Of course it felt fantastic knowing that Kyla wasn't repulsed by the sudden, flustered confession of my likely lesbianism, I mean, I had just 'come out' and the world hadn't ended in a storm of thunderbolts and brimstone as I had predicted it would. However, as soon as the adrenaline that had been coursing through me from that charged coming out moment had began to subside I had an unexpected thought: I wasn't ready to divulge who the object of my obsession was yet. Obviously one reason for this was that I didn't even know her name and so to point her out to Kyla would mean I would literally have to point her out at school, and the thought sneaking around and doing such a thing seemed to cheapen my intensely deep feelings for her. It made me think of giggling schoolgirls and childish crushes in the kiddie playground when so far my feelings for this girl were as far from a childish crush as you could get. This reason, however true, was not my main reason for not wanting to tell Kyla who it was that I was quite possibly falling in love with. Simply put, I wanted to keep my girl all to myself. To me, right now, she was untainted by outside scrutiny and speculation; she was unblemished by high school rumours and gossip. She was everything in my mind that I had made her to be and I selfishly didn't want to share her just yet.

So as Kyla started her car and we headed back to school I began to give her the highlights of the last two months inside the head of the recently inaugurated gay, or at the very least bisexual, Spencer Carlin.

'Well…' I began slowly, 'I thought I just liked boys, same as anyone else, until a couple of months ago when I noticed this girl around school.'

Kyla grinned at me but stayed quite, focusing on her driving so I continued: 'I was just walking to my chem class one morning, same as any other boring morning, and there she was, walking towards me down the hall. And.....just.....WOW.....I'd never seen her at school before.'

I sighed unwittingly and turned to look out of the window; remembering the amazing and electrifying feeling that shot through my chest, spine, and other, more significant regions of my body, when I'd first laid eyes on her. She hadn't looked back at me that morning, a fact for which I am forever thankful for as she would have likely noticed my mouth agape and drooling or seen my blue eyes boring into her trim figure, soaking in her flowing brown curls and losing themselves temporarily in her deep brown one's. I don't remember how long I actually stared at her but I do remember her subtle scent as she brushed past me. Vanilla. Oh sweet, sweet vanilla. I still can't get that smell out of my head.

'Uh, Spencer?' Kyla interrupted me from another of my involuntary daydream flashbacks. 'You still with me over there buddy?'

'What? Oh yeah sorry.' I muttered, slightly embarrassed. 'I dunno Ky, I know it's totally weird but the second I saw her I felt things like I'd never felt before. I immediately saw the world differently somehow. It was like I'd just woken up for the first time in my life and opened my eyes to all the amazing and beautiful things around me.' I stopped and cringed, realising how outrageously cheesy that must have sounded. 'God that sounds so lame.' I cried as I thrust my head in to my hands. 'See Ky. I need serious help.'

Kyla just laughed again.

'Lame don't even cover it girl. You got it so bad! Anyways, I'll forgive your poor-ass analogy for love at first sight given your current, woman whipped, predisposition. So go on.' Kyla prompted.

'Well there's not really much to say otherwise. I mean I haven't talked to her, don't know her name, or even if she's in the same year as us. So far I know a sum total of absolutely nothing about her. 'Cept she makes insides do back flips every time I see her.' I said a little forlornly.

'Aww my poor honey. What's this girl done to you?' Kyla jested. 'Well you can stop your worrying young Carlin, I can sooo help with the recon on this one. Just show me who this wonder woman is and I'll get my 'Kyla Woods, lesbian detective' mojo on.'

I moaned and took in a deep breath. How was I going to get around this one? Having Kyla know that I was potentially gay and crushing on a girl was great; I had someone to talk to about the whole turning gay aspect of my problem, but I really wanted to keep my girl's identity a secret. Even though there was absolutely nothing between us. It was still my nothing.

'Kyla, I dunno, I kind of just want to figure this one out on my own for a bit y'know? See if this whole thing turns out to be a phase or something.' I tried.

'Aww… C'mon Spencer. You can tell me who it is. I promise not to embarrass you or anything. You seriously can't just drop a bombshell like this on me and not tell me who made the bomb?'

'Please Ky?' I pleaded. 'Just for a little while, I promise. I love you to pieces, you know I do, but you have got one big mouth on you, especially when you're drunk. You might let it slip to one of those asswipe jocks, or worse, one of their cheerbreeder girlfriends.'

'And what? You're afraid it'll get back to your lady friend?' she replied, trying to not sound offended but I could tell she was. 'Like she'd know who you are anyway, or even care.' she added a little too coldly.

'Please don't be like that. I didn't mean to be hurtful Kyla, I just need some time to see how I'm gonna deal with this.' I reached over and put my hand on her knee.

'Please, please don't be mad at me.' I begged, trying to turn the atmosphere around but Kyla didn't respond and we drove on the rest of the way in silence.

'I'm not mad with what you said' Kyla finally spoke up as we pulled in to the school parking lot. 'It's just that you're going through this huge life changing deal, and I want to be a part of it.' She began to blush realising what she'd just said. 'Well, not part of it part of it, coz that'd just be gross, but I do want to help you and you saying you can't trust me with this just hurts a little.'

'I know I can trust you Kyla. I mean I pretty much just came out to you, which obviously means I trust you; I'm just not ready for you to know my type yet!' I joked, 'Just give me a few days to sort my head out and then I'll fill you in with everything. I promise.'

Kyla pulled into her usual space in the lot, killed the engine and turned to me with a mischievous smile spreading across her lips.

'Fine, you win Carlin, You get a weeks head start before I pull on my Sherlock Holmes pipe and slippers and come after you and your mystery woman.' Now get your gay ass to class, before I out you to the whole student body.'

She grinned at me again before getting out the car and I knew we were ok; at least for the time being. But I knew in a week's time she'd be on my back again and this time it'd be with thousand pound weights in each hand.

My afternoon started with a class on Physics. Exactly what discipline of physics I couldn't possibly tell you as I had spent the last half an hour processing all that had happened at lunch with Kyla while simultaneously counting down the hours and minutes until the next morning when I could look down expectantly on to that corner and anxiously await the best sixty seconds of my day.

'So, is this an example of Newton's first, second or third rule of motion? Let me see now, um …..Spencer? Mrs Alpert chirped.

'Huh?' I responded involuntarily and a little too loudly, once again dragged unwillingly from my thoughts 'I'm sorry. What?' Oh man……I'd done it again.

'Newton's laws of motion Ms Carlin. Which one applies to this example?' she said impatiently while pointing to the board.

I stared blankly at the horribly complex and scruffily annotated diagram that had miraculously appeared on the board somewhere in the time between me sitting down losing myself in a tour of my own head and now. I was just about to open my mouth and admit defeat when the loudspeaker crackled to life over our heads, likely saving me from one verbal bashing but thrusting me into a far worse one no doubt.

"Spencer Carlin, 3C. to the Principal's office. Spencer Carlin, 3C, to the principal's office right away."

That earned me a round of jeers from all around the classroom and a disappointed look from Mrs Alpert and I gulped.

'Go on then Spencer. But we'll talk about your recently dismal attention span in class later.' Mrs Alpert scolded while shaking her head, prompting more jeers from my classmates.

As I sat, nervously once again, in the principal's office, waiting for the grand King High lord and master himself, I wondered yet again about the recent chain of events that had led me down the darkened path of educational deceleration and lesbian awakening straight to the principals office. In truth, there was no real chain of events per say, just one anonymous girl who had stumbled into my peripheral vision one autumnal day and had been seeping deeper and deeper in to my head ever since. The rest was history. Enter, as they say, one exotically enchanting and intriguing brunette and my world simply shook and fell apart. So when I say I'm pondering the recent chain of events that led to right now, I'm really just thinking about her. Though admittedly at this juncture I probably ought to spend more time thinking: a) why the heck have I been called to the principals office and, much more importantly, b) at what point in this obsession did I become so entirely and pathetically whipped that I started using adjectives like 'enchanting' and 'intriguing' to describe the inexorable object of my affections. 'Holy crap! I just did it again. What the hell is wrong with me?' I muttered aloud.

As if on cue, Principal Jackson entered his office trailing an acrid plume of both fresh and stale tobacco smoke behind him. I wrinkled my nose at the pungent intrusion on my nostrils but forgave him his disgusting habit given that he was in charge of and responsible for a load of hormonal, often narcotically enhanced, post pubescent morons. Even I would smoke under those circumstances. He sat down heavily on his battered and balding leather chair and flicked through a pile files on the centre of his desk.

'You would be Carlin then yes? He asked slowly without looking up at me. 'Spencer Carlin?'

'Yes Principal Jackson' I promptly replied.

'Always talk to yourself do you Carlin? Or just when you've been sent to my office for the first time eh?' This time he did look up towards me with a slight smile on his lips.

He totally caught me off guard with that one! Before I knew it I found myself replying: 'No, I talk to myself pretty much all the time sir. That's th only way I'm guaranteed an intelligent conversation.' My face visibly fell and I flushed furiously as I realised just how insolent a thing that was to say. Damn Kyla and her smart ass remarks. She had defiled my mind with them and now they were coming out of me uncontrollably like Tourette's. And damn my perpetual nervousness too. Despite my dreadful retort and shocked expression Principal Jackson just smiled again and turned back to what I presumed to be my school record.

'Well Spencer, I'm willing to bet you were wondering just why you're in my office on this god awful wet and dreary day.' He asked while thumbing through the pages of my record.

'Kind of sir' I replied more respectfully this time. Though I wasn't about to tell him what, or rather who, I was actually thinking about.

'Well Spencer, I'll be frank with you. You're obviously a smart young girl so I won't beat around the bush. You know just as well as I do that your grades have basically plummeted faster than J Lo's career this semester.' I tried to look amused by his dreadful attempt to try and identify with us students, but was not terribly sure I was entirely convincing.

'Yes, I figured my grades were what that this all is about, but you see I …..' I was just about to concoct a reasonable, on the spot explanation for my lacklustre academic performance when I was interrupted.

'Spencer, I don't particularly care for whatever reason you want to provide me with for your recent poor performances. Unless you have something you feel you need to talk to one of our councillors about or are quite literally dying, the only thing I care about is getting your grades back up above par. Again, you are clearly an intelligent girl and it would be a shame to make a mess of your future now.' He looked up and simply smiled at me again before closing my file and putting it to the side. Despite his somewhat unorthodox manner, I was beginning to like the man in charge.

'Thank you sir, I really do appreciate your concern but with so little time left till finals and mid-terms already out of the way, how can possibly I bring my grades up now?

'Well, I think the easiest way for you do catch up a little is to take on some extracurricular activities for extra credit. What do you think?' He looked straight at me and I tried not to show my reaction. "Urrgh" is what I thought. Extracurricular activities! Like what, arts and craft? Chess club? Dare I even say it….Maths club!! Don't get me wrong, before that girl came along I was a good student, but never going quite so far as to cross the line into after-school clubs. That being said, I was totally backed into a corner on this one. I had no choice.

'Sure, I think I'd be interested in doing something like that.' I managed to lie, hopefully convincingly. 'As long as you think it would help.'

'Of course it will Spencer, as long as you work hard for your extra credit. Now, the only problem we have is there aren't too many places on the left on our approved programmes so your options are pretty limited.

'Well, what's left' I asked trying to sound enthusiastic about my impending descent into dreaded geek territory, praying that I wouldn't get stuck with maths or drama. These days I could barely focus enough to count to ten and I really couldn't stand anymore drama in my life at this point. Fictional or not. Please just not maths or drama…..

'Well, we're down to…..' Principal Jackson paused for what I assume was a lame effort to build suspense. 'Drama….' My face fell again. '….Or music! The choice is yours Spencer.'

Well. It wasn't much of a choice to me but at least I wouldn't have to discuss recreational mathematics or emergent algorithms with a bunch of MIT wannabes.

'I guess I'll have to go for music then Sir.' I replied, and although I didn't consider myself to have a musical bone in my body I figured I could wing decent grades somehow.

'Good. Excellent Spencer; we'll get you signed up on to that straight away so you can get started as soon as possible. Remember, the more time you put into this, the more your overall grade will improve so stay focused and work hard. That goes for all of your other classes as well mind you.'

'Yes Sir, I will' I said, beginning to sound a little deflated realising that I may actually have to apply myself more than I had hoped to this Mickey Mouse programme.

'Now before school finishes today, head over to the music department and speak with Mrs Connor about customising your program.' And with that Principal Jackson stood up, reached in to his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter and headed back for the door.

'Now behave yourself Ms Carlin. I dont want to see you back here in my office any time soon you hear?' He added as he opened the door. 'It's make or break time now and I'd hate to see such a promising girl throw her future away over some silly boy or a high school rivalry or whatever winds you kids up these days.' That said, he left, closed the door, and left me sitting alone in his office.

'Not even close Mr J. Points for effort, but not even close' I sighed.

Classes were soon over for the day and had ended without further incident although the rain had started again as I headed across the quad to King High's music department. As if synchronised with the clouds over my head my mood became increasingly darker. I just wanted to go home and mope over how complicated life had become. I wanted to down a pint of chocolate chip ice cream but more urgently I wanted these now painful feelings of longing and false hope to stop. There was no way someone as socially inept as me could ever muster the courage to speak to someone like her. Not without a gallon of vodka pulsing through me, dissolving every one of my inhibitions as well as my liver and kidneys. As alcoholism was perhaps not a valid solution to my problem, I decided that I should do my best to keep my mind well and truly off of her. Really apply myself to my classes and this extracurricular nonsensical hoop that I needed to jump through. That was it. I just had to concentrate on something else. Anything else! I was newly committed to my new, school orientated, gay-recovery plan when I entered the main music building and approached the admin desk. The petite clerk looked up at me and raised an eyebrow before turning back to her crossword puzzle.

'Y'know classes are done for the day.' the small woman uttered nasally to her newspaper.

'I know, sorry. My name is Spencer Carlin and I was just looking for Mrs Connor. I have to sign up to the extracurricular music program and Mr Jackson sent me down here so I could customise my course, or whatever.'

'Well, I believe Mrs Connor has gone home for the evening but there might be someone here who can help. What instrument do you play?'

Crap! I hadn't thought of that. I thought this course would be like music theory or something like that, not that I would actually have to learn an instrument! Oh brain of mine, where have you gone?

'Well none at the moment.' I replied quite seriously. 'But was kinda hoping you guys could help me with that.' I smiled trying to make light of the situation but only earning another raised eyebrow from the obviously not terribly amused clerk.

'Well piano, violin and guitar are about all that's on offer for learning from scratch. The other tutors simply won't have the time. It's up to you to choose your weapon of aural destruction.' she said laughing slightly at her some what inappropriate comment.

I thought for a second. I always hated the violin ever since I spent my childhood listening to my brother Clay murdering Vivaldi, so that was out. Also, if I really wanted to do well in this program I would need lots of practice, ergo, my own instrument, and I guessed pianos were not the sort of thing you could pick up on the cheap in Walmart. That settled that then.

'I guess the guitar would be pretty cool.' I finally responded.

'Guitar. No problem…… Now, let me see if one of the tutors is available to help you now, otherwise you'll have to come back in the morning. What was your name again? She asked while flicking through the internal call list.

'Spencer Carlin.' I replied patiently although I was longing to get out of there and hit that pint of chocolate chip.

The clerk tucked her telephone handset under her ear and typed four numbers into the key pad. After a few moments someone obviously answered.

'Yes. Hi. I'm glad I caught you.' The clerk spoke in to the phone. 'I have a student here, a Spencer Carlin' who has just signed up for the EC music program and needs someone to go over her induction and course customisation. Would you be able to help her with that now?'

There was a pause while the person on the other end responded.

'Great. I'll send her on through then. Thanks.' She put down the phone and looked up at me once more. 'You're in luck Ms Carlin one of our assistant tutors is still here. Go on through to room 209 and they'll get you started.'

'Thanks a lot' I replied, trying not to sound too sarcastic.

As I headed down the corridor towards room 209 I hoped this wouldn't take long. I still needed to catch up to Aiden and interrogate him at length about Madison. After a minute I reached the right door and raised my hand in readiness to knock but before I could put that movement into action the door swung open before me and a few things occurred in quick succession: My mouth fell open as the familiar scent of vanilla danced evocatively in my nostrils; there was an involuntary sharp intake of breath as my blue eyes locked together with her brown ones for the very first time, and finally, my stomach performed its customary back flip only this time with feeling. Oh. My. God. I felt dizzy.

'Spencer Carlin I presume?' She smiled the sweetest of smiles 'I'm Ashley Davies. Please, come in.'

Again thanks to everyone who has reviewed my little story so far. Sorry it's taking me so long to get to round to Spashley goodness but I just didn't want to rush it!

Again, please let me know what you think .