Thank you all for the great responses to this story. I am adding this one more chapter before putting it on hold for a few days while I work up some new chapters for Pregnant?. Rest assured this story will be updated off and on during the course of this season, and should have a full range of fun. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, the characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Booth was in the bathroom when Bones got home that evening. He was hard at work and didn't hear her come in. He about jumped out of his skin when she goosed him playfully.
"Hey!" he blurted out, his heart racing. He would have to work on his sniper senses if she was able to sneak up on him like that. He was obviously getting rusty. Damn desk job!
"Hi," Bones said and leaned up to kiss him, allowing the kiss to deepen. Then she noticed what he had been doing to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. "A divider?" she questioned.
Booth looked down at her. "I will not suffer anymore of what happened this morning," he told her. "I put in a divider so that my microscopic space is just that. My space! No feminine products there."
"It was an honest mistake, Booth," she told him, but still admiring his small bit of ingenuity on the issue.
"Bones, my mouth full of a feminine hygiene product is much more than a mistake. It's a catastrophe," he embellished. "Add to that puking my guts out and it's a monumental disaster! I couldn't even look at my lunch today without getting a bit queasy."
"I'll take your word for it," she said with a chuckle. Moving into the bedroom she stripped off her clothes and rummaged around for some sweat pants and a loose t-shirt to lounge around in that evening. "You really scared Hodgins with your e-mail."
Booth came out of the bedroom and stood stock still. No matter how many times he saw her in nothing but her undergarments he was always transfixed. When she removed her bra he was almost drooling. She had the most perfect back in his opinion, and the most perfect boobs when she was facing him. Hands down. He sighed as she put on the sweat pants and the t-shirt. Oh well. There was always when they hit the sack that night for a little nookie.
"I was warning him off of driving me nuts," Booth defended himself.
"Threatening to cut off his testicles and feeding them to him is a bit extreme, isn't it?" Bones questioned. She herself had been amused by it all, but just wanted to see if she could get him worked up about it.
"If anything it was too mild," Booth replied. "Being given shit by Hodgins is not on my list of fun activities, Bones."
"But you did try and brush your teeth with my Vagisil," she pointed out.
Booth felt his stomach lurch. "Bones, please don't remind me," he told her plaintively. "And you were the one who put that stuff there in my dinky, tiny, miniscule amount of space in the medicine cabinet. So it's really all your fault."
"And I'm sure Sweets will help you deal with your issues about it tomorrow," she told him, a wicked smile on her face as she knew what Sweets was going to unleash on Booth.
"And that's another thing," Booth complained. "I do not have issues, and even if I did, Sweets is the absolute last person who should have been let in on what happened to me! I just know I'm going to have to listen to a lot of hooey about how I miss my Mother and was channeling her or my inner female when I squirted that stuff on my Green Lantern toothbrush instead of my favorite toothpaste. The Green Lantern is still probably coated with that crap!"
"While I admit that Freudian psychology is outdated and highly chauvinistic, it should appeal to you considering your well defined Alpha Male tendencies," she teased him.
"Freud was a pervert!" Booth stated firmly. "And listening to Sweets talk about anything related to my inner female or any Oedipal complexes is just plain sick!"
"So you're admitting you have an inner female?" Bones asked, deliberately taking his comment literally when he said my inner female. She was enjoying this bantering session. "And while he's at it maybe he could discuss your need for a toothbrush based on the caricature of a comic book character."
"It's a graphic novel, and you are not to tell Sweets about my preference in toothbrushes," Booth put his foot down. "Some things are private, after all."
"Like the fact that you wear a cup every time my Father comes to have dinner with us or to visit?" Bones teased further.
"You know, Bones, maybe Freud did have it right on one item," Booth mused, trying to get in a good shot considering that Bones was doing her damnedest to drive him nuts.
"Really?" Bones looked intrigued.
"Yeah," Booth said casually as he walked out of the bedroom. "The whole concept of Penis Envy makes a world of sense."
"I do not have Penis Envy!" Bones protested vehemently as she followed him out into the living room.
"Then why are you so obsessed with information on the penis?" Booth taunted. "Such as the effect of not eating organic foods on the male genitalia. Ring any bells, Bones?"
"That's different!" Bones protested, getting into the banter even more, pleased he was giving back as good as she was offering up. "First, I was giving you a very valid reason to consider a switch in diet, and second, I am a woman, and the male penis is a very interesting subject to most women, just as men seem fascinated by the vagina."
Booth groaned. "You know I don't like the clinical terms, Bones," he told her for probably the thousandth time. "And as for that organic food and shrinking dicks nonsense, I searched for the info you spouted out and have yet to find it," he stated with a raised brow in question.
"I will retrieve the information in the morning and e-mail it to you," she told him, a little impressed that he had spent the time looking for the study, and his use of the word yet implied he was still searching for it on occasion. It was in a little known medical journal and most internet searches did not bring up the link. Obviously he had been worried about Junior as he called his penis, which really amused her. He had nothing to worry about in terms of Junior, though, but, she was not about to tell him that if her silence on that score would result in a healthier diet for Booth.
Booth made a mental note to make damn sure he got in early and checked his e-mails before his administrative assistant did because knowing Bones she would likely have the damn thing e-mailed to him before they went to bed. He hated that his AA checked his e-mails, but it saved time for him given all the e-mails he normally got and the AA was damn good at prioritizing them for him and dealing with the BS ones. He could only imagine the kinds of rumors and innuendo that would be flying around the break rooms at the Hoover if it was found out that he was getting info on shrinkage. He shuddered at the thought.
"Okay, Bones, let's move this conversation to something a bit more important," he suggested. "Like the house situation?"
"Did you look over the possibilities I sent over?" she asked as she prepared a bowl of fruit for herself and got out the leftover Mac-N-Cheese from the other evening for them both. Booth's appetizer of choice would be chips and dip, she knew.
"They're all great, Bones," he admitted. It was true, she had picked out very nice homes to choose from. It was the price that was the sticking point. "I'm just a little concerned about the price tags."
"But we have the money to get any of those homes, and many more that are on the market," she pointed out reasonably. She was not liking the potential direction that this conversation could go in, so she wanted him to know from the start that she considered all of her personal wealth to be his, as well.
"I know that, and I am not arguing about the issue of your money versus mine," he nodded. "I'm over that, and actually agree with you. All that stuff before we were together was more my pride speaking than anything else. The problem is, I want to feel like I am actually contributing a reasonable share towards something as important as a home. I want our kids, if we ever have any, and Parker, to know that no one gets a free ride in this world, and giving your fair share is important in everything you do."
Bones chewed on a grape thoughtfully. "I can appreciate that, Booth, and that is an important lesson and principle to live by," she replied thoughtfully. "But we should also be looking to have a home in a good neighborhood, with good neighbors, and a home that will provide a stable, positive environment for Parker and any children we may have. These homes offer that." They had discussed the possibility of having children when they first got together and had decided that while they both liked the idea, they weren't ready yet.
"Then how do we get past this?" Booth asked. "I want to put in a reasonable share of the cost."
Bones lightening fast mind considered and discarded numerous ideas rapidly before settling on one. "What about having a price in mind for a home if we were to carry a mortgage based on equal payments. Once we have the figure, you take out of your paycheck each month your half of what such payments would be and make a donation to a charity of your choice. You do that during the life of a mortgage, if we had one. You feel as if you are contributing, and a worthy cause gets a definite monthly sum from a benefactor," she suggested. "I will pay for the home we choose to buy, which will be my contribution."
"Let me think about it," he told her as he took a massive bite of his Mac-N-Cheese.
"Can we look at the houses I selected in the meantime?" she asked.
"Would it do any good to say no?" he asked, noting her slight pushing on the issue.
"No," she told him, a smile on her lips.
"Alright, set it up for Saturday," he told her, sighing in resignation. He knew that she had offered a good compromise, but he was still a bit uncomfortable.
They spent the rest of dinner discussing their individual days, with Booth complaining about how much he hated being a desk jockey. Bones commiserated with him by pointing out that she missed working with him and going out into the field. When Booth had been promoted she had made it clear that while she would consult on the lab work, she would not go out into the field with anyone other that Booth. Booth's ego had gone into overload for a while when she'd said that to Cullen and the higher ups. Wendell was now the lead Forensic Anthropologist going out into the field with the Agents. Fortunately Booth had been able to persuade Perotta to be the new Liaison to the Jeffersonian, and was very pleased to note that while Bones was jealous as Hell of Perotta for some reason, she felt that Perotta was a very competent Agent as the Liaison.
Bones finished cleaning and putting away the few dishes and then turned to Booth, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Now, how about we go to the bedroom and I can continue my study of the male genitalia?" she suggested. "I promise to give it my complete and undivided attention."
Booth gulped and felt a stirring down below. Bones had that intense look she always had when she was examining a particularly difficult set of remains, and he noted the quick looks down at Junior while she awaited his response.
"I think that's a great idea!" he said eagerly.
"Good," Bones said as she took out a cloth measuring tape from her purse. "I can spend some time determining if your current diet is detrimental to our having a fulfilling sex life."
Booth laughed as he placed an arm over her shoulder and led her to the bedroom, eagerly looking forward to the evenings activities. "Measure away, Bones, but Junior is just as long and pleasing as he's always been!"
"We'll see," Bones smirked, thinking of the fun she was going to have. She had to get him back for the whole Penis Envy remarks, after all.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I had fun writing it, and already have the next few chapters mapped out, but will be adding to Pregnant? first. Gregg.