Chapter three – Not alone

Hours passed and Booth was still sitting in Brennan's office. She hadn't dared to go back, and the rest of the team had gone back to work. For once they were completely silent, none of them feeling comfortable working with the remains of the little boy that had been Booth's son.

Just as Brennan considered heading back to Booth, her office door opened. She stared at him, almost forgetting to breathe. He slowly walked towards her, and all she wanted to do was to run up to him and hold him. But she wasn't sure he would want that, so she stayed where she was, motionless.

Booth walked pass her and she suddenly realized where he was heading.

"Booth, I don't think you should…"

He didn't listen. When the squints realized he was coming they stopped what they were doing and backed away, giving him some space.

Booth walked as in a trance. He couldn't explain it, but he needed to see him, even if all that was left now was bones. He stopped in front of the table and just stared. His hand was trembling as he slowly reached out to touch the skull.

Brennan shook her head miserably. She couldn't believe something like this could happen. She wanted it to be a bad dream, that they all would wake up and none of it would be real.

She looked at Angela and Hodgins, she had never seen them this sad, they were just standing there with their heads bowed. Angela was sobbing openly and Hodgins' arm around her didn't offer much comfort.

Brennan looked at Booth and when she saw the tears that were silently running down his cheeks; she knew she had to do something. She couldn't just stand by and let him suffer alone. Without saying anything she walked to stand next to him. He looked at her, and their eyes met for the first time since she had told him the news.

"I can't say I know what you're going through right now, I haven't experienced anything like this. But if you…" her voice trailed off. "I'm here… for you," she repeated the words she'd spoken earlier in her office.

Booth nodded, speaking almost inaudible. "Thanks Bones."

"Hey I'll take you home, is that okay?"

Another nod.

XxxxX

"Are you sure I can't get you anything?" Brennan asked the same question for about the fourth time, and Booth just shook his head.

"Okay, I should head back to work, promise you call me if you need anything, or if you want to talk… or if… just call me okay?" Brennan hated to leave him alone, but she couldn't stay either. And besides she was sure Booth would want some time alone.

"Yeah… thanks," Booth mumbled.

Brennan opened the door, and before closing it again she took one last look at Booth. He didn't look back; he just sat there with his elbows leaning on his thighs, head bowed in his hands. He looked so... broken. Fighting back the need to cry, Brennan closed the door and ran back to the car.

XxxxX

The rest of the working day floated by as in a haze, no one knew how to handle this and they preferred working in silence.

Brennan couldn't work at all; no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get the thoughts of Booth out of her mind. She felt extremely sorry for him, and she was afraid he wouldn't find a way to live with this loss. She knew how much he loved Parker, and she couldn't even imagine how he must be feeling right now. Maybe she should go to him? Maybe he shouldn't be alone?

She had thought he'd be angry, but instead he'd just broken down. Brennan wanted to cry when she thought of it. How he'd just sat there in her office, motionless. It scared her, much more than if he'd started to scream and hit something. She didn't like this at all.

Brennan looked up from what she was doing, and realized Angela was staring at her. She sighed.

"I can't..." she started but her voice trailed off. She didn't need to say it; Angela just needed to look at her to know what was on her mind. She couldn't concentrate on her job either.

"It's okay sweetie, go to him," she smiled a sad smile. Brennan wasn't surprised her best friend knew what she was thinking. She just nodded, slowly turning to leave.

XxxxX

She hesitated outside his door. What was she going to tell him? She never knew how to handle situations like this, she just felt awkward. But she knew she had to think of Booth, not herself right now. With trembling hands she opened the door and went inside.

"Booth?" she called out his name softly. The room was darkened but she could see him sitting there, at the exact same spot as she'd left him. The exact same position. Brennan walked up to the sofa and sat down next to him. She gently put her hand on his arm.

"Booth, look at me," she begged. He didn't move. "Seeley?"

Booth slowly straightened his back and turned to look at her.

Brennan felt her eyes water with tears when she looked at him. She hardly recognized him. There was something in his eyes that scared her. It was like he wasn't there; he was looking at her, without really seeing.

"I don't know what to say to you," Brennan said honestly. "But I didn't think you should be alone."

Booth didn't answer and Brennan felt even more insecure. What was she supposed to do? "You don't need to say anything, I just... I'm so sorry Booth... and I'm here... uhm, I'll be there when you're ready to talk."

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. It felt like an eternity, but maybe no more than half an hour.

"Why?"

Brennan had never been so happy to hear his voice. It didn't matter if she didn't understand what he was talking about, as long as he said something. She smiled sadly. "What?" she asked softly.

"Why him... why Parker?" his voice was filled with pain.

Brennan sighed miserably. "I wish I had an answer to that Booth."

"I don't know how to... I just can't believe he's gone, I keep thinking to myself it's just a bad dream, that I'll wake up and see him smiling at me," Booth talked in a low voice and Brennan had a hard time hearing what he was saying.

"But then I think of the bones at the lab and I..." his voice trailed off. Booth looked up at Brennan not even bothering to wipe the tears away. "I called his school, his friend's parents; everyone... hoping that this whole thing was a mistake; that someone would say he's right here, but... no one knew where he was.."

Brennan listened without speaking.

"What happened?" he only managed a weak whisper. "How could he be in that car? How can he be gone?" Booth fought back sobs as he tried to speak. "Rebecca doesn't know... I can't... talk to her now. It's... I just can't..."

Brennan nodded, still not speaking.

"I can't do this Bones... I uh... I don't know how to survive this... it's just..." he couldn't finish the sentence.

Brennan had to fight hard against her tears. She took Booth's hand and squeezed it, hoping he would understand he wasn't alone; that she wanted to take all the pain away, if she only could. "We're going to find out what happened, and why, it won't bring Parker back, but..." Brennan quickly cut herself off. Why had she said that? She looked at Booth. "I'm sorry, you didn't need to be reminded of that... maybe I'm just making it worse I'm not very good at this..."

There was a long silence.

"Yes you are," he said it so low Brennan wasn't even sure he had said anything at all, but she thought she'd heard him and what he'd said meant the world to her.

She looked up at him and their eyes met. "Thanks," she whispered. She wasn't sure but she thought there was a small hint of a smile on his face. But when she saw the look in his eyes, she wasn't so sure anymore. The eyes that were looking back at her, showed nothing but pain and emptiness.

"Oh Booth," she whispered compassionately. "It's going to be okay... it has to be," without thinking too much about it, she wrapped her arms around him. Hesitating, Booth put his arms around her too, accepting the comfort. Brennan gently ran her hands across his back, once in a while letting her finger's run through his hair. After a while, she felt Booth relax against her. He leaned his head against her shoulder, burying his face in her hair.

XxxxX

TBC