Since the day that Astrid had marched into Bean & Gone for the first time, intent on making Hiccup's life an absolute misery, he'd started to notice her everywhere. She didn't just show up for her daily dose of diabetes or for the seminars and lectures they shared, no, she seemed to pop up in every aspect of Hiccup's life. The cafeteria was no longer safe - she was there every lunch time, gabbing away to her friends as she ate. He'd taken to sneaking his portion of fries and eating them in a dark corner of the library, far away from her.

One morning, he'd found her waiting alone at the bus stop, and he'd ducked behind the bus shelter so that she wouldn't see him - and promptly, missed the bus. He'd had to wait for the next one, which didn't come until he'd been suitably drenched by the rain. He'd walked into his lecture fifteen minutes late, dripping with water, everyone's eyes on him as he opened the door. Embarrassment coursed through him, hot and heavy on his cheeks, not helped by the fact that Astrid's eyes tracked him as he got into his seat, a smug grin on her face.

She'd been at the weekly pub quiz he always went to, she'd been in the gym when he went to use a treadmill, and he'd seen her more than a few times at the local club, dancing and screaming with her friends.

"It's not funny," Hiccup grumbled. "She's following me everywhere. It's like she's decided that making life miserable for me at work isn't enough, and now she's got to find other ways to torture me."

Fishlegs rolled his eyes. "She's not trying to torture you."

"She is. Why else would she show up everywhere I am?"

"What has she done to you outside of the drink thing?" Fishlegs asked.

Hiccup opened his mouth, ready to tell Fishlegs all of the ways that Astrid had been trying to ruin his life, and then realised that he didn't have anything to say. He was going to bring up the seminars they shared, but, despite challenging every point that he made, Astrid was remarkably restrained in those. Maybe it had something to do with the adult supervision – she couldn't be too awful in front of the lecturers.

"Well. Nothing, really," he conceded.

"Exactly."

"But that doesn't mean she won't!" Hiccup crossed his arms. "It's like she's watching me. Waiting for the perfect moment to do something awful."

Fishlegs snorted. "She's not a super villain, Hiccup. Astrid Hofferson has better things to do than dedicate her life to ruining yours."

"Could've fooled me," Hiccup muttered.

He had reached breaking point. Technically, he'd reached breaking point a day ago, and the day before that, and the day before that, but this time, he'd really hit breaking point. So much so that he was about to break something else. He should have been used to Astrid's antics by now, but the way she'd walked in today, smarmy smile on her face as she gave her order - a venti mango black tea lemonade with 24 pumps of mango - had him grinding his teeth together.

"Busy today, we're backed up with orders," he'd bit out after he'd typed her drink in, "take a seat, and we'll bring your drink to you."

"I'll be at my usual table," Astrid said, with a smile that utterly masked what an evil witch sent straight from hell she was.

"Oh, I'm sure you will," he muttered.

He relayed the conversation to Fishlegs and Snotlout while he prepared the disgusting drink, his teeth gritted the whole time.

"Y'know, there's a simple solution to your problem," Snotlout said, looking up from his phone for a moment.

He was sitting on an upturned crate on the floor beneath the counter, barely even pretending to work, as usual.

"What?" Hiccup grumbled, crumpling a napkin between his fists, while he waited for the machine.

"Retaliate."

"Retaliate how?" Hiccup said, and then wrinkled his nose as he finished making a drink. "Ugh. This has got to be one of the worst."

He waved it in Snotlout's face, only for his cousin to smack it out of the way. "Get that away, it's vomit central."

Fishlegs twisted away from the counter to look over for a second, his face screwing up. "…She hasn't, like, thrown up from one of these yet, has she?" he said, his forehead wrinkling. "Because that is going to push her over the line."

"Please, the woman has an iron stomach," Hiccup said, heading out onto the shop floor, drink in hand, before something on the corner of the counter caught his eye, and he stopped.

Snotlout watched him, as he stood, frozen in space. "What do you need, an invitation?"

"No," Hiccup said, taking a fistful of salt packets from the jar on the counter, "but I think I've got an idea."

He took the drink back into the kitchen. Fishlegs watched him go, his brows furrowing together as realisation set in.

"Hiccup, no," Fishlegs said and abandoned the counter, ignoring his customer's cry of frustration. "You can't do that."

"Oh, he can do this," Snotlout said with unrestrained glee. This was apparently entertaining enough for him to look up from his phone. "I'm so proud of you, Hiccup!"

Hiccup grimaced at the idea, but that uncomfortable thought wasn't enough to stop him, as he brandished the salt packets on high.

"Think about what Gobber would say!" Fishlegs said, hopping anxiously from foot to foot. "This is a health violation. What if she has allergies?!"

Hiccup tipped his head back and let out a long groan, slamming the salt packets back on the table, before marching out from behind the counter and storming towards Astrid's table.

She looked up at him and blinked. "Henry?"

Henry. Hiccup's jaw set on edge.

"Do you have any allergies?"

Astrid's lips curled upwards in the most irritating way. "You what?" she said.

"Allergies," he repeated, "do you have any allergies?"

"No."

"Diabetes?" he said. "I mean, I'm gonna assume that you don't have diabetes judging by what you drink—"

Astrid rolled her eyes. "I don't have diabetes, Henry. Now, what—"

"Any foods that might cause hospitalisation or anaphylactic shock?"

"—No, now what are you—"

"Good," Hiccup snapped, twisting on his heel and heading back to the counter.

He grabbed the salt packets up from the table, ripped them open, and dumped every last drop into the drink, before taking it back out to the tables and slamming it in front of Astrid.

When he joined Snotlout and Fishlegs back behind the counter, they were watching the scene, intently, ignoring the queue that was starting to leak out of the front door.

"I thought you didn't approve of this," Hiccup mumbled as he passed Fishlegs.

"It's like a car crash," Fishlegs said, "you know it's wrong, but you just can't help but take a look."

They watched as Astrid lifted the drink to her lips. It couldn't have been for more than a second, but for them, it seemed to happen in slow motion. She took a long deep gulp of the drink, and then froze.

"She's gonna spew," Snotlout stage-whispered.

She didn't spew. She turned slowly, her expression unreadable as she stared them all down. All three of them stilled, like deer in headlights.

And then she smiled.

Looking them dead in the eye, she lifted the cup to her lips and downed the whole thing, lifting her little finger like she'd come straight out of Jane Austen. She drained every last drop and then scrunched up the plastic cup with one hand, wiping her lips with the other.

The three of them remained frozen still.

She got up from her seat, tossed the crumpled cup into the nearest bin, threw a wink over at the boys behind the counter, and then marched out the door.

"Wow," Snotlout said, after a long pause, "that girl is something else."

"I'm going to throw up," Astrid moaned, before retching into the toilet.

"Wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been trying to mess with Hiccup," Heather said, examining her fingernails.

She was sitting cross-legged outside of the toilet door, a smile tugging on her lips. Astrid had found her outside of Bean & Gone, took her by the arm and told her in no uncertain terms that there was about to be an emergency and she was needed in the bathroom right away. She'd been tempted to ask exactly why Astrid needed her in there with her but trying to stop Astrid Hofferson from doing something she'd already set her mind to was like trying to stop a moving train in its tracks.

"Haven't you been listening?" Astrid whined. "Henry's the one that dumped all that salt in."

"You added 24 pumps of mango to a mango black tea lemonade. You were going to throw up anyway," Heather said, "and you didn't have to drink it."

"Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"Pride."

Heather snorted. "It goes before a fall."

"You're not funny," Astrid grumbled.

Heather rested her head back on the toilet door, taking a pause before turning her head to the side and saying, "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"The crazy drink orders."

"I told you, so I can ruin Henry Haddock's day," Astrid said.

Heather rolled her eyes. "You've never actually explained to me exactly what Hiccup did to you."

Astrid sighed, dropping down on the floor and resting her head next to the toilet bowl. "He's Vaughn-Stretton's favourite."

Heather frowned. "You know he can't help that."

"I know," she said, sticking her lower lip out into a pout, "but I can't mess with Vaughn-Shithead, so I have to mess with him instead."

There was a pause, silence filling the bathroom. "You know," Heather said, her tongue swiping across her lips, "Hiccup's really not that bad."

She almost fell backwards when Astrid yanked the door open, but she caught herself in time, managing to duck as Astrid marched over her form towards the sink.

"Not that bad?" Astrid hissed, wrenching the tap on so hard she almost pulled it off. "He laps up Stretton's praise, laps it right up. He loves it. Has to be coerced to speak in class, he's so cocky, he thinks he can rely on essays alone, participation be damned. He knows he's the favourite, so he doesn't even bother to try. And do you remember that time he put salt in my drink?"

"He did that because you were messing with him."

"He did that because he's a jerk."

Heather shook her head, getting up off the floor and joining Astrid at the sink. "No. I don't think you hate him as much as you claim to."

"And why is that?"

"You don't get anything out of this, really. Seriously, Astrid, you're wasting a hell of a lot of money to buy crazy drinks that taste disgusting. You don't gain anything. Except," Heather said, a gleam in her eye as a grin spread across her face, "it means you get to see him every day."

Astrid gaped at her, opening her mouth wide and jabbing her finger out as if she was about to say something of the greatest magnitude. Then, she snapped her mouth shut and stormed out of the door.

If Hiccup thought that Astrid was everywhere before his stunt with the salt and the drink, then he was very, very wrong.

It seemed that his retaliation had opened the floodgates. It wasn't just in Bean & Gone that she bothered him now, it was everywhere: it didn't matter where Hiccup went, he could be sure that Astrid Hofferson was lurking not far behind. Class had become a battle of wills - he'd rarely spoken in class before, too afraid that he was going to say the wrong thing and get laughed at, but now, he had to speak. Astrid challenged him on every point, undermined every single one of his answers and heckled him during his practice presentations.

Hiccup was starting to wonder what he wouldn't give to get away from Astrid Hofferson.

But the worst time had undoubtedly been at one of Tuff's infamous house parties.

How she even knew Tuffnut - Snotlout's permanently stoned best friend - was beyond him, but there she was, chatting merrily to one of Tuff's friends in the corner of his living room. Hiccup groaned and would have walked out if he wasn't seeking refuge from Snotlout. His cousin had been bugging him to join them in a drinking contest, and he had no desire to close the evening by puking his guts out on the street, no matter how many times Snotlout insisted that it was the only way to end a night.

Instead, Hiccup hovered awkwardly between the living room and the kitchen, clutching a drink and getting ready to duck out of Astrid's sight if she looked his way, doing his best not to touch anything. Tuff's house made Hiccup's skin crawl a little bit. The whole place seemed to never lose its haze of marijuana fog, and that weed smell clung to everything; he'd have to wash his clothes when he got home, even if he hadn't touched any of the joints that Tuffnut had offered. Hiccup had never been a hypochondriac, but whenever he was in Tuffnut's flat, he had the strong urge to scrub the whole place down with anti-bacterial spray.

"Sweet party, right?"

Hiccup jumped as Tuffnut clapped a hand on his back. He'd been too lost in his thoughts to notice him appear behind him.

"It's not bad," Hiccup said, although just moments before he'd been fantasising about all the other places he'd rather be.

He took a sip of his drink. It was disgusting - vodka, mixed with some kind of sugary drink - but it felt good going down, and the only way he'd survive this was if he was drunk.

Tuffnut looped an arm around Hiccup's shoulders. "What are you doing hiding all the way over here?"

"Avoiding Astrid," he said, jabbing his thumb over to where she was standing in the living room, making conversation with two of her friends.

On cue, Astrid tipped her head back and laughed at a joke. It had to be one of the worst laughs Hiccup had ever heard - more of a cackle, really, like some kind of witch. And her voice, Christ, Hiccup was sure that he had never heard a voice quite so grating as hers.

Tuffnut followed Hiccup's gaze. "You like her, or something?"

Hiccup's eyes bugged out at the way Tuffnut had misread the situation. "No, I—"

"I get it, she's pretty hot, right?" Tuffnut said.

Hiccup flushed a bright red. "No. I mean, I guess, but that's not—"

"She's my sister's roommate, man, I could put in a good word for you."

"Absolutely not."

Tuffnut watched him for a second, eyebrows raised. "You should talk to her, instead of just standing creepily in a corner," Tuffnut said, and then raised his voice. "Yo, Astrid!"

"Wait!" Hiccup hissed, grabbing at the arm that Tuffnut was using to beckon Astrid over. "Don't!"

It was too late. Astrid was already walking over.

"This is my friend, Hiccup," Tuffnut said, nudging Hiccup in the arm.

There was nowhere to run. Hiccup briefly considered darting back into the kitchen and throwing himself out of the window.

Astrid was looking between the two of them with that stupid smug grin of hers.

"He thinks you're hot."

Hiccup just about combusted.

With his mouth gaping wide open, and his eyes flitting between the smirks that Astrid and her friends were tossing his way, he did the only thing he could think of, and fled.

A few days later, after he'd relayed the story in full, Fishlegs and Snotlout roared with laughter.

It was funny enough for Snotlout to look up from his phone, wiping tears from his eyes. He grasped Hiccup's shoulder to keep himself steady as he clutched his stomach. "See, this is why you need to go to parties more often," he said. "Tuffnut is such a legend…"

Hiccup scowled. "It's not funny."

"It's pretty funny, man."

"It's not," Hiccup insisted. "I don't know why she has to show up everywhere I am. It's like she's stalking me."

Fishlegs snorted, looking Hiccup up at down with a knowing smile. "I think you like that she messes with you. I think you're hoping to see her outside of work."

"Bullshit," he said, through clenched teeth. "You've cracked."

"If you say so."

"I can't stand her, how is that difficult to understand?"

Fishlegs rocked back and forth on his feet. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

Hiccup felt the frustration hot on his cheeks. "I don't have to listen to this," he said, storming out towards the kitchen door.

"It's from Hamlet!" Fishlegs called after him. "How are you going to beat Astrid in class if you don't know that?"

Hiccup slammed the door behind him, ignoring the sound of their laughter.

The day didn't get any better, and Hiccup's mood soured even more still when Astrid strolled up to the counter at Bean & Gone on his later shift.

"Good evening," she sang, cheerfully.

"Is it?" Hiccup said, gruffly.

The last thing he needed was Astrid Hofferson in a good mood. Not that Astrid Hofferson in a bad mood was any better. In fact, Hiccup didn't want Astrid Hofferson in any mood anywhere near him.

"Well?" Hiccup said. "What do you want?"

She did her standard thinking routine, rocking back and forward on her feet, staring up at the menu board while she stroked her chin. "What would you recommend?"

"A healthy dose of cyanide," Hiccup said, deadpan.

"Are death threats a part of the customer service handbook?"

"It's just part of my natural charm," Hiccup said. "Are you going to order?"

There was a long pause, while Astrid just looked at him, her eyes narrowed. "A venti coffee with ten Splenda packets and whipped cream."

"Ten?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No," Hiccup said. "I just fear for your doctor."

He made the drink. "Four pounds, please."

"What, I don't get a discount?"

Hiccup frowned. "Why would I give you a discount?"

A grin spread across Astrid's face, two dimples pinching her cheeks, as she leaned across the table, her fist propping her chin up, "because you think I'm hot."

Hiccup's face turned crimson, and he slammed the drink down onto the counter, liquid sloshing out of it, onto the table top. Another mess that he'd have to clean up.

"I hope you get diabetes and die," he spat viciously.

Astrid grinned. "This is why I come here," she said. "The service is just wonderful."

She turned on her heel and swept out of the shop, leaving Hiccup to fume.

She was the last customer of the day, and as soon as the door had swung behind her, Hiccup tore off his apron, marching out from behind the counter, into the coffee shop itself.

"I swear to God, one day I'm going to slip arsenic into her drink," Hiccup hissed, slamming his apron down onto one of the tables. "If she comes in here one more time, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions."

He stopped in his tracks after not getting a response from either Fishlegs or Snotlout and scanned the room to find the two of them kneeling on one of the tables in the corner, their noses pressed flat against the window, looking out into the street opposite. Hiccup raised his eyebrows, but he'd seen weirder things from the two of them, and he was still irritated that he hadn't got a reaction out of either of them.

"I mean it," he tried again, folding his arms, "I've had it with her."

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic," Fishlegs said, finally turning around to acknowledge him. "Get up here, you need to see this."

Hiccup pouted, but obliged, climbing up onto the table into the space between the two boys.

"Where would you get arsenic from, anyway?" Fishlegs said.

"I don't know," Hiccup grumbled, still pouting. "The deep web."

"Both of you, shut up and look," Snotlout said, jabbing Hiccup in the ribs with his elbow.

Hiccup looked. There was a big van out on the street, in front of the store opposite. The shop had been vacant for the whole time the three of them had been working there, boarded up and used mostly as an illegal advertising space for whatever dingy, underground gig was happening in their university town next.

But now, when Hiccup squinted, the low-light making it difficult for him to see, he could just about make out that the boards had been wrenched off and the posters pulled away. There were two men pulling something out of the van and into the shop, but he couldn't make out what it was.

"Someone's moving in next door?" Hiccup asked.

Snotlout scowled. "Yeah, no shit."

Hiccup ignored him. "What do you think it's going to be?"

"No idea," Fishlegs said. "It's hard to tell. They only just started moving in."

Over the next few days, the employees of Bean & Gone watched as, gradually, the vacant shop next door came to life.

It wasn't until a week later that the penny dropped. Fishlegs and Hiccup came in early for their morning shift, dead tired and fighting off yawns as they began their day. In fact, they were so busy trying to keep themselves awake as they switched on appliances and made the shop ready for business, that it wasn't until thirty minutes into their shift that they noticed the sign above the vacant shop had been painted.

Al's Espressos, it read, in gold fancy lettering.

It was a rival coffee shop.