The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization

Claire was sitting on the armrest of the couch of Sheldon's apartment, beside Sheldon himself as he sat in 'his spot,' her arm casually braced on the back of the couch for balance, watching as Leonard hooked something up to a lamp, "Ok," he called, "The X10s are online."

It had taken a few days to move her things into Penny's apartment, not that she had a lot of stuff to bring, it was just that she kept changing her mind about where to put it. Her room was all set up and she'd put all her belongings in there, the boys had even helped carry some boxes up from downstairs. Even Sheldon! Though that was because she had given him her box of comic books and told him the reason was because he, of all people, would understand their importance and guard them with his life on the quest up the four flights of stairs to her new room. She'd waited till he'd gotten up the stairs and turned the corner before huffing to Penny that she really didn't care for the comics at all but they were all the ones Sheldon had ever given her and she couldn't bring herself to throw them out or not display them when she knew Sheldon would be there. After it had all gotten into her room she'd tried to find places for her things, and managed it...four times over.

She really was indecisive, regularly had to carry a coin in her pocket for when she truly couldn't decide something and would flip it for help. It was one reason why she and Sheldon had the friendship they did. He always had some sort of schedule or choice already made, a pattern to things, and made decisions based on logic...she, on the other hand, would fret over them and go back and forth and back and forth till she either gave up or made a choice and then later regretted it or had both choices fall through. She relied on Sheldon a lot more than she let on, he took the decision making out of her life with his schedules and systems for things. That wasn't to say she let him control all her decision, if she strongly disagreed with something he wanted to do she'd voice it, equally Sheldon wouldn't always make the decisions. If it was something in his life that she was joining in on, like having dinner with him on pizza night, she'd have pizza, it was his decision that it would be pizza that night. But if it was something in HER life, all Sheldon would do was offer his opinion on what should be done or help her make a pro and con list to sort out her decisions.

He was patient with her in a way most others weren't, which was why she tried to be patient with him too. They both had their quirks, though she seemed to handle and hide hers better than he did.

And now, thinking of her room...she probably should move her lamps somewhere else when she went back to Penny's. She'd just stopped in to tell Sheldon that she'd finally gotten her room set up, knowing he'd understand how big a thing that was to her whereas the others would brush it off...and now she was second guessing her room again.

"Gentlemen, and lady," Howard winked at Claire from where he sat before a laptop, pulling her from her thoughts and making her roll her eyes at him, "I am now about to send a signal from this laptop through our local ISP, racing down fiber-optic cable at the speed of light to San Francisco, bouncing off a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to Lisbon, Portugal, where the data packets will be handed off to submerged transatlantic cables terminating in Halifax, Nova-Scotia, and transferred across the continent via microwave relays back to our ISP and the X10 receiver attached to this…" he clicked the mouse and, a moment later, the lamp Leonard had tinkered with turned on, "Lamp!"

The boy started to cheer and clap, thrilled that their little experiment had worked while Claire just smiled at their excitement. She'd gotten lost somewhere in Howard's excited technobabble, but she understood enough to gather what they'd done. And it was impressive, she'd give them that, but still…a lamp? If they'd made the room light up like there was a poltergeist there she might be a little more in awe.

"Look at me, look at me, I've got goose bumps!" Sheldon held out his arm to her for her to see.

"Very nice Shelly," she smiled at him.

"Are we ready on the stereo?" Howard asked as Raj nodded. He clicked the mouse and, a few seconds later, Sprach Zarathustra began to play.

Claire watched as, with every climactic note, the boys started to stand and straighten, before jumping into the air and banging on invisible drums in time with the rather loud music. She actually winced as a loud drumbeat went off right by her ear, dreading what was coming next. She didn't do well around loud noises, it always gave her a headache...and she could already feel one forming. She looked over when she saw the door open and Penny standing there, staring at them, incredulous, and breathed a sigh of relief at the thought that she might have a polite-out now. She hadn't been able to turn down Sheldon when he'd asked her to stay and see what they were doing, but she might be able to leave now without hurting his feelings.

Well, she could really leave without Penny now. Sheldon knew how she got with headaches, how irritable she could be, he'd want her to go get medicine over her staying there with him. Which, thinking about it, was just as bad to let him know she had a headache. She didn't care for pills and medication, that was Sheldon's area, and he'd likely try to bring her medicine over and talk her into swallowing the pills down and she'd rather avoid that too. So Penny was probably the best option.

Penny caught Claire's eye and the girl could only shake her head at them, her face a little scrunched, showing her own discomfort to the music.

"Hey guys…" Penny called.

"Hello," the responded, immediately stopping their actions, embarrassed.

"It's a little loud."

"No problem, turning it down," Howard turned back to the laptop, typing in a small command, clicking the mouse, "San Francisco, Lisbon, Halifax…" he smiled as the music grew softer, "Et voila."

"Ok, thanks," Penny turned to go when Leonard called out.

"Hang on, hang on, do you not realize what we just did?"

"Yeah," she nodded, turning back around, "You turned your stereo down with your laptop."

"Nooo," Sheldon tsked, "We turned our stereo down by sending a signal around the world via the internet."

"Oh. You know you can just get one of those universal remotes at Radio Shack, they're really cheap."

Leonard laughed and smiled, "No, no, no, you don't get it, um, Howard, enable public access."

Howard clicked the mouse, "Public access enabled."

They looked around the room, silent, waiting…

"Boy," Penny nodded, "That's...brilliant, but I'll see you."

"No, hang on, hang on," Leonard called again, stopping her, just as the lamp went on and of, "See!"

"No."

"Someone in…" Sheldon leaned over to look at the laptop, "Szechuan Province, China is using his computer to turn our lights on and off."

"Huh, well that's handy. Um, here's a question, why?"

Claire chuckled, "Why not?"

"Because we can," the boys nodded, when there was a sort of whirring noise.

"They found the remote controlled cars!" Sheldon cheered as four small robotic cars began to move, right towards Penny.

"Well, wait, wait, what's on top of them?" Penny squinted, seeing something affixed to their tops.

"Wireless webcams, wave hello," Leonard smiled as Penny waved.

Howard clicked through the laptop, looking at the readings, "The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas, and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv."

"You may want to put on slacks," Sheldon added, looking at the web feed.

"What?" Penny frowned, before noticing a red corvette was trying to get between her legs and look up her skirt, "Ew, stop it, no, leave me alone!" she turned and ran out of the room.

"Who's running the red Corvette?" Leonard asked.

Howard smirked, "That would be me."

Claire whacked him on the arm as she got up.

"Ow…"

"You're a pig, Howard," Claire deadpanned, walking out of the apartment, rubbing her head once the door was shut behind her. She smiled a bit, hearing Sheldon scolding Howard for 'driving her off' and sighed. Maybe she should get some aspirin or something, her head was pounding now.

~8~

Penny and Claire followed Leonard into his room later that day. Apparently he'd gotten a notice that a paper he and Sheldon had written was to be presented to a group of physicists, but Sheldon had thrown the notice out with the intention not to go. Leonard had disagreed and they'd fought about it, now Leonard was determined to go and present their findings himself, with or without Sheldon's blessing.

Which meant that he needed an outfit to wear…and had asked Penny and Claire for help, seeing they were more fashionable than he was. Claire had refused, saying she wore her clothes for comfort and not fashion, which Penny agreed with (though apologized for, but both women could admit Claire's fashion sense was rather lacking in terms of what actually matched and looked good) but she'd go for the amusement of watching Penny sort through Leonard's closet. She knew EXACTLY what sort of closet a physicist like Leonard or Sheldon had and she couldn't wait to see Penny's reaction to it since the girl had agreed to help.

Claire walked right over to a small desk in Leonard's room and sat down, starting to read the book she'd brought with her, 'Piers Plowman,' while Penny made her way to the closet. She didn't want to be rude and read her book while Penny was helping Leonard, but, well, her head was still hurting from earlier and, as she refused to take the aspirin she'd considered, the next best thing was a distraction and the best one, for her, was reading.

"So, how's it going with Sheldon, are you guys still not talking to each other?" Penny asked, sifting through the clothes.

"Not only is he still not talking to me, but there's this thing he does where he stares at you and tries to get your brain to explode," Leonard sighed.

"Like in 'Scanners?'" Claire asked, not even looking up, just putting a finger to her forehead in a mimic of the movie.

He laughed and nodded, "Exactly," he smiled at that, it was nice to have a girl who knew Sci-Fi like Claire did hanging around. He was about to discuss it more with her, when he saw Penny's confused look, "Never mind. How about this one?" he reached into his closet and pulled out a scarlet/maroon suit, "It says, 'I know my physics, but I'm still a fun guy!'"

Penny tried not to grimace, "Oh, hey, I didn't know they still made corduroy suits!"

"They don't, that's why I saved this one."

"Ok..." she nodded, "Well, let's just see what else you have," she took the suit from him and put it on the closet door for later "Ok, here, take this," she pulled out a shirt, "And this," and another, "And this," and another, "And these," before pulling out the other half of shirts that were in there.

"Is this all stuff you want me to try on?"

"I think it's more all stuff she'd want you to burn," Claire called, not even needing to look up to know what Penny had selected and why. If she had a dime for every superhero or comic themed shirt Sheldon had, she'd have been able to rent her own apartment. And the worst part was, he organized them in such a way that if she even tried to sneak one out and get rid of it or put a different shirt in there, he'd know. Not that she ever tried to, she understood those were the shirts and styles he preferred to wear. He didn't harp on her use of polka dots and stripes so why would she critique his superhero shirts?

"Oh."

"Seriously," Penny agreed, turning back to the closet, "I was gonna say get rid of them…but not even charities would take them. You wouldn't be helping anyone. What's this…" she frowned, pulling out what looked like half a liter soda bottle with a white sculpture inside.

Claire glanced up at that, "The bottled City of Kandor."

Penny stared at her, "What?"

"Kandor was the capital city of the planet Krypton," she sighed, closing her book a moment, "It was miniaturized by Brainiac before Krypton exploded and then rescued by Superman."

Penny blinked.

"Sheldon is my best friend," Claire offered as explanation, "Even though comic's arent' really my thing, I was still quizzed on this stuff."

She nodded, that seemed like something Sheldon would do.

"It's a lot cooler when girls aren't looking at it," Leonard muttered.

"Here," Penny handed it over to him along with a pair of pants, "Why don't you put these on while I find a shirt and sport-coat to match."

"Great, be right back!" he turned to go.

"Well, where you going, just put them on," Penny shook her head.

Leonard paused, mid-turn, "Here?"

"Oh, are you shy?" Penny teased.

"No, I'm not shy."

"Don't worry, I won't look."

"I won't either Leonard," Claire promised, having returned to her book, "Believe me, I've seen Shelly pantsed more times than I'd care to remember, it's nothing I haven't seen before nor would want to see again."

Leonard cleared his throat, flustered, "I know you two won't look, why would you look? There's nothing to see, well, not nothing…"

"Sweetie, put the pants on," Penny cut in, turning back to the closet.

"Putting them on," Leonard agreed, moving to do that.

"So, you know, isn't there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing?"

"No. No. Scientists do not compromise. Our minds are trained to synthesize facts and come to inarguable conclusions. Not to mention, Sheldon is bat-crap crazy."

"Please tell me you AREN'T just realizing that Leonard," Claire called, though there was a teasing note in her voice. She wouldn't call Sheldon that, but even she could admit he was eccentric, very eccentric.

Penny paused in her searching, coming across a tan uniform jumpsuit sort of thing, "What is this?" she turned as Leonard finished doing up his pants.

"Oh, careful…" he reached out to take it, "That's my original series…"

"Battlestar Galactica flight suit," Claire finished, glancing up.

"Oh, why didn't you wear it at Halloween?" Penny shook her head.

"Because it's not a costume, it's a flight suit," Leonard said simply.

Penny gave Claire an 'is he being serious?' look and Claire could only nod, she'd seen Sheldon act the same with his own 'costumes.'

"Ok," Penny shook her head, turning back to the closet, "Alright, moving on, oh, wow," she pulled out the worst shirt she had ever seen in a man's closet, and that was taking into consideration her entire family, "A paisley shirt."

"Uh huh," Leonard smiled, taking it, "It goes with my corduroy suit."

"If you mean it should end up in the same place then, I agree," she pulled out another hanger…with a single tie hanging from it, "Is this your...your only tie?"

"Ah. Technically yes, but, if you'll notice, it's reversible. So it works as two."

"Oh, sweetie," Penny sighed, pitying him, "I don't think it even works as one."

"Try a bowtie," Claire offered, "Bowties are cool."

"Is this all your clothes?" Penny eyed the nearly empty closet, the remaining clothes just as bad.

"Yeah," Leonard nodded, "Everything since the eighth grade."

"The… the eighth grade?"

"Let me guess," Claire called, closing her book and resting it on her lap, a small smile on her face, her headache was easing up and it was putting her in a more sociable mood, "Your last growth spurt?"

"How'd you know?" Leonard turned to her.

She just shook her head and got up, Penny understanding that Sheldon had probably done the same thing.

"Ok, well, I guess we're back to the corduroy suit," Penny sighed.

Leonard beamed, "Great!"

"Yup," she looked back at the closet, when Leonard picked up the paisley shirt, "I said no, put it down."

~8~

That night, Penny had gone down to the main floor for the mail, smiling as she saw Sheldon there as well, "Hey Sheldon!"

"Hello Penny," he greeted, opening his mailbox before glancing back at her, "Where's Claire?"

"She's upstairs making some dinner," she shrugged, "Just getting our mail."

"How is it working out?" he asked after a moment, "Being roommates?"

Penny smiled, seeing the concern in his words, he was worried about his friend, "Aww," she smiled, though she stopped when he gave her a flat look, "Don't worry Sheldon, we get along great actually. I really like her. She's fun for a smart girl."

"I'm sorry she's not 'smart,'" Sheldon frowned at the word, "She's a genius. My mother talked her mother into letting her be tested with me."

Penny held up her hands in surrender, "Ok," she opened her mailbox, pulling out her letters, "You get anything good?"

"Uh, just the latest copy of 'Applied Particle Physics Quarterly,'" he held up the journal.

"Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't," she remarked teasingly, but he just looked at her confused, "It was a joke," Sheldon gave a fake laugh, "Yup, tip your waitresses, I'm here all week."

Sheldon rolled his eyes as they headed to the stairs, "Penny, just to save you from further awkwardness know that I'm perfectly comfortable with the two of us climbing the stairs in silence."

"Oh yeah, me too," Penny nodded, "Zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket," she was quiet only a moment before adding, "So you and Leonard…"

"Oh dear God!" he groaned.

"Little misunderstanding, huh?"

"A little misunder…Galileo and the Pope had 'a little misunderstanding.'"

Penny blinked, not having a clue what he was going on about, "Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this morning and I think he feels really bad about it."

"Huh."

"Well how do you feel?"

"I don't understand the question."

"Well I'm just asking if it's difficult to be fighting with your best friend."

"But I'm not fighting with Claire," he shook his head, still not understanding.

"Alright…" Penny nodded, having to smile at that at least, it was sweet to see Sheldon actually considering another human being a friend, "It has to be awkward fighting with your roommate, you have to live together after all."

"Oh," Sheldon considered her words, "I hadn't thought about it like that. I wonder if I've been experiencing physiological manifestations of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil."

"Wait…" Penny blinked, trying to interpret what he'd said but it escaped her, "What?"

"I couldn't poop this morning."

She shook her head, not needing to know that, "You should just talk to him, I'm sure you guys can work this out."

"It's certainly preferable to my plan."

"Which was?"

"A powerful laxative."

"Ok," she cut in again as they reached the fourth floor, "So you absolutely should talk to him. Look, I know Leonard values you as a friend and he told me himself that, without your little idea, there's no way he could have come up with this whole experiment thing."

Sheldon paused, about to unlock the apartment door and turned to her, "Excuse me, little idea?"

"Yeah," Penny shrugged, "I mean he tried to explain it to me, I didn't really understand it. I'm waiting for Claire to get back to me on it…"

"Of course you didn't understand it," Sheldon brushed that part off, focusing on the bigger concern, "He said little idea?"

"Uh," Penny floundered, sensing that probably hadn't been the best word choice, "Well no, no, not in…not in those words..."

"In what words then, exactly?"

"Um, gee, the exact words aren't written…it's more the spirit in which it's…"

"What did he say?!"

"You had a lucky hunch," she winced.

"Hey Sheldon," Leonard called, choosing the WORST time to leave the apartment, "I've been thinking, instead of arguing about this why don't we…"

"Don't you ever speak to me again!" Sheldon stormed past him, slamming the door.

"What…" Leonard pointed at it.

"Uh, he…" Penny began, before making an 'insane' motion and rushing to her apartment, closing the door quickly and leaning against it.

"Everything alright Pen?" Claire called, seeming a little frazzled herself as she opened the garbage and dumped in something from a pot.

Penny eyed it a moment, not even able to recognize the stir-fry Claire said she was going to make in the blackened and charred remains inside the pot. That...how did that even happen? Claire had JUST been putting the food onto the pan when she'd left to get the mail and it was burned already?

"Need a hand there?" she slowly walked towards Claire, noting that the girl had actually taped a Tupperware container over the fire sprinkler and had the windows open to get the smoke out of the apartment.

"Sorry," Claire winced, "I...probably should have mentioned before I moved in that I could burn water, right?"

"Yeah, just a little..." Penny eyed the food at the bottom of the garbage, "Didn't anyone ever teach you how to cook?"

"No," Claire said bluntly, "My mama ain't really the teaching type," she shrugged, "Survived mostly on TV dinners and cereal."

"You can't cook anything?"

"Soup," Claire offered, actually seeming to really be thinking of it, "Grilled cheese, if I'm not distracted or in a rush, and...um...oh!" she snapped her fingers, "A salad!"

"A salad isn't really cooking, sweetie," Penny gave her a small laugh for that.

"Yeah, I know," Claire sighed, "I'm really...hopeless around a stove."

Penny considered it a moment, "I'll make you a deal," she began, "I'll help teach you to cook more than soup, if you help me understand what the hell Sheldon and Leonard and the others talk about half the time."

"You got yourself a deal," Claire reached out to shake Penny's hand.

"Ok," she tossed the mail onto the counter, "What happened with Galileo and the Pope?"

Claire laughed, "Where did THAT come from?"

"Something Sheldon said," she waved it off.

"Right," Claire nodded, "Galileo kept saying the Earth revolved around the sun, the Pope believed everything revolved around the Earth. Eventually one thing led to another and the Pope had him banished."

Penny stared, "That's it?"

"That's it."

"Huh," Penny remarked, she'd expected this whole complex thing…but that was what Sheldon made her believe, because that was Sheldon. This was Claire, "Thanks," she smiled, "I really like how you make things simple. Makes me feel less dumb."

Claire reached out and took Penny's hand, squeezing it, "You are NOT dumb, sugar," she told her earnestly, "Believe me, I've SEEN dumb and you aren't it. My brother," she laughed, "Dumber than a bag of rocks."

Penny laughed.

"No, I'm serious," she deadpanned, "He took an IQ test with Sheldon and me once, Shelly recreated the test and we threw rocks at it…the rocks scored higher than my brother did."

"Wow," Penny had to smile at that, before Sheldon's words came back to her, "What did you score?"

"Pardon?" Claire looked up from where she'd gone back to trying to scrape some of the stuck on burned bits off the pan.

"Another thing Sheldon said, that you were a genius? He got really mad when I called just 'smart,'" she used quotey fingers for that.

Claire gave a fond shake of the head at that, "I'm not a full blown genius like Shelly, I just scored higher than most people do on tests like that. So you can understand Shelly's annoyance when I chose to focus my education on literature instead of science, a 'waste of potential' he called it."

"What'd you say to that?" Penny lifted an eyebrow, she hadn't heard Sheldon say anything bad about Claire since the girl showed up, she couldn't quite see him saying Claire was wasting her potential to the girl's face.

"I just reminded him that all the things he liked, all his superheroes and adventure stories, all of it came from a woman who focused on literature."

"Shut up," Penny's mouth fell open, "Really?"

Claire nodded, "First ever superhero? Written by a girl. First every science fiction story? Written by a girl. First ever piece of literature? By a girl. So unless he wanted to say all them superheroes he likes so much and all those science books he had to read were a waste of potential, when they wouldn't even exist if some literature-minded woman hadn't started it all off, he'd best take it back."

"Did he?"

"We're still friends, aren't we?"

"Huh," Penny shook her head at that, "Never thought I'd ever hear about Sheldon Lee Cooper backing down from something."

"You just gotta know the right thing to say," Claire shrugged, "And speaking of...what was all that in the hall?"

"I might have accidently told Sheldon that Leonard thought he'd had a lucky guess on their paper."

"Ooh," she winced.

"I know, not a great thing to say huh?"

"Not to Shelly."

"He's really mad at Leonard now. Refuses to talk to him."

Claire sighed, "He'll get over it eventually. Trust me. He can only stay silent when something's annoying him for so long."

~8~

Claire opened the door to the boys' apartment the next day, her and Penny ready to go to the presentation, Leonard having offered to give them a ride if they wanted to go, "Leonard, ready to go?" Penny asked.

"Libido 1, truth zero," Sheldon muttered, confusing them.

"Ok, I'm going to ask you one more time, we did the work together, lets present the paper together," Leonard turned to Sheldon.

"And I'm telling you, for the last time, it's pandering, it's undignified, and bite me."

"Let's go," Leonard sighed, moving over to Penny.

"Bye Sheldon," Penny called.

"Goodbye Penny."

"See you later Shelly Bean," Claire waved, moving to close the door after them.

"Et tu, Claire?" Sheldon turned in his seat to frown at her, a look of betrayal on his face.

"What?" she laughed.

"You're going too?"

She rolled her eyes, "Knowing you Shelly, I'll see you there," and then she closed the door.

~8~

Penny smiled as she clipped Leonard's nametag onto the lapel of his regrettably still-corduroy suit, "There you go."

"You're right, this side does look better," Leonard nodded, looking down at it.

Claire smiled, "She didn't say better, she said that side had less stains on it," she reminded him.

"I just checked the house," Howard called, coming over, he and Raj having met them there in support of their friend, "There's probably 20, 25 people in there."

Leonard gaped, "You're kidding!"

"Is that all?" Penny frowned.

"In the world of Particle Physics, Pen," Claire shook her head, "25 is like a sold out Broadway show."

"It's practically Woodstock!" Leonard agreed.

"Oh," Penny nodded, "Well, then good!"

"I wasn't expecting such a crowd," Leonard started to shift a bit, "I'm a little nervous."

"It's ok, just open with a joke, you'll be fine," Howard offered.

He nodded, thinking, "A joke. Ok. How about this, um, ok, uh there's this farmer, and he has these chickens, but they won't lay any eggs. So, he calls a physicist to help. The physicist then does some calculations, and he says, um, I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens in a vacuum!" Raj and Howard burst out laughing as Claire smiled, "Right?" he looked at Penny, who was staring blankly at him.

"Oh, sorry, I've just...I've heard it before," she offered an unsure smile.

"Let's roll," Howard gestured to the doors, "Hey, nice suit."

Leonard smiled as he walked past, "It's a classic, right?"

Penny just looked at Claire pleadingly.

"The point is that physicists will try to make things simple," Claire explained quietly, "Especially their calculations, in order to figure out a problem…even though, in the bigger picture, the same calculations won't work when the numbers become complex again."

"...I still don't get it," Penny sighed.

"Neither do I," Claire admitted, she only knew it because Sheldon had told her the same joke before and she'd googled it.

~8~

Penny was frowning as she tried to follow Leonard's presentation, Claire whispering what explanations she'd managed to gleam as he went.

"So, in conclusion," Leonard finished up, "The data shows that at temperatures approaching Absolute Zero, the moment of inertia changes, and the solid becomes a super-solid, which clearly appears to be a previously unknown state of matter."

The crowd clapped.

"The colder it gets, the more solid it becomes," Claire simplified.

"Got it," Penny nodded, clapping too.

"Thank you," Leonard smiled, "Are there any questions?"

Claire looked around at the crowd to see who might be more likely of the group to have a question...and sighed when something caught her eye, "I knew it."

"What?" Penny looked at her as Claire turned back around.

"Wait for it…"

"Yeah," a voice that sounded like Sheldon's called out, "What the hell was that?"

"Any other questions?" Leonard sighed, realizing it wasn't just a voice LIKE Sheldon's but it actually WAS Sheldon.

"Oh this isn't going t be good…" Claire rubbed her head.

Howard glanced at her, confused for a moment, but took out his camera phone, guessing that whatever Claire thought Sheldon was going to do that would make her a little embarrassed for him had to be gold to get a recording of.

Sheldon stood, taking off the hood and sunglasses he'd donned to sneak in, "Dr. Sheldon Cooper here, I am the lead author of this particular paper," the crowed just looked at him, "Thank you. And you, sir," he turned to Leonard, "You have completely skipped over the part where I was walking through the park and I saw these children on a merry-go-round, which started me thinking about the moment of inertia in gases like helium at temperatures approaching Absolute Zero."

Penny looked at Claire who shrugged, "Gases speed up when they get cold."

"I didn't skip it, it's just an anecdote," Leonard rolled his eyes, "It's not science."

"Oh, I see, was the apple falling on Newton's head, was that just an anecdote?" Sheldon retorted.

"I got that one," Penny muttered, putting a hand on Claire's arm to stop her simplifying it for her.

"You are not Isaac Newton," Leonard shook his head at Sheldon.

"No, no that's true, gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple," Sheldon agreed.

"You cannot possibly be that arrogant."

Claire snorted, he didn't know Sheldon.

"You continue to underestimate me, my good man."

"Look, if you weren't happy with my presentation then maybe you should have given it with me."

"As I have explained, repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds," he looked at the crowd, "No offense."

"Really," Leonard crossed his arms, challenging him, "So why did you come?"

"Because I knew you'd screw this up!"

"I didn't screw it up!"

"Oh, please," Sheldon huffed, "I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious. But it was straight downhill from there."

"I've had enough of your condescension," Leonard shouted, "Maybe I didn't go to college when I was 11 like you, maybe I got my doctorate at 24 instead of 16, but you are not the only person who is smarter than everyone else in this room! No offense," he offered to the other physicists.

"Of course I'm not," Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Claire's sitting right there, and she's smarter than them even WITH her degree being in the liberal arts…no offense," he added, more to Claire who waved it off, than the others.

"And I am clearly not the only person who is tormented by insecurity and has an ego in need of constant validation!" Leonard continued.

"So you admit that you're an egotist!" Sheldon cheered.

"Yes," Leonard turned to the audience, "My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, and I could never please my parents so I need to get all my self-esteem from strangers like you. But he's worse!" he pointed at Sheldon.

"Ok, that is it," Sheldon pressed his fingers to his temples, his face scrunching in concentration, trying to make Leonard's head explode a-la 'Scanners.'

"You cannot blow up my head with your mind!"

"Then I'll settle for an aneurysm!"

Leonard smacked his hands down, "Stop it!"

"You hit me!" he turned to the audience, to Clair, pointing at Leonard as though tattling on him, "You saw him, he hit me."

"You were trying to blow up my head," Leonard defended.

"So it was working!" Sheldon grinned.

"It wasn't! It was not! You are a nutcase!"

"Oh we'll see about that," Sheldon tried again, "Heads up you people in the front row, this is a splash zone."

Claire shook her head, pressing her hand to her face, even though she knew something like this might happen, especially with how Sheldon could get when things didn't go his way, she hadn't quite been expecting something like THIS...oh Sheldon.

"Stop, stop it, quit it!" Leonard started to smack Sheldon's hands down…so Sheldon did the same…and pretty soon they were in an all out nerd-brawl, rolling around on the floor, flailing, and barely managing to actually strike each other in their weak slaps, and yet both still hammed it up.

"Is this usually how these physics things go?" Penny frowned at Howard.

"More often than you'd think," he remarked, still recording it all.

"Vulcan nerve pinch!" Leonard shouted, pinching Sheldon's neck.

Claire sighed and looked at the others, knowing Howard and Raj wouldn't be likely to miss this, so she turned to Penny instead, "Want to go find the cafeteria till they're done?"

Penny glanced at the two geniuses on the ground and shrugged, "I could eat," before the two of them got up and left the men to their devices.

~8~

Leonard entered the apartment with Claire, he had driven her to the presentation and they'd just got back now, she was worried about Sheldon so she'd come to check on him, which ended up meaning Leonard was dragged along as it was his apartment too.

And there he was, sitting at his desk, "You could have offered me a ride home," Sheldon remarked.

"You're lucky I didn't run you over!" Leonard exclaimed.

"I really don't understand what you're so unhappy about," Sheldon stated dryly, "You begged me to come, I came, there's just no pleasing you."

"Shelly..." Claire said mock-warningly, shaking her head.

"You're right, I'm the problem, I'm the one that needs help," Leonard rolled his eyes.

"Well that's not much of an apology, but I'll take it," Sheldon shrugged, not catching the sarcasm.

"Shelly," Claire warned again.

"Excuse me," Leonard scoffed, "Is there anything you'd like to apologize for?"

"Not that I can think of," Sheldon remarked.

"Shelly Bean," Claire gave him a look, one he recognized all too well from his mother.

"Oh dear lord," he muttered, "You've been spending time with my mother haven't you?"

Claire rolled her eyes, "Sheldon."

He sighed at her tone of voice, turning to Leonard, "I'm sorry I tried to blow up your head. It was uncalled for."

The door opened and Howard walked in with Raj, "You won't believe this!" Howard exclaimed…when Raj whispered in his ear, "Raj says 'Somebody got the whole thing on a cell phone and put it on youtube.'"

"What?" Leonard gaped.

"Now, who would do that?" Sheldon frowned.

Howard though, smirked, "That would be me. Hey, check it out, it's a featured video," he pulled over Leonard's laptop and played the footage.

"Oh jeez," Leonard groaned, "Does this suit really look that bad?"

"Yes," Claire deadpanned.

"Forget your suit, look at my arms waving, I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin!" Sheldon shook his head.

"Howard," Penny called as she entered, holding up her phone, "Would you like to explain to me why your FaceBook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder in the car captioned 'Me and my Girlfriend?'"

"Uh oh," Howard sighed, "Here comes 'the talk.'"

Penny's eyes narrowed and she pressed her fingers to her head, trying to make his brain explode like Sheldon had Leonard.

Claire laughed, "Come on Pen," she walked over to the door, "Shelly taught me a trick or two, I might be able to get into Howard's account and get it off."

Howard turned in the chair, "You can't do that, it's password protected," he leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head, smug, "You'll never crack my code."

She just smirked and walked back to him, leaning over to whisper something in his ear.

He sat up straight, his eyes wide as she laughed and walked out, "Ok…so maybe she CAN."

A/N: I always felt like Penny was a decent cook in the show, at least in the sense that she won't burn down her apartment, and when the OC popped into my head not being able to cook I was like, that would be a good bonding process for them :)

I just have to say, you guys! I'm am so completely and totally blown away by the response to the story! :') Like I literally don't look at reviews till right before I post so that I can answer some in my notes section and I started tearing up a little when I saw how many there were :') I really am so happy that you're all enjoying it so far and I'm really going to try my best to give you an interesting story with a good OC. You all are just amazing, I love you all :')

Some notes on reviews...

Thank you for pointing it out! I've gone back and made a tweak to it where Claire's called dibs on the knock the second she heard it in the episode ;) Thank you!

Sheldon will still be big on no-germs, but Claire is aware of his quirks, so there may be some hand touching and other things if a bit of hand sanatizer is used ;)

This story starts in Season 1 and each new story after will be a separate season ;)

Ooh I have something planned for Sheldon's drunk kissing ;) I can say though that, because Sheldon doesn't drink often, and he has to get VERY drunk in order to kiss Claire, his memory of events isn't the best the day after. But we'll have references to the kiss to come and a point where he's informed of how he acts when he's drunk too ;) Oh but for Penny, I can say that she'll start to ship them pretty soon ;)

Penny will definitely have plans for Claire and Sheldon yup ;) I can say that a title for a future story of the series will relate to Penny's attempts at nudging them closer ;) As for Penny and Leonard, Claire will be quite observant about Leonard's feelings for Penny yup ;)

I'm so sorry for your loss :'( My deepest condolences to you and if there's ever anything I can do or if you feel the need to just talk or anything, please don't hesitate to contact me here or on tumblr or anything!