Leonard took Penny to the oncology appointment later that day and held her hand as the Doctor explained the treatments he would recommend, the procedures and what to expect over the next few months. They were both quiet as they thought through what it would mean, they each asked questions the other hadn't thought of, taking it all in calmly; still unsure it was real. They headed to London late that afternoon and were just settling into their hotel room when Amy and Bernadette came looking for Penny.

"Hey Leonard" Amy greeted him cheerily, "the guys are in Howard and Bernadette's room if you want to join them."

Leonard smiled at Amy's lack of subtlety; he'd always had a soft spot for Amy in a kind of brotherly way. He admired the way she managed her relationship with Sheldon. She stood up to him when she needed to, she'd stayed with him knowing they would never have the physical relationship that she would like, she accepted him as he was, somewhere between quirky and bat-shit-crazy and spent her life helping him cope with the world around him. She understood him far better than anyone and he knew that if it wasn't for Amy he would have had serious reservations about leaving Sheldon and coming to London. It wasn't that he responsible for Sheldon, but knowing Amy would care for him, maybe better than he could, had taken the guilt out of the decision. He paused as he realised Amy had followed him out to the hallway.

"Leonard? Step carefully with Sheldon won't you. He's finding this very difficult; we nearly didn't come."

Leonard nodded knowing immediately what she was referring to. It had been nearly a year now since Howard had called them in the middle of the night to say Sheldon had had a stroke. They'd wanted to fly back but Amy had asked them not to; although Sheldon responded well to treatment he was struggling with the resulting weakness along one side which was affecting his speech. Over the following weeks and months Sheldon had undergone physiotherapy to improve the strength of the muscles but he still found talking both difficult and very frustrating. His mental capacity, his genius was still there, but he could no longer express himself as easily as not only did it take a great amount of physical and emotional energy but he felt self-conscious; embarrassed that the great Sheldon Cooper was, in his own opinion, somehow...less.

Leonard smiled and nodded that he understood, but he could see her apprehension. "Amy, we know how hard this is for him, we love Sheldon too. It will be okay, I promise." He told her with more confidence then he felt. She tried to smile despite her frown, but she nodded and headed back into the room.

Leonard headed down the hallway to Bernadette and Howard's room and found the guys bantering away. Raj and Howard were discussing the new Doctor in Doctor Who compared to their personal favourites. The Doctors' for their age group had been Peter Davidson and Colin Baker but Howard preferred David Tennant; Raj thought Paul McGann was underrated and had cut a fine figure however; Sheldon, via his computer, informed them they were all wrong. That the great Peter Cushing OBE was obviously the superior Doctor; how could one of the greatest actors who ever lived; a Shakespearean actor who'd appeared in Star Wars, the Hammer Horror series and even played that lovable detective Sherlock Holmes be anything else?

Leonard smiled indulgently as his friend informed them they were stupid – it was just like old times; until you realised he now did it via a small computer that 'spoke' the words he typed with his right hand into a keypad on his left sleeve. Leonard shook his head, amused as he realised artificial voice was that of Leonard Nimoy.

Penny had opened some wine and they were now relaxing and catching up on each other's lives before rejoining the guys for dinner in the restaurant in a couple of hours. They chatted easily about work and family, what they had been up to recently and even how bad the flights were. Eventually Penny cautiously asked how Sheldon was doing. "Well, he's okay considering." Amy told him slowly, " The - and I'm using laymen's terms, physical damage is relatively minimal, however he has weakness on the one side including his facial muscles, which is greatly affecting his speech."

"Oh, no that's terrible, how's he coping?" Penny asked concerned.

"Not well. His speech is a little garbled but understandable yet he refuses to talk in front of people because he gets so frustrated with the time it takes to express himself. I was so worried about his mental wellbeing, I got Howard to design a programme and rig it up to a computer voice simulator which he can still operate with his good side but, and he would never admit it, he's really quite vulnerable right now.

"Poor Shelly." Penny murmured using the pet name only she got away with.

"Yes, and I have to say I'm worried that this weekend may be too much for him. He's afraid that he will no longer be the life and heart of the group." Amy told him sincerely not noticing Penny's look, "and I think how the Leonard and Raj treat him will be key to his recovery."

They thought that over quietly for a moment. "Well, I know Leonard is looking forward to seeing him, and I know he'll do his best to make him feel comfortable." Penny smiled trying to reassure her.

The boys were reminiscing about the old days in Pasadena and gently teasing each other. They were remembering Raj's inability to speak to women; Howard asked if now that he had a wife, 4 daughters and a couple of granddaughters it ever felt like he couldn't speak again or was it just that he couldn't get a word in. A slightly defensive Raj responded with comments about Howard dressing like a pimp for nearly ten years. Leonard tried to stick up for him but ended up being told after he'd spent the same ten years either following Penny around like a love-sick puppy or worshipping from afar, he had no room to talk by a laughing Howard. Leonard smiled good naturedly but noticed Sheldon wasn't joining in. Trying to think of something to draw him into the conversation he asked, "Hey Sheldon, can you believe we're the same guys that were living between that tiny apartment, the comic book store and work, eating takeout food every night?"

"Of. Course. I. Can. Believe. It. We. Are. Those. Guys." Sheldon told him with a dramatic sigh. Howard had told him that when using the voice machine Sheldon felt the need to over-compensate his words with visual expressions and gestures. Howard had been the only one living close to Sheldon for around 20 years and Howard had become much closer to Sheldon, who had struggled without the friendship he'd shared with Leonard. Although he wouldn't say it out loud, Sheldon would not have coped as well as he had, especially since the stroke had it not been for Howard's encouragement, humour and patience; he was grateful...but also a little resentful of Leonard abandoning him: he was supposed to be his best friend.

Howard tried this time, "Oh come on Sheldon, look how far we've all come."

"Yeah," Leonard enthused, "the paper you published last year was just so inspiring..."

"Inspiring? Inspiring. Is. A. Polite. Way. Of. Saying. Full. Of. Crap." Sheldon typed.

"...and look at us Sheldon," Howard chimed in trying to head things off, "I half expected to die sad and alone but look at us all. Still happily married, still...

"I'm. Aware. Of. That. Howard. But. Unlike. You. I'm. Still. Trying. To. Live. My. Life."

Howard and Leonard exchanged glances for a second before Howard tried again to smooth Sheldon's feathers. "Sheldon, we're not saying our journey is over, just" he shrugged "just, that we've come quite far from where we started."

"Yeah," Leonard tried to help mollify him, "did you ever think when you were a kid in Texas, you'd end up a world famous physicist, see the world and get married?"

"Yes." Sheldon considered with a frown, "Well. Maybe. Not. The. Marriage. Part."

"Or" piped up Howard, "did you ever think Leonard and Penny would sort it out after she ran off to England?"

Sheldon considered for a moment, clearly not ready to let it go. "You're. Welcome. Leonard."

Leonard frowned at him, "For what?"

"For. Keeping. Penny's. Secret... You. Said. Yourself. That. Your. Relationship. Wouldn't. Have. Worked. Without. It."

Leonard was far more confident in himself and in his relationship but somehow in his current state of mind, he was the old insecure Leonard again. "What secret?"

Howard could feel the tension building again and he could hear the strain in Leonard's voice; please let this be something stupid that's Sheldon thinks is a big deal, Howard thought to himself. He could guess why Sheldon was over reacting, he knew how hard it was for him seeing everyone, wondering if they were pitying him, or looking down on him. Howard knew they wouldn't do that – and deep down so did Sheldon, but until he came to terms with his own situation he would be unable to see past his disability. However he was surprised at Leonard; they'd spoken a few times about how sensitive Sheldon was and how important it was to keep him motivated and feeling positive and although he knew Sheldon was bating Leonard, he was a little disappointed to see Leonard reacting to it.

"What secret Sheldon?" Leonard repeated, in a hard voice.

Sheldon looked uncomfortable, sensing maybe this was one of those lines he sometimes crossed, he looked sideways at Leonard. "Nothing. You. Don't. Already. Know. Now." He told Leonard, "Just. That. Penny. Came. Back. From. London. And. Found. You. In. Bed. With. Leslie. Winkle."

For a second everyone was quiet, then Raj piped up, "You had sex with Leslie Winkle after Penny ran off to London?" he asked shocked. "Kudos" he said grinning and nodding to himself.

"You knew? You knew she was back and you never told me." Leonard said his voice rising as he stood.

"You. Were. Having. Coitus. With. Leslie. Winkle...I. Thought. You. Had. Moved. On."

"Of all the, Sheldon! You knew how much I was hurting, why? Why didn't you say something?"

"I. Thought. I. Did. The. Right. Thing...Penny. Said..."

"Forget what Penny said," Leonard interrupted angrily, "You were supposed to be MY best friend, you should have told me."

Sheldon said nothing for a moment, just looking at Leonard, Sheldon's face had begun to twitch as it always had when Sheldon was stressed but Leonard couldn't help wondering guiltily if it was from the stroke and he realised Sheldon was right, it didn't matter anymore and taking his anger at Penny's diagnosis out on Sheldon was unfair. He started to speak, to tell him he was sorry, but before he could Sheldon rushed from the room.

Leonard closed his eyes for a moment, knowing he was the one that crossed the line. After a moment Howard's voice broke through his thoughts. "Gee, well done at making sure he still feels at home, Leonard, perhaps if I go and find him we could give him a swirly too?"

Penny was sitting perched on the edge of the bed with a second glass of wine chatting with the girls when realising they had to go to dinner soon, she decided it was now or never.

"Hey guys, I need to tell you something but I don't want you to over react okay. I need you to just be normal" Penny frowned as she glanced towards Amy, "Or, you know, just be yourselves...but, not weird."

"Have you realised you're a lesbian and want to know if we will help you discover the love that is not spoken of?" Amy asked sounding hopeful.

Penny frowned and muttered something under her breath about that not feeling weird at all before raising her hands in front of her. "No guys, I really need you to listen. This is serious." She paused for a moment to see if they were paying attention. "I couldn't tell everyone at once, so Leonard is going to tell the guys before dinner. I thought I should tell you two myself..."She trailed off for a moment not sure how best to say it, after a few seconds she still wasn't sure, so just came right out with it.

"I have cancer," she told them simply. "breast cancer."

The two women just looked at her silently for a minute without saying anything, waiting for the punch line that didn't come. After a few moments Bernadette told her she was sorry, asked if she could do anything and what the doctors had said and if she was okay.

"Actually...I'm not too bad. I mean I'm nervous about treatment and a little scared but, you know, talking has helped, having someone who understands the science has helped...so I'm okay. You know, considering...I'm staying positive."

Not sure what to say the women just sat for a moment until Amy began, "Penny you know if I can do anything to help..."

"I know," Penny told her gratefully, "and thank you. But I really don't want to make too big a deal of it this weekend, you know. I just want to relax and catch up and... and feel normal. We haven't told the kids yet and I know they will fuss, Shelly is so like her dad, so I'll probably end up taking care of her... I just want to enjoy this weekend before I have to deal with all that."

Bernadette nodded taking that in before asking tentatively, "How's Leonard taking it?"

Penny took a big breath before answering. "He's okay, he's worried but he's trying to be brave about it all." She didn't feel she could tell them about his office without betraying him; after all if he wouldn't want her to know, he certainly wouldn't want anyone else to know.

Howard told Leonard it might be better if he went to find Sheldon and glumly, Leonard had agreed. Sheldon wasn't hard to find he was in his room packing to leave. It took a lot of persuasion on Howard's part to talk him into even listening to Leonard's apology and in the end he had agreed that if Leonard carried on being 'ridiculous', he would go home too. He knew exactly how Bernadette would react to that idea so he silently hoped that Leonard would just let Sheldon wash over him like he usually did. It's not like he couldn't see how hard this was on Sheldon, what had gotten into him he wondered. They headed back to the room and Sheldon followed Howard and stood by the door, with his arms crossed in a challenge, waiting for his apology.

Leonard stood and turned to face Sheldon, "Listen Sheldon, I'm sorry. I was out of line and...well, I'm sorry."

Sheldon considered for a moment. "And?" he asked expectantly.

Leonard took a deep breath; "I mean it Sheldon. I'm sorry I over reacted. It happened a long time ago and in the end it probably was for the best. Again, I'm truly sorry I acted like an ass; it's just...well...there is something I need to tell you."

"Please don't tell me you and Penny are splitting up because I don't think I can face you mooning around like that again" Howard warned only half joking.

"No, no. We're fine, in fact we're great, but." He sat on the edge of the bed as the others watched him as he took a deep breath, "Penny has cancer." He told them simply. "She starts treatment Tuesday." He looked at Sheldon. "I guess I was taking my...frustration, out on you. I'm sorry Sheldon."

No one spoke, no one moved. Sheldon just stared at Leonard. After a few seconds he turned and rushed out again, ignoring Leonard as he called his name.

Leonard just looked down for a second, feeling hurt and maybe a little resentful. He knew his friend was hurting too but he thought even he could understand how difficult this was for him and why he'd lost his temper.

It was Howard who broke the silence, coming over and putting his hand on Leonard's shoulder. "Man, I'm sorry. If I can do anything, you just..."

"I know," Leonard nodded sounding subdued, "and thank you. It means a lot knowing at least some of my friends understand."

"Leonard I'm sorry," Raj piped up, "I don't know what else to say."

"It's okay," Leonard shrugged, "nothing else you can say. At least you stayed and didn't run off in a sulk."

"Don't be too hard on him Leonard he's really not coping well and I think he feels kinda pushed out."

"I know, I know." Leonard told him sadly, "Do you think I should go after him this time?"

"No, give him some time to think it through and then I'll go find him," Howard told him before asking nervously "So, what's the plan, what did the Doctors say? I mean she's going to be okay right?"

Leonard shrugged as he sat down on the bed, "The Doctors are optimistic, they caught it really early and if the surgery goes well, they are expecting it to be 'just' radiotherapy not chemo, so you know, it's the best news you can get with cancer but..."

"But it's still cancer and radiation and surgery." Howard finished for him.

Leonard nodded silently for a moment. "I know it sounds stupid but I just never thought it would be us you know? I mean it took so long for me to accept I wasn't going to lose her to some guy...I just didn't see this coming. I just..." He stopped as his voice started to shake.

"Yeah, it kinda makes you think." Raj said almost to himself.

"I don't know how I'd feel if Bernadette got sick." Howard told him quietly, not able to think about the D word.

"I just never thought about it. I mean, I know we're not kids anymore but we're still healthy, we still have all our own teeth..." he tried to force a joke, "It's not even that I thought we'd live forever... I guess this just brought it home, that we're mortal after all." He was silent for a while before continuing, "You wanna know what the worst part is? I'm angry. I'm angry at the waitress that takes 30 seconds too long to bring the bill; I'm angry at some guy on the radio for being too happy; I'm angry that this is happening; I'm angry at Sheldon because of something that happened 20 years ago..."

Howard shook his head and interrupted, "that's normal, anyone would; it's not fair..."

"But it's not helping. Penny has been so brave and so strong and I'm the one falling apart." He closed his eyes and rubbed his face with his hands for a moment so no one could see his face.

"Leonard, I think you're confusing anger with fear. You're scared and I don't blame you, this is a big, big deal." At a tap on the door, Howard paused, asking Raj to answer it before he continued. "I think you're being too hard on yourself."

Leonard shook his head, "I don't know, I just feel like, like I'm letting her down you know." His voice full of emotion, "Penny needs me to hold it together and all I'm doing is falling apart and lashing out at people and that makes me angry too, but this time angry at myself."

Raj spoke "Leonard." He said trying to get his attention.

Howard looked up to see Sheldon standing in the doorway with a laptop just looking at him. "Listen Sheldon I..."

"Itts okee, Lenarrr." Sheldon told him slowly, with his own voice. He came into the room and showed Leonard the laptop tapping the screen urgently; it was full of information about the latest treatments, latest trials, how improving your diet can help with the sickness from the chemotherapy, and the telephone numbers of some of the top Doctors in the field.

Leonard just stared at it for a moment, before looking at briefly at Howard, then turned towards Sheldon dumbfounded. "Sheldon, I... Thank you." Leonard stopped, not sure what else to say he said it again, "Thank you, for this; it means a lot," he told him gesturing towards the laptop, realising that he really meant it. Sheldon may not have been as articulate as Howard and even Raj in their support, but for all his faults, Sheldon was trying. He was trying to help. He didn't always understand the feelings he had and rarely had empathy for anyone else's feelings but here he was, clearly concerned about Penny and trying in his own way to be supportive and fix it; more, he was forgiving of Leonard's distress and once that would have been unthinkable.

"I'll. Make. Some. Tea." Sheldon said moving to the kettle as he held up a small box of tea bags he must have brought with him. Leonard smiled as he watched his friend boil the kettle, again thinking about how far they had all come.

This chapter feels awkward to me, I think I'm a little too far out of my comfort zone because stories normally flow straight from my head to the page, I can normally just write them out then tweak, but this has took days and I'm still not quite happy with it. Not asking for flattery, (although I do appreciate it), but any constructive criticism/comments would be especially welcome x