AN: Thanks to those of you who've left reviews for this story. I do want to clear up a couple of things from the last chapter regarding information that may or may not have been clear in this story. I think that people assumed that Booth and Brennan were supposed to be together, but because I'm a spoiler whore I knew that he was to have a girlfriend this season. I happen to like said girlfriend and as such am not planning on making her a villain so no psycho girlfriend goes after Brennan stuff in here. Some of you were a bit upset that she 'made' Booth leave Brennan to go home to his son, but please remember that she was trying to get Angela an opportunity to see Brennan and remind Booth that he does have a son at home. Plus Max might want to check in on his daughter too. I wasn't trying to have her be all evil and keep Booth from Brennan. Booth could very easily have stayed at her side, but he is an adult with obligations.
Now that my rant is over, I hope you'll all take the time to watch episode Two of 'The Whole Truth' on hulu. You can see me in the background of the prison shots at roughly twelve and eighteen minutes in. I'm playing a corrections officer and I have my hair pulled up in a ponytail. And with that, I hope you enjoy this chapter which was partially inspired by a Patty Loveless song, the verse to follow. Please let me know what you think at the end of the chapter. As always, I appreciate the feedback.
How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry.
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?
"Sweetie, I wasn't trying to hide anything from you, honestly. Jack and I just wanted to wait until I was out of my first trimester before we said anything about it, and if you'll recall you did the exact same thing."
"Ange, I'm happy for you. You've wanted to have children and now you're going to be a mother. Congratulations." Temperance reached out and hugged her friend, fighting off the tears welling in her eyes. She wanted to be happy but couldn't control the feeling of jealousy that stabbed through her chest. It was so wrong to feel this way, but she just couldn't help it. Why did she have to lose a baby when her friend was just announcing her pregnancy? With a deep breath, she let go of Angela and noticed that tears filled her best friend's eyes as well. "What's the matter?"
"I just… our kids should have been able to grow up together and now I feel guilty about what happened and it's just not fair Bren. How are you so calm about all of this? I'd be a total wreck if I were in your shoes, well more so than I am now."
"What's the use in feeling guilty about something that's completely out of your control? These things happen and in the majority of the world…"
"No Brennan, don't you dare try to turn this into some anthropological inevitability or whatever. This is personal to you and it's personal to me because the timing is just really terrible to be announcing that I'm pregnant. I should have just told you when I found out."
"Your telling me before now wouldn't have changed what's occurred. I should have been more in tune to my body and what was going on." Brennan turned away from Angela, blinking back the tears that welled. She hoped this wouldn't be a perpetual state for her. She didn't grieve nearly this much for her mother. With a quick intake of breath, she looked back at her friend hating the look of pity on Angela's face.
"Sweetie, you couldn't know that this would happen. I mean, you've had complications all through your pregnancy and this whole situation just seemed to fit with those symptoms. Don't you dare blame yourself for losing the baby. I won't allow it, do you hear me?" Temperance opened her mouth to respond to her friend, but stopped at the knock on the door. Both women turned to look as Max peeked into the room and smiled at his daughter.
"Hi honey, I thought I'd drop by to see how you're doing. Booth said you were asleep when he left so I didn't come by last night." He stepped into the room and waved a tin of cookies in the air. "Snickerdoodles. I know how terrible hospital food can be so I thought I'd bring in a little contraband. How are you feeling sweetheart?"
"Well the pain killers given to me appear to be working because my level of pain isn't unbearable. You didn't have to come by dad. I'm not here for much longer."
"Nonsense honey. What kind of father would I be if I didn't stop in to see my daughter?" Max leaned in over the bed and pressed a kiss to her forehead. As he stood up he turned to Angela and offered her a smile. "Angela, you look positively radiant today."
"Thanks Max." Angela glanced down at her watch and stood up. "Cam needs me back at the lab, so I'm going to head out. Sweetie, call me if you need anything." Angela slipped out of the room and Max took her seat at Brennan's bedside. He looked at his daughter for a long time before speaking again.
"How are you really?"
"Dad, I told you, I'm fine. The pain is dulled and I'll be released tomorrow morning."
"Don't kid a kidder Tempe. You know you can't try to con me, it doesn't work that way. Tell me what I can do to help you get through this."
"There's nothing to get through. My appendix burst and the toxins killed the fetus. It's just nature; there's nothing I could do to stop it from happening." Brennan looked away from her father and began to fiddle with the covers on her bed. Her evasive behavior didn't put off Max as he reached over and took her hand in his. He gave her a reassuring squeeze and waited until she looked at him again.
"Tempe, I know you're hurting over this whether you want to admit it or not. You and I think alike you know, and if I'm having a hard time coping with the fact that my little girl is in pain – emotional and otherwise – then I know that you are too. Don't try to keep it all inside baby. You have to let yourself grieve."
"Grieving does nothing. It's better to just move past it and not dwell in thoughts of what if."
"That's a load of bull and you know it. Do you know what would have happened to me if I'd bottled up my feelings about leaving you and Russ? What about your mother, huh? Honey, I know that it's partially my fault that you distance yourself from your feelings but you need to let yourself grieve so you can heal. It's okay to hurt. Just let it out. I don't like to see my little girl in pain." He looked at Temperance for a long time, holding open his arms when the tears started to fall. She leaned into him and began to sob when his arms tightened around her.
"I wanted him so badly. I'm tired of being alone and he was my chance to know that someone would always be in my life."
"I know sweetheart, I know. It hurts, allowing yourself to feel, but it'll help I promise."
"I just…" Temperance's breath hitched and she struggled to get it under control. Max closed his eyes against the pain in his daughter's cries, his stomach tightening and moisture gathering in his own eyes. She'd been hurt so many times in her life and tried so hard to steel herself from the hurt of having emotions, but something had to give.
Brennan tried to get her breathing under control as the tears streamed down her face. She'd never cried so hard in her life regardless of what had happened. Her anger at her parent's disappearance kept her from crying then, and she quickly learned in the foster system that there wasn't a lot of room for emotions. None of her families cared and tears just made things worse. Now though she sobbed her breathing difficult as she tried to gasp in air. Her shoulders shook and still her father's arms remained around her, his hands rubbing soothing circles onto her back.
"It's okay baby, I understand. You just cry as long as you need to, okay?" Max kept his grip strong on her as she sobbed, his heart breaking for her. "I'll bet you didn't know that your mother miscarried a couple of times. It didn't matter how far along she was; it hurt every time it happened. Once you learn about that new life that's part of you, it's amazing. You have this creation, this miracle that will have a connection with you forever, and to lose that and know you'll never see them grow up? I understand how that feels baby. I know you want to keep all of this hurt inside, but you need to let it out. Don't keep your emotions inside anymore. Let yourself feel or you'll pull so far away from everyone that it'll be too hard to connect with anyone."
"It hurts less when I don't let myself feel." Temperance pulled free from her father as she finally felt like she could breathe again and looked at him. Her eyes and face were puffy and there were tears still streaming down her cheeks, but she was in better control of herself.
"Yes, but in keeping it inside, you're hurting yourself. The pain will lessen sweetheart, you just have to let it out first." Max reached up and swiped at the tears on Brennan's face. He smiled at her tenderly and handed over the tin of cookies. "Here, have a cookie. It'll make you feel better."
Temperance let out a laugh that turned to a sob, but reached for a cookie regardless. As she bit into it, her father relaxed back into his seat and began to hum, trying to offer comfort the only way he knew how.
"I've been thinkin' 'bout all the times you told me. You're so full of doubt; you just can't let it be…"
XxXxX
Booth tapped a pen on his desk as he looked over the report in front of him. He couldn't concentrate on it as his thoughts kept drifting back to his partner. He hurt for her at the loss of her child and part of him hated that he couldn't share that grief with her. He knew why she chose to use a different donor when she began the whole 'baby' process, but it still didn't sit too well with him. He has Hannah, she had reasoned, and it wouldn't be fair to him or his girlfriend for her to use his sperm for the child. She didn't want Hannah to feel that by using his donation she was making an unspoken claim on him. It was a very unselfish thing for her to do, and he loved her all the more for taking such a stand on the issue. He glanced at the time and stood up to leave. It was time to stop in and see how Temperance was doing. As he headed for the elevator, he let out a groan as his boss, Andrew Hacker approached.
"Ah Agent Booth, just the man I was looking for. Could you come with me for a moment?" Andrew waved his hand in the direction of his office and walked alongside Booth as they headed there.
"I hope this won't take too long sir, I was just on my way to check on Bones."
"This shouldn't take too long, and make sure that you let her know that I said hello." Andrew led Booth to a seat and sat across from him at his desk, folding his hands on the mahogany surface. "Now, about last night…"
"I thought that Cam told you where I was going."
"Yes, I did speak to Dr. Saroyan after you dashed away from a dinner at the White House, key words in this sentence would be White House. Agent Booth, I respect you and your set of ethics. God knows your work here has done wonders for my own career, but I really have to wonder what the hell you were thinking when you ran out of there last night. I'm sure that you were worried about your partner, but that's no reason to just bolt from a dinner that was essentially in your honor at the White House. It was quite awkward having to explain that you'd left your own party to the President of the United States."
"Bones lost her baby last night sir, and I felt that it was a little more important to be at the hospital with her than to accept a piece of paper from the president."
"Oh, I didn't realize… Dr. Saroyan didn't go into detail about Temperance's condition."
"Was that all sir, or did you need me for something?"
"Yes actually," he said and slid a file across the desk to Booth, "Your support on that RICO bust a couple of years back has kept you in the sight of Organized Crime. You're going to be working with one of their agents on a case involving a child abduction. A local boy, son of Carmine Romano went missing two nights ago. The family believes he's been taken by a rival 'businessman' and we have some evidence that the child has been seen in Philadelphia. The Deputy Director happens to have heard that you're from Philly so he'd like you to assist on this. You'll be headed up there this evening."
"Fine, I'll get the details and head up as soon as I can." Booth stood and left the office, the file under his arm. He had to hurry up if he wanted to see Brennan and have enough time to get up to Philly. With a quick shake of his head, he hurried to the elevator. First he needed to stop home and let Hannah know that he'd be gone on a case, and then he could take the time to see his partner. No matter what, he had to check in on Brennan. She needed support right now and even if he was a couple states away, he was going to offer her as much support as he could.