His conscious being, barely in control, being betrayed by his impulses. That is the current state of Mike, she hated having to watch him go through this, if only she could get out of here and to him. She was trapped, no way in, no way out, not a way she could think of, she had gone through this many times in her head. There was a factor that she wasn't counting, Mike. She was thinking about ways Mike could get in, but there were none. Mike was persistent, he wouldn't give up looking for her, and one other thing.
She was trapped, trapped in that place they call the upside down, no gate, portal, nothing. He hated thinking of how El must think of him, if she could see him. He's a monster, he had assaulted his friend, he didn't have any control. If only he could get in there and save her, maybe, just maybe, she could forgive him for what he had done in the past month. There was a factor he wasn't considering, El. He was thinking she couldn't last long in there, she was strong, and one other thing.
That one other thing, is something that neither of them had figured out yet. When El vanished, she transferred a part of her, 'abilities' to Mike. It explains why El could witness Mike in the normal world, but not anyone else. It explains why Mike knew she was out there, when everyone thought she was dead. It explains why Mike had been so impulsive in the past month, he had felt her, slowly dying, as if he was too, his impulses became stronger. But they did not know about these things.
Mike had started getting quieter, closing people off, his friends, he was even beginning to shut Nancy off. This kid, a month and a half ago, would've been hanging out with his friends, playing games. This new kid was silent, void, emotionless, who spent most of his time sitting in his room, all by himself, thinking, planning, sulking, crying. He would still look for her, everytime coming back with nothing, a little more silent, with a little less emotion. His anger had returned, replacing his sadness most of the time except when he was in his room. There had been more 'incidents' involving Troy, his sidekick, his friends. He was right, He was the monster.
"No, you're not the monster." Said a familiar voice
"Yes, I am." Assuming it was Nancy, not bothering to lift his head up
"No you're not, you are a kind person, you are Mike."
Mike recognized that voice, the way she said his name
"El?"
No reply
"El!"
He started crying
"El!"
It was her, he knew it was her.
"El, please come back, I know I'm not the same, but please, come back. Please, come back."