A/N: It's been a while since I updated this story, due to the horrendous lack of reviews, but I thought I'd suprise the few peole that seemed to like it with an Update! I was going to give up on this story, but I keep getting ideas for it! Oh well, at least it's not total crap like some of my other stories...Like that Power Rangers one...i should delete that one some time soon. Anyway, Enjoy the chapter!
The group headed for their next location: the Weasily Family home.
"Do I still smell?" asked Ash.
"You smell like you just tried to potty train a bloody giant!" said Shawn, laughing at him.
"Shut up, Simon!" said Ash, angrily.
"Why did you just call me Simon?" asked Shawn, raising an eyebrow.
"Cause I have nicknames for everybody!" said Ash. "And you look like your name should be Simon for some reason... maybe it's your name in some weird alternate universe..."
"Well maybe you're name is BRUCE in an alternate universe!" said Shawn, unable to come up with a good comeback at the moment.
"Whatever, Simon," said Ash, grinning as he continued to diss on Simon, I mean Shawn.
Hermione rolled her eyes.
"I read your file, Mr. Williams," she said. "It said you were an insane, yet somewhat heroic idiot who had a habit of using words against your enemy, but that you were unable to stop using them when talking to everyone else...and that you worked at S-mart,"
"Well Shorty, seems like you must be quite INTERESTED in me, if you read my file...alas, if only you were a few years older, it would be legal...but I won't break the law, so you'll have to settle for Red here," said Ash, pointing his thumb at Ron.
Ron reached for his wand, suddenly deciding to try his luck with the slug-puke curse again, but Hermione suddenly laughed.
"Oh Ash, you're such a flirt, but from reading you're full name in that file, I'm confused as to you're gender... heck, you must have had some moments of gender confusion yourself, with a name like..." she started to say, grinning mischeviously.
"You wouldn't DARE say my entire first name..." said Ash, glaring at her.
"Why not, Ashl..." Hermione said his name in slow motion, giving him time to rethink his nicknaming ways.
"Alright! I'll be good! Don't tell them my first name!" said Ash, pleadingly.
"Alright," said Hermione.
Harry grinned, as he too knew that Ash's first name was actually Ashley.
"I do not understand what can be so embarrassing about a name," said Jack.
"Coming from someone who's name isn't even listed," said Harry. "It just said that you went by Jack, and you were actually the next in line to become the Japanese emperor, but never did,"
"I doubt Jack is you're real name," said Hermione. "As I'm sure western culture and names were not common in Japan at the time you were alive... though your file did have some inconsistancies, like saying you were trained to be a samurai, but were trained in Ancient Egypt, which fell LONG before all of our evidence indicates that the samurai came into being..."
"So what? Everything we know about history comes from old weapons, surviving notes and records, poetry, and pictures that for all we know could have been made by crazy people that were high on drugs," said Buffy. "You could rewrite some history books, Mr. Jack...or Jack-Kun, or whatever you'd like me to call you,"
"Just call me Jack, I need no honorifics," said Jack, before turning to Hermione. "I don't know what exactly you mean by saying that I was to be the emperor of Japan,"
"It's true that I'm of Royal blood, and that my people were indeed ruled by an emperor, but the country you know of as Japan wasn't united when I left..." he said, before sighing sadly.
"Well, technically, i guess you could say that Aku 'united them through conquest', but he did that to pretty much the entire world, so that doesn't really count," he said. "And the Samurai you're referring to are a bit different than the samurai of my time period, who were simply unafiliated warriors who followed the samurai code, not the unquestioningly loyal warriors that they later became, and if it really matters to you, my name is..."
Before Jack could reveal his name, he was interrupted by Ash.
"Um...Mr. Pajamas? Shorty? Buffy the Male-Love-Interest-Slayer?" said Ash, getting their attention. "Nobody reading this thing gives a damn about history, so unless you're forshadowing something important that's coming later, can we please either get back to the comic relief, or get to the action already before people leave?"
Everyone looked at Ash as if he were completely insane...which he was, but that's not the point.
"What?" he said.
"I'm dunno what you're talking about, so i'm just going to nod and back away," said Ron, doing that.
At that point, the reached the port key that would take them to the Weasily home.
--
"Why are we all stopping right next to this filthy, old, and germ-ridden teddy bear?" asked Shawn.
"I agree with Peggy," said Ash, staying a foot away from the teddy bear. "I don't see anything important here,"
"It's a portkey, you git!" said Ron.
"Oh no you didn't!" said Ash, walking forward threatening, though he suddenly stopped. "Wait, what's a git?"
"British slang term that could mean a load of things, though it is usually used for idiot or jerk," said Shawn.
"Why you little..." Ash began chasing Ron with his chainsaw insanely.
"Ash, calm down, Ron is just being an bloody git," said Harry. "Anyway, he was raised with wizards, so he probably forgets that muggles don't have things like portkeys and magic, and such,"
"THEY DON'T?" said Ron.
"Hence why they're MUGGLES, and not WIZARDS," said Hermione, rolling her eyes, though she smiled at his antics.
"Oh yeah!" said Ron. "I keep forgetting that..."
"Any way, back to my original question, what the hell is a portkey?" said Ash.
"And why are we gathering next to it?" said Buffy.
"And how is this item supposed to transport us to the residence of the Weasily clan?" said Jack.
"And when we get there, will there be tea?" asked Shawn.
Harry sighed.
"To answer all of your incredibly similar questions with one answer, a portkey is an item that magically transports you to a specific location when you touch it," he said. "And I'm not sure if Mrs. Weasily will have tea waiting for us when we get there, as she probably won't be expecting me, as I've spread false information that I'm going to head for the Dursleys' place next, pick up my stuff, then head for The Order of the Phoenix headquarters, and didn't even mention the Weasily's on my list of locations,"
"So no tea?" said Shawn, disappointed.
"Well, she might make some when we get there..." said Harry.
"ALRIGHT!" said Shawn.
"...if she has tea, and I'm not sure if tea is as popular in the wizarding world as it is amoung the muggles," said Harry, suddenly bringing him down again.
"But there's a chance we might have some tea..." Shawn said, still carrying a small ounce of hope, before Ron crushed it utterly.
"What's tea?" asked Ron. "I heard some muggle born kids in Hogwarts mention it, but when i asked my mum what it was, she said that it was some disgusting drink muggles made..."
Shawn sighed, but then seemed to perk up.
"Oh well, I guess I'll have to live without tea then..." he said, suddenly not seeming to mind much.
"He's taking the lack of tea rather well," Hermione whispered to Ron.
"TEA? WHERE? TELL ME!" said Shawn.
"Erm...anyway, lets just grab the portkey and get going, shall we?" said Harry, who was already starting to question Dumbledore's wisdome in the people Dumbledore had recommended.
It shall forever baffle me that Dumbledore knew so many muggles that are protected from the Secrecy laws of the wizarding world, and who seem to be mostly idiots so far, excluding the one called Jack, but it doesn't look like he shall be very useful either, since i don't see how a sword and martial arts skilsl will help much against a well-trained Death Eater!
But then, I haven't seen what these guys can do. Maybe they are just idiots on the surface, and beneath it they have the minds of great warriors, ready to rise to whatever challenge is thrown at them, and hearts that will never give up, no matter what the odds... thought Harry. The thought gave him some hope, that maybe Dumbledore was still the wise man he'd known all his life.
"I am SO not touching that thing!" said Buffy. "It's filthy, it's probably got germs all over it...and those yellow stains look kinda suspicious!"
"I agree," said Shawn and Ash at the same time, before glaring at eachother again.
"I must admit, that toy looks rather insanitary, though I shall touch it if I must," said Jack.
"Well, unless you want to walk ALL the burrow, which by the way, is several hundred kilometers away, then don't touch it," said Ron, having an uncharacteristic moment of intelligence.
"That doesn't seem like a very long walk to me," said Jack, who had super human stamina.
Buffy stared at him for a moment. "Not all of us walk distances that would make most Olympic athletes tired on a day to day basis," she said, rolling her eyes yet again.
"You make it sound it is a bad thing," said Jack, raising an eyebrow at her.
Harry rolled his eyes.
On second thought, maybe Dumbledore just wanted me to have to travel with a bunch of idiot muggles, so he's have something to laugh about in Heaven...
Meanwhile, in Heaven...
Dumbledore, who was currently hanging out with one of his favorite dead authors from another universe, sneezed.
"That's strange," he said. "That's the MILLIONTH time I've sneezed in the short time I've been dead..."
Jiraiya, who was at the moment looking down on Tsunade while she was in the shower, turned to him.
"That's usually a sign people are talking or specifically thinking about you," he said.
"Well, I only died recently, so I guess people will be talking about me alot now," said Dumbledore.
"Makes sense," said Jiraiya, stupidly. "Say, where'd Harry go...Osbourn I mean, not Potter..."
"Oh, he got ressurected..." said Dumbledor.
"Dang it, every time I befriend someone from that universe, they get ressurected on me!" said Jiraiya. "Oh well, I'm gonna go 'research' Spiderman and Mary Jane since now is around the time they..."
"Yeah...about that..." said Dumbledore. "I heard some rumors...lets just say they won't be doing that again any time soon,"
Jiraiya looked genuinely disappointed.
"Dang it, they were my favorite couple to research too!"
Back with the fellowship...
Harry sighed.
"Don't worry...there are...um...sanitizing spells on it to make it...uh...look filthy, without actually being filthy!" he lied.
"Oh, Ok, that works," said Ash, grabbing the portkey
"Why didn't you say so?" said Shawn, following him.
"Harry, you are truly an... usotsuke," said Jack, disapprovingly, but not revealing what usotsuke meant, since he wanted to get this over with. He too touched the portkey.
"I agree with Jack... usotsuke means 'idiot' right?" said Buffy, not quite guessing the meaning of the word.
"I shall tell you when after we get there..." said Jack, smiling, knowing she'd probably let go if she knew he'd just called Harry a liar. (A/N:be warned: my japanese is probably flawed...I used a translator for that word. Plus, the translator said that word was slang, but the definition seemed to work.)
"Finally!" said Ron, also touching it.
"Good work Harry!" said Hermione, grabbing the portkey as well.
Soon, they were all touching it, but right before it disappeared, a rather unfortunate and stupid accident occured.
Suddenly, Ron turned to point at Harry and said. "Wait a second, there are no sanitizing and fake insanitary spells...well, there probably are somewhere...but not any that you know!"
"Wait...I'm touching something with piss stain's...ew!" said Buffy, taking her hand off the yellow stained portion of the teddy bear she'd been grasping and reaching for another, unstained, though they were all covered by people's hands.
"Um...anybody care to move your hand?" said Buffy, who REALLY did not want to touch the yellow stain.
Jack standing right next to her, sighed heavily, and grabbed the yellow stain, freeing the spot his hand had previously been for her to grab.
"There are many things that are yellow that could have caused that..."Jack started to say, but at that moment, he saw something out of the corner of his eye, and drew his sword to deflect a green bolt of light heading for Buffy.
Unfortunately for both him AND Buffy, the portkey had disappeared at the exact second Jack had let go.
Several men in black robes, with masks covering their faces, stepped out into the clearing.
"Ha, Potter's allies are a bunch of damned muggles!" said one of them, laughing.
"Ha! what's this one gonna do, shoot us...oh wait, he'd need a gun for that!" said another one.
"Wait, of COURSE! He's going to cut our heads off! On my, spare me, oh powerful mud-dweller!" said another one, laughing his arse off.
Apparently, these idiots had completely forgotten that Jack had deflected the most powerful spell that had previously been established as the spell that couldn't be blocked by any form of magical shield, could barely be dodged, especially couldn't be blocked.
Perhaps the thought that a muggle could stop their strongest spells was too much for their brains to register, causing them to go into massive denial.
"I don't miss twice, muggle," said the one who'd fired the spell at them to begin with.
"If an attack is deflected, it is not considered a miss," said Jack.
"Ha, that was just an optical illusion...nothing can block the killing curse!" said the Death Eater.
"Except for a the muggle that you JUST saw block it with his sword...er...i think he did anyway," said Buffy. "I kinda blinked, so I missed it,"
"OOh, looks like Potter supplies his shithead group with some FINE meat!' said another Death Easter, laughing his arse off. "Well, since his mud-dwellers are gonna get themselves killed, i guess he's gonna have to make himself some replacement filth!"
"If you think those insults will do anything more than alert me to you're location, you are sorely mistaken..." said Jack.
"Shut up and be a good mud-man, and maybe you'll live long enough to screw the blond mud-licker...but be careful, you might catch fleas...oh wait, you muggles already have them, so no worries...if we don't have a poke at it first..." said the Death Eater who was apparently the leader.
"You are a fool," said Jack, getting into a fighting stace that he'd be able to use to defend multiple sides. "And a young fool at that, as are the rest of this outfit, with little experience in combat... so tell me, where is the true warrior amoung you hiding?"
The Deatheaters were silent, and continued to point their wands at Jack and Buffy, glaring at the muggle for daring to speak out against purebloods such as themselves.
Jack got into a stance that allowed him to watch the D.E.s behind him by using his blade as a mirror. Buffy decided to just crouch low and pull out her cross bow.
They both waited for the green bolts to come...
A/N: CLIFFHANGER!! After such a long wait too! I know this chapter wasn't as random as the original, and that the insults from the Death Eaters seemed stupid, but I'm trying to keep this T-rated! That means that they can't act like the ignorant racist/facist/idiots they are and cuss more often then