Chapter 2! This is also not new; this is combined from the beginnings of two chapters from the old story. But nevertheless, enjoy it
A Time to Heal
I share a cabin with Gale now, on the edge of the Seam close to where the Everdeen's used to live. It works out just fine for the two of us, I leave him alone and he leaves me alone. We both suffer in silence, mourning for the girl we love but can't have.
At least Katniss is still alive, but she's with another guy, Peeta. You would think that Gale's happy that Katniss is alive and happy but, come to think of it if Prim was alive and with some other guy, I think I'd rather be dead. I imagine that's probably what Gale feels like now.
Prim.
My heart, my mind and my soul all ache for her.
Her name is like my blood; it pulses through my veins and keeps me alive and going. I'm seventeen years old, almost eighteen, too young to have known such heartache and pain. But that's just life.
Gale opens the door and walks inside our small house. He sees me sitting down at the table and nods. He takes off his coat and hangs it on a peg by the door then sits down across from me. "How are you?" He asks and looks at me. I smile weakly at him,
"About the same as I was yesterday."
We sit there in silence for a couple minutes and I look up at him again. "Does it ever go away? This pain, does it go away? The pain hasn't receded at all. Some mornings it's impossible to even get out of bed. I just wish she was still here…" I know I'm rambling now, but I don't really care. I just need to get it off my chest.
"Sometimes I wish I was dead too. I wonder if it would be easier if I was dead. Would the pain stop? Or would it still be there, haunting me?"
Gale stands up and looks at me hard. "I know it still hurts, but you can't keep living like this Rory. It's been three years. Your seventeen, you have your whole life ahead of you. You need to try to move on, I'm not saying you need to act happy all the time and start dating, but you need to stop looking like you're going to die. Ma is worried sick about you Rory; can't you see it's killing her to see you like this?" he says with an edge in his voice.
I get up silently, grab my coat and walk out the door without another word. It's Friday, so that means school. I technically don't have to go to school, but I have nothing else to do, unless of course, I want to sign up for a job in the mines or some other job. See, now at least we aren't forced to work in the mines, we can look for jobs elsewhere in the District, that is, as long as we have enough people down in the mines because we still have to have some people down there.
I walk into the school building and several kids stop to stare at me. I don't really have any friends anymore. Everyone stays away from me now like I'm so kind of disease, I don't exactly blame them though. I haven't been the friendliest person ever, over the past couple years.
I sigh and continue walking down the halls to my classroom. School used to be the place I would go to escape from reality. In school I could almost forget what a messed up world we lived in and the fact that my family and others were starving, or that the Hunger Games existed. I used to look forward to going to school, mostly so I could see Prim and spend time with her.
Just one more year, I tell myself. Then I can get a job and I can be rid of this building. Without the laughter and friends, the school is just a brick building. A place I waste seven hours of my day at, every day.
After a couple of weeks the teacher's learned to just leave me alone. They used to call on me and ask me to answer the questions, they figured out pretty quickly I wasn't going to be a useful student. Now they just automatically skip over my name in the roll call, never bothering to call out my name. I am a ghost.
A ghost who saunters down the halls, unseen and ignored by others.
I sigh in relief as the lunch bell rings. I take a deep breath and I walk outside behind my school building at lunch time and I just lay down in the dying grass and I look up at the sky.
Prim and I used to come to this spot almost every day during lunch, and stare up at the sky, and find shapes in the clouds.
Now it's just me.
I don't bother to eat my lunch, I'm not hungry. A couple feet to my left there's a puddle, I lean over it and I look at my reflection in the murky water.
I don't even recognize the person looking back at me, the person in the water doesn't look anything like me, he looks worn and tired, with worry and stress lines etched deep into his young face.
Angrily I find the nearest pebble and I throw it as hard as I can into the puddle, and I watch as the reflection disappears. On days like this I get angry; angry that Prim left me here alone.
I have no one left. No one understands how I really feel, except maybe Haymitch. I laugh bitterly; of course the only person I could really talk to would be that drunken man.
I've considered several times going to see him but each time I talked myself out of it. I know that he lost someone he cared about a long time ago, to the Capitol.
The Capitol took everything away from lots of people. Haymitch was no exception. Maybe if I can talk to him it'll make me feel better. Well, I doubt anything he'll say will help me feel better, but surely it'll feel good to talk to someone who understands, won't it?
I make my decision, I stand up and walk away from the school building towards the Victor's Village and brave myself for the smell. I walk up the steps and open the door, not bothering to knock. My eyes begin to water from the stench and I resist the urge to cover my nose with my hand. I find the man slumped over in a chair, with a bottle and a knife in his hand.
"Uh… Haymitch? Hello?" He doesn't even stir. I don't want to go over there and shake him because there is a very good possibility that he'll stab me. I look around the room for other options and I see a small decorative pillow lying on the ground, I pick it up and I throw it as hard as I can at Haymitch's face.
"Uh?! What the-!" Haymitch instantly wakes up and looks around the room, when his eyes land on me his bloodshot eyes narrow and he sits up straighter and puts the knife down on the table.
"Can't a man get some sleep around here?" He grumbles and I just stand there awkwardly, well, now he's awake and I have no clue what I'm gonna say. Haymitch scratches his pudgy stomach and stares at me expectantly.
"Well? Spit it out."
I open my mouth to say something but it snaps shut. How did he know I was here to talk? He laughs drunkenly and takes a swig from his bottle, draining it of alcohol. He throws the now-empty bottle at the wall, I jump at the unexpected noise and the bottle shatters into fragments. Haymitch turns and looks at me; then gestures to a chair, which I sit in. It's a nice velvet chair with wooden armrests; I clench the armrests with my hands to keep me from standing up and leaving.
"Life is full of unsuspected problems and complications, boy. Just somethin' you'll have to get used too. I know why you're here boy; to talk about that girl of yours that you lost 'couple of years back, right?" I nod wordlessly and stare at the man,
"She wasn't just some girl," I murmur, "She was the best thing that ever happened to me, my whole life. Now she's gone. The Capitol took her from me." I spit out the last words and my clenched fist slams into the nice wooden armrests, my hand throbs but I don't care.
"You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself boy, and move on. You ain't the only one who's lost someone important to them. Your hurt, you're angry and you're grieving for her. How long has it been?" He asks me,
"Four years." My voice cracks and I have to pinch myself in the leg to keep the tears at bay; it would not help at all to start bawling like a baby in front of Haymitch. I force myself to look at him, and I see all the sorrow and pain clouded in his grey eyes, he runs a hand through his unkempt hair and sighs.
"Four years, huh? Don't ya think it's about time to stop your grieving and get on with life? You can't live this way, boy. You keep on grieving and being angry and you'll end up like me. A drunken slob with no one left, not even a family." He stops and laughs bitterly, I can tell he hates what he's become, I don't blame him; I can't imagine how miserable he is.
"Don't throw away your family to nurse this hurt, you hear me? 'Cuz if you do your gonna wake up one day and you won't have any family left. Just like that." He snaps his fingers for emphasis, well he attempts to snap, but he's too drunk to have good use of his motor skills.
I let what he said sink in; I feel a mix of emotions. Anger, sorrow, confusion, and most of all: shame. Shame for what I've been doing to myself, to my family. I never really thought my being sad and depressed would affect anyone else but me, because I figured no one but me would truly understand what I've been feeling these past four years. My poor ma, I can't imagine how hard it must've been for her to see her son like this. I stand up and run out the door,
"You're welcome, boy!" I hear Haymitch's slurry voice call after me.
I race away from the Victor's village towards the seam, towards my house, -my old house, I mean, - and start calling for her before I even round the bend, "Ma! Ma!" I see her head peak out the window with a concerned look on her face, when she sees me running she quickly runs to the door and opens it and I run into my mother's arms and begin to sob, letting out the tears I had held back. I realize crying is almost never manly, and it certainly isn't a manly thing to do in front of girls or ladies, but I figured that just this one time I could let it slide.
"Rory! What's the matter did something happen to Gale? Or at school?" I hear the concern in her voice, and shock. No doubt my sudden and somewhat-dramatic appearance made her assume something had happened.
"Nothing's wrong ma. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Ma. I kept on pushing you, - all of you, - away, when you were only trying to help me." My ma loosens her hold on me and she looks at me, I can see all the signs of age creeping into her face; the wrinkles and creases around her eyes and the worry lines on her forehead. Ma kisses my forehead and smiles a bit at me; I can see she had started crying a bit too, slightly embarrassed I roughly wipe away the tears from my face.
"It's okay Rory; I knew it was going to take some time for you to come around. I was getting so worried; I was beginning to think you weren't going to ever start healing." I nod and I run a hand through my hair. From somewhere inside I hear a kettle screaming, and Ma hurries back inside.
"Rory, come inside will you? Can you stay for dinner tonight?" She calls to me from the kitchen. I walk inside and shake my head,
"Not tonight Ma, I need some thinking time. I'll stop by again tomorrow." Ma smiles again and she leaves the small stove to hug me again and she returns her attention to whatever is on the stove. I walk out of the house and start to walk back to the cabin, with my hands stuffed into my pockets. Hopefully things will start to get better; now that I've started to come to terms with everything that's happened.
"I'm sorry Prim. I know you must hate to see me like this from up there. I'll try to do better, I promise. I love you, forever."
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