feeling right now. I know she's trying her hardest to act like she's indifferent to what's going on around her but I can see the pain, the knowledge that the father of her daughter was killed on the island, the man she loved. Roth… I struggle to think past his name as it echoes in my head remorsefully.
Looking back at Sam who is now talking animatedly with Jonah I tune out my thoughts and return to focusing on her. It seems to be all I've been doing lately, but it's the only thing that keeps me from retreating into the darkest part of my psyche.
"Hello, earth to Lara!" Sam says dramatically waving a hand in front of my face as I had been spacing out "Did you hear what Jonah said? The captain came by this morning and told them we'll be in Japan by tomorrow! I guess he tried knocking on our door too but we were pretty out of it" Sam prattles on excitedly, probably happy that this particularly shite journey is coming to an end. I smile at her, trying to express the same enthusiasm but failing. Sam apparently can sense the falseness to my grin but chooses not to comment on it. While I can't wait to get home, a part of me worries about how I'll handle it after practically turning into a savage in our short time away. My mind is a mess as it is, I don't want to deal with normal everyday pressures again so soon.
Withdrawing myself from my inner most thoughts I focus back on the small group in front of me.
"So Lara, have you two eaten yet?" Jonah asks politely, giving me a grin as he folds his tanned arms across his chest.
"Well, we had a snack before coming up here. Nothing particularly filling" I breathe out with a shrug, a gentle breeze brushing against my face pulling my now dried fringe in front of my eyes.
"Ahh, good news then! Dinner is in 15 minutes!" Jonah says joyously rubbing his stomach.
Sam and I look at each other briefly as an identical smile slides across our faces. Poor Jonah, he's just so predictable sometimes.
"Of course you would know when they serve the food" Sam laughs lightly at Jonah as he grins back at her.
"A man's gotta' eat!" He exclaims brightly before turning to Reyes. "You gonna' come to dinner with us Joslin?" he asks in a more subdued tone, a smile still tipping the corners of his mouth upward.
"Nah, you guys go ahead I think I'm going to stay out here for a bit" she smiles sadly at us before looking sullenly back out towards the ocean.
We all exchange looks on her behalf, shrugging Sam and Jonah make to leave for the mess hall but I stay behind a moment with Reyes. I'm not sure what prompts me to say what I do next, but I'm glad I do. Apparently it's something she needed to hear.
"I don't know if it'll make a difference Reyes, but I know Roth would have loved Alicia. The way he talked about you sometimes… There was no one else in his life when you were separated. I just thought you should know that" I say to her sympathetically, watching tears begin to track down her dark face after what I had said. Roth and I had done an incredible amount of traveling when I didn't have school and I knew that was why he never wanted a real relationship. It wasn't that he wouldn't be faithful; it was because he didn't want to put someone he loved through the emotional anguish of how often he wouldn't be there for them with his lifestyle.
Placing a hand on Reyes shoulder to try and comfort the still crying woman I'm surprised when she pulls me into a hug. I stiffly pull my arms around the usually unshakeable woman before relaxing. This is my fault, I think guiltily as her tears soak the collar of my shirt. If only… Stop it Lara. There's nothing you can do to change the past, you've thought about this all before when you sat by his fire. You know Roth wouldn't have wanted it any other way. That stubborn, northern bastard.
With a jerk Reyes pulls herself away ashamed at having broken down, if only briefly, in front of me.
"Thanks Lara" she says quietly, refusing to meet my eyes before walking away in no particular direction.
I look after the once strong, overly opinionated woman go before turning to follow Sam and Jonah who had just disappeared inside the entrance to the interior of the ship. We are all dealing with what happened on the island differently, so I think it's best to give Reyes her space for now.
Strolling down the hall I can't help but be slightly jealous of Joslin, she's dealing with her emotions like any normal person should while I what? Ignore mine and hover around Sam like an over protective girlfriend? Or rather boyfriend, minus the fact that I'm not a boy, I'm fairly sure Sam is strait. Why am I even thinking about this?
Rolling my eyes at myself at where my thoughts had led I rub a hand along the back of my neck. Typical, I'm trying to think about something serious and the second Samantha crosses my mind everything changes. Not that I'm complaining.
Rounding a corner to the mess hall I can begin to hear the rowdy shouts of men calling out to each other before I can see them. Stepping into the large open area I feel myself freeze at all the energy in the room emanating from the dozens of crewmen sitting at the long tables. This is nothing like the first time I had been here, it seems as if there's some kind of celebration going on and most of the men are in high spirits, not worried about being disorderly. A few men look at me questioningly as I stand there stiffly taking in the room.
I feel my hand make its way slowly towards the cold metal of the gun strapped to my thigh. Forcing my sweaty palms into the front pockets of my shorts instead, I make my way over to where Sam and Jonah wait in line for their supper. Breathing deeply I attempt to calm my nerves before reaching them. It doesn't help.
I can feel myself standing closer to Sam than usual, glancing around the room I can feel my eyes harden into a glare as I see a few of the men blatantly staring at us. They quickly look away when they see I've noticed their rudeness.
Sam looks at me questioningly, confused at my sudden closeness as our shoulders bump and I'm practically plastered to her side. I can feel my lips thin further into a straight line the longer we stand here in line to be ogled at. Lara, seriously get a grip. Dragging my hands out of my pockets I rub them anxiously over my thighs while giving Sam a small tight lipped smile.
"Crowds" I shrug at her, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. She nods her head in understanding, lacing her fingers with mine. I can feel some of the tension leave my shoulders at her act of kindness. With a squeeze of her hand I release it to grab a tray of food. Too focused on the throng of people making their way around us I don't even pay attention to what's put on my plate.
I can't stop myself from analyzing objects I could use as cover, or debating on which man I should kill first. The broad shouldered intimidating one on the other side of the hall? Or perhaps the 2 that are standing in front of me, they would be easy, they don't even realize I'm behind them.
I have to stop and physically shake myself at the last thought. I need to get away from here. I'm not ready for this! My sanity pleads with my body to which it's ignored; I'm unwilling to leave Sam's side with so many possible threats nearby. Instead I follow Sam to an open space in one of the tables; Jonah sits across from her as I stand there a moment.
Seating myself beside Sam, I set the metal tray down roughly as my palms had been gripping it so tightly my knuckles had turned white. My eyes stare at my food intently now, I'm afraid if I look away from it something will provoke me into doing what I'm trying so very hard to avoid. With my focus in front of me I don't notice Sam exchanging worried looks with Jonah.
Picking up a fork I stab at something and place it in my mouth, chewing it mechanically before swallowing. I didn't taste a thing. I hear rather than see Sam sigh and begin to eat her meal as well. Risking a glance at her, breaking the needed staring contest with the food in front of me, I catch something out of the corner of my eye. There's a large man ducked forward, moving quickly towards us. With a knee jerk reaction, not caring that the man was pushed by another in our direction, I instantly stand and spin out of my seat. Ripping the gun from the holster at my side I bring it forward with lightning quick reflexes, still sharp from all the practice on Yamatai. Standing between Sam and the man who had stopped frozen in his tracks only a foot from us, the barrel of my gun hovers just centimeters from his forehead.
He stands there in shock, arms held up in surrender, waiting for me to pull the trigger.
A slight noise startles me out of my violent trance in the suddenly very silent room.
"Lara sweetie, it's okay, no one's going to hurt you… You can put the gun down" I hear softly coming from my left. I can't gamble a glance in that direction in case the man in front of me decides to pull out a weapon of his own.
The fear in his bronze eyes is unlike those of the other men I killed on the island; this confuses me.
"It's not me I'm worried about…" I mumble quietly, disconnected, remembering the voice that had spoken to me a moment ago.
With a cold edge to my eyes I continue to hold the gun level with the terrified man's head in front of me. He's obviously not a threat now, but he could be later on. A war wages inside my mind, one side fighting for me to let the man live, the other, more savage side, wanting to end his life for sins he may or may not have committed. With a low growl seeping between my lips in frustration I feel something around my waist. If I was in my right mind I would have flinched in pain but in my current state frankly, I didn't give a damn.
With a small tug of the objects at my sides I could now feel a pressure along my back. Inhaling I could smell her, I could smell Sam.
Sam, god what have I done?
I feel my arms go slack and let the gun drop to my side, looking down in shame I can see Sam's smooth hands hugging me from behind as she rests in face in between my lithe shoulder blades. Grasping her hands lightly I push them away from my sides and flee the quiet hall in a sprint.
Making it to our room I slam the door while struggling to breathe properly. My sides feel like they're on fire, with each inhale I can feel every inch of the dark bruises that coat my ribs painfully. Pacing back and forth across the small area I'm in disbelief at what I had just done. I wasn't on that bloody island anymore and I had almost killed an innocent man whose only crime was having a terrible taste in mates!
I sink to my knees as a new round of shame coats my small being. Hunching forward I pull my hands over my face and let out a frustrated scream.
Why can't I be like the others? Why am I letting every little thing affect me so much? You know why Lara. They didn't go through what you did. They didn't do what you did. That doesn't matter! I shout to myself in anguish. I should be able to control myself. I wasn't even on the island for more than two weeks and it's royally fucked over my mind and turned me mad.
Unable to express myself properly, I sit back on my knees and bring a backhanded fist to the locker next to me. It leaves a satisfying dent, along with a new bruise.
Heaving out a defeated sigh after several moments of sitting on the floor I climb into the bed Sam and I had shared only hours before. Kicking off my boots I roll onto my side facing the wall. Bringing up my knees I clutch them to my chest as I let my eyes close while tears slowly slip out the corners of them. The events from the mess hall play on repeat behind my eyelids. The beast in me had torn its way through my psyche in only seconds, shredding any and all reserves I had about killing men now that I was free from the island. If Sam hadn't been there, if the light she gave off didn't shine so fucking brightly, I would have killed that man today. And who knows how many others without a moment of hesitation.
Maybe I should have stayed on the island with the rest of those crazy fucks, I think darkly to myself, I fit right in with them didn't I?
Brooding over my lack of control I hear a slight knock on the door. I don't know how long I've been laying here and at this point I don't much care.
The door slides open quietly and someone steps inside before closing it behind them without a sound. I feel a weight sink into the bed behind me and know its Sam. No one else on the ship would dare sit that close to me after what happened.
She doesn't say anything for a long while, just sits there silently in contemplation. Eventually she turns to face the back of me from where she's perched.
"Lara…" she whispers out, taking a hand and trailing it through my fringe, effectively tucking it behind my ear so she could see my face. I ignore her and keep my eyes tightly shut. Maybe she'll think I'm resting? Doubtful but it's worth a try.
"Sweetie I know you're not asleep, it's so not natural how you're lying. Look, I brought you a present. It's really cool" she exaggerates while shaking the bed in an effort to get me to turn over.
I lay there for a few more minutes before curiosity gets the better of me.
"What is it" I bite out in a voice rough with emotion.
"Well, you have to turn over and open those gorgeous eyes if you wanna' know" Sam says, a smile evident in the tone of her voice.
Begrudgingly I loosen my posture and roll over in the bed, letting my eyes open slowly as I move. The artificial light in the room catches off of something shiny Sam has placed in her lap. She smiles down kindly from where she sits next to me and places the object in front of my face that's flat against the bed.
Surprised I do a double take, it's a laptop. How on earth she acquired this is beyond me.
"I barrowed it from a guy down the hall, he said he had a bunch of movies on there if you wanted to watch one with me. I figured it would take your mind off… things." Sam finished lamely. Before waiting for my answer she picked the device back up off the bed and motioned for me to scoot over. I complied by moving closer to the wall and sitting upright, still perturbed that she was being so friendly to me after the episode I had not long ago.
Pulling the navy blanket from underneath me she grabbed the pillow off the floor and slid into the bed, spreading the blanket over the both of us before setting the computer on her lap. Lifting the lid she waited for the machine to start up.
"Sam, why are you… I don't understand. Aren't you afraid of me?" I ask her peculiarly with eyebrows knit in confusion.
"No" she answers back simply, still watching the computer screen as it loads. Glancing away from it her blue, nearly silver eyes meet mine and hold them.
As if to make her point she slides closer to me so that our hips are touching, our shoulders too as they rest against the metal to our backs.
Still holding my eyes she speaks again with such conviction I can't help but believe every word she says.
"Lara, you're my best friend and nothing, I mean nothing you say or do will make me run from you. You risked your life to save me on more than one occasion. There's no chance in hell I'm letting someone as amazing as you in my life out of it after everything we've been through. I'm always going to be here no matter what."
With a steely finality in her voice she turns back to the task at hand and beings to scroll through the videos listed on the screen in front of her.
I feel a swell of pride at Sam's words. I might be fucked up, like crazy fucked up, but Sam was going to stay by my side through thick and thin. Just like she said she would all those years ago when we started university together.
I let out an awkward relieved bark of a chuckle as a tear streams out of the corner of my eye. Blinking it away I can't help but curl over into her side and drag a hand across her stomach, pulling her into a tight hug. Rubbing my nose against her collar bone I can't help but take in the smell that's distinctly Sam and it's immensely comforting. She had stiffened briefly when I practically crawled onto her but quickly relaxed. I let out a light sigh onto her skin, feeling a small shiver run through her at the action. She hummed at whatever she was doing so I knew I hadn't upset her and the shiver was a good one. I let myself lay there for a bit as she clicked away on the computer, feeling at peace knowing that she wouldn't leave me alone, she was all I had left after all.
"Hey Lara?" Sam asks with a bit of mirth to her voice.
"Yeah Sam?" I say into her neck not quite ready to leave my place of comfort.
"Do you think there's any porn on here?" she asks as if seriously pondering the question.
I laugh freely at her antics now and lift my head off her shoulder to gaze up at her. She's smiling down at me with mischief dancing behind her eyes. With a smile I place my face back against her collar, now at an angle so I can see the screen.
"Sam, you know were going to have to talk about all this sometime…" I trail off not wanting to ruin the moment.
"I know, but not right now. Right now, were going to watch a movie" she states agreeably.
She flips through the movies a few more times before picking something at random. When the movie begins Sam, like always, takes a back seat directors roll and points out every camera angle she would change in the film. Most people would find this annoying, but with Sam it's her passion, and I find listening to her is more entertaining than any show.
Closing my eyes I listen as she continues to speak, feeling her voice reverberate in her chest. Minutes pass as I lay like this with Sam, eventually wanting to succumb to the sleep that calls to me.
As I drift towards the edge of unconsciousness I hear her whisper something warmly.
"You're not the only one who can keep a promise Lara."