Chapter 3: Opening up

Here is Chapter 3 guys. Tell me what you think. Thanks to my beta Renesmee4eva.

I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.

We walked out of the house and headed to the edge of the woods on the right side of the house. I stopped and looked into the trees. All of the treacherous roots and hidden rocks that I could stumble on made me a little nervous. I looked up at Carlisle to find a questioning look on his face.

"If you are planning on taking me in there you should probably bring your medical bag because we are bound to need it," I told him.

He chuckled and pulled his arm more tightly around my own.

"I promise not to let you fall," he said leading me into the thick vegetation.

True to his word he didn't let me fall. Yet anyways. We had been walking for about 15 minutes at a slow pace. It was probably starting to bug Carlisle but he showed nothing but his normal calm exterior. We walked in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was a nice comfortable silence.

"So Bella, how have you been?" Carlisle asked me.

"I've been fine," I answered automatically. I really didn't want to talk about how I have been. I mean what was I supposed to say?I have been a total mess since you all have left, taking a big hunk of my chest with you, and while you were gone I became an adrenaline junkie so that I could trigger hallucinations of Edward. And now that you are back I am constantly worrying about you leaving again. Oh, and also I am haunted about the events that happened in Volterra and having horrible nightmares about everyone I love dying at the hand of my lover.

Ya, I'm sure he would handle that really well. Surely he wouldn't feel bad or guilty and then send me off to an insane asylum.

I could tell he saw threw my lie.

"Bella we both know that isn't the truth. I hope this wont upset you, but I talked to Charlie last night. I asked him about the time we were away," uh oh, " He told me how bad things got for you. I will respect your wishes if you do not wish to talk to me about it, but you need to know that you can always come to me. I promise that I can keep whatever you tell me from Edward. I have gotten very good at keeping my thoughts from him. Even if you do not wish to talk to me I urge you to find someone to talk to. Keeping these feelings inside will only make matters worse," he said in a worried and almost desperate voice.

I wasn't quite sure what to say to this, so I just nodded in response.

Maybe I should talk to him

I really did want to talk to someone, it was tearing me up on the inside. But could he really keep his promise not to let Edward know? This would cause him so much pain if he knew how it was making me feel. I didn't have anyone else to turn to though. I couldn't go on like this much longer, that much I knew for sure. I got that he just wanted to help but there really wasn't much that he could do. All of those people were still dead, he couldn't change that. Aro was still out there. Edward and the rest of them could still pack up and leave me again at any time.

We were still walking along threw the forest while I was contemplating all of this. Carlisle pulled me threw an opening in between some bushes and the site in front of me halted my inner turmoil in its place.

In front of me was a small meadow with bright yellow and orange flowers scattered about it. It smelled so wonderful. There were even butterflies fluttering around. It reminded me so much of mine and Edward's meadow. I heard the sound of trickling water, and found a little stream running along the left side of the meadow. There was a long bolder sitting next to the stream that seemed to be carved into a bench, probably by Carlisle himself.

"Wow Carlisle this place is beautiful," I said.

He smiled down at me. "Yes, I find it very peaceful to come here when I have something on my mind or have had a bad day. It helps me to clear my head."

He led me over to the bolder by the stream and we sat down on it. It truly was peaceful here. I looked down at the water in front of me to find a group of little fish in it swimming against the current, fighting to stay in the same spot. I couldn't help but sympathize with them, always having to fight against the current.

I looked up at Carlisle and was brought back to our earlier conversation. It hit me then that I truly did want to talk to him. I guess I hadn't really thought about it since I didn't think I had anyone to turn to. I knew I could trust him with my secrets and that he would never betray me.

He was looking back at me with his butterscotch eyes. They held so much emotion in them. I could tell then he already knew how much pain I was in.

"Are you sure you can keep your thoughts from Edward?" I asked him in a small voice.

"Yes, I promise that anything you tell me will be kept between us," he answered in a serious voice. I had no doubt in my mind that he was telling the truth.

I looked down at my hands that were in my lap and took a deep breath, then started talking.

"When you guys left, when Edward left, it was like everything inside of me went with you. The first week was so bad. I couldn't do anything but lay there and let the pain take over everything. I saw what it was doing to Charlie so I started making an effort. I went to school and work. I did all of my homework and cooked dinner every night, but I was just a hollow empty shell at that point. I was just going through the motions not really paying attention to anything. Everything seemed to remind me of you guys, so I made an effort not to really notice anything. After a while people stopped trying to talk or interact with me."

I wasn't even thinking about what I was saying. I was just letting it all out.

"It went on like that for four months. That's when I woke up. It felt so weird to not just be numb to everything around me. When the pain came back I tried so hard to go back to the numbness, but I couldn't do it. It was like someone had punched me in my chest and left a big gaping hole," I said the last part in almost a whisper but I'm sure he heard me.

"Things started to get better when I started hanging out with Jake. He brought a spark of life back into me. He was like the sun lighting up my dark empty world. It still hurt and I still struggled when he was gone. He was so different from you guys, so unrelatable, that I could almost forget while I was with him. I discovered that when I was doing something stupid or dangerous, I could remember Edward better. I could hear him yelling at me to stop, and that I had promised to stay safe. That is why I jumped of off of that stupid cliff. Then Alice came back. I'm pretty sure you know what happened after that, in Volterra. I'm pretty sure Jake will never want to talk to me again now."

Carlisle nodded and waited for me to continue. I think he knew that I just needed to spill everything out. I had been bottling everything up for months now so he just let me continue.

"I've been having nightmares about what happened there," I said. "Every time I let my mind wander it goes back to the people that were being taken into Aro's chamber. There was small woman in the back of the crowd that had a panicked look on her face. She was clutching to a rosary and I could tell that she knew where she was and what was about to happen. I couldn't do anything to help them though. Their screams started before Edward could get me out of there. I'd never heard… I didn't know that humans could sound like that."

Tears had started running down my face. Carlisle put a cold arm around me and pulled me to his side. I was still looking down at my hands. He reached over and put a hand over both of mine before I continued.

"In my dreams Aro is coming after me. I am running through the forest as fast as I can and I am trying to find Edward. Then the woman with the rosary comes out of nowhere. She has the same terrified look on her face but before I can do anything Aro comes up from behind her and kills her right in front of me."

My hands are starting to shake and I feel a sob building in my throat just thinking about the next part.

"I turn around to run and find Edward. Behind him are the dead bodies of all of my friends and family. Then Aro kills him and his body bursts into flames. Then… he… he…"

I couldn't talk anymore. Sobs came ripping out of my chest and my whole body started to shake. Carlisle pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me while rubbing soothing circles onto my back. I buried my face into his chest and gripped his shirt into my fists. His embrace reminded me of when I was little, and my dad would pick me up after had fallen down and skinned my knee or something.

"Shh, Bella shh," he said, rocking me slightly, "I would never let that happen to you or Edward. What they did to those people was horrible, but you have to know that no one in this family would ever let anything happen to you."

I was starting to become hysterical. Sure, they wouldn't let anything happen if they were here, but what if something happens again before I am changed and they leave again. What if Edward leaves me again? There would be no one to keep them from me. They would know that Edward lied to them and they would go after him and the rest of the Cullens after they killed me.

"But… what if… you… leave again?... What if they come… to check and see if …I'm a vampire and …you're not here?... What if they… decide to punish all of you guys …after me? What if …they change their minds… and decide to come early?" I asked in between sobs. I think I was starting to hyperventilate. I couldn't breathe and I was starting to get dizzy.

Oh god, what if they were on their way right now?

Carlisle pulled back from me even though I still clung to his shirt. He pulled my face up and put his hands on either side of my face so that I was looking directly into his eyes.

"Bella, you need to calm down, no one is coming to get you. I would never even let them get close. You need to slow your breathing. Look at me," he said, then started taking deep, even breaths trying to coach me into normal breaths.

It took a while but I finally got my breathing under control. The sobs that had been coming out of my body finally stopped, but the tears and the shaking just wouldn't let up.

Carlisle was still looking into my eyes, worry and regret written all over his face.

"Bella I promise that we will never leave you again. Leaving in the first place was a monumental mistake. I cannot ever apologize enough for what we did to you. I give you my word that we will never leave you again," he repeated, probably hoping it would sink in.

"The time away from you was horrible," he continued. "It made me realize how much of a daughter to me that you are. The entire family was a wreck. Emmett and Alice were sad all of the time. Esme felt just as lost as I did. Jasper felt guilty thinking that he causing this whole mess and could hardly be around any of us because of the overwhelming sense of loss constantly emanating off all of us. Rosalie was always mad. She blamed Edward for making such a huge mistake that put the entire family into total turmoil. Edward hardly ever left his room. The only time we could get him to come out was when the thirst became too much for him and he had to go hunting. When he left to go and track down Victoria he didn't even say good bye. He just got up and left one night."

"What I'm trying to say is that I don't think that this family can survive without you anymore. You have changed all of us on some level and somewhere along the way became essential to our existence."

His words took me by surprise. Surely I wasn't that important to all of them. They were all beautiful immortal creatures that had been together for almost a century. I was just an average 18 year old human girl that could barely walk down the hallway without tripping over my own two feet. Could I really mean so much to all of them?

The look in Carlisle's eyes told me that everything he just told me was the total and complete truth. I didn't understand it, but I was very, very grateful.

When Edward came back the hole in my chest had mostly disappeared but with Carlisle words the final pieces of the edges had finally sealed up. I could feel warmth spreading out from my chest and filling up my whole body.

"You're really not leaving again," I said meaning for it to be a statement but came out sounding like a question.

"No, I swear on my life that we will never leave you again," Carlisle promised.

I threw my arms around Carlisle and started crying again. It felt like a great weight had been lifted off of me. I could actually breathe for the first time in months.

I finally let myself believe that they weren't going to leave me alone again. Even if the Volturi did come after me, I knew now that I would not be alone. I was going to live forever with the absolute best vampire family there would ever be. I would have the love of my life by my side forever as well. I couldn't ask for more. I knew that I could take on anything as long as I had them by my side.

It suddenly hit me how exhausted that I was. All the sobbing and overwhelming emotions really took its toll. Not to mention I didn't sleep very good last night. I slumped into Carlisle's chest. He wrapped his cold stone arms around me and we just sat in silence enjoying the peace that this little meadow brought us. I felt so comfortable and safe. It was probably the safest I've felt outside of Edwards's arms in months.

Without really realizing it I slowly drifted off into a peaceful sleep in my second fathers arms.