Hello.
So the last update of a story I did was just before I went away on vacation for a month.
Since then a few things have happened which have impacted my writing quite hard.
Firstly. I seem to have picked up something called a Girlfriend and for those of you who don't know what this is or who are a possible candidate for becoming one they've got a hidden, passive, function called "Black Hole of Spare Time". This means that all spare time which approaches gets sucked inside.
Secondly. My brain have become aware of the shitty quality of most (if not all) of my work. The stories feel hollow in some ways, I still think they're based on good or fun ideas, but I'm just not happy with the way they turn out after a few thousand words. I think it might be that the plot is moving too fast, it might also be the lack of description or a combination of the two.
Thirdly. There's been to few reviews, on average I've gotten 2-3 reviews for each chapter lately. That makes me feel like I'm the only one who cares for the stories. When I started writing some 18 months ago I didn't do it for myself but rather I begun to write for the rest of you to read. So when no one reads and return their thoughts through reviews I myself lose interest in the stories. I've tried to increase the number of reviews through different means but to no use.
Fourthly. I'm having a huge writers block right now which makes it hard to write anything really.
Due to these things I'm considering a) either stopping the updates to my current stories and leaving them as is permanently or until a time that I can get them up to a better standard or b) taking down all my material from the site and start over, possibly putting my current stories back here when I've fixed them.
I'm also having thoughts about c) leaving as a writer on the site permanently (removing stories and if possible account) to simply read what other writers put up here, d) leaving this account untouched and un-updated for the rest of time, e) leaving this account as is and starting over on a new account with no reputation or stories or f) taking a pause of none specified length to come back later with new energy, potentially talking years or decades here.
None of the above actions are going to happen any time soon, at least not before the new year has begun.
If anyone's actually reading the above text and cares enough what happens to me or the stories send me a PM with your thoughts and I'll take them into consideration.
There's also a poll on my profile I'd love for you to reply to.
"That's as much as we have room for at the moment." Sheppard said over the radio from the hangar as they collected a cache of golden gates from another asteroid belt.
"Good. Jumping to hyperspace in three, two, one." Drake said before the ship slipped into subspace. "Is Dr. McKay still down there with you?"
"He's right behind me trying to start up one of the machines you brought on board." Sheppard replied.
"We're only minutes away from the planned landing site so we should be fine. It's better to have him occupied there than out of sight," Drake said a second before the ship stopped dead and left hyperspace.
"I think Rodney might just have activated something." Sheppard's voice came over the radio a few seconds later as Drake tried to get up after having been thrown across the bridge from the sudden stop.
"So do I." Drake said as he pulled himself into the control chair. "Whatever he activated it burnt out our hyperdrive."
"We have larger problems than that, Rodney's legs are bent in places they shouldn't be and he's bleeding from his head."
"There's medical equipment at our destination but for now you need to get him into one of the stasis pods we picked up earlier." Drake said as he used his limited healing ability to sort out his own legs. "Make sure you've got no injuries yourself Colonel."
"Apart from a few bruises I'm just fine."
"Good. I'll be down with you as soon as I can."
Four minutes later Drake managed to get himself to the hangar where Sheppard was still trying to get McKay into the stasis pod. Without even caring to help Sheppard Drake begun to follow the blood trail back to the activated machine.
"So what is it that McKay activated?" Sheppard said a few minutes later as he came up to Drake after finally managing to get McKay into the stasis pod.
"I don't really know, Janus placed plenty of prototypes of his making in the caches. He didn't really leave a manual."
"Could it be another Attero device?"
"No, we didn't blow up, we only hit a brick wall in subspace and the Attero device was only meant to disrupt the Wraith hyperdrives, not Asgard or Ancient. For now we only have sub-light engines and a travel time of ten days to look forward to."
"Ten days? That's almost a one way trip from Earth to Atlantis,"
"To be sub-light it isn't to long."
"We should call for one of the 304s to pick us up."
"If the impact hadn't damaged the communications array we could have considered that, but at the moment I'm happy that the life support is still going enough to support us two."
"So we're on a ship, ten days from our destination without communications or hyperdrive and a life support system which might be failing?"
"It's not failing, it's just working at a reduced effect because of the impact."
"That's failing, no matter what you call it."
"Fine, so it's failing then. But we should still have plenty of air left by the time we reach the planet."
"Should? You've never been good with calming people have you?"
"Yes we should, depends on if anything else but us use up oxygen."
"I think I'll be joining McKay in stasis." Sheppard said as he moved away from Drake who was still bellow the machine trying to figure out what it did.
After a few minutes of tinkering Drake could feel the air getting thinner by the second. As he crawled out from under the device he looked around and saw a small breach in the hangar doors. Not seeing any other way out with him surviving he hurried to the stasis pods and activated on of the remaining pods, setting it to wake him up once the ship was safely on the ground.
When the pod activated a few days later and revived him Drake found no trace of Sheppard nor McKay at the stasis pods. But after looking around for a minute he found a trail of blood leading out of the broken hangar door and into the desert outside. From there he followed the blood around the ship and into the base where he found McKay lying on one of the medical beds while Sheppard frenetically pushed buttons on it.
"Try this first." Drake said as he reached down and plugged in the power cable.
"About time you came around."
"I didn't expect you two to wake up before me." He said as he started the beds scanner.
"I didn't expect you to even go into stasis."
"There where so complications so I had to join you in stasis."
"I thought the life support wouldn't fail?"
"It didn't, but as you and Dr. McKay found out there's a breach in the hangar door."
"So what's the condition of the ship?"
"Don't know, when I noticed that both of you where gone I sought you out. But my guess is that we won't be using that ship for a few weeks."
"So we're stuck here?"
"No. There's hyperspace capable jumpers in the hangar we can use if the device has rendered the gates unusable."
"And how do we know that without blowing up a gate?"
"We check the files. Janus documented every machine, gadget and invention he ever made. Give me an hour and I'll have it figured out."
"What about Rodney?" Sheppard asked as Drake stepped away from the bed.
"The medical equipment will take care of him for now."
"So we'll just wait for him to get back on his feet?"
"Yes if the equipment can fix him it self, in case his condition gets worse you come get me." Drake said as he left the room.
Around forty minutes later Drake returned to Sheppard.
"So what is it?"
"It's a hyperdrive inhibitor, no side effects on the gates and only a very small area compared to the other device." Drake replied.
"So we're safe to return to Atlantis?"
"Are you ever safe in Pegasus Colonel? But the passage through the gate to Atlantis is as safe as it could ever be."
"Are we ever safe anywhere?"
"Not really, if you know what secrets the universe holds you'd be hesitant to do anything."
"Can we skip the doomsday talk and get back to Atlantis?"
"Sure. The gate's this way."
Back on Atlantis the gate begun to dial as the call for incoming wormhole went out and Atlantis new commander stepped out of his office. After Richard Wooley's death during the recent Wraith invasion the IOA had quickly sent another representative to take control of the expedition. Her mind it had all gone better than she could have hopped for, while she expected strong resistance from both the military and the scientists they had all fallen in line during the confusion caused by the disappearance of both Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay shortly after the invasion. Another two problems which had taken care of themselves without her having to lift a finger.
But as soon as she heard the voice in the radio signals which came through the gate her cold, calculating front feel.
"This is Colonel John Sheppard. Identification code Bravo Delta Charlie Alpha Niner. Please lower the shield. Rodney's in need of medical attention."
"I'm sorry Colonel Sheppard but both you and Dr. McKay have been gone for almost two weeks. According to protocol we can't allow you through the gate or onto Atlantis in any manner." She said into the radio after pulling the gate technicians hand of the shield button.
"With all due respect ma'am protocol doesn't work the same here in the real life Pegasus as it does in the imaginary Pegasus in the heads of the IOA."
"I am the IOA here in Pegasus Colonel. I write the protocols here and both you and Dr. McKay are already written down as killed in action during the invasion along with Richard Woolsey and half of the base personnel."
"On who's authority?"
"My authority Colonel. I am the law in Pegasus. And should it really be you and Dr. McKay and not some clones, Asuran copies, Wraith worshippers or what ever this galaxy could come up with next I think another two men added to the list of dead during this invasion, especially if it's you two, is acceptable."
"You can't be serious. Open the bloody shield now!"
"Oh, but I am Colonel. Good bye."
"You won't get away with this you old hag. My friend here can walk straight through that shield and turn it of should we need to, but I'll give you one more chance to lower it first."
"For that exact reason a copy of the Iris from Earth has been installed to save us the trouble of having to shoot him." Without as much as a second thought about the consequences she turned of the radio and looked at the lonely gate technician in the room. "One word about this to anyone and you're joining them in exile."
"Bloody hell." Sheppard shouted and threw his radio into the wall so that it broke into a thousand pieces.
"I thought the SGC had a policy of not leaving anyone behind?" Drake said as he picked up the radio with telekinesis and put the pieces in a corner.
"Only when sane people are in charge and back in the Milky Way."
"We could always get onto Atlantis through the golden gate."
"And then what? We storm the city and claim it for ourselves? As much as I'd like an Ancient to be in charge of Atlantis once again I doubt we could do it ourselves."
"It's either that or you heal McKay and I don't trust you to do the later."
"Who would you trust to sort out McKay then?"
"Carson or Dr. Keller would do."
"Lets invite them then." Drake said as he begun to dial the gate.
"How do you expect to invite one of them here without Atlantis coming after us?"
"They can't find us here so they can come after us all they want, they'll need the nine chevron address to get here and we dialled in with a seven."
"Let's go then. I've done worse things." Sheppard said as he stepped through the gate to Atlantis.
"I'll go for Dr. Beckett while you take care of Keller." Drake said and moved towards the jumper bay.
"How will I get back here then?"
"Here's a transmitter." Drake said and pulled out a ping pong sized orb from a crate. "It'll let you down here either through the front door and then the elevator or through the transporter booth."
"I'll take a stunner and a shield too I think."
"Might be a good idea. When you have Keller here you press the transmitter and it'll dial the gate. I'll send through all the stuff in the lab before I seal the gate and return with a hyperspace capable jumper. Your target should be conscious when you return so I suggest you get her working on Dr. McKay straight away."
"You're sealing the gate?"
"Well they'll try to find out how they got here wont they?"
"So you perform a hyperspace jump here from another planet close by."
"Now there's a plan. You're not as stupid as you look Colonel."
"I get told that a lot." Sheppard said as he stepped into the transporter booth.
"I'm sure you do." Drake said as he dialled the gate and begun to shove stuff through the gate back to the mountain base. When the lab had been emptied of everything Drake got a jumper through the door from the secret hangar into the gate room with the help of a few drones. Then he dialled the gate to a planet close to Atlantis.
Seconds after leaving the space gate he arrived through the jumpers hyperdrive activated and it blasted away towards Atlantis.
Back on Atlantis Sheppard stepped out of a transporter booth close to his quarters and hurried there. As he approached he could see two beefy guards outside his door but in the distance he could hear a man and woman in a heated argument. But he'd known those voices anywhere and he knew to duck bellow the red bolt which came flying as he stunned the guards outside.
"Sheppard." The Satedan said as he realised whom he'd fired at.
"Oh John. We thought you'd been killed." Teyla said as she followed Ronon out of the room and tried to hug Sheppard, only to be stopped by his shield.
"I soon will be if you two keep shouting my name around."
"Sorry John."
"Don't worry, just help me get all my stuff to a transporter booth." Sheppard said as he pressed himself past them into his room, which by now was packed down into four brown boxes.
"We've already packed for you." Ronan said as he picked up two of the boxes.
"I can see that. Any idea where Rodney's stuff is?"
"Still in his quarters. The new military commander ordered us to clean out your room first then Rodney's." Ronon said.
"Anyone who can be reasoned with?"
"It's someone who the new commander brought with her, a Brigade General I think. Neither have given us their names." Teyla said.
"Pack Rodney's stuff and meet me down in Janus lab when your done. If you want out you can come with me."
"I can't John, my people still depend on Atlantis to survive." Teyla said as they moved the boxes.
"But I can and will." Ronon said.
"No, you two stay together. You're the only ones I can trust on this base at the moment. I'll find a way to get you both out when the Athosians are safe."
"I am sure there are a lot of people here who would rather follow you than the current commander." Teyla said.
"Even away from Atlantis and into the galaxy beyond?"
"Then that list shrinks considerably Sheppard." Ronon said.
"I thought so." Sheppard said as they stacked the boxes inside the booth. "See if you can find out who would like to get out and I'll contact you in some way, don't write anything down in case they begin to search through the city."
"My people can be trusted Sheppard, they can keep messages for you."
"I know they can be Teyla. Now get going, I've got other things to pick up before I go." Sheppard said as he activated the booth.
Sometime later back in the jumper Drake prepared to leave subspace as Atlantis approached. From his seat he could see five jumpers on his path to Atlantis, yet with an active cloak he flew right past them while they searched for whatever had created the hyperspace window. When he reached the city he found the top hatch of the jumper bay to be closed, but after two hours of waiting the five jumpers returned and he was able to slip into the city with them. As he parked the jumper between some crates and another jumper he kept an eye out for Dr. Beckett who soon emerged from one of the jumpers.
"Dr. Beckett. Could I borrow you for a few minutes?" Drake shouted after him after getting out of the cloaked jumper.
"Aye, what do you need?"
"I get these blackouts sometimes and I feel like I might throw up at any time." Drake lied as he lead the doctor towards the cloaked jumper.
"You need to come down to the medical bay. Dr. Keller will be down there if you go now." Beckett said as they stepped through the cloak into the jumper. "What's going on lad?"
"Sorry doctor, but Keller won't be there and I doubt you will get there in time for your shift." Drake said as he pulled out his stunner and shoot Beckett. Then he quickly closed the rear hatch and got into the pilots seat. Then he de-cloaked and begun to dial the gate bellow while the jumpers auto pilot begun to manoeuvre the ship in-front of the gate.
"What do you think you're doing?" The new commander of Atlantis shouted into her radio from the control room.
"Nothing special, just getting some things we'll need." Drake replied.
"You do realise there's both an iris and a shield between you and the gate."
"One of which I can fly through and one of which I can blow up. The shield is made to keep things from coming through, not leaving." Drake said as he opened the drive pods and sent out two drones before retracting them. Then he demonstrated what he meant by blowing the iris into the active gate with the two drones which flew straight through the gate's shield. Then he backed the jumper through before they could respond. On the other side of the gate Drake waited for a few minutes until Atlantis sent jumpers after him and he begun to draw them away from the gate for a short chase across the planet's surface which lasted for only minutes and ended when Drake left the planet behind and jumped away into hyperspace.
Not long before, Sheppard was sneaking around in the corridors of Atlantis, trying to make his way to the medical bay while avoiding people just as the alarm went of and the corridors where flooded with people running to their quarters or to their emergency stations. In the organised chaos that followed Sheppard easily blended in with the crowd until he got to the medical bay.
"What are you doing here?" Keller said as Sheppard slipped into the bay.
"McKay's in trouble and needs your help." Sheppard whispered as he pulled her into an empty room.
"Where is he?"
"In an Ancient facility on a desert planet."
"As long as we're under attack the gate's locked down. You should just have brought him back here."
"The new commander have signed of both me, McKay and Drake as dead so we couldn't really get him back her with two broken legs and a bleeding head wound."
"He's got a head wound?"
"Yes and two broken legs."
"I'll need to get some things to stabilise him, but we'll need to bring him back here."
"We can't either you take what you need to patch him up and I'll give you a chance to bring your things. Or I press a stunner to your chest and bring you to him without meds or personal things."
"You don't need to get physical with me Colonel. I'll have Dr. Beckett take over my shift when he's back from the emergency."
"You'd be better of with someone already here Dr. I'm not sure Dr. Beckett will return."
"Now you're scaring me Colonel."
"I can do worse if you don't get a move on. Teyla and Ronon will pick up what you can't carry. I'll wait for you at your quarters." Sheppard said as he left the room. From there he hurried down to Janus lab where Teyla and Ronon waited.
"I think we got it all." Ronon said.
"We'll make it even if a few things are missing." Sheppard replied as he activated the three lights and showed through all the boxes. "We'll be needing both Dr. Keller's and Dr. Beckett's things too when they eventually get written of as either missing or killed."
"If all of these things go missing someone will start to wonder John." Teyla said.
"See what you can get away with taking. We'll make due with what you can fix."
"Take care Sheppard. The less we see of where you go the less they can ask us about." Ronon said as he pulled Teyla away from there.
"You too." Sheppard said as he stepped through the wall and brought the boxes downstairs.
In the jumper Beckett begun to wake up as they left hyperspace above the mountain planet.
"Why did you do that for?" Beckett said as he picked himself up from the floor and came into the cockpit.
"So you're awake already?"
"No thanks to you."
"We couldn't risk you not coming. Dr. McKay has been hurt badly and Sheppard wouldn't let me heal him, instead he asked for you and Dr. Keller."
"So why not ask Dr. Keller? She's the doctor on duty during emergencies."
"Sheppard's bringing her too."
"You can't be serious? Why kidnap two doctors for one man?"
"Because McKay has managed to break both of his legs and then he's got a head wound too."
"That might be bad but one of us would still be able to handle that, lad."
"So we might not have planned all of this out that well, but still we managed to get at least one doctor so far. So I'd say it's a good plan for now."
"I do hope you brought me something to treat him with lad, otherwise there's not much I can do for him."
"The Ancients could treat far worse injuries with only their equipment, there's a medical bay far better than that on Atlantis waiting for you."
"I'm no Ancient lad, we can't use half of the machines in the medical bay, we rely on things from Earth for most wounds and injuries."
"Calm down Doctor. You and Dr. Keller have treated far worse things, I'm sure you can patch a wound and sort out his legs."
"It not just a wound if it's in the head, he could have a bloody concussion."
"We'll see in a minute Doctor." Drake said as the jumper entered the mountain complex.
"I'm surprised that the expedition hasn't found this base yet." Beckett said as the jumper lowered itself in front of the already active gate.
"We planned it so that no one would find it before we wanted to use them again." Drake said as the jumper flew through the gate and landed on the other side.
"There's more of these?" Beckett said as Drake hurried him out of the jumper and into the room McKay was lying in.
"A few yes, I don't know the exact number since they most likely built more without updating the database in Atlantis." Drake said as Beckett begun to examine McKay.
"I'll need some time to diagnose him."
"Take the time you need. The console in the corner should have English translations of Atlantis medical database." Drake said as he walked out of the room.
Back on Atlantis Sheppard was running through the city's corridors as fast as he could with what he thought was four or possibly five SG teams not far behind him. As he rounded the last corner he could feel a swarm of bullets bouncing of the back of his personal shield. But before his pursuers managed to round the corner he took cover in Keller's doorpost and stunned the first team to come into his view.
"What's happening?" Keller shouted as she opened the door and a few bullets flew by the door.
"Do you have your things?" Sheppard asked as he fired back.
"Ye..yes, I've packed a bag." She squealed and held it up.
"Good, you'll probably need this for our exit." Sheppard said and handed her another personal shield.
"Wh..why did you drag a whole assault team here when you could have used the transporter booth on the other side of the corridor?"
"Strategic movements rather than coming straight here. Now please trust me to get us out of here."
"Wh..what d..do you need me to do?"
"Act hostage." Sheppard said as he took a firm grip around her waist and threw the bag over his shoulder.
"Hostage?"
"Yes hostage." Sheppard said as he pulled her into the corridor. "Listen up. I've got a hostage here so you guys better stop shooting."
"Fuck of impostor." One of the men shouted back and fired of a few rounds into the back of Sheppard's shield.
"Run." Sheppard said as he pushed Keller across the corridor and begun to fire back.
"Come on Colonel, move it." Keller shouted as she saw Sheppard's shield failing under the impact of a Wraith stunner and two bullets found their targets. One in his left knee and one in his right shoulder.
"Kind of hard..." Sheppard begun before Keller rushed out and begun to pull him into the booth.
"Where are we going?" She said as he pulled himself up to the screen.
"One of the lowest levels close to Janus lab." He begun before he noticed a green dot. "The green one should be the right one."
"Right." She said as she pressed the dot.
Down at the golden gate the two stumbled out of the booth as the gate activated and Drake came through.
"Good thing we got ourself two doctors Colonel." Drake said as he gave Sheppard a hand to the redialling gate.
"Could you two stop so I can check those wounds." Keller said as she brought the bag with her.
"I'll patch him up Doctor. You help Dr. Beckett with McKay." Drake said as they stepped through the gate.
"Where is Carson then?" Keller asked as she came out of the gate.
"Right here." Beckett said as he came out of a nearby room to see what was happening.
"How's McKay looking?" Drake asked as he helped Sheppard lay down and begun to extract the bullets using telekinesis.
"He's stable for now but I could really use some human medical technology. You should be happy he didn't get a concussion from it though,"
"It's not been treated gently so we'll see what we can use." She said as she held up the bag which had an orange fluid dripping of the bottom.
"Stop standing around here please." Drake said as he got the second bullet out of the wound.
"Right." She said as she followed Beckett away.
"This might hurt a bit." Drake said as he put both of his hands above one of the wounds. Inside the wound the bone fragments begun to move around as they sought out their old positions before they begun to fuse together. Then the muscles and the skin closed the wound to only leave a small dent behind.
"I'd rather get shoot twice again rather than to have you heal me again." Sheppard grunted.
"Good thing I'm not done with you yet." Drake said with a laugh as he begun his work on the second wound.
A few days later McKay was back on his feet and the team was planing their next move.