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Chapter 3- First Month

"Everyone—please welcome Miss Stephanie Plum. She is Marisa Chance's interim replacement. She'll be with us for at least a year, so make sure to treat her nicely," spoke the Vice President of Purchasing, Eastern Territory, Alex MacLaine with a wink.

You have got to be kidding me! I thought Trenton was small. Apparently the entire Eastern Seaboard was too small to have a dance with a stranger. And what was with the wink? Did he remember me, or was he just a wink-er? Either way I'd been thrown slightly off kilter when he'd walked in the room.

It was Monday morning, my first official day as Macy's 'Lead Purchaser-Shoes-Eastern Territory'—at least that's what my brand new business cards read. Marisa had called me Sunday night to let me know the monthly meeting would be happening at 9 AM the next day. She'd "just wanted to prepare me" that the VP was going to be there along with every lead and his/her assistant. Apparently the Vice President had been out of town doing the standard recheck of everyone's inventory and had just come back.

"Don't be nervous," Marisa had assured me. "I know you'll fit in just fine."

Yeah right, for some reason the fact that I'd danced with my boss at Sapphire a week ago, even though I'd had no idea he was my boss, made me even more nervous.

I'd spent the better part of Saturday and Sunday unpacking my few boxes. Going through each room, I'd made a list of things I'd need. In the kitchen, I wanted matching dishes and silverware. The hodgepodge I'd collected at my old apartment just didn't fit in my new home. I also wanted frames for all the photos I'd wanted to put out through the years but had never gotten the chance. I'd made a mental list of how I wanted to decorate each room, but that shopping trip was going to have to wait until Mary Lou would be able to get away from home and spend the weekend with me.

Lastly, I unpacked my clothes. Luckily, I had plenty of clothes that met Macy's dress code policy. The clothes I'd used to consider my funeral attendance wardrobe could now become my professional wardrobe. Of course with my new walk-in closet, there was now plenty of room for more clothes. When I'd read through the company documents, I'd been happy to see panty hose was not a mandatory part of the dress code. Evidently things had changed quite a bit since my last stint in an office environment.

My house had a small laundry room underneath the staircase, so I wouldn't have to go to the Laundromat anymore. Unfortunately, it wasn't stocked with an iron and ironing board. Hopefully once I purchased both items ironing wouldn't become my new favorite pastime to bide the time in a new city. Probably I needed to call my mom to find out which brand was the best to buy.

I finished off Sunday in the laundry room, nervously picking out an outfit for the following day from all my clothes I'd freshly washed. I didn't want to give anyone a wrong first impression of me. In Jersey, people are taught to judge what a person is like based upon the way they dress. I finally settled on black dress pants with a matching suit jacket, a cream sleeveless satin top to go underneath and a pair of demure black pumps.

So here it was—Monday morning—and I was in a large conference room with about fifty people. Every department lead—Men's, Ladies, Lingerie, Home, Kids, etc. and their assistants were going around the table introducing themselves. Looking to my righ,t I shot Marisa a panic stricken face. How was I supposed to remember all these people? For the last couple of years I'd worked with five people or less. Marisa let out a small, knowing laugh and mouthed 'don't worry'. Right, don't worry!

After the morning meeting concluded, it was well after one o'clock. I didn't realize there was so much to do, and again I was wondering if I'd be able to do this job and possibly make this into my next career. Every department evaluated sales numbers, vendor relationship statuses and contract renewals. Since I hadn't been involved in gathering information, I was there to watch and learn.

I was heading back to my shared office with Marisa when a woman approached me. If I'd had to guess, I'd put her at right around my age. She was a little on the plump side and a little shorter than me with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes. She was dressed slightly more casual than I was, but so were most of the people in the building. Now I found myself hoping everyone didn't think I was uptight and snotty. Mentally scanning the list of names I was given this morning, she saved me the time and stress.

Extending out her hand, she said, "Amy Stark, Lead for Misses. Nice to meet you." Her voice didn't match her body. It was squeaky, and I wondered how long before I would have to cover my ears.

Taking her hand, I replied, "Thank you. I'm Stephanie Plum. Nice to meet you too."

"After the monthly meetings, usually Shoes, Misses and juniors get together for lunch. Since you're a part of shoes, I thought you should know and join us."

I liked the way she called everyone by his or her department. That gave me hope I'd be able to learn who everyone was.

She must have read my train of thought somehow, because she continued, "I was able to memorize everyone by their department my first week. There are over seventy five employees here, so once I was able to do that their names just began to stick."

Suddenly her voice wasn't grating on my last nerve. Her advice was welcome. Even though the task of learning everyone's names was still daunting, her method made it seem easier.

Remembering why she had come up to me to begin with, I smiled. "Sure, that would be nice."

Marisa and I took the same car, and the four of us met up at Jed's Diner. Apparently the assistants usually came to lunch as well, but since Marisa's assistant Dave was taking a week of vacation, the other two assistants had decided to do lunch in the lunchroom. On the ride over, Marisa had outlined my training schedule. Later in the week and into the next week, we'd start introducing me to the vendors, distribution center and store contacts.

Outlining the main operations, she ticked everything off—making sure items were marked down and ads for the upcoming week were correct, checking in on deliveries, shopping the competition, and, of course my favorite, well, now that its wasn't underwear I was buying, obtaining samples of shoes. Then came the reports—store sales reports, target market reports, inventory reports, the list was endless. I hadn't even started any of my official duties, and already I was completely overwhelmed. I know I used to do this for a living, and it wasn't like I was fired for poor performance, but going from bounty hunting to buying shoes for the entire eastern half of the United States was a scary, scary task.

Arriving at Jed's, we joined Amy from Misses and Sue from Juniors in a corner booth. The entire place was decorated like a giant picnic. Quilts covered the seats, the tablecloth was a red and white checked pattern and all the condiments were in a little wicker basket. The atmosphere was laid back, and they offered home-style comfort foods. I knew immediately I would look forward to these lunch dates and was sad that they would only happen once a month. But that's probably why they had so much to talk about. Of course, there was gossiping about some of the co-workers—the usual who was dating whom and who was flirting with whom. As long as the gossip wasn't about me, I was happy. I'd had more than enough gossip spoken about me to last a lifetime.

"So, tell us your story. What brought you here? I heard you moved from Jersey," Sue asked in-between bites of her French Dip sandwich.

I choked on my meatball sub, spewing an inappropriate amount of sauce onto the table in front of me. One second the girls were talking about Dave, Marisa's assistant, hitting on Lingerie's new assistant, and in the next moment, the spotlight was on me. Worse yet, it seemed far too bright. I knew eventually someone would ask about my past, and it wasn't like Sue's question was anything but a curious question. Still there'd been so much judgment in the Burg about my former job choice. I just wasn't ready to go through that with these people—people I barely knew. And then there was the bigger reason I'd moved out of state. I'd barely admit that to myself, let alone anyone else.

I got my coughing under control by slurping up my Coke as if I would never have a drop of liquid again and replied, "I ran into Marisa, and she mentioned the opportunity since we used to work together."

"She was—what do you call it?" Marisa asked, looking at me with a humorous smile.

I let out a heavy sigh. "A Bond Enforcement Agent. Most people would call it Bounty Hunter."

To my surprise, instead of passing negative judgment, they were all excited, asking questions about what the job entailed. I was all too happy Marisa didn't offer any more information on my mishaps from the paper, and Sue and Amy's questions were easy yes or no's.

Amy was the first out of the gate with questions. "So, did you ever have to arrest a drunken person?" There wasn't a hint of negativity in her tone.

"Probably on a daily basis," I replied and watched all three faces scrunch in disgust.

"I bet they stunk," Sue said. She didn't know the half of it—stale alcohol and more than likely a lingering smell of throw up. Thinking back now, I couldn't believe I'd lasted so long dealing with that level of scum.

I just nodded an affirmative as I took another bite of my sub. It tasted good, but it wasn't Pino's, and the company certainly wasn't as good as home. Not that I wasn't enjoying my time with my freshly made friends. They just weren't Joe.

"Did you ever have to shoot someone?" Sue asked next. I sat there debating how to answer. I didn't want to be dishonest, but I certainly wasn't ready to get into the gory details of how far my shooting abilities had extended.

Before I could answer, Marisa started gathering our trash and plates to take to the trash bin. "Time to get back to action ladies." Saved by the lunch hour bell.

When we returned to the office, we had less than three hours of work left. Having a set schedule was yet another perk of the job. Not only was I not going to have to worry about if I would have enough money for rent each month, but I wouldn't have to exhaust myself trying to push the pennies as far as they could go. Weekends would be mine to do whatever I wanted.

I was utterly exhausted by days end and couldn't wait until my head hit the pillow. So thankful that my drive home was less than fifteen minutes, I slapped together a ham sandwich and cracked open a beer. I gave Rex a chunk of bread and made my way over to the couch. I didn't even turn on the television. I just wanted to space out and eat.

I couldn't get the girl's question out of my head. Did I ever shoot someone? Yes, and I'd killed two people. I think that's why I hated my gun so much. Somehow, someway, I was good at aiming for the target and making contact. It wasn't like I'd practiced on any sort of regular basis. What kind of person did that make me? Those were the thoughts that would haunt me late at night when no one else was around.

It had been years since Alpha and the TriBro incidents, but I'd never come to terms with either situation. Per usual, I'd used my incredible 'mind block out' mechanism. Over the years those scary thoughts would filter their way into my dreams. I don't know if I'd talked in my sleep or if he just knew, but on those nights, I'd wake up with Joe wrapped around me, slowly rocking me or rubbing my arms and back soothingly. It was always the same routine the next day,

"Cupcake, you know it was self-defense right? You didn't have any other choice." His voice would always be filled with concern, and in return, I'd always roll my eyes and come back with the standard, "I'm fine," even though both of us had known I wasn't. Eventually he'd relent and either drop it or in a more exasperated tone, "There are people out there that can help you sort through your feelings if you aren't willing to talk to me about it. You know I'm not going to judge you. I've been there. I can relate." I knew he was right—about all of it, but Plum's didn't do therapy. That's what shopping and food was for! Just keep burying whatever was bothering you until it was too deep to re-surface and hopefully in the meantime you didn't wind up having to claim bankruptcy or gaining a hundred pounds.

That moment was when I finally admitted I needed, for my own wellbeing, to stop blocking everything out—to stop burying every single doubt, fear and choice I'd made, because nothing was being solved. No matter how hard it would be, I needed to start righting wrongs, confronting my fears and taking over my dark thoughts. I'd already started making changes before I left home, but there was still so much simmering at the surface that I needed to take care of.

I couldn't help but laugh. Did I like to torture myself? I'd just started a new job I wasn't even sure I was capable of doing, and now I wanted to confront all of my demons? Unless it had to do with making sure there was a roof over my head, I usually stayed away from anything I wasn't one hundred and fifty percent sure I could accomplish. I guess it was time to grab the bull by the horns.

"You miss me already?" came the cheerful voice of Mary Lou that I'd desperately needed to hear.

"You know it. When are you getting your butt down here?"

"Pushy, pushy! Sorry lady, I don't have a weekend I can get away from the boys this month."

"Ugh, are you serious? Lenny can't keep the kids for a day and half?" I was whining and I'd bet money Mary Lou was rolling her eyes.

"You just moved two days ago. You can get through a few weeks without me," She laughed. "I've got birthday parties, and Lenny's working double shifts because they're shorthanded. By next month, I'll be able to make it—I promise."

"Fine! But when I don't stop talking for three hours, don't blame me," I responded tartly.

"I won't. Listen, I need to get the kids to bed, and you should do the same. Call me tomorrow."

Turning out the lights, I made my way upstairs. There was more I wanted to talk to Mary Lou about, but she was a mom, and she had her duties. I let my mind run wild with all that I wanted to change before I willed it to shut off so I could sleep. I had another long day ahead of me tomorrow and needed as much brain power as I could muster.

The next two weeks had ended up flying by. I'd caught on with the processes and procedures easily, and I'd gone the whole time without making a total fool of myself. My previous worries about getting fired for being incompetent were diminishing. Although not completely gone, they were shrinking. I suppose it was healthy to never think I was above being fired. Sure, I'd made a few minor mistakes, but I was human. It'd happened, but no one had yelled or told me I didn't belong there. Better yet, Marisa and I had easily been able to find solutions.

My third Tuesday in the office, Marisa and I were going over sales stats for several of the North Carolina stores when she said, "I've been meaning to tell you—" she paused to write totals.

I was going over sales totals for another store and had my right hand on my calculator and the other flipping pages. I stopped, waiting for her to continue and slowly counted while I waited some more. Patience was one of many of the things I'd decided to take on in my self-improvement. I'd told myself I was working from the inside out. I'd even gone to the bookstore to get a few books to help, but I'd yet to actually open any of them. They were currently decoration on my coffee table.

I'd made it to fifty before I cracked, "You were saying…"

"Oh, yeah— sorry," she laughed. "I was going to talk to Alex to see if we could get a trip to New York booked. The seller at Steve Madden wants to meet you Friday and Saturday, and I thought we could hang out in the City."

"That sounds like fun, but didn't James just get shot down for a trip that cost him the sales bonuses at Carter's? And should you really be traveling? I don't know if I am up to being a doctor if you went into labor," I joked.

Marisa shook her head. "I have a feeling Alex isn't capable of saying no when it comes to you, plus I still have a month left of this pregnancy—one very l-o-n-g month. This isn't the first baby I've had, so I know the signs of when the bomb is going to drop."

I giggled and then sat up a little straighter, catching on to the first part of what she'd said. "What is that supposed to mean?" I questioned. My voice was just a tad higher than normal.

"Like you don't see it! Please, I think your eyes have some kind of hypnotic power over Alex." Her face was stuffed back into her mountain of paperwork so I couldn't get a good read on if she was serious or not. After all, we did joke around a lot.

Not liking the direction of the conversation, I started running numbers again as well, but I was completely flustered by her comments. I finally gave in-again. "See what? He comes in and checks on us and then goes back to his job it's not like—"

She cut me off. "He has spent more time in our little space these past few weeks than the whole time I have worked here. Need I remind you that I've worked here for four years?" She stood up. "Come on—I need a break. These numbers aren't adding up, and it's driving me mad! I need ice cream!"

"Jeez—I thought I had a close relationship with Ben and Jerry. Your husband might get jealous if he knew how close you are with them!" I laughed at her. Lord knows I'd been consuming my fair share since I moved here, which brought on a mental groan. I needed to find a gym pronto before my ice cream consumption caught up with me.

We were in the break room shoving spoonfuls of Cherry Garcia into our mouths. "Mmmmmm, sooooooo good. Now where were we?" Marisa sighed, eyes closed.

I think her ice cream was taking her to a whole other level, and I was jealous. I'd yet to buy a shower massager and that was the reason I'd been eating massive amounts of ice cream and any other sugar I could get my hands on—although hanging out with a pregnant lady also was a good excuse to indulge.

"We are going to New York," I replied, loving the milky goodness going into my mouth, but not quite appreciating it the way Marisa was. If anyone thought I loved food, they yet to meet her!

"Well yeah, but I was talking about Alex."

"Oh. I don't know what to tell you. He doesn't treat me any differently than anyone else. However, if we get a trip to New York on him then I'll happily hypnotize him with my eyes." I batted my eyelashes and smirked.

Marisa laughed, "If you say so."

Of course our trip to New York was approved and other than the fact that we'd made apparent enemies with James, I was beyond excited. I hadn't been to New York City in a while. The last time was when Joe had taken me for a Rangers seemed like everywhere I turned had some kind of memory with him—except at my new home, and that was where I wanted them. I didn't let myself think of that happening.

Sigh.

I knew reconciliation was out of the picture, but old habits died hard, and I'd find myself thinking of all the other times we'd break up only to find ourselves back together like nothing had happened. However, his last words still haunted me.

"You know, Steph, half the time I'm not even sure if we're off or on. How old are we? I know you aren't the only one to blame here, but I need something—" He paused, and I held my breath.

"Something different."

"And what would that be?" Now I was officially angry. Where had that come from?

"I'm not sure, but permanent would be a good start. As far as I can tell, you aren't interested in making a permanent 'on' with me."

What had he meant by something different? I wished he were here so I could ask. No doubt I'd still get mad, but I needed to know exactly what those words meant. Was it me? Was it my personality that needed to be different? Was it my body that needed to be different? Was it the way my mind worked that needed to be different? Did I need to learn to cook and clean and be way too merry with a perma-smile on my face?

WHAT DID I NEED TO CHANGE?

And the whole permanent thing—I wanted it too. Oh, God did I ever want it—especially right now. I knew without a single freaking doubt, the reason I didn't have it was entirely my fault. Leaving the second I didn't like what I was hearing or feeling didn't show how much I'd cared. Was it too little too late? Probably. But I knew if I ever got the chance to tell Joe again, I'd tell him everything—how much I loved him, how much he meant to me, and, unfortunately everything about Ranger. Maybe it would do more damage than good, but it was something I felt deep down needed to be done.

My cell phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts. It was Friday morning, and I was supposed to be packing an overnight bag for New York and then making my way to pick up Marisa. We'd have to hustle to make it on time for our two o'clock appointment with April, the seller at Steve Madden. Apparently April and Marisa were good friends and that was why we were going to see April versus calling her like we'd done with all the other vendors.

I ran downstairs as fast as I could, realizing I definitely needed a gym membership.

"Hello." I answered breathlessly.

"Hey, where the hell are you?" It was Marisa. I glanced at the clock. Oh, crap! If we wanted to get to the city on time we needed to have left fifteen minutes ago!

"Grabbing my bag—I'll be there as soon as I can."

I hung up and booked it back upstairs to grab my overnight bag, hoping I hadn't forgotten a change of underwear. I drove faster than I'd ever driven, and that was saying something considering I'm a Jersey girl. Amazingly, I arrived ten minutes before scheduled. I'm fairly certain Marisa had her eyes tightly shut for the majority of the trip.

We met with April, and I knew exactly why Marisa was a friend with her. She was smart, with a quick wit, but took her job seriously. She was someone I could take definitely take a few traits from and apply to my new life.

"Now it's time for fun! Come on, I know this great pizza place." Marisa tugged my arms down the sidewalk. I learned real fast after I started working with her not to get in the way of her appetite, so I let her lead. We were in New York, thus I didn't question her choice of food, and, as promised, Danny's Pizzeria was the best.

"You can't hurt me for what I'm about to say."

I shoved another breadstick into my mouth. "Okay, but no promises."

"I asked Alex if he liked you."

"YOU WHAT?" I couldn't have controlled the level of my voice if I'd tried, and obviously I didn't.

"Shhhh," Marisa said, looking around. "It's not a big deal. I was just curious. I did it after he approved our trip. Best free pizza ever, huh?"

"Huh-uh—no changing the subject. Why do I feel like I've been time warped into middle school? What the hell were you thinking?" I asked, completely flabbergasted.

"I wasn't. I just wanted to know. I thought you were single—sorry." She looked at me apologetically.

"It's not that. I mean I am single." The words tasted as bitter as they sounded. "I just don't think Alex is my type."

"So what's your type since it isn't hot, successful, and um, hot. He's pretty loyal—oh—and funny too. If I wasn't already married, I couldn't be sure I wouldn't be jumping his bones right about now."

Her words reminded me of Joe—again ."Maybe I'm not his type."

I wasn't even ready to think about moving on from Joe, the love of my life. Whoa, where had that come from?

"Doubtful, considering what he had said. But since you just confirmed you're single, what's the big deal here? He seems to like you and he tries to flirt with you. Now that I think about it, you don't really flirt back. What's up?" She looked at me quizzically, stuffing another piece of pizza into her mouth.

"Are you sure you're ready for this? It isn't exactly short and it isn't pretty," I said.

She replied, "Only tell me what you're comfortable with, but yeah, I'd like to know what you've been up to. You've been pretty quiet about anything personal."

There was something in her tone and demeanor that I felt comfortable with. Maybe it was the whole motherly thing coming out. I debated within myself for a moment as to how much I'd tell her, but why hide anymore? So, as we finished up our pizza and made the trek back to the car, I told Marisa all about my sordid history with Joe and Ranger. I didn't really say much about Dickie since we'd been working together during that time.

My entire history with the two men, which had been such a huge part of the last three years of my life, came out. All my regrets and fears—all my shame—came pouring out of me. I had to stop a few times to regain my composure, and I managed to only shed a few tears. The entire time Marisa didn't say a single word. She just nodded and made eye contact, letting me know she was listening. It felt so good to let all of it out. No one knew the entire story behind Joe, Ranger and me. I still hadn't come to terms on the how or why it all happened. The hardest part was telling her about my breakup with Joe, and how I wanted to change the person I am.

"I've never been the type of person to need a man by my side, so I have no idea how I got so wrapped up with two. I don't know if I'm ready to get into another relationship" I finished my story.

"Well, they both sound like incredible me in different ways. And you shouldn't be changing for anyone but yourself." Marisa turned to me, looking concerned.

"I know, and it's not—well, it's not like I'm getting Joe back, so I don't know what I'm trying to prove with some of this stuff. Maybe I need to prove to myself I'm capable of being cook or—I don't know—maybe someday someone will benefit from my change."

We'd reached the car and planned on going shopping. I needed the retail therapy after the cleansing with Marisa.

"Do what you feel is right, but when it comes to a new relationship you won't know if you're ready or not if you don't try."

"True, all I know is I'm not about to go out and look for a relationship, so I guess I can just see what happens."

"That's all you can do." She smiled such a sincere smile, that I was grateful for Marisa's friendship right then.

Hugging her, I said, "Thank you for letting me get that all out. I owe you."

"No you don't. You needed to let it out, and what are friends for? Now let's go before I need to eat again."

And off we went.

It was the last Saturday of April. The month had gone by far too fast, and I'd enjoyed every minute of it. I was excelling at my job, and I was having fun doing it. There were stressful times, but with Marisa by my side I worked through it. I was on my own after tonight, and as ready as I was ever going to be.

The following Monday would be the start of Marisa's maternity leave. A few co-workers were meeting up for a final dinner and baby shower combo. Frankly, I was surprised Marisa hadn't gone into labor yet with all the false alarms she'd had in the last week. I now knew Mark, Marisa's husband's, phone number by heart, having had to dial it so many times to give him status updates.

Hauling the company gift out to the truck, I swore every step of the way. The thing was heavy! Everyone to be in attendance had pitched in some money toward the wooden, white hope chest. Marisa had one for her other two kids that collected blankets, special toys and pictures. I walked back in the house and went to the half bath. I had sweat droplets on my forehead and wiped them off. I also touched up my makeup and out the door I went.

I was the last to arrive to dinner—go figure—and there was only one seat left. Lo and behold, it was right next to Alex. My eyes immediately went to Marisa, giving her my best evil eye. She merely smiled as if she didn't care what I thought about the situation.

"Sorry I'm late. What have I missed?" I asked as I made my way over to the table. Before I got to my seat, Alex got up and took out my chair for me.

"Glad you could make it," he said, scooting in my chair after I sat down. I was still shooting daggers at Marisa, who was wrapped up in a conversation with Lewis, Sue's Assistant.

"Me too." I tried to brush him off. Ever since Marisa's and my talk in New York, I'd felt slightly uncomfortable around Alex. Not sure why—he wasn't a bad man.

"Hey James, can you help me with the gift later?" I called to him down the table. To that I got an 'of course'

Our excellent dinner was held at a tiny, Italian restaurant in the Italian Market part if Philly. The food made me miss home. I was proud that I'd lasted my first month away without breaking down and going home. I was planning a weekend trip to the Burg next month where I'd bring Grandma back with me for her physical therapy.

I did, however, call my mother just about every other day, which surprised me. The distance was doing us some good. Either my being away from home gave us the space we'd needed to build a better relationship or maybe our relationship was growing because I hadn't been responsible for any explosions.

As everyone finished dinner and conversations dwindled, people started leaving. Marisa was going around the table saying her goodbyes, leaving me for last.

"You can call me with any questions, or if you want company while you eat ice cream."

"Thanks, and you'll call me as soon as the wee one is here?" Marisa and Mark had decided against knowing the sex of their baby. I think I was more curious about it than they were.

"Yup, go have fun!" She shooed me away before leaving.

I turned around to the table, ready to make my exit as well. Grabbing my purse, I was saying goodbye to the few people left at the table when Alex gently took my arm to get my attention.

"Hey, I'm getting ready to leave too. Mind if I walk you to your car?" he asked, taking his hand back as I stared down at my arm.

I looked up at him. "Sure." It was pretty late. The sun had long gone down.

We walked out to my car in silence. I could tell Alex wanted to say something but was still trying to find the courage. Evidently, he must have found it by the time I started unlocking my door.

I turned to thank him, but was cut off. "It's been a while since I've done this, but I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner sometime."