I talked to Mom on the phone and by email a little more often in the next few months. She asked a lot of searching questions, although she finally learned not to mention Edward directly. I knew she talked to Charlie as well; I'd overheard him once or twice, filling her in on my progress since seeing Doctor What's-His-Name. She seemed to accept my facade of normality. If I could fool Mom, I knew I could fool anyone.

That left me free to go back to where I had been: trying to stay numb, minimizing the pain, getting through one day at a time. Mom and Charlie had stopped worrying so much, and that had to be enough for me.

I was doing better at my part time job. The store had relegated me to the stockroom, probably because I didn't have the right demeanour for meeting customers. I was better with inanimate objects. Since being on the pills, they had started letting me help out in the main part of the store when things got busy. My college fund continued to grow, as I rarely spent money on anything.

Being in my last year of high school presented one difficulty. People kept asking me what I was going to do after graduation. Thinking too far ahead was a problem for me. I could deal with the idea of getting through one more day, or maybe two. Imagining myself doing this for a year, then another, for another few decades was overwhelming. I couldn't let myself think about it.

When I couldn't avoid the subject, I tried to give vague answers about seeing which college accepted me.

I was trying to fill out college applications in the evenings, mostly for Charlie's sake. He watched me struggle with the pile of forms at the kitchen table one night.

"Aren't a lot of kids in your class applying right now?" he asked me.

"I guess so."

"Why don't you ask them for some help? It's not like cheating on a test or something, right?"

"Right." It was the kind of thing I typically agreed to and forgot about, but when I looked up, Charlie was still standing by the table. The idea seemed to be important to him.

"You don't see your friends much these days."

"I see them every day at school." From across the room, usually.

"I mean outside of school. Don't you ever go out with friends?"

I sighed to myself. I'd thought I could coast for a while, now that I could put on my Normal mask at will. "I've been trying to concentrate on schoolwork." No father could find fault with that.

"You work too hard." He frowned. "Why not go out this weekend, do something fun?"

The concept of fun took me a second or two to absorb. It wasn't really part of my daily life any more. "Sure."

He left the room, content, and I tried to think of something I could do this weekend. Something Charlie would ratify as sufficiently fun, and that I felt like I could get through. For just a split second, my mind slipped its leash and I wondered what Edward might be doing this weekend. I closed my eyes at the flash of pain, crossed my arms over my chest and forced my thoughts in other directions until I could breathe normally again.

Jessica agreed, a little hesitantly, to join me for burgers and a movie that Friday night. I understood her reluctance; I'd barely spoken to her for months. I preferred Angela's company, but Jessica would be easier. She'd take over the conversation, and require very little talking from me. She assured me she could borrow her parents' car. I don't think she liked my truck very much.

"Which movie did you want to see?" she asked me.

"I don't know." She looked annoyed, and I tried to be more responsive. "What's playing?"

"There's a love story, Saccharine." I shook my head. She thought. "Or Zany Times Ten, that comedy with that guy from Daft TV." I grimaced slightly. "Well, there's Vicious Dead. That's a horror movie."

"Sounds perfect."

"Really?" I nodded, trying to look certain. "Okay. I guess I can handle a horror movie."

I was able to announce to Charlie, when he asked, that I was going out that Friday. I managed to make it sound more rollicking than an evening with Jessica was likely to ever be, and he seemed pleased.

"Maybe Sunday you could go with me."

"Where?" I realized I probably should know.

"I told you. Sunday I'm having dinner with Billy over at his place, and watching the game." I gave him an incredulous look. "Well, okay, maybe it's not your thing, but you could hang out with Jake."

"Jake?" I remembered this time. "Oh, right." Jacob Black, Billy's son. He was a blur, like a lot of the past year.

"I think you two would hit it off," Charlie said, a little cautiously.

"Uh huh."

"He's a nice kid. Good looking, too."

His intent began to sink in at last. "Dad, isn't he, like, three years younger than me?"

"Two years. More like one and a half." I worked up some animation and rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, fine. Forget I mentioned it."

"I will," I murmured as I went back to my book. "I definitely will." He snorted and left the room. I relaxed back into my numb state, relieved.

Jessica pulled up in front of the house in her parents' car that Friday, only a few minutes late. I made a show of eagerness as I ran out the door. This was for Charlie's benefit, after all.

I paid for the burgers for Jessica and myself, since I'd invited her; but she insisted on buying her own movie ticket. I asked plenty of leading questions, allowing Jessica to talk about herself at great length, and I tried to pay attention, hoping this weekend would keep Charlie off my back for a while. Vicious Dead was satisfying in its lack of dangerous material - the one love scene was near the beginning, and I went for popcorn at that point. There was a lot of spurting blood and heads being ripped off. I vaguely remembered that I used to dislike that sort of thing, but now it just bounced off me harmlessly. Jessica seemed a little uncomfortable with some of the more graphic head-removal scenes.

We left the theatre and started walking toward Jessica's car. I was letting her talk, glad that the evening was nearly over, when I spotted a group of men outside a bar. I stopped walking and stared at them.

They were talking and laughing loudly, shoving each other and getting in the way of pedestrians. They seemed strangely familiar. I watched them a moment, until something clicked in my head. Those men who came after me, that other night in Port Angeles. It was about the same number in the group, and they were acting much the same.

I can't quite explain what happened next. My mind seemed to go through a series of associations. Those men reminded me of the gang who attacked me. The attack meant Edward coming to rescue me. I started walking toward them.

"Bella!" I heard Jessica behind me. "Where are you going?"

I gestured 'just a second' to her, and kept moving. Suddenly I heard a voice in my ear. The voice. Bella, stop.

I froze where I was. It came again, clear as day: Turn around and go back. I looked behind me. The voice was so clear, I half expected to see him standing there. I kept walking in the direction of the bar. Turn around! Right now, Bella! The voice was angry, snapping at me. It was glorious.

I turned to head back to where Jessica was standing on the sidewalk, looking confused. The voice immediately faded away, disappeared.

Only one thing to do. I changed direction again and started walking back to the group of guys, tense with anticipation. I wasn't disappointed. Bella, stay away from them! I wanted to laugh, or cry for joy. It was his voice, just as I remembered it, but hearing it wasn't like remembering it. Hearing it didn't hurt! No pain, just Edward's voice, full of concern, trying to keep me safe.

I was getting close to the group, and they'd started to notice me approaching them. Please, Bella! You promised me. "You broke your promises," I whispered to myself, to him. "You have no right to expect..." I'd reached the other side of the street. The men were staring at me, curious. One of them started talking to me, making suggestive comments, showing off for the others. I answered him automatically. I wasn't interested in him; I was waiting to see if the voice would come again. Finally I walked away.

Jessica was seething when I crossed back to where she was waiting. "What was that about?"

"Those guys. I thought I recognized one of them."

"Those guys?" she asked incredulously.

"Yeah. But it wasn't him."

I managed to get her talking again, which saw us through the drive home. I thanked her for coming out with me, and she answered pleasantly enough. Apart from my approaching those men at the bar, she found nothing odd about my behaviour that evening. My Normal persona was working.

Charlie was in the living room when I came in, watching sports and finishing off the dinner I'd left for him. "Hey, Bells. How was movie night?"

I'd prepared my answers in advance, complete with vocal inflections and appropriate facial expressions. "Good. We got burgers and went to see this horror movie at the Lincoln. Scary stuff."

He grinned. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. Monsters. Jessica got really freaked out."

"Jessica, huh? How about you?"

"Nah. Monsters don't faze me." I'd dealt with worse things. For Charlie's entertainment, I added, "Well, maybe a little."

He chuckled and turned back to the TV. I gathered my books and went to the kitchen to get a start on my weekend homework.

It wasn't until I was alone in my room that I let my mind wander to the events of the evening. In particular, one important event. Even now, recalling the sound of Edward's voice was like cold water after a long, hopeless walk in the desert. It was the closest to genuinely normal I'd felt since...since that day. I winced, and quickly shut down that memory.

I wanted it to happen again.