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Because times were tough, last year I had gotten a job at a department store back on the Makah reservation. The house was ours and no longer needed to be paid for, which I was forever grateful for. I wasn't sure what we would do if we had to make a payment as large as a mortgage payment.
This was also why I worried about the state of my house to begin with, because if something happened to it that made it uninhabitable, we would be screwed, to say the least. Both my mother and I (and Dean, whenever he felt like he wanted a job) lived paycheck to paycheck between our cars, food for the house and everything else we had to pay for.
I didn't like complaining. We were all happy. Healthy (somewhat, in my case). The girls had food in their bellies every night and heat in their rooms when it was cold. They had clothes on their backs and a roof over their head. Dean and I loved them dearly. They wanted for nothing.
And I liked my job. I got to dress up a little bit, make myself look presentable. I got to interact with people I didn't know, which was near impossible when you lived on a reservation as small as La Push. At work, I was able to forget the things that I had going on in my life and focus on other people. It was a nice change. And I worked with nice people so I looked forward to it almost every day.
Today was no different. I was hoping that Dean would be home soon from wherever he was so that I could leave without worrying if Mom would wake up in time. Just as I thought this, I heard the front door open and then it fall off its hinges onto the ground. It was followed by another bang as Dean clearly ignored the door and slammed his own shut.
The girls had jumped as they ate their chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese, but their eyes never left the television as they sat at the dinner table. They ate like they'd never eaten before, even though they'd had a snack when they finished their homework.
I felt like a shit sister.
After I picked the door up again, I washed dishes as they ate dinner. Sometimes I'd pine for simple modern things, like a dishwasher. Something as simple as that would make my life a lot easier because if I had one, I could have been getting ready for work instead of cleaning.
I heard footsteps behind me and my mother appeared, looking sleepy. She barely looked up as she reached for the coffee maker by the stove. "Hi, guys."
"Hi Mom," we said. She tried to smile, I think, but grimaced instead and her face drooped, as if the effort was too much for her to handle. She wasn't old in the slightest- she had had both Dean and I when she was only seventeen herself- but she looked like she was in her late forties. She used to be beautiful. So stunning, she could have modeled. She used to have long curly hair that I played with a lot when I was Raven's age. They were perfect corkscrew curls that never got frizzy. Recently, she had cut her hair short, so that it was tapered to her head. I used to be so jealous of those curls and I wanted them so much- my hair was straight as a pin and couldn't hold a curl if my life depended on it.
Her eyes were a golden hazel with flecks of green that shined even when she was sad. Her teeth were far from perfectly straight but they were so white they gleamed, and her smile was so contagious. But I hadn't seen her smile in a long time.
It seemed like these last few months were really taking a toll on her. I couldn't remember the last time we had a decent conversation about anything other than grocery shopping or bills. We really didn't see her too much since she was always sleeping or working.
She yawned hugely then, and grabbed a mug from the cabinet filling it with coffee from the pot.
"Do you have work tonight?" she asked.
"Yes," I said and I turned the sink off, placing the last of the dishes in the drying rack. I began to back out of the kitchen. It was difficult to be around someone who exuded so much sadness and negativity; it was uncomfortable and it made me sad because I never wanted to be around her. "I'll be home around eleven."
I ran to the bathroom and showered quickly, shivering under the heat of the water and wishing that I could live there, in that tiny bathroom and never have to leave. It was one of the only times I ever truly felt warm. Aside from earlier with Jared, of course.
Not wanting myself to think of that anymore, I forced myself out and into my room still dripping, to get dressed. I decided on a black skirt with a white blouse and took the few minutes extra to blow my hair dry and to put on a tiny bit of makeup. I didn't want to look like I had just crawled out of bed. I could care less about my appearance at school- I tried to be as professional as possible at my job. Which meant suffering through the chills I would have from wearing a skirt.
I grabbed my glasses from the bathroom and called out to the girls before I left. The drive to Makah wasn't very long but it still gave me enough time to think about all that had happened today.
Jared.
I didn't want to believe it was all some crazy prank, but a big part of me feared that it was. What if Embry was right? What if it was like that movie, and all they wanted to do was build me up just to tear me down?
One part of me thought that I didn't matter enough for someone to do that. I was just Kim. Kimber Conweller, to be precise but if you asked anybody at school who that was, they probably wouldn't be able to tell you. The same part of me wondered if someone would actually take time out of their day to do such a thing to someone. I hoped not, but I couldn't be one hundred percent positive.
Another part of me wondered if Jared was actually being serious. What did he say earlier? He opened his eyes? But why now? I just wanted to know why. And I wanted the truth, but I didn't at the same time. Because if it was for the wrong reasons then I would most likely never speak to him again.
My mind went haywire when I was alone.
Before I could wrap my head around anything else that had happened to me today, I was pulling into a parking spot. I clocked into work, smiled at my co-workers and made my way to my own department.
The only other girl I worked with, Jillian, was there already as I slid behind the counter.
"How's it going?" she said. Jill was older, almost thirty but could have passed for someone my age. She should have been a supermodel, walking down a catwalk because she was every definition of the word beautiful, with the fashion sense to go along with it. Sometimes I felt like I was playing dress up compared to her.
"Swell." I gave her the same answer I had given Jared earlier and she laughed like him too. We chatted about our days and she told me about a shipment of necklaces that had come in that needed to be put on display.
Jillian and I handled all of the jewelry in the store. All kinds of gems and diamonds, golds and silvers. It was nerve-wracking to say the least when the things you worked with were worth more than your house with everything inside it plus your car put together.
When we finished going over numbers and the things that needed to be accomplished before the store closed, she stopped me before I went into the backroom.
"My sister is actually coming to visit me tonight. She got engaged not that long ago, and she is coming by to get her ring cleaned. Could you keep an eye out for her? Her name is Emily."
"Sure," I said. "Anything I should look for in particular?"
Jill looked uncomfortable. She wrung her hands together. "Yes, well. About that. Do you remember reading about that girl who got mauled by that bear last year?"
Of course I did- that was not something anyone could easily forget about. Who got mauled by a bear and lived to tell the tale? I nodded.
"That was Emily. She-she's got some pretty bad scarring on her face. If you can see past that, we do look a lot alike. It's just kind of like-" She made one side of her face droop a little bit and then shrugged. "You know? Don't stare at it, she gets uncomfortable. You'll know her when you see her."
"Of course," I said. "I would never."
"Thanks," she said. "I'm going to go run to the woman's department for a little while. I have to speak to Jodi about my shift next week."
"Okay." I got a duster out from underneath the counter and started cleaning as Jill left.
One of the reasons why I loved my job so much was that in the glass cases that held all the jewelry were super intense lights. Not only did they make inside the cases hot, it made the counters hot too. When no one was looking, I'd drape my body across the counters to soak up the heat as best I could.
As I dusted a tower of fashion watches, I became acutely aware that someone was watching me. I looked around the tower carefully, from where I could feel the staring coming from to see if maybe it was a customer, or a co-worker. But my department seemed to be empty. I turned around to find something else to clean and walked right into a body.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," I said. My hands automatically reached out to grab whoever it was that I bumped into to steady them. "Do you need-"
And I stopped dead.
It was a customer, a curvy woman with dark golden skin. Emily. One side of her face was gorgeous, and very similar to Jillian's. But the other side was marred and scarred, angry red lines pulling her face down. Her mouth sagged a little. I understood why Jill looked uncomfortable talking about it before.
"I'm so sorry," Emily said. She rubbed my shoulder. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," I said automatically. "I should have been watching where I was going. I'm so sorry."
"No worries," she said and she smiled. It was hard not to stare, especially since only one side of her mouth lifted in the smile. All of her teeth were perfectly straight and blindingly white. "Is Jillian here by any chance?"
"Yes, she is. You're her sister, right?"
She nodded and held out her hand. "Emily."
When I shook it, I could feel her skin was warped and distorted. I didn't have to look to know the scars reached down. "Kim, nice to meet you."
"Likewise." I felt very calm in her presence. She wasn't that much older than I was but I suddenly felt like I wanted to hug her and hug her tightly. I resisted the urge by gripping the duster tightly.
"Em!" We both looked to see Jill waving excited and she hurried down the store. I took a step back as they embraced and chatted. Jill pulled her over to the counter and got behind it, looking in awe at her ring. I continued to clean up but I stuck around near them. I felt very drawn to Emily and sad that I didn't know her well enough to embrace her. I felt a little empty inside.
"Does Leah know?" Jill asked in a hushed tone. I wasn't sure why because there weren't any more customers in the store but Emily answered the same.
"Yes. We haven't spoken since we announced it. I feel awful. I want her to be my maid of honor but I think she'd laugh in my face if I asked her to."
Jill tsked and they continued chatting. I went behind the counter myself and began wiping down the counter tops, still eavesdropping on their conversation. Emily was asking about Claire, Jill's daughter and then the topic changed.
"-always has his friends over. Paul and Jared eat everything-"
Jared.
How did this woman know Jared? Sure, Jared was a common name and so was Paul but paired together? Paul and Jared were best friends. I couldn't help myself.
"I'm sorry," I said. They both looked at me in surprise, probably forgetting that I'd been there the whole time, even though I was never far. It was easy, I guess. "But did you just say Jared? As in Jared Cameron?"
Emily blinked. "Yes, I-"
She gasped suddenly and grinned widely on the one side of her face. She grabbed my hands with both of her own and pulled me tight into her.
"Oh. My. God. You're Kim! The Kim!"
I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying, only to what I was feeling. And I felt similar to how I felt when Jared had his arm around me earlier today. When I had wished for her to hug me before because I felt empty, I now felt better. I felt like my mom was hugging me, the way she used to hug me before things got shitty at home. Embarrassingly enough, tears welled in my eyes and I hoped that my glasses would hide the fact that I was crying. I hugged her back tigher, then realized what she was saying.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? You know me?"
"Of course I know you, I can't believe I didn't realize it before! Jared has told me so much about you, I feel like I know you already!"
She laughed and I thought I might faint.
Jared has told me so much about you.
"He has?" I said. "When? How?"
"Oh, today! He's still at my house, actually. He's best friends with Sam. My fiance," she added and wiggled her left hand at me. I saw a modest but still pretty ring on her finger and my heart contracted. I realized that she meant Sam Uley and that sent a course of different emotions running through my mind. Jared was best friends with Sam Uley now?
"Congratulations," I said. Emily's after school! Isn't that what Paul had told Jared this afternoon? It felt like ages ago, weeks maybe even though it had only been a few hours.
"Who's Jared?" Jill asked slyly, nudging my side. "Your boyfriend?"
"No!" I said and I jumped away from her elbow. Both Emily and Jill gave me odd looks, and in Emily's case it was sad. "He's- I don't even know what he is, he only just started talking to me today- I...I can't believe-"
I was so flustered. What was wrong with me. I couldn't even speak coherently. All I knew was that Jared was talking about me. To people. To his best friend. To his best friend's wife to be.
Me.
Me, little ole Kim who had been obsessing over him for as long as I could remember. Me, who had never had a boyfriend and who's only kiss had been her stupid best friend when they were like, six because they wanted to know what the big deal was. Embry never let me forget it, either. My stomach was churning, but I wasn't sure if it was a good feeling or a bad feeling. I tucked my hands under my armpits because the cold was getting to me. Emily noticed. She took her ring off her finger and gave it to Jill to clean. They whispered for a few moments, then Jill walked away and we were alone.
"Are you okay?" Emily asked. She placed a hand on my shoulder and I shivered at the familiarity. Her touch was like home and that scared me almost as much as this whole Jared thing did. I nodded quickly.
"Yes. I'm fine, just cold." I looked up at her. Her eyes were sympathetic but bright at the same time. I needed to explain myself. "I have known Jared almost my entire life. We live in the same neighborhood and we've been in each other's classes since the first grade." She nodded excitedly at me but I shook my head. "Jared met me for the first time today. He didn't know I existed until today, and that's only because I walked in late and he was sitting in the seat besides mine."
My voice cracked at the end and her face fell so that the unscarred side matched the other. I continued on.
"You know, I've liked Jared for a really long time. And I was pretty content with pining for him from afar. He's been gone for the last two weeks and he comes back today and he's different, you know? So different and he looked at me and then everything changed." I shook my head. "I can't help but think it's all some kind of big joke. Like maybe someone is pranking me and there's going to be one big'aha!' at the end, you know?" She looked deep in thought. She finally spoke.
"Sometimes things happen for reasons that we can't explain. I think that this is one of those times. I also think that you don't need to worry about it being a prank. I believe that Jared was possibly...blind. Despite what they think, boys really aren't all that smart." She winked at me and I felt a little bit better about the fact that I just spilled my guts to my co-workers sister. "The next time you see him...talk to him. Get to know him. He's a little slow," she paused to laugh and I smiled. "But he's a really good kid. I promise you that."
The way she spoke so highly of him, her demeanor and that homely feeling I got whenever she touched me made me trust her. She could tell. "It was really nice to meet you, Kim. I hope I'll be seeing you around soon."
Jill came back around with her shiny and sparkly ring. We oohed and ahhed over it for a few more minutes. Then she kissed me on the cheek, and left, taking all my warmth with her. Leaving me shivering and more confused than I was earlier today.
The house was dark and silent when I walked in later that night. I made sure to catch the door before it fell and woke everyone up. I dropped my keys on the counter and then picked them up after thinking twice. I would be the one driving to school tomorrow.
In my room, I undressed and slipped on a tshirt and sweatpants. The shirt had once belonged to my father.
I didn't know my father except what I'd seen from pictures. When we were moving out of Embry's house and into this one, my mom had found a couple of his things in a box which she had thrown away without any hesitation.
I went back and got everything when she wasn't looking and washed the shirt twice. I found a few old records, and some movie stubs but that was it. It was all I had of the person who had donated half of my DNA and then never wanted anything to do with me or Dean ever again. I shouldn't have wanted to meet someone or wanted to love someone who had given me up like I wasn't their child. But I did. And very badly.
Dean didn't. He never had. He had told me a long time ago that if our father ever decided to show his face, he'd likely beat the shit out of him for leaving Mom in the mess he did. But I think the only reason why he said that was to hide the fact that he wanted a dad too. All of us did.
I set my alarm clock, making sure that it was set properly and on loud, so that I wouldn't miss it in the morning. I turned down my bed sheets and climbed in, taking my glasses off. I was exhausted; emotionally, physically and mentally. What a long day. And I was freezing.
I picked up my little flip phone and dialed Embry's number that I knew by heart. He answered on the first ring.
"Hello?"
"Jesus Christ, Embry, you sound like you're dying." His voice was husky and scratchy, and it didn't sound good at all.
"I feel like it," he admitted, then coughed and groaned. "I think it's the flu. I've never felt like this before."
"You weren't sick earlier today, were you?"
"No, but as soon as I got home, I got a fever and then that was it. I've been in bed the whole day."
"I guess I should let you go to bed then."
"Not yet, tell me about what happened today."
So I did, doing most of the talking. I didn't just tell him about what had happened with Jared after he left, but I told him about Dean, what happened with the girls on the bus and about meeting Emily at work.
By the time I had caught my breath, half an hour had gone by and Embry was yawning in between hacking up a lung.
"I'm really sorry, Kim," he wheezed. "But I need to go. I probably won't be in school tomorrow."
"Do you want me to bring you your homework?" I said.
"No, don't bother. I'm probably going to be sleeping the whole day anyways."
"Alright, well...feel better."
"Thanks."
I hung up the phone, feeling terrible about how he was feeling but a little bit lighter now that I had gotten everything off my chest. He was a really good friend.
It was then, laying there in the quiet house that it hit me. My mother, who spent the time before she went to work with Maqahla and Raven didn't realize that they were bruised and beaten up. If she had, I think I would have gotten a phone call or a text message at work. But there weren't any texts or missed calls on my phone. I also realized that she probably also hadn't noticed that Dean and I weren't speaking to each other.
I wondered what would make her open her eyes.