It's a Romantic Conquest True Love Story, Haruhi-Chan!


Chapter Two
A Little Competition

"So," Kyon began, arms folded and one eyebrow raised. He made no attempt to hide his obvious distaste for the other; Koizumi knew Kyon disliked him, and it'd never fazed him before.

In fact, quite the opposite.

Koizumi was still smiling his trademark smile, disconcerting as always. It made him look like a young child who'd just discovered a stack of dirty magazines under their elder brother's bed.

"Yes?" the aforementioned young child who'd just discovered a stack of dirty magazines look-a-likey inquired, all sweet and sunny like he didn't know how creepy his face was.

Itsuki Koizumi; not a person Kyon would ever want to meet in a dark alley. Or any sort of alley, for that matter.

Why couldn't it be Mikuru's job to deliver this so-called 'urgent' information? I guess it's just my unlucky day.

"Well, just how urgent is this urgent information?" For example, was it end-of-the-world urgent or I-just-broke-a-nail urgent? Kyon needed to know (although, if it were the latter, Koizumi better be prepared to say goodbye to his handso… err, above-average looking face).

"It's pretty urgent," Koizumi smiled.

Kyon was unsure whether the esper was humouring him or not. Naturally, this was quite irritating.

"And this involves me?"

"Of course."

"And Haruhi?"

"That goes without saying."

Well, duhhh.

Stupid question to ask. When did anything not revolve around Haruhi? She had the whole galaxy under her thumb, for crying out loud.

Kyon sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately – being in such bizarre company (Gods, robots, aliens – especially you, Koizumi) twenty four seven was probably taking a tremendous toll on his health and personal wellbeing. It was a wonder he didn't just have a stress-induced heart attack.

"It's about romantic dramas, isn't it?" asked Kyon wearily, knowing full well what the other's answer would be.

"I'm impressed. You're pretty sharp."

"It wasn't that difficult to spot. I am her boyfriend, remember? And Haruhi's never been subtle with her feelings."

"True," Koizumi agreed, grin seeming a tad more genuine for a scant few seconds. "If Miss Suzumiya feels bored she takes great care in ensuring everyone is aware of it. But she is more reluctant to express her views on other matters. Especially those concerning you."

I guess that's also true. It took her two months to finally confess – and her trademark confidence seemed slightly lacking that day, too. I remember, because Tsuruya thought she was ill and offered to take her to the nurse's office.

"As you know," Koizumi continued, "Miss Suzumiya likes competition, but only when her victory is guaranteed. While you were somewhat interested in Miss Asahina, she felt threatened. There was a possibility that you preferred Miss Asahina over her, so Haruhi did not want to confide in you – not when you may reject her. In her eyes, this would be losing.

"However, when your affections for Miss Asahina seemed to wane, and Haruhi no longer had any competition, she felt safe in confessing her love. But you accepted too easily, and that took all the danger away Haruhi's endeavour. It made her victory feel empty; it was an anti-climatic ending to, what Haruhi surely thought, an exciting drama."

There was a pause; doubtless, Koizumi would resume his theory once Kyon had made a sign of acknowledgement.

"So…" Kyon frowned, processing Koizumi's words. "You're saying that, in Haruhi's eyes, it was the equivalent of ending a story with 'they woke up and it was all a dream'?"

"Exactly. It was a disappointing conclusion."

Another pause.

Koizumi's gaze seemed blanker than per norm, and his eyes held a far-away quality that suggested he was deep in thought. Doubtless, he was wondering how to phrase some complicated theory in a manner that Kyon would understand; rewording here and embellishing there, obliterating pointless detail that would hinder, not help.

Kyon began to feel uneasy, despite the fact Koizumi was adhering to common courtesy and keeping his distance for once.

These philosophical talks always gave him a headache.

At least it couldn't possibly be as bad as the Anthrophic Principle.

"Kyon, have you ever heard of existentialism?"

On the other hand, it was entirely possible.

Kyon groaned.

"It's difficult to explain," Koizumi continued, taking the boy's groan as a sign of incomprehension, "but existentialism revolves around the theory a man must think in order to exist, but it is what he thinks that defines who he is. For example, it can be said that a man who is cruel to others is, by his actions, a cruel man. However, because he chose to act cruel owing to his free will, he himself is responsible for being a cruel man. If he was only kind to others, then that would also be down to free will and, in turn, he would be responsible for being a kind man.

"I know this concept is a little perplexing, and if you don't understand something I'd be happy to explain – or at least, attempt to," the esper smiled, tilting his head inquiringly. "Any questions?"

"Not at the moment," Kyon frowned, bemused by the sincerity of Koizumi's smile. It was like Nagato and computer games; most people wouldn't be able to tell, but Nagato enjoyed playing them. In a similar way, Koizumi seemed to enjoy discussing philosophy. It made him look less plastic-fantastic, at any rate.

"So… This is all about free will and responsibility – everybody has the ability to choose what they want to do. Right?" said Kyon, waiting for clarification.

"Yes. Existentialism is largely about free will; the idea that humans decide for themselves what they are going to do."

"But how is this relevant to Haruhi?" Kyon asked, thoroughly perplexed by the esper's musings.

"It is relevant because Miss Suzumiya is bored, and wishes for a more exciting love life. She wants someone to compete with her for your affections. But, even though Miss Suzumiya can alter the world, she can not alter other people's feelings or actions. The two are directly linked; if you feel something, you wish to act on it, but it's all down to free will and responsibility. Not a kismet, fate, destiny or a divine being. She is unable to make anyone fall in love with her, or you, or anybody else. It's not possible"

But…?

Hell, Haruhi's favourite saying was 'where there's a will, there's a way'. Despite all these restrictions and limitations, Kyon was prepared to bet both his kidneys that Haruhi would find a loophole somewhere, somehow.

And she wouldn't even know she was doing it.

Nagato, Koizumi and Miss Ashahina were right; if Haruhi ever became aware of her powers, it would be a complete disaster. It was complicated enough already.

"You see, Miss Suzumiya can affect people's judgement through changes in the environment. Another example; most people would never consider murder, but if they were in severe danger, isolated from help and had the right means … You see, in most cases an extreme circumstance can lead to extreme actions."

"So Haruhi has enough influence to affect people's decisions?"

"Yes."

Wonderful.

Kyon's face deadpanned, and his following words sounded tired and hollow; "I guess that means any chance I once had of a normal life has gone straight out the window, huh?"

Not that an esper, a time traveller and an alien were positive indicators of a 'normal' life. But Kyon had allowed himself to hope.

Foolish, really, when Haruhi's slightest change in mood could potentially destroy the world.

"Kyon…" The word was spoken softly, almost tenderly, and it made the other boy look up in alarm.

Since when did Koizumi get so close?

"Is it really such a bad thing?" the esper's voice grew even quieter, if that were possible; his lips drew near to Kyon's ear, and an slow exhale sent cold breath ghosting across the other's skin. It was this action that made Kyon aware of just how cold it was – indeed, he had begun to shiver, although perhaps this was merely from the sudden proximity of Koizumi's face.

And Kyon just stood there, frozen. Still as a very still thing. Hell, the fruit bowls people sketched at art club after school were probably more animate than he was.

Maybe it was because Koizumi was breathing on him – and Kyon hated to be breathed on.

Or maybe it was just the shock.

"Maybe Haruhi needs some competition…" Koizumi whispered, choosing to take Kyon's silence for consent. Their noses were almost bumping now…

And what about Koizumi's 'do-not-anger-the-Haruhi-or-we'll-all-die' policy? Wouldn't this – whatever 'this' was – just irritate the situation? And make it worse?

If the world ends tomorrow, Koizumi, I am so blaming you…

"It would be interesting…" And despite the fact they were so close, Koizumi's hands remained at his sides; even though he was invading Kyon's personal space, he did not seem ready to touch him.

Not yet.

There mere thought of Koizumi's touch made Kyon shudder. But it was not Kyon's hasty backpedalling that made Koizumi blink. Once, twice, his eyelids flickered like that of a doll's – Kyon's little sister had owned such a doll, and she had spent hours opening and closing her eyes, only to ham-fistedly punch one blue sphere into the back of her head. She was much too Haruhi-ish to handle precious objects with the care they deserved.

When Koizumi's eyelids had finally ceased their involuntary twitching, he seemed disoriented – the pupils were wider than before, and his face held an expression of shock, as though unsure of his previous actions.

Without that plastic smile he looked almost defenceless.

A jumpy Koizumi was almost as bizarre – no, perhaps even more so – than the one Kyon had witnessed a few seconds ago.

However, before a second had passed, the smile was back in place, leaving Kyon unsure as to whether the previous expression had been mere delusion on his part. This smile was firm and self-assured, more resplendent than before.

"Ah… I'm very sorry, Kyon, but I am afraid I will have to cut this meeting short. Some unexpected business sprung up than I simply cannot avoid."

"But you – I – uhh… Guhh?" Kyon replied intelligently.

"I knew you'd understand. Say goodbye to your sister for me," Koizumi all but sparkled. "Oh, and, thank you for your time."

And with those words, Koizumi walked away. Leisurely.

Like he had all the time in the world.

Unexpected business, huh…?

a.n: so i didn't make kyon all blushy and stuff cuz, idk, i don't think he'd act that way xD he'd be more like "get off, weirdo" methinks.

& existentialism is more about the universe and how human beings have the intelligence to comprehend it exists… but a lot of it revolves around humans and their thought process & crud. i'm not too big on philosophy because a lot is really depressing xD

anyywayyy. hope they're IC =3 reviews plz?