The next morning Harry woke to a nightmare, sweating and panting. He took the Invisibility cloak from his trunk and walked off to the library, carefully avoiding Filtch and that horrid cat of his, Mrs. Norris. He unlocked the door and walked to the back near the fire. He threw the powder into the flames calling out for his godfather who quickly appeared in the flames.
"Sirius, morning."
"Morning, Harry. It's bloody early pup, is everything okay?"
"No. can I come back and live with you? Everything here is so fucked up, all the feelings. You said that I could live with you if it got to be too much. Can I?" Harry held back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.
"Harry, you've only been there a few weeks." Sirius admitted softly
"I know, but I just can't do it anymore."
"Pup, I know you can. When I James and Lilly died, I was devastated, but you have to move on normally and not let it destroy you. I know you can do this. Just give it one more month; I know it will get better."
How could Harry tell Sirius that this had nothing to do with Cedrick? That he missed his lover, the man who helped him survive last year. Sirius would never understand.
"But Sirius-"
"Please Pup? Just try. For me?" A gleam shimmered in his godfather's eye and Harry caved in.
"Two weeks. For you."
"Great!" Sirius gleamed his trademark smile. "Now go down to breakfast and eat a big stack of blueberry pancakes." Sirius laughed and disengaged the call.
Harry walked back to the dorm to find that many of the students had gotten ready and rushed down to breakfast. He put his cloak back into the truck as Neville and Ron talked downstairs, and walked into the showers. He turned on the water and cast a locking and silencing charm around the shower stall and sat down as the hot water hot him, crying loudly.
Harry walked into the Great Hall roughly 40 minutes later, with his head hanging down trying to avoid people seeing his puffy red eyes. He made his way to the Gryffindor table and sat between Ron and Hermione.
"Where ya been mate? We've been saving a seat for ya?"
"Sorry. I had an early morning firecall with Padfoot." Harry whispered making sure no one over head.
"Is everything okay?" Hermione asked
"Yea. Yea." Harry said as he reached over grabbing pancakes from a platter nearby "Just called to see how he's doing, you know." Harry lied as he concentrated on pouring the syrup over his pancakes; unaware of his friends sharing a questioning between each other behind his back.
"Harry?" The bushy-haired girl began
"Yea, 'Mione?"
""Is everything alright?"
"Yea, why wouldn't it be?" Harry asked taking a bite hoping that she would not delve further.
"Well, Ron noticed that you were reading when he went to sleep, and when he woke up in the middle of the night. He said that when he woke up, you were gone. Did you sleep at all?"
"Of course I did!"
"Oh yea" Hermione argued "How many hours."
"Seven" Harry stated.
"Harry James Potter don't lie to me." Hermione all but yelled
"Just under two hours, you happy now?"
"No, I'm not happy. Harry you hardly sleep anymore, you hardly eat, if you eat at all-"
"I eat!" Harry argued
"Yea? How many meals did you eat yesterday?"
"Three." Harry blurted out
"Wrong." Hermione answered "You missed dinner
"I snuck down to the kitchen last night."
"I don't believe you."
"Look 'Mione, my eating habits are fine." Harry said pinching the bridge of his nose
"Really?" Hermione yelled "Then I must have imagined the twenty or more pounds you've lost over the last several months. Harry you are wasting away."
"Look guys. I'm glad you are worrying about me. I really am. But everything is fine." Harry said shooting her a look hoping she would give up.
"Everything is not fine! Stop saying that!" Hermione yelled standing up as Draco walked up behind her with Crabb and Goyle flanking the blond prince. Little did the students know that they had gained the attention of the Potions Master at the head Table.
"What's wrong, Potter? Lose your teddy bear?" Draco said as he imitated crying, his goons laughing behind him.
"Shove off, Malfoy." Ron spat
"Why? Is Potter too upset?" Draco asked as Potter stood up walking towards the Slytherin.
"Leave, Malfoy" Harry warned as Malfoy closed the gap and leaned in close
"Want to know what I think, Potter? I think you are feeling guilty. Guilty for getting your friend killed. Ever notice how everyone around you dies. They drop like flies. Maybe you have, and that's what's getting to you." Malfoy leaned back and walked away from a wide-eyed Harry.
"He is such a prick. What did he say Harry?" Ron asked
"Nothing." Harry breathed out with a straight face.
"Alright." Hermione replied "Let's get to class, Transformation is in ten minutes."
"Go on without me guys. I'm going to try and get some sleep."
"And just what are we supposed to tell McGonagall?"
"Just tell her I'm sick." Harry sat back down as he heard Hermione sigh.
"Ok, mate" Ron said putting a hand on Harry's shoulder "Just take it easy, okay? Catch ya later." Ron yelled as Hermione pulled him from the hall.
Severus watched as Harry sat back down at his table, putting his face in his hands as the last of the students left the hall for classes. Severus also watched as Harry picked up his book bag and headed out of the Great Hall looking worse than when he had talked with him. The Potions Master walked past the Gryffindor table on his way out to class and noticed only one bite missing from the pancake that Harry put on his plate. He would be having another talk with him, soon.
Severus was hoping to hold Harry back after his Potions class, however, when the bell rung he noticed the absence of the boy. He continued on as usual, firecalling McGonagall after class.
"Minerva, was Mr. Potter in your class today?"
"No, Severus. Ms. Granger informed me that he was not feeling well, but Poppy has not seen him. I figure that he had simply gone to his room. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. Thank you Minerva."
"Of course, Severus."
Severus stepped from the fire and checked his watch. It was his free period. He needed a walk to think, sunlight always lightened his mood. Even if the students didn't think he got any sunlight at all. He looked out the windows in his private rooms after grabbing a sunscreen potion, and noticed a boy with a tuft of black hair standing near the Black Lake. If Severus had to guess, the boy would also have a lightening shaped scar just above his beautiful green eyes.
Severus hurried down towards the lake, trying as much as possible to make it look like he had simply stumbled upon Harry on his walk.
Harry stood at the edge of the Black Lake, feeling the wind in his hair, the soft droplets of water at his feet; but all he could feel otherwise was the utter despair of losing the one person who loved him. He held onto himself, his head falling foreword as he took a deep breath. He heard the step coming toward him, and looked backwards
"Professor Snape?"
"Hello, Mr. Potter."
"What are you doing out here?" Harry asked.
"Going for a walk. The outdoors always clears my head. What about you Mr. Potter? I noticed your absence from my classroom. Ms. Granger said that you were feeling ill?"
"Something like that." Harry said
"Perhaps you could elaborate?" Severus said looking at the man
"I feel lost. Around every corner, I'm looking for him, at every meal, in every DADA class, every walk though the castle at night. I can't get the fact that he is never coming back into my head. I feel like I'm lost, like I'm losing myself, more and more with everyday that passes. I'm falling further and further…" Harry paused taking a deep breath
"Mr. Potter, are you feeling alright?" Severus asked noticing how Harry was swaying on his feet, as he reached out a hand to the professor, looking for stability. Severus grasped the seeking hand then put his other hand on his students shoulder.
"Mr. Potter, what is wrong?" Harry stumbled side to side
"Lightheaded…so lightheaded." Harry replied as he fell towards his teacher.
"Harry?" Severus yelled as he caught the young man in his arms. "Harry!" the older Potions Master yelled shaking the unresponsive man in his arms.