WAY OF THE GUN
Chapter 3
(edited 03/03/11)

In the end we would find leads at the scene of the shooting that would take us all to some tough spaces, but that was going to take a while. My immediate concern after trying to master myself and deal with what had just happened, a process very much assisted by Jo and her direct questioning, was to control the fallout. There were several things that needed to be done, but none that I dreaded as much as telling Pilar's folks that their baby was dead and that I had done it.

It's not that I haven't done "The Talk" before, but it never gets easier. It shouldn't, of course, but you always hope that this time will be the last time, and you'll never have to do it again. It is, as has been said, a pleasing fiction. The only way out of it, though, is to quit doing the job. Despite the pain, the satisfaction in saving lives, in being a part of something greater, in doing actual good… well, you take your lumps.

I had been right, Allison was with the GD Medical staff that showed up for the emergency. She'd shown up in one of the company's SUVs, right behind one of the two ambulances we had for the town. Two of the 'paramedics', both outright practicing doctors doing their community contribution, immediately set on Doctor Baxter and started giving him the once over.

I had a good moment to register the change in Allie's expression as she came up to me. First, she was tired too. I'd known they were doing a long night tonight, studying some bug or other that I didn't really understand, so the tiredness didn't surprise me. I took a private moment as she approached to appreciate her. I really don't deserve her, not really. But I'll be damned to Hell if I ever give her up. Amongst all the bad that I'd seen, over all of it, I had could take this moment and remind myself that there were still beautiful things in this world, that the ugliness didn't cover it all, and that love still mattered.

As she approached her expression and body language gave away the changes. Calm, graceful, and smooth as she may be I still don't think she, not to mention any of the various supercilious twits at Global, really appreciated how much they gave away in tone and body language. At first there was the delight at seeing me, and God how I needed that right then. It was like sunshine breaking through a cloud bank on a cold, misty day. The chill is still there, but as the rays bathe you your skin warms, the light fills you, and you almost have to close your eyes or go blind.

I know I smiled then, and I wasn't particularly careful with my own body language. Especially not with Allie. One of the things I love most about her is her intelligence and perceptiveness. I could see her dissecting me as she approached, and when she got up to me all she did was grab me into a fierce embrace.

Dammit. So far I hadn't cried. I'm not supposed to cry. I do my job, it hurts when it has to, but I don't…

I don't know how long I held her, quietly sobbing. I just know that for that undefined time she was my anchor to sanity.

Once I'd got back in control of myself she let me go. "I'm so sorry, Jack" she said, hand against my cheek. Again, keen insight. No 'what happened', 'how did this happen', 'what did you do', just calm understanding and the firm assurance that I would pull through and that no matter what she'd be there.

Dammit I suddenly felt like a total ass. Here I was wallowing in my own self-pity… what was I going to subject Pilar's parents to? And I had to tell Zoe too.

"Alli" I said, "I know it's a mess, but I need to know whatever you can find out. I can tell you that she wasn't herself when everything happened, but…"

"Of course, Jack." she said. "We'll be able to find something, I'm sure."

"I hope so, because someone is going to answer for this!" I whispered fiercely. The emotional soup had slowly been coming to a boil, and now that I'd had that last release a quiet but very vibrant anger filled me.

"Jack!" she said, urgently. "Honey, don't. Don't let this tear you apart!" See how much I don't deserve her?

I nodded, calming down a bit. The anger was still there though, but it was in the background. I could work with that, channel that.

The next hour or so was spent going over the scene. I answered questions from Allison and Jo, and Andy too. Sorted out how everything had gone to the best of my reckoning. Shortly after they arrived the GD Medical team took doctor Baxter away. I'd do a more thorough interview with him later, but the end result was that he wouldn't be able to tell me anything more than what I'd seen at the time, or knew already.

I knew that Pilar had been friends with Luisa, hell I'd vaguely known Luisa too, but she'd been an addition to Pilar's circle after Zoe had left for college. Beyond that their relationship was a mystery, and I'd have to do some digging to find out if it had anything to do with what had happened. What a sick turn of events it would be if this hadn't been some sciencey screw up. Hell, it was already a sick turn of events. I hadn't had to use my gun in a conflict with another human being for years!

Allison and the rest of the GD med team had packed up the bodies and moved out. I left Andy to do the forensics because his tools and skill-set most definitely run that way, and I and Jo went to do the human thing.

There were options, of course, but the only compassionate thing to do was to tell them in person. A phone call or a summons to an official place just doesn't cut it. I was so damn thankful that Jo had offered to back me up on this that I couldn't really put it into words.

All she said when I started trying to thank her was, "Shut up, Carter. I've had to do this too." That made me wonder when and where, but I let it be. Whatever conflicts had shaped Jo Lupo into what she was and had taught her this sad lesson were not my business. Not that I hadn't tried, but her file was pretty heavily redacted when I finally got my hands on it in our second year working together. I knew she'd been abroad in the service, but had pulled this duty after some event that had caught her superior officers' attentions. Maybe the old Sheriff, Major Cobb? In truth it didn't really matter. Friends do crap like this. Friends are there when it's going to hurt them as much as it hurts you.

The lights were on when we drove up to the Graham residence. Robert and Annabelle Graham held their residence on 15 Curie Lane. It was a two story affair, with an honest to God turret on one corner of the house that rose another two stories above that and looked to have a mini-observatory in it. I'll never get over this town… When we pulled up I noted movement in the living room, as did Jo. We exchanged glances and I could see the same concern in her eyes. What if whatever had happened to Pilar had started here?

By the time we made it through the very carefully manicured front yard to the door, both of us had our guns loose in their holsters. Jo had drawn her taser as we approached as well, and for just a brief moment I had the sincerest wish that my reflex had drawn that instead of the gun. Then again, a taser jolt might well have convulsed the muscles in the vic- in Pilar's hands and blown Baxter's face across the room too.

We got to the front door and I knocked with my Official Police Business knock. The one that's heavy, but not angry, and swift, but not frantic. Jo was by the door jam, taser low and ready, I stayed in front of the door so that whoever was inside could see me through the peep hole. The wait for an answer was fairly tense. Countless movies where someone who wants to off the intruder at the door sticks a gun up to the peephole and pulls the trigger ran through my head like a rapid fire slide-show.

The peephole darkened as it was occluded by something, and then the door cautiously opened and Mr. Graham looked out at us. Doctor Robert Graham was a physicist at GD. I never was clear on his specialty, but it had something to do with nano-something-or-others and microbiology.

"Sheriff Carter?" he asked me, confusion evident in his voice. He seemed slightly off guard, but more curious than confused. Someone who was under immediate duress, I didn't think, would be reacting in quite that way. I nodded and glanced at Jo, nodding very slightly. She caught it and eased up, putting away the taser.

"Hi, Dr. Graham. Can I come in? I need to talk to you and your wife." I tried to be as tactful and polite as I could but the seriousness of the situation lent perhaps too much gravity to my voice. His attention focused on me more and he closed up a little.

"Uh... of course... ah... please, you and Chief Lupo have a seat, I'll go get Annabelle."

Jo and I did as asked, seating ourselves in the living room. The Grahams kept a pristine home, and the floor plan was open without a tremendous amount of clutter. Unlike some of the houses I'd been to in this town in my years as sheriff, this one was neat and orderly, with the hallmarks of a family in residence as opposed to a researcher with no understanding of the words "down time". There were pictures of family members on the walls, and a china cabinet. Fluting glass ornamental lamps lit the room, and there was no television in here, or any electronic device besides the thermostat. Very homey for Eureka.

Bob returned with his wife Annabelle, collected from bed upstairs, to judge by the tired eyes and tousled bedhead. The "Talk" has a few standard ways it can go, but I opted for the most compassionate one I felt I could deliver. I remembered very clearly how I'd delivered the news of Nathan Stark's sacrifice on the day of his and Allison's wedding... the thought of someone doing this for me to her just about froze me. I'd joked a little when she'd confessed her fear of just that, but now more than ever I got it. On the heels of that thought came a sudden empathy for my ex-wife Abby's fears as well. Hindsight is 20/20, they say.

"Doctor Graham, Annabelle, I'm sorry but I have some very bad news for you." What started as concerned expressions rapidly went down the scale to confused, then hurt, then outright horrified. I was mostly paying attention to Annabelle so I didn't notice much about Bob's behavior until later, when Jo pointed it out to me.

"I had to answer a 911 tonight over at the Baxter residence. I know your daughter was friends with Luisa Baxter. Um... when I got there things were pretty bad." By this point I was trying to rub the tension out of my neck , a nervous tic of mine I just can't seem to beat.

"There was... an incident..." I weakly said

"Wait, Sheriff." said Annabelle, "Where's Pilar? You're not..." she just locked eyes with me and there really was no way to soften the blow. Her hand flew to her mouth as her lower lip started to quiver. A soft, low, keening emanated from her and she collapsed into her husband, seeking support. I could only really guess what she was going through. Of all the times I'd thought Zoe to be in terrible danger, it had always come out fine on the other side. There was no way this would ever be okay.

"There's more." I said in a flat monotone, dreading the following. "Luisa and Mrs. Baxter are also dead, and right now we think it was Pilar who killed them." Annabelle's full attention fixed on me and the utter denial that radiated from her was a physical thing. She kept mumbling "no, no, no..."

Jo interceded for a moment, "We recovered a weapon at the scene. Bob, I'm pretty sure it was your Dad's colt, the one you brought to the gun range a few weeks ago. The weapon's impounded as evidence for now... I'm sorry."

I nodded a 'thank you' to her, then continued. "When I arrived at the scene... Pilar was holding Dr. Baxter at gunpoint, using him as a shield... I..." I couldn't talk for a few seconds, but pulled it back together. "I am so sorry, I tried everything I could by there was limited time and no options. I know this is difficult to hear, but she was acting as though she was under the influence of... something, and it seemed like she was not altogether cognizant of the situation, but..."

Annabelle's face had frozen into the mask of a woman twenty years her senior. She seemed to fold in on herself and almost stop existing in the outside world. Congratulations Carter, you just destroyed this woman's world...

"She tried to pull the trigger and... and there was only one way to save his." I shook my head not wanting to say these next words. If there were any justice in this whole fucking universe I wouldn't have to say them. The words only came out reluctantly, and quietly at that. "I had to shoot Pilar to stop the assault." I said. "The injury was... was fatal."

It was Mr. Graham's reaction that surprised me. I don't know exactly what I expected, but there was a difference between outrage at his daughter's death, and the quite stoic expression on his face. He seemed like a statue.

"I cannot express how sorry I am, Bob, Annabelle. I wish, with all my heart that-" I tried to apologize.

Suddenly Bob tensed, as though he'd been jolted by a spark. He interrupted me with a violent hiss, his arm contracting around his wife, holding her close. "Shut up!"

"Bob… I-"

"No!" he interrupted me again. "No! Because of you our baby girl is dead! There's nothing more you can say, Carter." His eyes found mine and there was a fire there I'd seen in few men, but I understood. I imagine it's how I would feel if out situations were reversed. "Get out!"

"Doctor Graham-" Jo started in on a tirade, her posture communicating a sincere readiness to fight, but stopped when I shook my head with a grunted "No!" She took a calming breath and stepped back. I nodded to the Grahams, stood, and turned to leave.

Before I made it out the door, following Jo, I turned and said to them, "I can't bring her back, I wish to God I could. But I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to find who is responsible for this and see they are punished."

Bob Graham's eyes never lost their cold, crystalline icy fire and he said in low, fierce tones, "As far as I am concerned, that is you! Get out!"

I left.

Once we were back in my cruiser I turned to Jo. "Drop you off somewhere?"

She only nodded and settled into the passenger seat. It wasn't a long ride back to her new house, Eureka's not that big. On the way she had a few insights for me, however.

"Carter, did you notice Dr. Graham's reaction when you said the words?" she asked me.

"Jo! Of course I noticed! He was yelling at me plenty fine…" I replied.

She shook her head and sighed, "No, I mean right when you said the words." I tried to play it back, but my focus wasn't up to par on this one, so I wound up with my own head shake. "When you tried to explain how she had acted, there was recognition in Dr. Graham's expression, Carter."

"What? No…"

"Yes!" she said, fixing me with a glare. "It was the 'not herself' bit you said. I might be mistaking things, but I doubt it. I'm going to look into his project list and see what I can find out."

I nodded. "Thanks again, Jo. Keep me posted?", her turn to simply nod. By now we were at her house. Her car was still in the driveway. I noted in the shadows by the garage a particular motorcycle that I recognized from a few traffic incidents. I nodded in that direction, "He's still here" She tried to hide the reaction, but… what can I say. Jo's family. "Hey" I said, "Don't work too late on this, there's lots of procedure to go through. It'll take time." The blush that flared on her cheeks and across her neck was cute.

"Shut up, Carter." she whispered as she got out of the car, but there was an anxious grin and a glint in her eyes when she got out of the car.

I went home after that. The rest would have to wait for tomorrow.

When I got there, I found Allison waiting. We talked very little about the situation, except for a brief update that she had staff on it, and had come here to see to me.

I so very desperately needed her that night, and the love we made was soft and tender, a quietly desperate attempt to put some value back into life.

Author's Notes:
(re-edited 03/03/11)

I know I went over some of Carter's emotions in chapter 2, but I thought having an immediate encounter with Allison might be more appropriate to some of his angst. In my chapter 1 preface I had indicated I might switch viewpoints, but I'm really engaging with Carter so it is looking more and more like a single viewpoint narrative.

The Talk with Pilar's folks has been expanded and revised for better clarity after some of my reviewers left me some very helpful questions mixed with their insightful reviews. Thank you folks. I hope this version makes a little more sense. Crap! I can't believe I got Madame Curie's name wrong on the street! Put my picture up on Failblog I guess.

Chapter 4 is going to start dealing with the immediate investigation. As I have a full work week ahead future updates will be coming at a slightly slower pace.

I want to thank my prior reviewers on this story, your words are a great inspiration for me to continue as well as a great insight about how I should continue.

Please leave a comment, any criticism is appreciated, even if you hate it!

Thank you for reading.

P.S. If it needs to be said, no, I don't own Eureka or its characters, I'm just playing with them for fun and a learning experience.