xi.
Loki was awakened by the cat landing at the foot of his bed. He jerked, face going through twitchy spasms as he attempted to jumpstart himself awake, and once that was achieved he shot a bleary glare toward the offensive creature.
"Do you mind?" he growled.
"It's cold out here," the cat said by way of explanation.
"You have fur, deal with it," Loki grumbled unsympathetically, poking his long nose back underneath the blankets.
"Oh, you're so heartwarming," the cat said sarcastically. "But, gee, that doesn't do much for my paws."
"Too bad for you," Loki replied, not caring one bit. "Now go away."
The cat instead began walking up Loki's bed, each paw placed with irksome deliberateness.
"What are you doing?" Loki cried.
"It's warm under here, I can tell," the cat said.
"No, no!" Loki exclaimed, tugging the blankets closer protectively. "I am not sharing my bed with a cat! This is my bed! You're a cat, and I hate you besides!"
The cat continued its walk up toward Loki's head, calmly evading the Asgardian's flailing limbs. Finally Loki got in a lucky shot (he preferred to think of it as skilled) and the cat went flying off. With a satisfied nod, Loki snuggled back beneath his blankets.
He jerked upright when the cat returned and began to attempt to climb underneath the blankets via the part hanging off the side.
"You again!" Loki said. "What are you doing this time?"
"It is cold out here and it is warm under your blankets," the cat replied, sounding equally impatient and sarcastic. "What do you think I'm doing?"
"This. Is. My. Bed!" Loki stated. "And I absolutely, wholly, and entirely refuse to share it with you!"
"Quit behaving like such a infant," the cat said scornfully. "Are you afraid of getting fur on your blankets? Kind of pointless, considering most of them are furs anyway."
"My. Bed," Loki said resolutely. "Not. Sharing." He pointed commandingly at the cat. "Now get out."
The cat instead jumped up on the bed and was poking its head under the blankets almost faster than Loki could blink. "Ah-ha! I knew it was warm under here!"
Loki squeaked in surprise. "Get out!" he cried indignantly.
The cat burrowed in deeper, the front end of its body disappearing under the blankets. "Nope," it said cheekily.
"I'm not sharing my bed with you!" Loki exclaimed.
"Then get out."
Loki huffed and scowled at the cat, who of course could not see because its head was enveloped in Loki's blankets. Stiff with righteous offense, Loki swept his blankets aside and jumped out of bed.
He yelped, and his feet did their honest best to permanently remove themselves from the floor.
"It's cold!"
"You're a Frost Giant," the cat said unsympathetically. "Deal with it."
The cat burrowed underneath the blankets until only its long green tail could be seen. "Ooh, it's like a cave in here."
Loki snarled at the cat and hopped off in search of his boots. Unfortunately, in the wee hours of Asgardian morning, the interior of leather objects are just about as cold as the floor.
xii.
Loki didn't fall asleep until the latest hours of the evening. Anticipation of the cat's next move, and his prepared response, had kept him awake.
It seemed that Loki had barely gotten a chance to relax into his slumber when he heard the distinctive sizzle-pop of an energy field being struck.
He sat upright with a cackle on his lips. "Ha! I fooled you!" he crowed triumphantly at the cat.
The cat glared sullenly up at him, then sat down and calmly began smoothing its inflated fur. "You didn't think that force field would be enough to actually hurt me, did you?" it asked.
Loki had hoped, a little, but he refused to let that spoil his victory.
"Nevertheless, I have won!" he declared proudly. "In the end, I always—"
He gestured widely with his arm, and every hair on his head shot upright as his suddenly shocked muscles spasmed.
The cat watched him, its lip twitching upward in a smirk.
"Obviously," it said.
Loki whimpered.
xiii.
Loki hated the fact that the cat could sneak up on him. Really really hated it. It wasn't so bad when he was awake, because then he could hear its pawsteps approach, and even on those rare occasions that he didn't, the cat announced its arrival with an indifferent remark.
When he was asleep, however, that was a completely different story. If anyone else tried to sneak up on Loki while he was resting, they were treated to instant failure and maybe a clever prank in return. It had been a source of great frustration for Thor.
But the cat, hard to locate when Loki was awake, was impossible to prepare for when Loki was asleep.
And unfortunately for Loki, the cat knew it as well as he did.
"Good moooooorning, moonshine!" the cat greeted him with cursable cheeriness as its paws landed squarely on Loki's chest.
Loki jerked into consciousness, eyes flaring with panic. The cat's lips were parted in a pointy-toothed grin that was pure evil. Loki's head thudded back against his pillow.
"Why are you doing this to me?" he groaned. "You never used to bother me in the mornings."
The cat maintained its smirk of devilish amusement. "You're more fun to bother when you want to be asleep," it told Loki, and to the Trickster God's frustration a purr rumbled in the cat's throat.
Loki gave the cat the best venomous glare he could. "And I may take from your use of the word 'fun' that you're not planning to cease this sadistic torture anytime soon," he said sourly.
The cat settled more comfortably on Loki's chest, tail tip twitching in amusement. "Certainly not," it said.
Loki sighed, closing his eyes. Right now he wasn't awake enough to engage the cat in a battle of force or wits. A paw shot out and smudged against his face.
"Hey, you can't sleep yet," the cat protested. "You just woke up!"
Loki scowled, refusing to open his eyes. "You're evil," he said. "Absolute, total evil."
"Ah well, it takes one to know one," the cat remarked, setting its head down on its paws.
Loki ventured to lift his lids. He found the cat smirking at him. With a groan he closed them again.
xiv.
Loki had sacrificed sleep last night. Maintainable illusions required consciousness, and for what he was about to do he didn't want to give a hint.
Just within Loki's view was his bed, and as far as anyone else knew, him asleep in it. In truth, Loki's bed had been moved behind where he stood now. Both were hidden by Loki's uncanny ability.
Ah. There it was: the cat.
It entered the room, sashaying along with a confidence that grated on Loki's nerves. Well, he could comfort himself with the knowledge of what was to come. The cat paused in its approach, blinking its pale blue eyes up at where it assumed Loki's bed to be. It leaned back on its hind legs, gauged the distance, and sprang.
The cat released a startled meow and a matching "Odin's scrub—!" when the bed and Loki disappeared and it landed hard on its paws. Loki laughed.
"You're such an idiot!" he guffawed.
"Am I?"
Loki spun around and blinked in shock at the cat, settled cozily in his pillow.
"H-how?" he stammered. "But you were just—"
"Sh, Loki," the cat said. "Thinking puts your mind under far too much strain."
Loki blinked stupidly at the cat, hand still pointing at where it had been mere seconds ago. He then realized what he was doing, and how amusing it must be to the cat, and fixed the mammal with a fierce glare.
The cat wasn't exactly intimidated.
xv.
Loki refused to think of the figure he cut right now. The God of Mischief and Lies chasing, dodging, and blocking a green cat in his own bedroom. The vile creature's goal, of course, was Loki's much-desired bed. They had been doing uncontroversial and indirect battle for hours now, who knew how many.
The cat shifted its weight from one side of its body to the other, debating which direction to take. Loki shifted his own position to match the cat's, watching the sly animal warily. The Asgardian was standing on the end of his bed, though he frequently moved to prevent the cat from coming in from other angles.
His battle armor might have been more impressive if he hadn't been barefoot and dueling with a green cat in his bedroom.
Another round of verbal and physical battle was about to start when Thor staggered in.
"Thor?" Loki blinked at his brother. "What are you doing in here?"
"Finding a solution," Thor said tiredly.
Loki smiled brightly. "You found a way to kill the cat?"
"I'm pretty sure if someone were to figure out how to bring about my demise, it wouldn't be Thor here," the cat pointed out.
Thor glared at them, even without knowing what the cat had just said. Could it be that Thor was becoming intuitive? Odin forbid.
"Should I know something like that, Loki, you would not be the person I'd tell," Thor said.
"Provided of course that you could actually learn something like that," the cat quipped. "Or obtain information at all."
How pleasant. The cat was mocking someone other than Loki for a change.
"Loki, have you any concept of how much sleep this latest quarrel between you and your cat—"
"His cat?"
"—has cost us?"
"I am not the diva's cat, thank you very much."
Loki's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "I'm the one he's been waking up!"
"You forgot to mention how much I enjoy it," the cat added.
"Loki, your clashes have been waking all of us up!" Thor cried. "Do you have any idea how cranky Sif is when she hasn't had enough sleep?"
"I was under the impression she was always cranky," Loki remarked.
"No, that's just when you're around," the cat told Loki. He glared at it.
"Have you no understanding of silence?" he demanded.
"Well, considering I converse lengthily without making a sound, I would say yes."
Oh yeah. Loki had walked right into that one.
"Loki, please!" Thor said desperately. "I haven't slept in weeks!"
"Welcome to my world," Loki muttered.
"I don't see why you're too proud to take naps. Odin does, so why not the rest of you?"
It did make a point. Loki would have to look into that later. Right now there was the issue of the decidedly stressed Thor to deal with.
"Loki, be serious," Thor said. "What is this latest conflict about, anyway?" He gave Loki a puzzled look. "And why are you wearing your ceremonial battle armor to bed?"
"I was wondering about that myself," the cat admitted.
"For the second, that is none of your business, Thor. For the first, this creature has been trying to get into my bed, which I am far above sharing with such an animal—"
"Mornings are cold here!" the cat complained. "What is it with all these open terraces and balconies? You have a mountain range for a fence and an ocean as a front yard! Really, you guys need to hire better landscapers."
Loki sneered at it heartlessly. "You deserve to suffer," he said with conviction.
Thor shook his head. "That's it?" he said disbelievingly. "A bed?"
"Yes!" Loki exclaimed.
Thor groaned exasperatedly and walked out of the bedroom. Loki and the cat looked at each other.
"Now, where were we?" the cat inquired.
"I was outwitting you," Loki said.
"I believe you meant to utter the opposite of that misguided statement," the cat said.
Loki presented it a grin totally devoid of friendliness. "Yes, keep on believing, cat," he said. "It shan't ever bring anything to pass."
They continued their chatty standoff until Thor came back into the room, carrying a box.
"You know, Loki, for one who credits himself so greatly on his intelligence, you do not think of the simplest things," the Asgardian told Loki.
He dropped the box on the floor, right beside the foot of Loki's bed. Inside was a neatly arranged variety of cushions and blankets.
"If you don't want to share your bed, give him his own," Thor said simply. "It's really not that complicated."
The cat approached the bed box and cautiously put a paw in. The rest of it followed, and the cat tugged the blankets around before settling down.
"By Gungnir, he's right," it said in surprise.
"See?" Thor said, knowing his triumph even without hearing the cat's words. "Problem solved."
Loki looked down at the bed box wordlessly. When he realized Thor was waiting for some sort of reaction, he nodded and said "Hm," which Thor had to take as enough.
As soon as Thor was gone, Loki took the bed box and immediately put it out on the balcony. No way was he going to share his bedroom with a cat. No way.
Author's Notes: Well, look who's back! Loki and company! It was different, writing something with a continuous thread for a chapter of TAgg.
Any of you who live with cats know that basically, your bed isn't yours, it's the cat's. They come in at 2am, wake you up by scratching on the door. Or 7am. Or they just stay on the same corner all day. Get their fur on frikkin' everything. Fluffy overlords.
Also, if you're looking, you can spot the LOKI'd reference and the Apple Dumpling Gang quotes.